Tag: stock market

Experts: Decline of U.S. ‘Adds To View of Waning U.S. Power’

Happy 520-point Dow Jones Industrial Index Plunge Day, everybody! (No, this is not a repeat from Friday or Monday, but it is the opposite of Tuesday.) How might perceptions of the United States change now that the United States...

Uhh, Financial Collapse/World Recession II?

We mentioned earlier this morning that there are some troubles in the world economy -- and that includes us, in the America part of Earth. Well, uhh, it's really awful. Remember that 1,000-point drop in the Dow blamed on...

Now It Is These Money Robots, These Were The Money Robots That Did It!

The first explanation for last week's 15-minute collapse of the entire global economy was that some Citigroup trader pressed "b" instead of "m." That was too comical to be true. Then people assumed it was some big Wall Street...

If By ‘Cocky’ You Mean ‘Obsessed With Cock,’ Then Too Late

Former New York State Senate Leader Joseph Bruno, who was exactly half the reason why New York State government was such an amusement park of dysfunction (the other half being Assembly Leader Sheldon Silver), has been convicted of a...

Here’s Trillions Of Dollars Of Wealth Bouncing Around In One Minute, Depending On What The Teevee Says

There should be a Network-esque black comedy about this very moment on CNBC, immediately. The three-keys-wide fat finger of one monster at Citigroup sells off billions of shares of Procter & Gamble -- part of the Dow index --...

GLOBAL FINANCIAL SYSTEM OPERATING SMOOTHLY: Remember how the Dow dropped 700 points in fifteen minutes between 2 and 3 p.m. today, and then got back 500 of those points a few minutes later? Some dingbat computer went nuts or...

Famous Failure To Run George W. Bush’s Think Tank

"WASHINGTON – Former President George W. Bush took a step closer Thursday to establishing an 'action-oriented think tank' alongside his future presidential library by naming James K. Glassman, the longtime journalist and former administration official, as its founding executive...

IT'S LIKE A RECOVERY, BUT WITH NO EQUITY, SAVINGS, CONSUMER SPENDING, JOBS, RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS, INNOVATION, STRONG CURRENCY, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE, BASIC SHELTER, OR LONG-TERM PROSPECTS FOR A COMPETITIVE MODERN ECONOMY: "The housing market continues to threaten signs of an...

LOOK AMERICA, WE GAVE CITIBANK A PROFIT! It's sexytime on Wall Street today, and around the world! That's right, a Global Stock Rally. Citigroup jumped a whole 30 percent and is now worth 1.3 shits. You know why? Because...

Your Dow Jones Falls Many Points After Investors Discover Some ‘Recession’ Thing

The Dow Jones fell 679 points today, since it's been a full six days since Paulson last introduced a new multi-hundred billion dollar loan or loan guarantee program, and everyone on Wall Street is a child: "The day's news...

GEORGE W. BUSH SAVES STOCK MARKET: The Dow only dropped 128 points today, which is the New Great Depression equivalent of rising 250 trillion points. Credit is still completely inaccessible, permanently, but what the hell do you people want...

Watching The Dow Free-Fall Is Too Much Fun

Dudes, our noses are bleeding and the sky is on fire because GOOD LORD, refreshing the Dow every four seconds as it's free-falling is like SMOKING CRACK. This is astonishing. Whoa! There go another 30 points! HA HA HA...