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Tag: stock market

Donald Trump Thinks Chevy Cruzes Are Made In Mexico: Also Rapists, Smugglers, Killed JFK

Who will Trump appoint as Director of Turd-Polishing?
If price gouging is wrong, she don't wanna be right

Joe Manchin’s Daughter Made SO MUCH MONEY Quintupling Price Of EpiPens! Good Job, Her!

Pharmaceutical company CEO Heather Bresch just feels awful about having to make all this extra money from a lifesaving medication that she keeps raising prices on.
The REAL numbers are far worse, like when you include retired people and children!

Trump Delegates Can’t Believe How Terrible The Economy Is For Everyone But Them

Republican convention delegates are really disappointed the economy is in such terrible shape, except where they're from, where things are great in spite of Barack Obama, not because of anything he did.
Would you buy a used car from this PAC?

‘Pro’ Bernie Sanders Fake Super PAC Spent All Your Twenty-Seven Dollarses At The Disco

Look, a post about Bernie Sanders and we are not even punching Bernie Sanders! HOORAY!
God's financial analyst.

You’re Off The Hook, China. Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion

Just like all U.S. Americans, Pat Robertson woke up Monday morning to news that the stock market is kinda batshit right now. It's plunging! Then rallying, kind of! Then dipping again! By the time you read this, only Jesus...
Is this mean? It might be a little mean. Then again, John Boehner is mean.

John Boehner Pines For Good Old Days Of Great Recession

Did you know it has been six years since President Obama murdered the American economy with his bare hands and some so-called "stimulus" spending? This is a true fact, according to Speaker John Boehner, who is crying -- more...

Wingnut Group Wants To Impeach Obama For Wrecking Stock Market, Dow Hits New Record

Timing is everything. And if you're the wingnut publication Capitol Hill Daily, which we've never heard of before, you could probably pick a better day than yesterday -- when the Dow Jones averaged closed at over 15,000 for the...

Let CNBC Discuss What’s Important About Citi’s 4,000 Layoffs: Stock Prices!

Oh goody, Citibank laid off almost 5% of their workforce RIGHT BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS, and this of course invites serious analysis about a variety of important topics....

A Children’s Treasury Of Things In New SEC Lawsuit That Are More Hilarious Than Its Sex Triangle

Oh goody, another day, another set of government officials involved in a sex scandal. Rolling Stone brings us the ewww tale of SEC Inspector General David Kotz (ALLEGEDLY) boning every lawyer (like this pretty lady) with business before the agency,...

Watch Tea Party Godfather Rick Santelli Blubber About the Jobs Report Conspiracy

In the interest of Journalism, CNBC had a roundtable of experts weigh in on the jobs report, hosted by CNBC’s senior economics reporter Steve Liesman, who heroically tried to bring a measure of logic and informed analysis to the...

Stocks Rally Due To Romney Win 100 Days In Future, CNBC Declares With Straight Face

The stock market. What is it? It is a collection, or "cooperative," of people who throw bits of paper in the air and scream their faces off. If you are rich, it gives you muneez. If you are poor,...

Etch A Sketch Company’s Stock Price Triples After Political Guy Says ‘Etch A Sketch’ on TV

When Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom said something about Etch A Sketches on CNN yesterday, America's children all immediately ran to the toy store to pick up their copies, because nothing moves consumer retail spending in the children's toy market...

Experts: Decline of U.S. ‘Adds To View of Waning U.S. Power’

Happy 520-point Dow Jones Industrial Index Plunge Day, everybody! (No, this is not a repeat from Friday or Monday, but it is the opposite of Tuesday.) How might perceptions of the United States change now that the United States...

Uhh, Financial Collapse/World Recession II?

We mentioned earlier this morning that there are some troubles in the world economy -- and that includes us, in the America part of Earth. Well, uhh, it's really awful. Remember that 1,000-point drop in the Dow blamed on...

Now It Is These Money Robots, These Were The Money Robots That Did It!

The first explanation for last week's 15-minute collapse of the entire global economy was that some Citigroup trader pressed "b" instead of "m." That was too comical to be true. Then people assumed it was some big Wall Street...

If By ‘Cocky’ You Mean ‘Obsessed With Cock,’ Then Too Late

Former New York State Senate Leader Joseph Bruno, who was exactly half the reason why New York State government was such an amusement park of dysfunction (the other half being Assembly Leader Sheldon Silver), has been convicted of a...