Tag Archives: student loans

  Old School School

Chris Christie Locks Down Voters Who Love Student Loan Debt

It's people! Chris Christie EATS PEOPLE! (#2 in a series)
Chris Christie knows how he’d win a presidential election between himself and Bernie Sanders, just in case that particular combination comes up: Let the free market fix everything, the way it always does. Ha! That’ll teach Bernie Sanders, with his socialist call for four years of government-supported college education for all students attending state colleges and universities (no, it’s not “free,” so save your cranky comments, cranks). Read more on Chris Christie Locks Down Voters Who Love Student Loan Debt…
  School of Hard Fox

Fox News Host: Why Do Stupid Poors Waste Money Studying Poetry Instead Of Art History?

The real question: Is Fox News hunting or gathering?
Let’s say you went to a corrupt for-profit college that engaged in fraudulent recruiting practices, spent more on advertising than education, and was eventually shut down by the government for noncompliance with requests for data on graduation rates and job placements. You might feel just a little ripped off, mightn’t you? Well, you are clearly What’s Wrong With America Today, because according to Fox’s Neil Cavuto and friends, you’re a whiny victim taker who takes no responsibility for their actions. Read more on Fox News Host: Why Do Stupid Poors Waste Money Studying Poetry Instead Of Art History?…
  Won't someone please think of Steve Doocy?

Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!

Weep for him, America
President Barry H. Bamz Obama recently announced a plan to give free community college to everyone who promises to do their homework on time and not fail all the classes. Edumacation is good, and free is good too, since kids these days are drowning in student loan debt, which is bad. (Elizabeth Warren says so, and she knows everything. Don’t argue.) And besides, all the other cool countries are doing it, which might have something to do with why all their kids are smarter at doing the math and the reading and the science than our kids. Read more on Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!…
  clipbait

John Oliver Terrifies Us About Student Debt. Also, Space Geckos: The Sad Goodbye (Video)

Les geckos spatiales sont morts. Vive les geckos spatiales!
John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight is back from vacation, and brings us this cheery back-to-school report about the growing problem of student loan debt. There’s more student debt in U.S. America than credit card or car loan debt, and it’s second only to mortgage debt, which we seem to remember caused some sort of a little dust-up in the economy a short while back (but that was only because Barney Frank forced banks to loan money to bad poors). Oliver warns that “student debt is like HPV: If you go to college, you’re almost certainly going to get it, and if you do, it will follow you for the rest of your life.” Read more on John Oliver Terrifies Us About Student Debt. Also, Space Geckos: The Sad Goodbye (Video)…
  all the education you can afford

Student Loan Bill Lubes Up At Least Before Screwing Students

Surely you Wonketteers have heard the librul media and members of Congress crowing about the new student loan bill, which is apparently not only a great deal for students but is also significant because it demonstrates that Congress is capable of passing something on a bipartisan basis. Everybody wins: Congress looks good! The new bill doesn’t add to the deficit! And students’ rates will fluctuate with the market so now students have EVEN MORE skin in the game! USA USA! Here, let us take a closer look at the crappy deal that everyone is so excited about. Read more on Student Loan Bill Lubes Up At Least Before Screwing Students…
  when in doubt repeal obamacare

Who Is Elizabeth Warren Yelling At Today?

It is a day ending with “day,” so obviously it is time for Elizabeth Warren to open her shrill harpy yammerbox and yell at some poor soul just doing his or her job. Who is getting “the business” today? Is it the bankers? Is it the people who are supposed to be regulating the bankers? (Haha, just kidding, “supposed to be regulating the bankers” is not a thing.) Is it Scott Brown, to rekindle the passions of yesteryear? No, Elizabeth Warren has moved on from those things — for now! — and is yelling at the people who do the student loans, instead. Read more on Who Is Elizabeth Warren Yelling At Today?…
  banksters

