Tag Archives: stop it

  weinergate now

Crying Anthony Weiner Sez He Sent Ladies Pix of His Weiner

Our modern-day Bill Clinton — you know, because Democrats + Boners + Twitter = Modern Day Bill Clinton — is giving a press conference now, about his weiner. He tearfully acknowledges that he maybe took pictures of his groin, with his iPhone or whatever, and sent them to a lady. And now he must resign or be put in prison or something, because that’s how justice works, and everyone is so gross. Read more on Crying Anthony Weiner Sez He Sent Ladies Pix of His Weiner…
  the clock is ticking

Reality Cable Show Announced For Daughter of Reality Cable Person

Oh look, one of those basic cable reality-teevee families is getting another reality show. And we are posting it, because that is apparently what we do here, which is yet another reason why we are all washing our hands of this daily deluge of mental sewage and walking away, with a smile of relief on our faces and a song in our hearts. It is truly time to leave the Internet, isn’t it? Wouldn’t you rather be reading a nice book, outside on your “coffee break” or whatever? Wouldn’t it be fun to destroy your television with your computer? Read more on Reality Cable Show Announced For Daughter of Reality Cable Person…
  feces machine

Repulsive Press Release Celebrates the TIME 100 Gala Celebration

Oh for fuck’s sake, we cannot deal with this, at this hour. TIME Magazine just sent us this press release, about some “gala” in New York that just ended, and …. No, we can’t. We don’t want to. It is sickening when a bunch of alleged ideological enemies gather to toast each other in some Manhattan ballroom while everybody else literally fucks off and dies. You want to see cold, banal horror? You want to look down the bottomless toilet of despair? Click the thing that says “READ MORE.” Read more on Repulsive Press Release Celebrates the TIME 100 Gala Celebration…
  embargoed treasures

OMFG Here Is Some Random Person’s ‘Embargoed Remarks’ About the SoTU

DON’T LET ANYBODY KNOW but somehow we got the “embargoed remarks” from some guy, with his opinion of the speech that Obama will give in a few hours. But remember, it’s embargoed, so DO NOT TELL ANYONE! Super important! It’s like a trade embargo or something, but on somebody’s own words which they have just mass e-mailed to the whole American media. Read more on OMFG Here Is Some Random Person’s ‘Embargoed Remarks’ About the SoTU…
  a very merry unchristmas to you

Mike Huckabee Can’t Wait Till Xmas 2011!

How many days until Christmas? Just 358 days! Oh man, next Xmas is gonna punish, especially if we get Mike Huckabee’s dream gift, which is a box of 1,000 copies of his Xmas book, signed by Jesus and pooped out by reindeer over Iowa. Thanks to “Kevin H.” for the funny bookstore picture. Read more on Mike Huckabee Can’t Wait Till Xmas 2011!…
  year of the woman

Lady Gaga vs. Nancy Pelosi, Who Will Win? (Not Nancy Pelosi)

Every campaign season in our increasingly retarded nation, potential voters are presented with many important survey and poll battles such as “What celebrity of the moment is better/worse than a completely unrelated government official?” For example: This person Lady Gaga, who seems to be mentioned a lot more than actually heard, could she defeat San Francisco grandmother and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, in a dance-off? What does this say about the Republicans’ midterm chances? Read more on Lady Gaga vs. Nancy Pelosi, Who Will Win? (Not Nancy Pelosi)…
  nah we'll just send him a tie from big lots

Help Obama Have a Happy Birthday (By Sending His Wife Money?)

Oh look, Michelle Obama sent us like seven emails, all with the same request: Let poor little rich boy Barack Obama finally have a happy birthday! How do you do this? Just click the link for a NO OBLIGATION chance to sign a pledge to charge your credit card more money so that Democrats can continue to piss away their Senate and House majorities, and Obama’s various middle managers can continue firing uppity black ladies from the Farming Office. What? Read more on Help Obama Have a Happy Birthday (By Sending His Wife Money?)…
  bottom feeders

Famous Teabag-Beat Reporter Dave Weigel Apologizing Again

The illiterate who ineptly cuts-and-pastes things at “Fishbowl DC” (remember that site?) is trying to get some traffic for the long-ignored MediaBistro blog by posting some banal crap from that “JournoList” email group the media kids in town use to send emails to each other. What could turn that into some SEO traffic, two years after the Politico pretended it was a Hot Story for six hours? Why not claim that actual reporter Dave Weigel is the Washington Post‘s “conservative blogger” and make up some dispute with “liberal bloggers” and then throw in mentions of teabaggers, the Drudge Report, and Michael Calderone. And put “scathing e-mails” in the hed. Will that do it? Uh, probably not. Read more on Famous Teabag-Beat Reporter Dave Weigel Apologizing Again…
  expired internet fads

