stocks
Etch A Sketch Company’s Stock Price Triples After Political Guy Says ‘Etch A Sketch’ on TV
When Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom said something about Etch A Sketches on CNN yesterday, America’s children all immediately ran to the toy store to pick up their copies, because nothing moves consumer retail spending in the children’s toy market quite like a Mitt Romney aide making an unfortunate metaphor on morning cable television. And stock [...]
Dow Jones Index Hits 13,000 For First Time Since Obamacare/Socialism
Back in May of 2008, everything was awesome. George W. Bush was the president, for example, and we were only a few months into the nationwide housing collapse that is still lingering today. And that was the last time the DJIA stock index of major U.S. companies touched 13,000. Today, the magic of history was [...]
Stocks Collapse Worldwide On News About Meg Whitman
Unloved corporate failure Meg Whitman was last seen insisting that she should be governor of California because goddammit, she paid $141 million to be governor of California. And now the former eBay executive has re-appeared on the public stage, with news that she will be hired to run the ruined tech company Hewlett Packard. The [...]
Stock Markets Plunge Due To Housing, Europe, Arab Revolts, Japan & Probably Space Aliens
Did everybody enjoy the “jobless recovery” of the past two years? Because, uhh …. The American stock markets plunged more than 2% today as everybody freaks out about the dismal housing numbers, the continuing craziness in oil-producing Middle East/North African nations, another round of the European debt crisis and (of course) the nuclear horror show [...]
Woo-Hoo, Stocks At 18-Month High, Everybody’s Rich Now?
Just the other day, we were remembering the exciting month of September 2008 — known to historians as “The Apocalypse of Sarah Palin Foisted Upon the Peoples of the United States” — and those thrilling days when the entire global financial system began its complete collapse. And today, capitalism is honoring the socialist Kenyan’s death-camp [...]
HOORAY! Says the CEO of the now-bankrupt General Motors: “The GM you knew, the GM that let so many of you down, is history.” Stocks are just cold going nuts, Dow up 215+ at the moment. [Marketwatch]
HUZZAH WE ARE ALL RICH AGAIN: “The Standard & Poor’s 500-stock index, a key gauge of the broader market and the benchmark for many investors’ index funds, erased all its 2009 losses just before the close.” So yay, we are “only” as poor as we were on January 1, which is to say, quite. [New [...]
Huge New Job Losses Send Stocks Soaring!
It’s another new new unemployment record, America! The happy month of March saw 669,000 U.S. jobs vanish, bringing the jobless rate up to 8.5% — the highest since the end of Reagan’s Lil’ Depression at the end of 1982. About 5 million jobs have now been lost in this current Great Recession. And stocks are [...]
Stocks Soar On News of Whatever
Somebody give Jim Cramer his golden dildo back, and let Larry Kramer out of the shit-cage where he sleeps, because the Stock Markets had a great big rally! Everything is good again! The U.S. markets were all up up up about 7% all the way around, which means the Dow is right back to, uhm, [...]
Depression Continues, Stocks Back To 1997
Yes, sure, a stock index is not an exact reflection of the economy — the market is usually about six months ahead of what’s actually happening, which is why unemployment can take so long to catch up with a sell-off, which is why the continued plunge of ALL major stock indices (worldwide!) is, um, terrifying?
Plunging Stock Markets Now Officially Terrifying
Did you hear about the stock market? It’s now at a 10-year low, again, hooray! And the news just keeps getting worse, every fucking day. And maybe it just continues to get worse, every fucking day, until … who knows, 2015? And then another terrible recession-within-the-depression recession in, say, 2017? And then we are finally [...]
Dow Drops 733, S&P Down 9%, Worse Since ’87 Crash
In good news, oil is back to September 2007 prices. (In bad news, gas was still $3 a gallon then, so, uhh …) WHAT DOES IT MEAN. It means the numbers are finally coming in to back up the gloom. Nobody in the stores, no demand for gasoline as people have no jobs, no money, [...]
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Dow Soars 62% Since Obama Took Office; Do Stocks Have Liberal Bias?
by Wonkette Jr.
It is time for the not-really-daily Daily Feature, Wonkette’s Win of the Afternoon. Today’s star comment notes that the Dow Jones Industrial Average has soared an astonishing 62% (sixty-two percent!) since the Kenyan Socialist Barack Obama seized the White House in a violent Saul Alinsky coup that left over 1 billion Americans tragically murdered. Jeez, [...]