Tag: stimulus

Obama Issues Semiannual Declaration Of End Of Time For Talking

And yet the talk continues. Irony!

Penn’s Firm Made Big Smackeroos Off Stimulus

History's greatest monster, the notorious bottom-feeding nudibranch Mark Penn, has once again triumphed over Goodness and Mercy. Nearly $6 million in stimulus money went to Penn's PR firm, Burson-Marsteller, in order to "preserve three jobs," which is a fancy...

The Real Economy Is Booming In Fake Congressional Districts

What is the most wasteful kind of big government stimulus spending of all? It is all the money that Obama allocated for places that don't actually exist, like Arizona's 15th district. (Seriously: "Arizona"!!) In fact, Recovery.gov listed a bunch...

Jim Inhofe Didn’t Even Read ‘Harry Potter,’ But He Still Hates Mudbloods

Ken Layne reviews Infinite Jest, or some other book. Honestly, there's really no point in reading something you've already been paid to vote against. Convicts need their stimulus checks just as much as the next guy. How else can...

Republicans Now Furious About Dept. of Agriculture Buying Some Food For Starving Americans

You know who sucks? Poor jobless hungry people in America, that's who! The famous wingnut blog "The Drudge Report" got some GOP people very, very excited because Drudge posted something suggesting the government spent $1.2 million to purchase "two...

At Least Mark Sanford Doesn’t Pretend To Love His Wife

Barack Obama forgot how he met Michelle, his wife, his guiding star! You've only been married to the woman since 1992, Barack. Jesus Lord. And last year he forgot to get her a wedding anniversary present, so he...

Did You Know Other Governors, In History, Have Also Done Weird Things?

An important new Associated Press topical article notes that exactly five other governors in American history have done something weird, while in office. So nature-boy mountain lamer Mark Sanford is not alone! Come out of the closet, Mark, and...

Welfare-Nature Queer Mark Sanford Using Stimulus Money On Appalachian Trail

South Carolina granola hippie Mark Sanford just couldn't take the pressure, man, so he put on his Tevas and headed up to the mountains to clear his head. Nothing like some Kinhin walking meditation to get the fear of...

Obama Reportedly Sends Bitchy Letter To Dumb South Carolina Gov

Steadfast idiot and South Carolinian real estate speculator Mark Sanford keeps bugging the president about how he wants to use federal stimulus funds to pay down the state debt, which would not stimulate the economy at all. Now we...

Eager Obamatards Waiting Patiently For Jobs They Won’t Get

Right after President Obama was elected, the entire universe of unemployed people and soon-to-be unemployed people rushed to whatever that website was, with the jobs. Hundreds of thousands of people applied for basically a handful of Administration jobs, and...

WHY DOES JOE BIDEN HATE IDAHO SO MUCH? "Vice President Biden hosted officials from every state but Idaho for a conference today designed to serve as a workshop and warning on how they should use their billions of dollars...

Tim Geithner Suffers Through Late-Night Meeting With Angry Democrats

Eek, would you want to be locked in a room getting yelled at by Henry Waxman for hours and hours? Because that is how Tim Geithner got to spend his Monday night, hooray! He has the worst job in...

Eric Cantor Gets Boner When Obama Talks To Him

Here's your Loyal Opposition, Republican Eric Cantor, just gushing when Obama sort of says, "What is up, Eric." So, GOP, blushing baby Cantor is your pick to go to WAR with Barack Obama? Jesus fucking christ, maybe next time...

Here’s Your Obama Saving the Economy (Don’t Look At Business News Tonight!)

Oh boy the stimulation is signed, in Denver -- no birth certificate necessary there! -- and here's your Barack Obama all pissed off at Washington because, duh, Washington is (for the moment)...

Michele Bachmann Worried About Lack Of Rich People In America

Last time we checked in on notorious idiot wingnut Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, she was almost losing her safe House seat after proposing Witch Trials for every Democratic member of Congress, because of socialism. She squeaked by, though,...

Happy American Recovery and Reinvestment Act Day!

Were you unable to afford a gift for your special someone in honor of that other holiday today, Valentine's Day? With all the new stimulus money suddenly bouncing around, the lack of funds is no longer a viable cover...