Tag Archives: steve stockman

  What The (Bleep!) Does Anyone Know?

2014: The Year Of Terrible Science From People Saying ‘I’m Not A Scientist’

Science: now officially optional!
We know that politicians actually started saying “I’m not a scientist” well before 2014 — Marco Rubio adopted it in 2012 when asked how old the earth was — but this was definitely the year it became Republicans’ go-to strategy for avoiding journalists’ questions about global warming and/or evolution. On matters of climate, it’s a fine supplement to the previous favorite dodge, “I believe the climate is always changing.” And what a fine year of not-science the Right has given us! Read more on 2014: The Year Of Terrible Science From People Saying ‘I’m Not A Scientist’…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart To House Science Committee: ‘Are You F-cking Kidding Me?!?!?’ (Video)

The stupid is on fire in here
Jon Stewart took a moment to talk about the weekend’s climate change march in New York, and wondered why it’s even necessary to have a march about global warming — after all, isn’t the climate science settled? Ah, but then he remembered: there’s this thing called the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology, which is largely made up of Republicans who think that science is whatever Koch Industries says it is. Stewart looked at last week’s hearing on the Obama administration’s new carbon emissions rules, which as we’ve already noted included Indiana congressgoober Larry Bucshon explaining he doesn’t believe scientists, since all their big-money research depends on finding evidence of global warming. Read more on Jon Stewart To House Science Committee: ‘Are You F-cking Kidding Me?!?!?’ (Video)…
  Applicant must provide own windup monkey

Steve Stockman Seeks ‘Smart’ Intern Who Loves America And Babbies, Hates Granola And Islamics

Your sign sounds too whiny. NEXT!
Hey, young political junkies! Are you looking for a chance to make a difference, or at least make a lot of copies and coffee? Maybe you should apply for a Congressional internship! And here’s one that sounds real darn fun: Read more on Steve Stockman Seeks ‘Smart’ Intern Who Loves America And Babbies, Hates Granola And Islamics…
  orange is the new steve

Our Old Friend Steve Stockman Is Maybe An Actual Criminal Besides Just Being A Really Good Grifter

Normally we don’t like to get too into campaign finance and disclosure scandals because we are just not that kind of Wonkblog. We’re the other kind. The one with dick jokes. But we’ll make an exception for a scandal that involves Texas Rep. Steve Stockman because Steve Stockman. The problem is, doing this requires understanding what the hell happened, and that is a thing that may never occur. Even absent a thorough understanding of the issues, we have no reason to disbelieve that Steve Stockman was behaving in a shenanigan-y/illegal sort of way because, of course, Steve Stockman. Stick with us while we try to figure this out. Read more on Our Old Friend Steve Stockman Is Maybe An Actual Criminal Besides Just Being A Really Good Grifter…
  A Quitter says what?

World’s Laziest Half-Term Governor Says Obama Killed All Those Vets Because He Is So Lazy, Also Too The Media

Oh em gee, you guys, the ghost thinker for Sarah Palin’s brain has informed her that she is SUPER empissened about the just discovered BREAKING news that America does not treat its veterans so good, actually. No, we are not talking about that time some uber Patriot-Americans booed an openly gay Iraq War veteran. Nor are we talking about the time wingnut Townhall essayist Kurt Schlichter told veterans to get a haircut and real job and stop being “couch-dwellers” and homeless bums “playing the vet card.” We are certainly not talking about the time Senate Republicans blocked legislation expanding benefits, including health care, for veterans. And obviously we are not even thinking about that one time that one president created an entire new generation of veterans by sending them off to fight a needless war based on a metric fuckton of lies and also because some has-been spider hole-hiding petty dictator once tried to kill his daddy. Read more on World’s Laziest Half-Term Governor Says Obama Killed All Those Vets Because He Is So Lazy, Also Too The Media…
  a plague o' the moon in both thy seventh houses

Science Expert Steve Stockman Laughs At Democrats’ Junk Science And Lightbulb Tyranny

Well here is a fine how do you do: Rep. Steve Stockman, fresh off losing his big Senate primary to John Cornyn, became a Hero of Science Monday by pointing out that both astrology and climate change are nonsense. In advance of the Democrats’ all-night climate change slumber party, Stockman bravely tweeted: The party that is most likely to believe astrology is real will hold an all-night event claiming your light bulbs are heating up the planet. Oh, wow, liberals, YA BURNT! As the nine fulltime staffers of Twitchy explain, the tweet refers to a survey that found that a larger percentage of Democrats than Republicans think astrology is scientifically valid. Haha, good one — guess that means we can pretty much close the book on this “climate change” junk science! Read more on Science Expert Steve Stockman Laughs At Democrats’ Junk Science And Lightbulb Tyranny…
  expunge cake

Steve Stockman Will Put All You Jerks In Jail For Criming Him By Publishing His 1977 Mugshot

