Tag: stock market

Wingnut Group Wants To Impeach Obama For Wrecking Stock Market, Dow Hits New Record

Timing is everything. And if you're the wingnut publication Capitol Hill Daily, which we've never heard of before, you could probably pick a better day than yesterday -- when the Dow Jones averaged closed at over 15,000 for the...

Let CNBC Discuss What’s Important About Citi’s 4,000 Layoffs: Stock Prices!

Oh goody, Citibank laid off almost 5% of their workforce RIGHT BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS, and this of course invites serious analysis about a variety of important topics....

A Children’s Treasury Of Things In New SEC Lawsuit That Are More Hilarious Than Its Sex Triangle

Oh goody, another day, another set of government officials involved in a sex scandal. Rolling Stone brings us the ewww tale of SEC Inspector General David Kotz (ALLEGEDLY) boning every lawyer (like this pretty lady) with business before the agency,...

Watch Tea Party Godfather Rick Santelli Blubber About the Jobs Report Conspiracy

In the interest of Journalism, CNBC had a roundtable of experts weigh in on the jobs report, hosted by CNBC’s senior economics reporter Steve Liesman, who heroically tried to bring a measure of logic and informed analysis to the...

Stocks Rally Due To Romney Win 100 Days In Future, CNBC Declares With Straight Face

The stock market. What is it? It is a collection, or "cooperative," of people who throw bits of paper in the air and scream their faces off. If you are rich, it gives you muneez. If you are poor,...

Etch A Sketch Company’s Stock Price Triples After Political Guy Says ‘Etch A Sketch’ on TV

When Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom said something about Etch A Sketches on CNN yesterday, America's children all immediately ran to the toy store to pick up their copies, because nothing moves consumer retail spending in the children's toy market...

Experts: Decline of U.S. ‘Adds To View of Waning U.S. Power’

Happy 520-point Dow Jones Industrial Index Plunge Day, everybody! (No, this is not a repeat from Friday or Monday, but it is the opposite of Tuesday.) How might perceptions of the United States change now that the United States...

Uhh, Financial Collapse/World Recession II?

We mentioned earlier this morning that there are some troubles in the world economy -- and that includes us, in the America part of Earth. Well, uhh, it's really awful. Remember that 1,000-point drop in the Dow blamed on...

Now It Is These Money Robots, These Were The Money Robots That Did It!

The first explanation for last week's 15-minute collapse of the entire global economy was that some Citigroup trader pressed "b" instead of "m." That was too comical to be true. Then people assumed it was some big Wall Street...

If By ‘Cocky’ You Mean ‘Obsessed With Cock,’ Then Too Late

Former New York State Senate Leader Joseph Bruno, who was exactly half the reason why New York State government was such an amusement park of dysfunction (the other half being Assembly Leader Sheldon Silver), has been convicted of a...

Here’s Trillions Of Dollars Of Wealth Bouncing Around In One Minute, Depending On What The Teevee Says

There should be a Network-esque black comedy about this very moment on CNBC, immediately. The three-keys-wide fat finger of one monster at Citigroup sells off billions of shares of Procter & Gamble -- part of the Dow index --...

GLOBAL FINANCIAL SYSTEM OPERATING SMOOTHLY: Remember how the Dow dropped 700 points in fifteen minutes between 2 and 3 p.m. today, and then got back 500 of those points a few minutes later? Some dingbat computer went nuts or...

Famous Failure To Run George W. Bush’s Think Tank

"WASHINGTON – Former President George W. Bush took a step closer Thursday to establishing an 'action-oriented think tank' alongside his future presidential library by naming James K. Glassman, the longtime journalist and former administration official, as its founding executive...

IT'S LIKE A RECOVERY, BUT WITH NO EQUITY, SAVINGS, CONSUMER SPENDING, JOBS, RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS, INNOVATION, STRONG CURRENCY, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE, BASIC SHELTER, OR LONG-TERM PROSPECTS FOR A COMPETITIVE MODERN ECONOMY: "The housing market continues to threaten signs of an...

LOOK AMERICA, WE GAVE CITIBANK A PROFIT! It's sexytime on Wall Street today, and around the world! That's right, a Global Stock Rally. Citigroup jumped a whole 30 percent and is now worth 1.3 shits. You know why? Because...

Your Dow Jones Falls Many Points After Investors Discover Some ‘Recession’ Thing

The Dow Jones fell 679 points today, since it's been a full six days since Paulson last introduced a new multi-hundred billion dollar loan or loan guarantee program, and everyone on Wall Street is a child: "The day's news...