Here’s your weekly think tank event roundup:
Tuesday, June 30: Some folks at the Woodrow Wilson Center are curious about what exactly the Iranian presidential elections tell us.  Well, we’re not sure the best way to phrase this, but MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD.  All news attention and all tweets must be focused on his passing and what this means for man kind as we know it. Caring about freedom and democracy is so last week.  If you’re actually still curious about Iran, check out this event Tuesday at noon.  MORE »

Monday, June 22: Even though you can get a pretty thorough and in-depth look at what’s happening in Iran via the godsend that is Twitter, the New America Foundation thought you might like to hear from the “experts” about what’s happening and what we need to do. Their little two hour pow-wow starting today at 3:30PM will not produce any tangible results, but you may learn a thing or two about lawlessness, corruption, and how to avoid getting tasered if a big, bad dictator ever threatens your freedom. MORE »

Wednesday, June 17: Feeling oddly confident that Cheney won’t be vindicated by a catastrophic terror attack before Independence Day? Well that’s because it’s “Protect America Month,” at least according to the Heritage Foundation. (And no, we don’t think they’re referring to increasing funding for sex education). Start your Think Tank Week on Wednesday at 10:30AM when Heritage assesses the geopolitical landscape (yes, the whole thing) and offers expert advice on how we can keep this fine nation safe. Get your rifles ready, because we’re only a few weeks away from “bend over for terrorists month.” MORE »

Tuesday, June 9: Accidentally hook up with an intern last weekend? Ouch. Later learn that he’s not even 21 and that he’s living with his parents for the summer? OUCH. Well, if you’re looking to avoid the onslaught of interns who unfortunately take over this fine city in the summer months, avoid Campus Progress’ annual Summer Kick-Off Party. MORE »

Think tanks have this magical ability to fix all the evil in the world, just by thinking. This week they solve the Middle East crisis (ABOUT TIME) and explain how the financial crisis has affected everyone from children to small animals to the newest crop of starving, underpaid/unpaid interns in DC.  And the Heritage Foundation even manages to find the time to praise everyone’s favorite dead conservative, Ronald Reagan, again. MORE »

This week for our think tank round up, we are on our knees praying that Cheney doesn’t make another guest appearance at AEI. Last week’s speech didn’t help him, or America, or even AEI for that matter (shouldn’t they be trying to rebuild their reputation after their failed love affair with the neocons?). At least a few think thank events this week don’t involve nosy former veeps trying to convince us the torture is way more fun than it looks… MORE »

Wednesday, May 20: We thought we’d lay off the Heritage Foundation this week, but because they’re so stubbornly anti-any new policy, it seems as if we have no other choice. This week’s “Good God if only McCain were President” event/wake focuses on Cuba, land of sinister 1950s tropical communists. MORE »

Some organizations choose to support research about infectious diseases. Others fight to end poverty and stop violence.  But then there’s Häagen-Dazs, the little ice cream company that could, fighting the most important and meaningful fight of all. They are fighting to save the honey bees, and you can help save the bees, by eating free ice cream tonight at Häagen-Dazs from 4PM- 8PM. MORE »

Tuesday, May 12: The week in Think-Tank Stuff starts with a new installment of “What is Obama fucking up now?” The answer? Heath care reform, according to the Heritage Foundation. MORE »

It sucks when real holidays and artificial holidays occur on the same day, because then you face far too many opportunities to eat and drink at cheap prices. LIFE IS SO HARD. Today is both Cinco de Mayo and First Tuesday in Adams Morgan. So you can dust off your sombrero, drink really cheap margaritas, pretend to be a mariachi singer and end up streaking down The Mall in sheer delight that the Mexican army beat the French army (remember, this is NOT Mexican independence day) or enjoy food specials and discounts at a bunch of different restaurants and shops in Adams Morgan. One happens once a year, one happens once a month, but both are awesome. Decisions, decisions. MORE »

Your weekly think tank event round up:

Monday, May 4: Obama’s smart and all, but someone should really tell him that all his ideas just suck. Thank God for the Heritage Foundation. Today at 1PM they enlighten us as to why green jobs won’t jump start the economy and that what we really need are more guns, wars, and Fox News. MORE »