Texas Congresswhatever Steve Stockman would just like you all to know that he is totally vindicated and absolutely proven to be the victim of a horrible smear by evil forces aligned with Sen. John Cornyn, who Stockman would totally be beating in today’s primary election, if only Cornyn weren’t polling at 62% — which he wouldn’t be were it not for all those slurs against Stockman, accusing him of having been arrested on drug charges in Michigan back in 1977. Because the truth is, says Stockman, he was never ever convicted of a crime in Michigan in 1977, and anyone who says otherwise, or even reproduces Stockman’s mugshot (reproduced above), is a dirty criminal liar, according to a statement that may be on his website (which was out of order Tuesday morning). So just shut up and vote for Steve “Definitely Never a Felon” Stockman. Read more on Steve Stockman Will Put All You Jerks In Jail For Criming Him By Publishing His 1977 Mugshot…
  the lone slur state

Texas Senate Candidate Doesn’t Get Why Wetbacks All Upset He Said ‘Wetbacks’ Should Be Shot

The PC police are at large in Texas, just cold ruining life again for decent godfearing men who are merely talking about protecting their property and their nation. Latest member of this oppressed victim class: U.S. Senate candidate Chris Mapp, whose free speech rights are imperiled just because he called illegal border-crossers “wetbacks” and said that ranchers should be allowed to shoot them on sight. Criminy, it’s not like he called all Mexicans wetbacks and called for them to be shot, just the illegal ones. Have some perspective, people. Read more on Texas Senate Candidate Doesn’t Get Why Wetbacks All Upset He Said ‘Wetbacks’ Should Be Shot…
  the most interesting trainwreck in the world

Stop Libeling Steve Stockman With Facts About His 1977 Drug Charges

Still more weirdness from Texas Congressthing Steve Stockman, who is making a strong bid for “Strangest Elected Human Who Isn’t Rob Ford” 2014. Stockman has lately been very whineful about ads run by Texans for a Conservative Majority, a PAC supporting Sen. John Cornyn. The ads question Stockman’s integrity, and the good congressman filed a libel suit last week against the PAC, accusing them of lying like lying liars and “falsely asserting that he was charged with a felony.” “This case involves some of the most outrageous, malicious defamation ever recorded in Harris County,” the suit reads. Well, that would indeed be a very unkind lie to tell about congressman Stephen Ernest “Steve” Stockman! Unless of course maybe he actually had been arrested for a felony in Michigan and had talked openly about the arrest back in the 1990s when he was first in Congress. Then you would have to wonder about his current connection to reality, even accounting for the fact that he is Steve Goddamn Stockman. Read more on Stop Libeling Steve Stockman With Facts About His 1977 Drug Charges…
  missing inaction

Texas Rep. Steve Stockman Vanishes, Supposedly Still Running For Senate

You might think that someone running against an incumbent senator would be a bit more visible, but Texas Rep. Steve Stockman, who’s running against John Cornyn, seems to have disappeared from Washington and hasn’t voted in the House since January 9. He’s missed everything since then, including a chance to vote no on the budget. Stockman has made a single campaign appearance in Texas, and also went to Egypt with some other House members; otherwise, he’s been out of sight, which is maybe a bit odd with the primary coming up on March 4. Has anyone checked the Appalachian Trail? Read more on Texas Rep. Steve Stockman Vanishes, Supposedly Still Running For Senate…
  green eggs and...damn!

Is Our National Legislative Sh*tmuffin Of The Year Ted Cruz? We Will Give You Two Guesses And The Answer Is Yes

Yes, yes, we know: you thought it was going to be Louie Gohmert. There is no disputing it — the man really is the dumbest piece of fecal-infused dough in Congress, and that is really saying something. But the thing is, Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year is more than just a yardstick of dumbth. It is, rather, an all-around honor, a recognition of the member of the legislative branch who has done the most to make America a shittier place. And ol’ Louie, for all his dumbshittery, has just not accomplished much of anything, thank god. Now Sen. Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz — there is a man who has truly done some serious fuckery to his adopted nation (America, not Canada, where he is actually from), plunging the entire U.S. government into a cesspit full of exploding foamy pigshit for 16 days, then climbing out of the steaming wreckage, pointing proudly at the mess, and beaming, “Lookie what I did!” Read more on Is Our National Legislative Sh*tmuffin Of The Year Ted Cruz? We Will Give You Two Guesses And The Answer Is Yes…
  medicare will now handle ted's cat scratch fever

Happy Birthday Ted Nugent, You Are The Worst And We Hate You

Our favorite-not-favorite rocker and gun enthusiast turns 65 today! We here at Wonkette would like to wish Ted Nugent a most happy birthday (or should we say Merry Birthday, because December? We don’t want to get yelled at for using the wrong word here.) Since it is Mr. Nugent’s 65th birthday, we are sure that he enjoy sucking on the teat of the Nobummer gubmint and begin using government-run Medicare. We wish him nothing but the best of healthcare — you’re welcome, Ted, for using our tax dollars to subsidize your rock-n-roll lifestyle. Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Read more on Happy Birthday Ted Nugent, You Are The Worst And We Hate You…
  clash of the white 'uns

