Tag Archives: stimulus

  fact recession

The Real Economy Is Booming In Fake Congressional Districts

What is the most wasteful kind of big government stimulus spending of all? It is all the money that Obama allocated for places that don’t actually exist, like Arizona’s 15th district. (Seriously: “Arizona”!!) In fact, Recovery.gov listed a bunch of statistics about jobs that were created and saved in places that aren’t even real. “We report what the recipients submit to us,” said Ed Pound, Communications Director for the [Recovery] Board. Ha… oh, dear! Might be one less “job saved” in this Ed Pound’s congressional district, assuming either of those exist. Read more on The Real Economy Is Booming In Fake Congressional Districts…
  rumors on the internets

Jim Inhofe Didn’t Even Read ‘Harry Potter,’ But He Still Hates Mudbloods

Ken Layne reviews Infinite Jest, or some other book. [Las Vegas Weekly] Honestly, there’s really no point in reading something you’ve already been paid to vote against. [Think Progess] Convicts need their stimulus checks just as much as the next guy. How else can they afford to have The Club™ surgically installed in their pooper? [RedState] Read more on Jim Inhofe Didn’t Even Read ‘Harry Potter,’ But He Still Hates Mudbloods…
  poor people suck

Republicans Now Furious About Dept. of Agriculture Buying Some Food For Starving Americans

You know who sucks? Poor jobless hungry people in America, that’s who! The famous wingnut blog “The Drudge Report” got some GOP people very, very excited because Drudge posted something suggesting the government spent $1.2 million to purchase “two pounds of ham.” TALK ABOUT PORK SPENDING, HEY-O! But, according to sad pooh-bear agriculture secretary Tom Vilsack, “the contract in question purchased 760,000 pounds of ham for $1.19 million, at a cost of approximately $1.50 per pound.” Read more on Republicans Now Furious About Dept. of Agriculture Buying Some Food For Starving Americans…
  rumors on the internets

At Least Mark Sanford Doesn’t Pretend To Love His Wife

Barack Obama forgot how he met Michelle, his wife, his guiding star! You’ve only been married to the woman since 1992, Barack. Jesus Lord. And last year he forgot to get her a wedding anniversary present, so he swung by Radio Shack after work and picked up a lousy DVD box set. Ugh, the DVD box set is for the twentieth anniversary! [Swampland] Read more on At Least Mark Sanford Doesn’t Pretend To Love His Wife…
  but there's only one mark sanford

Did You Know Other Governors, In History, Have Also Done Weird Things?

An important new Associated Press topical article notes that exactly five other governors in American history have done something weird, while in office. So nature-boy mountain lamer Mark Sanford is not alone! Come out of the closet, Mark, and come back to America. Read more on Did You Know Other Governors, In History, Have Also Done Weird Things?…
  a walk in the woods

Welfare-Nature Queer Mark Sanford Using Stimulus Money On Appalachian Trail

South Carolina granola hippie Mark Sanford just couldn’t take the pressure, man, so he put on his Tevas and headed up to the mountains to clear his head. Nothing like some Kinhin walking meditation to get the fear of The Man — that man, the prez — out of your soul. At least out here on the Appalachian Trail, mean old Barack Obama with his suits and his money and his power trips can’t bum you out …. unless uptight Obama is even using his Power Trip Stimulus Money on the trail itself. Read more on Welfare-Nature Queer Mark Sanford Using Stimulus Money On Appalachian Trail…
  hopey is impatient

Obama Reportedly Sends Bitchy Letter To Dumb South Carolina Gov

Steadfast idiot and South Carolinian real estate speculator Mark Sanford keeps bugging the president about how he wants to use federal stimulus funds to pay down the state debt, which would not stimulate the economy at all. Now we hear that “Obama has, in fact, sent Sanford a very blunt, personal letter” explaining to him what an idiot he is. Come on, Palmetto Scoop! WE WANT ZE TASTY LETTR PLS. [Palmetto Scoop] Read more on Obama Reportedly Sends Bitchy Letter To Dumb South Carolina Gov…
  employment news

