Wonkette

Our favorite geriatric, Hero Maverick John McCain, finally has that unstoppable “mitt-mentum” we’ve heard so much about this month — McCain won the D.C. GOP straw poll! Suck it, Ron Paul! It was a pretty big win for Walnuts, considering the Paultards showed up like they do at every pointless straw poll. Anyway, your tortured old man won 45% , Romney got 35%, Dr. Congressman Ron Paul placed third with 8%, Ex-Hero Rudy Giuliani got 6%, and Reverend Minister Nice Mike Huckabee was in last place with 5%, because if there’s one place in America where GOP loyalists are not down with helping the black people, it’s Washington. [DC GOP]

This week’s Sunday shows were best viewed with 20/20 hindsight.

Top topics: Dubai ports deal (dead) and the Southern Republican Leadership Conference straw poll (meaningless). This was leavened with some talk of Iraq and a single, lonely reference to Saturday’s Gridiron show.

Quotes to live by:
• Chris Wallaces curses us out: “Do the Democrats have — pardon the expression — a Newt Gingrich?”
• Bill Kristol also has the first Arctic Monkeys seven-inch: “I liked McCain before it was cool for conservatives to like McCain.”
• Everyone (except surprise mystery guest Joe Biden) avoids saying they’re running for President, though Huckabee does announce for 2016.
• Hospice-bound Art Buchwald stays wry: “I believe in God, but I’m not too certain that the people who are telling me that ‘it’s God’s will’ are the people I want to be listening to.”

Full rundown after the jump.

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Here it is: The Poll that will decide the next Republican Candidate for the Presidency, a historic, life-changing moment, certain to be discussed for years to come as the first sign of a great sea change in American Politics:
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