Texas Wingnut Steve Stockman To Primary John Cornyn For Senate, Tila Tequila To Primary James Inhofe

In a surprise last-minute move, Texas congressidiot Steve Stockman filed to run for John Cornyn’s seat in the Senate just a few minutes before the deadline. So now we can look forward to yet another internecine Republican fight between the guy who invited Ted Nugent to be his guest at the State of the Union, and the guy who says that Barack Obama only pursued a nuclear deal with Iran to distract attention from Obamacare. We remember the days when Republicans howled at Ned Lamont for “purging” Joe Lieberman from the Democratic primary, a one-man Cultural Revolution. You won’t see us doing that. Let David Duke primary David Vitter! Let an insane person (okay, an even more insane person) primary James Inhofe! Let’s let shit get real! Read more on Texas Wingnut Steve Stockman To Primary John Cornyn For Senate, Tila Tequila To Primary James Inhofe…
  Impeach! Uh we mean I-word!

House GOP Committee Holds Quiet Little Casual Meeting About (Stage Whisper) Impeaching Obama

Tuesday was another great day for casually talking about how the heck to impeach the president for something something presidenting while black something. But then, isn’t every day? Of course! But Tuesday was extra special, as a who’s who of congressional derp held a hearing cleverly titled “The President’s Constitutional Duty to Faithfully Execute the Laws.” That’s congressional fancy talk for impeachment. They didn’t use that word, of course. Republican leaders frown on such labeling because it makes the House majority look, well, crazy. It is, Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) said from the dais, “the word that we don’t like to say in this committee, and I’m not about to utter here in this particular hearing.” Well, sure. It would be déclassé and uncouth and simply not done, dahhhhling, to say impeachment that word at a hearing to talk about impeachment that word, especially when nearly half the Republicans on the committee, plus several of their non-committee pals in the House and the Senate, have openly suggested that wording the president for IRSgate. Or Benghazigate. Or comingforourgunsgate. Or beingblackgate. Like Rep. Trey Radel (R-Rehab), who wanted to that word the president for, um, gun stuff. And Rep. Steve Stockman — whom Dana Milbank describes as “exotic,” which makes us want to drink lots of bleach — has been passing impeachment notes in class for attacking his gun freedoms. Read more on House GOP Committee Holds Quiet Little Casual Meeting About (Stage Whisper) Impeaching Obama…
  his business is none of your business

Texas Rep. Steve Stockman Isn’t Only A Wingnut Buffoon; He’s Also Got A Mystery Income Of $350,000

Around these parts, when we hear the name “Steve Stockman,” we usually wonder what damn fool shenanigans he’s gotten up to this time. This is, after all, the guy who invited Ted Nugent to be his guest at the State of the Union address, asked the Obama-mask rodeo clown to please come and spread good cheer to the children of Texas, and wondered why Barack Obama can’t make healthcare.gov work more like a 1985 video game. What we don’t usually associate the name Steve Stockman with is “mysterious income that he’s failed to disclose,” but we’re sure we can get used to it. Turns out that one of the top wingnut loudmouths on Twitter is pretty tight-mouthed about his finances, possibly in violation of federal disclosure requirements. The Houston Chronicle published a bigass investigation Sunday, reporting that Stockman “failed to make federally required disclosures about business affiliations that stretch from Texas to the British Virgin Islands, and has provided no details about the business he claims as his sole source of income.” There’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for Stockman’s reluctance to actually say where his money comes from, which is most likely that he doesn’t wanna. Read more on Texas Rep. Steve Stockman Isn’t Only A Wingnut Buffoon; He’s Also Got A Mystery Income Of $350,000…
  someone in congress is wrong on the internet

Texas Rep. Steve Stockman: Why Can’t Obamacare Website Feed Pizza To Ghosts Like Super Mario Bros Or Whatever?

Texas Congressarmadillo Steve Stockman, veteran of such memorable stunts as inviting Ted Nugent to join him for the State of the Union Address and tongue-kissing the Obama Rodeo Clown guy (which we’d somehow forgotten…How did our republic ever weather that crisis?), had this tech-savvy insight today, which an aide probably explained to him as he tapped it out with two fingers. Because after all, rolling out a website that’s supposed to handle the insurance marketplaces for consumers in 36 states isn’t that much different from coding an in-browser version of an 8-bit videogame from 28 years ago, is it? (Not to take anything away from Josh Goldberg, the Rensselaer student who pulled off the game. It’s pretty swell, but it’s not a multi-state insurance marketplace, not even if you et all the coins.) Read more on Texas Rep. Steve Stockman: Why Can’t Obamacare Website Feed Pizza To Ghosts Like Super Mario Bros Or Whatever?…