Eager Obamatards Waiting Patiently For Jobs They Won’t Get

Right after President Obama was elected, the entire universe of unemployed people and soon-to-be unemployed people rushed to whatever that website was, with the jobs. Hundreds of thousands of people applied for basically a handful of Administration jobs, and now they are all waiting around in DC coffee shops for official word of their rejection. Read more on Eager Obamatards Waiting Patiently For Jobs They Won’t Get…
  not invited

WHY DOES JOE BIDEN HATE IDAHO SO MUCH? “Vice President Biden hosted officials from every state but Idaho for a conference today designed to serve as a workshop and warning on how they should use their billions of dollars from the stimulus package.” Is Idaho not receiving any stimulus money, or are they boycotting Pork President Biden’s Porkulous Guide to Porkery? Suspicious. [Washington Post] Read more on …
  martyrs

Tim Geithner Suffers Through Late-Night Meeting With Angry Democrats

Eek, would you want to be locked in a room getting yelled at by Henry Waxman for hours and hours? Because that is how Tim Geithner got to spend his Monday night, hooray! He has the worst job in America, worse even than those people who clean up murder scenes or give Rush Limbaugh enemas. Read more on Tim Geithner Suffers Through Late-Night Meeting With Angry Democrats…
  starbursts

Eric Cantor Gets Boner When Obama Talks To Him

Here’s your Loyal Opposition, Republican Eric Cantor, just gushing when Obama sort of says, “What is up, Eric.” So, GOP, blushing baby Cantor is your pick to go to WAR with Barack Obama? Jesus fucking christ, maybe next time send somebody who doesn’t swoon when Mr. President looks his way. [YouTube] Read more on Eric Cantor Gets Boner When Obama Talks To Him…
  kicking ass and taking names

Here’s Your Obama Saving the Economy (Don’t Look At Business News Tonight!)

Oh boy the stimulation is signed, in Denver — no birth certificate necessary there! — and here’s your Barack Obama all pissed off at Washington because, duh, Washington is (for the moment) in large part defined by a handful of advertising filler known as “pundits” and “Richard Cohen” and “The Politico,” all of which are basically Dick Cheney x 1,000,000. Meanwhile, over in that ghost town previously known as “Wall Street,” everybody’s all crying because Obama isn’t doing MORE to save their doomed sectors. Close ’em down! [TeeVee] Read more on Here’s Your Obama Saving the Economy (Don’t Look At Business News Tonight!)…
  love this woman

Michele Bachmann Worried About Lack Of Rich People In America

Last time we checked in on notorious idiot wingnut Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, she was almost losing her safe House seat after proposing Witch Trials for every Democratic member of Congress, because of socialism. She squeaked by, though, and thank God, because she’s funny. With the SOCIALISM WITCH TRIAL SCANDAL finally out of the way, she’s speaking freely again. Read more on Michele Bachmann Worried About Lack Of Rich People In America…
  gift ideas

Happy American Recovery and Reinvestment Act Day!

Were you unable to afford a gift for your special someone in honor of that other holiday today, Valentine’s Day? With all the new stimulus money suddenly bouncing around, the lack of funds is no longer a viable cover for forgetfulness. Luckily, DC’s street vendors are more than happy to help. You can pick up your last-minute roses, pink bears, and, um, Obama pins outside any metro stop, all day! Read more on Happy American Recovery and Reinvestment Act Day!…
  new new new deal

GO TO BED, AMERICA, YOU’RE RICH AGAIN! The Senate passed the Stimulation 60-38, and the House passed it too, the end. [Washington Post]
  beat the clock

U.S. Economic Future Awaiting Flight From Ohio

The House passed the watered-down Stimulus Bill! With no Republican votes, obviously — they don’t want to get in trouble with their drug-addict talk-radio boss, what’s his name, Mr. Vulgarian. And now the Senate is voting, hooray! They’ve got 59 of the filibuster-proof 60 votes needed, so it’s all down to one guy, from Ohio. If and when he shows up for work …. Read more on U.S. Economic Future Awaiting Flight From Ohio…