Alabama Psychopath Lost Election, Will Now Shoot Everyone

Remember this guy, Dale Peterson, with his dumb horse and dumb gun and whatever? Well, he lost. But like every other tween-aged girl on YouTube, this fool equates national derision with sudden local importance. We were laughing at you, Dale. Go ahead and dream of shootin’ people for taking campaign signs promoting the guy who handed your flat ass right back to you. [Political Wire] Read more on Alabama Psychopath Lost Election, Will Now Shoot Everyone…
  that's bipartisanship

Congressmen Weiner & Chaffetz Blown By Goats

Representatives Anthony Weiner (D-Brooklyn) and Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) finally found cross-party cooperation in the supple mouths of these goats. It was a dumb stunt to promote …. eh, who cares? Both men got off and then the goats were slaughtered in a VooDoo Ritual, the end. Just kidding! One of the goats actually attacked Weiner and “drew blood.” [Ben Smith via Wonkette operative-commenter The Problem Child] Read more on Congressmen Weiner & Chaffetz Blown By Goats…
  today in webzines

GO BACK TO YOUR WHORES: Oh look, Eliot Spitzer is apparently still writing his awful column for Slate: “After reading the Gettysburg Address, does the idea of a carbon tax to finally move us away from an oil and old-energy dependence that is fouling not only the Gulf of Mexico but our entire climate, foreign policy, and economy seem so outrageous?” Uh? [Slate via Wonkette Operative Daniel McQuade] Read more on …
  rock is dead

Conservative Lamers Again Pretending Popular Art Form Is Conservative

One of the most self-defeating fetishes of the modern-day right-wing pundit is assembling “evidence” that some kind of popular entertainment product is actually conservative — because these tunnel-vision wingnuts really do look at the Entire World this way, as some contest between political parties. (“Chicken Run/Wall-E is socialist claptrap, while Avatar/Lindsey Lohan exemplifies the right’s values,” etc.) So, after forty or fifty years of dull attacks on “longhair music” and “race records” or whatever, and approximately a quarter century after popular music gave up whatever artistic pretensions it ever had and just became a dumb autotune-BPM meaningless soundtrack to dance or fuck or stock Wal-Mart shelves to, the wallflowers at National Review have bravely decided to steal rock ‘n roll back from the hippies or whatever. It’s hip to be square! Read more on Conservative Lamers Again Pretending Popular Art Form Is Conservative…
  ((8^{>

Libertarians Pointlessly Annoying World’s Muslims

Because nothing serious is going on in the world, and because the new Libertarian Patron Saint is busy in his Time Machine being a 2-year-old Freedom Walker with Dr. King while simultaneously celebrating the First Amendment of not letting coloreds buy lunch because they are coloreds, America’s Libertarians on the Internet are today pointlessly harassing religious Muslim people who for whatever theological dead-end reason cannot abide a South Park cartoon of the Prophet Mahomet dressed as a dildo or whatever. Read more on Libertarians Pointlessly Annoying World’s Muslims…
  even better than the real thing

Bono Performs a Very Special White House U2 Show

New York Times op-ed columnist Bill Kristol Bono paid a very special visit to Barack Obama’s White House. And Bono did a dance. And Barack Obama laughed. And the BP oil spill should reach Ireland shortly. Read more on Bono Performs a Very Special White House U2 Show…
  needs moar man-tits

Gross Ohio Democrats Go Topless, Because Rob Portman Is Bad

Hey, people taking off their shirts …. old people, chunky people … to make, uh, a typically dumb/strained Democrat political point, that actually makes no real sense, and is just gross. Go to a website and the Democratic Party will send, uh, a shirt to Rob Portman, because he’s some Bush slimeball who is to blame for the Global Financial Collapse, we guess? Read more on Gross Ohio Democrats Go Topless, Because Rob Portman Is Bad…
  has she ever even *had* sex?

K-Lo Getting Hairy Palms Because of All the Nasty Sexytime On the ‘Puter

Ever since National Review Online’s old maid Kathryn Jean Lopez heard about sex a few weeks ago, she has been frantically typing with one hand about all the dirty, dirty, dirty pornography on the Internet which is so filthy, so hawt, so nasty. (Actually, K-Lo “discovers” the p0rN every year about this time. It’s like some gross mating dance done by a weird prairie turkey.) Read more on K-Lo Getting Hairy Palms Because of All the Nasty Sexytime On the ‘Puter…
  online petitions are awesome

Teabaggers Will Get 1 Million Facebook Twitter Signatures To Repeal NobamaKKKare, With Your Help!

Oh boy guess what? The Teabaggers figured out a magical way to REPEAL the not-yet-signed Health Care Reform Bill. But does it require getting up off your fat fucking lard ass and turning away from the ‘puter for a moment? Not at all! And is it potentially effective, or even loosely based on American Democracy or the much-loved but never-read U.S. Constitution? Nope, not at all! Let’s do this thing. Read more on Teabaggers Will Get 1 Million Facebook Twitter Signatures To Repeal NobamaKKKare, With Your Help!…