Wonkette

America’s Princess Diplobot had a busy end of March: She celebrated 4,000 troop deaths in Iraq, reminisced about slavery, and reignited vice presidential rumors all by herself, by doing nothing more than talking to a friendly bear. Way to go, girl! Catch up with Condi after the jump!

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Talking to reporters about Iran’s “provocative action” in the Persian Gulf, National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley had strong words for Iran, which, as far as we can tell, sent three blue speed boats out to say creepy things to American naval commanders over the radio. Obviously, they were hoping that the memory of the USS Cole getting blown up by a speed boat had faded? Or that someone at HQ wouldn’t let the ships fire on them? Or maybe Iran has its own drunken idiots? It’s so hard to tell these days. We’ve got doctored infidel propaganda video after jump. MORE »

* Stephen Hadley and Josh Bolten are bringing their moms to meet the queen tonight, Condi’s banging bringing nobody. [The Swamp]
* Barry Hussein, the terrorists’ candidate, not pissed at Rush Limbaugh calling him a “Magic Negro.” [Political Punch]
* George Voinovich finds out that Colin Powell ain’t got no job, ain’t got shit to do, and likes it that way. [Columbus Dispatch]
* Retarded boy in retarded state sings about his love for Bush. [KUTV]
* Americans are bored of lying to pollsters. [Freakonomics]
* Republicans try to explain why they suck so bad at using ‘puters. [TechRepublican]
* Only dumbasses read blogs; go turn on the teevee. [FDL]

* The 126 House Democrats that voted against the Iraq war in 2002 enjoy feeling prescient, will soon enjoy chairing powerful committees. [WP]
* Robert Gates’s confirmation hearings begin tomorrow, learn all you never needed to know about him today. [WP, LAT]
* The “other” Iraq Study Group, working for Gen. Peter Pace, recommends more troops in Iraq. So, there’s that. [WSJ]
* National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley tells Russert that “significant changes” are afoot for Iraq, still hasn’t a clue what they’re likely to be. [WP, NYT]
* Barack Obama’s massive popularity and promise is pissing off other potential Presidential candidates… [NYT]
* …like second-generation White House grasper Evan Bayh, whose exploratory committee has begun exploring. [WP]
* President Bush can’t stop thinking about those Alaskan oil fields. [NYT]
* CIA unable to sway Venezuelan Presidential elections as Hugo Chavez wins easily. [LAT]
* Steven Spielberg, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Dolly Parton, and Smokey Robinson among those “knighted” at the Kennedy Center Honors last night. [NYT]

The Washington PR firm that bravely paid off Iraqi journalists to publish make-believe “good news” is back on the job with an all-new $6 million (or $20 million) contract.

Lincoln Group had already collected more than $100 million from the Pentagon when it was caught bribing reporters to run fake articles about how well that whole U.S. occupation was going.

How will the DoD’s favorite propagandists spend the new millions? We’ll break it down, after the jump.

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• George Allen and Jim Webb “meet” Tim Russert. Divided on Iraq policy and footwear choice, they share hatred of French, love of chaw. [WP, NYT]

• Project “BioShield” supposed to build stockpiles of vaccines, so far has only made headaches. [NYT]
• National security adviser Stephen Hadley spent Sunday answering questions on TV, admitted, “Nobody knows what humiliating treatment is.” [USAT]
• DHS soliciting proposals for technology based border security solutions, everything short of “giant death-ray” being considered. [WP]
• Pope puts 14th-century Byzantine emperor’s foot in his mouth, issues “my bad” to Islamic world. [WP, WP]
• Sweden votes out Socialist government, elects new center-right prime minister, who would still be considered far-left in US. [NYT]

Yesterday we asked you for guesses as to the identity of the senior administration official who confirmed, by email to the New York Times, “that President Bush had ordered the declassification of parts of a prewar intelligence report on Iraq, in an effort to rebut critics who said the administration had exaggerated the nuclear threat posed by Saddam Hussein.” MORE »

• Republican “disarry” forces leaders to postpone budget bill. The GOP’s “typically lock-step discipline is cracking under the weight of Bush’s plummeting approval ratings, Tuesday’s electoral defeats and the increasing discontent of the American electorate. After five years of remarkable unity under Bush’s gaze, divisions between Republican moderates and conservatives are threatening to paralyze the party.” [WP, WP, NYT, WSJ, LAT]
• Bush will try to regain momentum by taking on his critics; speech today “will be the most direct refutation of the Democrat charges you’ve seen probably since the election,” says admin official. [NYT, USAT]
• Stephen Hadley defends the administration’s “very strong case” about the threat from Saddam Hussein: “The intelligence was clear in terms of the weapons of mass destruction.” [WP]
• Lawmakers are increasingly itchy about the situation in Iraq; new proposal eyes a shift in focus away from securing the entire country. John McCain: “Rather than focusing on killing and capturing insurgents, we should emphasize protecting the local population, creating secure areas where insurgents find it difficult to operate.” [WP]
• Karl Rove “has rebounded” and is “devising long-term political plans.” [NYT, LAT]

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• “Is redemption available to everyone in Washington today? Absolutely yes,” said Joe Lockhart. Whew. [NYT]
• Stephen Hadley on Scooter: “I will miss him as a colleague and as a friend.” We know, we know… his laugh, his little habit of straightening my tie, his adorable ability to smear administration enemies… [Fox]
• Is that a handkerchief in the President’s pocket or is he just not happy to see me? [AP]
• Arianna goes all weak in the knees for Chris Matthews’s Hardball. [HuffPo]
• Anthony Williams to sign change in DC “zero tolerance” DUI law! Now: .05 tolerance! Have another round, kids. [NBC4]
• Hey, ya think John McCain’s running for President in ‘08? [StraightTalkAmerica.com]