Wednesday, September 23: Boo hoo California’s broke. Half of its population has been laid off, the other half may be paid eventually, and basically no one there can find a job. Can AEI save California or should we just fuck it and assume the state will burn down from a wildfire anyway? [AEI] MORE »

Tuesday, September 1: Always eager to offer a positive view of mankind, the Libertarians have declared us to be greedy, lazy people who act out of self-interest with complete disregard for society at large. This, and our desire to own homes, pretty much sums up their take on why we’re in this financial crisis. But don’t worry, the Cato Institute has found a way to overcome our shortcomings and will be presenting its riveting solutions tomorrow at 12PM. [Cato Institute]
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Monday, August 10: We know it’s not as simple as “It’s hot therefore global warming is real,” but seriously, who denies global warming on a thousand-degree day?  The Heritage Foundation, that’s who!  Join them today at noon as they “systematically debunk” every assertion Al Gore made in his film An Inconvenient Truth and try to convince us that the government’s anti-warming policies are in fact WORSE then global warming itself.  [Heritage Foundation]
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August is a miserably hot month that serves no purpose other than to remind us a) that we wasted June and July and b) that we should probably do something valuable with our lives. We don’t even get any holidays — it’s just a harbinger of bad things to come, like the end of summer. So, we have made it our DUTY to bring some semblance of meaning to this otherwise unimportant month, but so far all we’ve come up with is YOU using August to relax and get in touch with your soul via … yoga. MORE »

FOR WHATEVER REASON, the thinkers over at the Brookings Institution have declared August to be “think free month.’” Sure it’s hot, but there’s still plenty of thinking to be done — we have yet to reach our potential as a socialist country and you KNOW we can do it. To see what the Brookings kids were doing instead of hosting events full of thinking people, we snuck into their headquarters, only to find them lounging in their cafeteria, eating food that looked like it came from the Rest Home. MORE »

The mass exodus of interns from DC is right around the corner, and it’s often preceded by the obligatory visit from mommy and daddy. Considering that these interns have provided us with numerous entertaining moments this summer, and organized the hell out of file cabinets, and did such an amazing job stapling, we figured we could do at least one nice thing for them before they leave. MORE »

Monday, July 27: Have no fear, because the Heritage Foundation, courtesy of an event with know-it-all Jim DeMint, will rescue us from our decline into Socialism! Phew. Tonight, Ol’ Waterloo himself explains that we can “Save Freedom” (we recommend 1-qt Ziploc bags in the freezer; it keeps for months) by keeping a close eye on government spending (which works as long as the president isn’t a Republican) and an even closer eye on God. MORE »

Here’s your weekly think tank event roundup:
Monday, July 13: The National Endowment for Democracy, true to what it was put on this earth to think about, is hosting an event today that looks at how we can foster democracy in oil rich countries.  The demand for oil seems to bring about dictatorships in these countries instead of everyone’s favorite type of government, democracy!  We wonder if the thinkers at NED get a kickback every time a country becomes more democratic ….
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Adams Morgan is right behind the Herpes Triangle in terms of trashy, violence-prone STD-producing bars. It’s the perfect destination if all you want to do is drink a lot, dance provocatively with random strangers and leave your dignity behind for an evening. But just because you’re visiting one of the sleaziest destinations in the District, you still don’t have to put up with crap. Some disgusting bars can in fact be rather enjoyable. MORE »

Here’s your weekly think tank event roundup:
Tuesday, July 8: Of all of our failing wars, the War on Drugs may be the one that we can actually manage to win –  that is, if we no longer refer to it as a “war.” On Tuesday at noon, the Cato Institute explains how this semantic change will enable us to overhaul drug laws so we can smoke freely with Bob Barr while eating foods loaded with trans fats.  Libertarians really want nothing but the best for America. MORE »

This Independence Day is going to be amazing because our savior, Barack Obama, is in the White House, and therefore America is once again a country worth celebrating! Follow our Do’s and Don’ts to make this July 4th the most enjoyable than any since 1776. MORE »