Amercia, Where You Are Free to Take On Crushing Lifelong Debt

Wonketteers are all latte-drinking Prius-driving libruls, so they are all probably avid New York Times readers who are very familiar with the Times’ ongoing series on income inequality, “The Great Divide.” But just in case! Today’s installment is a cheery essay by Joseph Stiglitz, titled “Student Debt and the Crushing of the American Dream.” Doesn’t that sound like a fun read? According to Stiglitz, Amercia is being ruined forever by student loan debt, because Poors have the audacity to think they can improve their socio-economic statuses by taking on crushing debt and getting an education. This, of course, is a myth: a law passed in 2005 made it basically impossible to discharge student loan debt, and so it stays with you always like herpes, or a bad tattoo, except worse because you still have a chance at happiness of you have herpes or a bad tattoo. Also, going to college and taking on a bunch of crushing debt may not necessarily get you a good job, since almost half of all college graduates have jobs that do not require a college degree, but they still have to make payments on these debts with their meager salaries, so they can’t afford to go out to eat or go on frivolous shopping excursions, so our economy suffers, so there are no jobs for college grads, and round and round we go! Here, let Joseph Stiglitz explain all this at you in fancier language and using more “facts.” Read more on Amercia, Where You Are Free to Take On Crushing Lifelong Debt…
  the teutonic menace

GOP Rep: Student Loans Will Lead To A Holocaust Run By German-Americans, Obviously

Way out in the western part of the great state of Maryland is a mountainous land that is mostly rural and white and working class, more Winter’s Bone than The Wire. This corner of the state has been represented approximately forever by Roscoe Bartlett, an 86-year-old Republican who has something of a reputation of being “one of the sane ones” on that side of the aisle. But ol’ Roscoe is in a tough re-election fight this year, so he’s had to maybe pander a little bit, to improve his poll numbers. Like, telling your constituents at a town hall meeting that federally subsidized student loans will basically lead to a new Holocaust, a Holocaust perpetrated by the millions of German-Americans who are just lurking among us, just waiting for their orders from their dead Nazi overlords to rise up and slaughter the Jews — that’s what they want to hear, right? That’ll get votes? Read more on GOP Rep: Student Loans Will Lead To A Holocaust Run By German-Americans, Obviously…
  edumacation

Romney to Student: He Will Give Her All The Jobs She Could Want

About a month ago, we informed you that someone had decided to do something about the one trillion dollar loan bubble (student, not mortgage), and by “do something” we meant “commission a report” with all kinds of recommendations that no one (except for maybe a couple bleeding heart liberals) did anything about. So here we are, still chugging along with a trillion dollars in student loan debt, hoping someone somewhere will eventually conclude that maybe this is a problem that should be addressed, and give us a hand by way of, say, revising existing bankruptcy law, or cracking down on predatory lending practices, or addressing the ever-rising costs of college education. Do we hope that this helpful person is Mitt Romney? No, we do not, because he has already essentially advised us that we could have avoided student loans if we had not gone out and gotten more education than we could afford. Even so, a junior at St. Anselm College in Manchester, New Hampshire — at least as of yesterday morning — was still laboring under the impression that Mitt Romney might want to do something about this huge enormous student loan bubble problem that may or may not crash the economy someday soon and asked Romney what he would do to help her, given that she had just taken out student loans of her own. The answer, of course, was: he is going to give her a great job! No really, he said that! Hooray? Read more on Romney to Student: He Will Give Her All The Jobs She Could Want…
  rich old men

Wall Street Journal: Why Is Obama Siding With College Students Against These Poor Banks?

Yesterday, we learned a lot of fun facts about the one trillion dollar student loan bubble! Like the fact that student loans (unlike any other unsecured line of credit) cannot be discharged in bankruptcy, so the debt will never, ever go away,  not even if you die, and that banks will even garnish your social security checks to get their money. (Although the joke’s on THEM since we won’t even HAVE Social Security soon so ha!)  Even though the student loan bubble is actually slowing down the housing market and the rest of the economy along with it, the Wall Street Journal thinks that best course of action is to do absolutely nothing. See, that would be socialism! You wouldn’t want there to be socialism, would you? Of course not.  Also, these kids should be out creating JOBS, not trying to seek relief from the oppressive terms and conditions of their student loan obligations! If only “Uncle Sugar” wouldn’t be so focused on redistributing wealth, yadda yadda not hurting small businesses blah blah.  Actually we can’t figure that part out but the argument seems to be that helping debt burdened borrowers will hurt small businesses or something. We think? Read more on Wall Street Journal: Why Is Obama Siding With College Students Against These Poor Banks?…
  edumacation

