Hmm, could this possibly be true? Could that Chicago radio jackass have not undergone a Spiritual Conversion regarding torture after having a stream of water gently poured on his half-covered face for a few seconds? Gawker has salacious details in the form of emails from the guy’s publicist suggesting that this was all “a hoax.” MORE »

A right-wing radio loudmouth in Chicago named “Erich ‘Mancow’ Muller” (hey Chicago readers: explain) thought that the “waterboarding is torture” argument was just a bunch of MoveOn.org poppycock and, as many drink-soaked former Trotskyite popinjays have done before him, submitted himself to the process to prove it — and this time, live on his show. Ha ha ha. Whoops! MORE »

It really depends on what you mean by “suspend,” doesn’t it? John McCain’s maverick move to suspend his campaign so he can grandstand on something he knows literally nothing about — the American Economy — isn’t actually a suspension of anything. It’s a stupid stunt to get more campaign press coverage. And nothing is suspended at all. Go to McCain’s website, and you’ll see he’s still collecting campaign contributions and still running his trashy anti-Obama video spots. He’s still doing interviews (just not Letterman!) and he’ll almost certainly still do the debate on Friday. Also, he pulls this crap all the time. MORE »

Have you heard of Belgium? It’s apparently a little country somewhere in Europe. Belgium used to own Africa and invented chocolate and/or french fries and has problems with UFOs and pedophiles. You may have even unwittingly visited Belgium, if you’re a member of the European Union government or maybe traveled from England to “the continent” by boat in the days before the Chunnel train. To this day, some French people travel through Belgium by train on their way to get their heroin in Amsterdam. MORE »

* In New Zealand, even pizza joints are great at producing media spectacles. [National Business Review]
* Politico takes the moral high ground on Anna Nicole reporting, against their better judgment. [DCeiver]
* Barack owes his election to more than just orgies and freaky alien cosplay. [TBogg]
* A little resource for ridicule, ready and waiting for Jowly Joe to switch parties. [The Horse's Mouth]
* Next person that comments on how good looking a Presidential candidate is, has to blow him. [Echidne of the Snakes]
* Guy in a Bush mask goes cruisin’ for a bruisin’ or attention from anyone at all. [The New Editor]

Behold, the best email we have ever received. MORE »

As reported earlier, some jackass who got thrown off the Donald Trump show is running for Congress in Pennsylvania. Obviously, this requires that he go to the Rio Grande and harass Mexicans while his retarded friend tries to operate a home-video camera. MORE »

While the idea of a failed reality show contestant running for office offends and repulses us, we simply cannot deny a good gimmick. And this one, well, if you could fit sex into it, it might work as a grand statement on the 2006 midterm elections as a whole. MORE »

• Rupert Murdoch carries heads of state in his pocket, “like so many nickels and dimes.” [HuffPo]

• In order to make “Senator Katherine Harris” a reality, she’ll have to succeed where the Mafia and John Kennedy failed. [The DC Universe]
• Ohio’s centuries of bad luck continues, as billboard with gross-out aborted fetus image gets flown over Cleveland. [Evangelical Right]
• Prince “I’m Never Gonna Be King” Harry enjoys fine automobiles, Red Bull, and horseshit. [Borrowing Trouble]
• Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney kicks off nascent presidential campaign by heading to Iowa and blurting racist comment from his honky mouth. [AP]
• Laura Sessions Stepp immortalized by Great Moments In Journalism, still desperately needs to get laid. [Gawker]

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It’s Friday, we’re posting pictures of a guy in a bear suit.

Says the tipster who sent it in: “here in TN i can guarantee you that the voters are BEARLY paying attention to this controversy.” MORE »

Local campaigns are so much more colorful than national ones. They involve all the best stunts:

There’s a bear on the loose in this year’s [gubernatorial campaign.

A man dressed in a bear costume and wearing a highway trooper-style hat has appeared at several of Gov. Phil Bredesen’s re-election campaign stops this week, holding up signs demanding the Democratic governor return campaign contributions made by members of the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

“The bear is a friendly reminder that the governor needs to ‘bear’ more responsibility,” Chris Devaney, executive director of the state Republican Party, said Thursday.

Yeah, we’re groaning too.

If you can “bear” with us — HARHAR — there’s a little more, after the jump.

MORE »