Student Loan Bubble Reaches Around 1 Trillion, So What Who Cares

Oh LOOK someone has decided to do something about the gigantic loan bubble (student, not housing) in the form of commissioning a report from the Consumer Protection Bureau, and YAY Senator Dick Durbin (D-Ill) has gone ahead and followed the recommendations of the report, introducing not one, but TWO bills on private student loans! TWO! And one of them would even reverse the bankruptcy discharge law! Does the system finally work? Does it? Of course it doesn’t, this is America, and so both of these bills are “going nowhere!”  USA! USA! Read more on Student Loan Bubble Reaches Around 1 Trillion, So What Who Cares…
  so in his case 3290342093512 degrees

Mitt Romney: Students Should Get ‘As Much Education As They Can Afford’

Truly shocking, Mitt Romney has moved on from chastising America for copying him to more important things, like the fact that education is expensive for a reason: so that only people who can afford it are permitted to get it. So true! While in Virginia on Friday, Romney said that while America may be “the land of opportunity for every single person,” when it comes down to it there is not quiiiiiiite enough opportunity to go around, and education is great, but a person should really only get “as much education as they can afford and with their time they’re able to get,” which is a weird, as well as an evil, sentence. Read more on Mitt Romney: Students Should Get ‘As Much Education As They Can Afford’…
  edumacation

Obama Administration Has Devious Plan To Socialize Education Probably

Speaking of public education and third world countries, guess where YOUR tax dollars are going? A) to public universities, which will give all Americans access to an affordable college education for the enrichment of all, B) to private, for-profit colleges universities, so Poors, seduced by pictures of cute girls studying in pajama bottoms can pay twice what they would pay at a public university for the privilege of graduating at a rate of 22% and defaulting on their student loans or C) none of the above; you are part of the 49.5% of Americans who do not pay income tax because you prefer to suck on the government’s teat. Read more on Obama Administration Has Devious Plan To Socialize Education Probably…
  gimmicks

Boehner: How Is Obama Diminishing The Presidency Today? By Picking ‘Fake Fights’

Another day, another attempt by that punk Barack Hussein Nobama to diminish the presidency! What’d he do now? Did he put his feet up on his desk? Did he sing Young Jeezy in public? Did he fly in his plane? Did he act “cool”? (Yes. Burn him.) “You know, we had the Buffett Rule,” [House Speaker John] Boehner said. “You know, it went on for months. Even the president admitted it was a gimmick. And then we have the Rose Garden ceremony talking about manipulation in the oil markets, without one shred of evidence. And he has an entire administration to go after speculation or manipulation in the oil markets. And then they picked this student loan fight where there is no fight.” Remember the Buffett Rule? It was a total gimmick because it would only have raised $43 billion in revenues, and $43 billion does not even count unless it is $100 million from PBS and the NEA instead, because $100 million > $43 billion. (It is called MATH and why don’t you LEARN IT.) Read more on Boehner: How Is Obama Diminishing The Presidency Today? By Picking ‘Fake Fights’…
  if that's your boyfriend he wasn't last night

Your Boyfriend Barack Obama Would Like To Talk To You Long And Slow (VIDEO)

There NOObama goes, being a CELEBRITY again (IN PEACH!!1!), this time by slow jamming the newz like a common jazz musician. Why does Obama insist on having a rich beautiful voice and being (clean and) eloquent? Why must he pander to the youth vote by promising to keep college loan interest rates low instead of cutting taxes on millionaires (again) and being so fly? Most importantly, could NOoBamA get The Roots to tour with him for all his speeches, and second most importantly, with whom should Mittens tour? The Kingston Trio maybe? Yes, the Kingston Trio. See Mitt Romney’s backing band the Kingston Trio perform their classic ode to turnstile jumping, after the jump! Read more on Your Boyfriend Barack Obama Would Like To Talk To You Long And Slow (VIDEO)…
  where's the civility

Obama Travels To North Carolina To Make Fun of Virginia Foxx

North Carolina Rep. Virginia Foxx, the beloved Southern belle, education subcommittee overlord, and defender of for-profit colleges’ right to loot the federal government and strap poor students with billions in debt in return for worthless pieces of paper, recently drew fresh OUTRAGE! with her admission that she had “very little tolerance for people” who graduate with a lot of student debt. She didn’t take any loans to pay her $87 bucks in tuition when she went to UNC, during the Plantagenet dynasty, after all. Stupid kids. Anyway, here were are a week later, and coincidence of coincidences, President Obama is giving a speech about student debt at UNC today and quoting a certain old dingbat congresswoman. Read more on Obama Travels To North Carolina To Make Fun of Virginia Foxx…