Wonkette

Have either of these two men ever looked so uncomfortable?

Much as it hurts to say this, Stephen Colbert could learn something about campaign law from Fred Thompson. When Thompson began fucking around with a presidential bid earlier in the year, he left Law and Order lest his nuanced method acting be construed as free advertising (or as gay, like teh ghey Hollywood Democrats!) Colbert, who announced his candidacy as both a Democrat and Republican for the South Carolina primaries on the Colbert Report Tuesday night, faces an even riskier situation if he actually runs, since he would be actively campaigning (yeah yeah in the jokey persona, but still) on teevee. Bureaucracy of bureacracies the Federal Election Commission (FEC) thinks this is some huge problem, some violation of their pwecious wittle laws. You know, the same perfect laws that allow Fred Thompson to run for President of the United States of America. MORE »

Online betting site Bodog has been keeping odds on the 2008 presidential election and, according to them, have included Stephen Colbert since the outset. And now that Stephen Colbert has announced he will run in South Carolina — the details of which are still nebulous — the Bodog people have bumped his odds in “Who Will Win the 2008 Presidential Elections” from 800/1 to 600/1. Huzz…ah? How is he in 20th place still, behind the likes of Ralph Nader (125/1) and Duncan Hunter (100/1)? How was he behind someone named Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey (700/1) until yesterday, and how do the rest of us remain behind him? Who the fuck is Hillary Clinton (3/2)?

Oh and haha, Tom Tancredo and Mike Gravel have no odds whatsoever.

Odds On: Who will win the 2008 Presidential Election? [Bodog]
Photo via GQ

As probably a few of you saw on last night’s Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert announced his candidacy for president in the South Carolina primary. In other news, Stephen Colbert has a new book that he is trying to sell.

Indecision 2008 [Comedy Central]

Now that TimesSelect has been brutally ousted, we’re gonna post all of the NYT’s op-eds all the time because they’re all just terrible. Maureen Dowd naturally seemed like a great place to start, but a peek at her column from yesterday showed that she had given the space to… Stephen Colbert! That’s some kinda genius, Times! How about you have Stephen Colbert always write MoDo’s column? Or just fire Bob Herbert. Either/or.

A Mock Columnist, Amok [NYT]

This is Cenk Uygur from ‘The Young Turks,’ Air America’s morning show. He is suing Stephen Colbert for $65 million, just like the pants guy, for stealing a joke about Klingons. You can see both jokes in the clip. Of course, we’re bloggers, so we steal all of our material, but apparently standards are different for basic cable and niche radio people. Still, you can sue for a “stolen” joke? Milton Berle is shaking in his boots while rolling in his grave. After the jump, a fun assignment! MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Airline travel brings out the worst in all of us…”The Devil Wears Prada” comes to Washington by way of Jeri Thompson’s antics…Stephen Colbert WILL get to know your district, unless its one of the 80 he forgot…What would a tour of Minneapolis be without a trip to the now infamous airport bathroom? [Roll Call]
* Yeas and Nays: Connie Lawn wants you to say hello to friendly, gentler motorcades…Supreme Court Justice David Souter never recovered from the recount ruling…Museum takes in former Rep. Earl Hutto lime-green 1979 Oldsmobile…New Zagat guide is out…Ann Coulter is asking for it–a fatwa, that is…Presidential hopefuls find their books going for pennies on Amazon…No widowed Wiccans allowed…Distillers try their hand at George Washington’s whiskey recipe…The U.S. Embassy in Baghdad a fortress of solitude, shopping and cinema. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Hurricane or not, Mitch McConnell enjoyed his time off…Sen Tom Harkin serves it up for ‘08 candidates…A call for resignation has less to do with the severity of the sin and more to do with the party persuasion of the governor. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Bush leaves through the side door…We’re the reason Larry Craig had to resort to an airport bathroom…The Oprah-Obama bash is only days away!…Gossip is a lifelong addiction…Larry Craig: a self-proclaimed romantic. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Idaho men are tough and rugged with their tight jeans and tighter faces. [WP]
* Page Six: omeone’s getting fired at CNN after losing the only copy of Anderson Cooper’s Hurricane Katrina special. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: John Edwards does the down-faced dog for Russell Simmons. [NYDN]
* Washington Whispers: “Anything Goes” on the college version of 60 Minutes…Karl Rove finds a new job for the same boss…John Kerry helps out his old friend Leonardo DiCaprio…Bill Richardson won’t give up his SUV, despite his own pleas…Bill Clinton still hiding tapes in his sock drawer…Bush’s cabinet finally gets some pull…House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer goes to the Holy Land, finds the Golden Arches. [USN&WR]

* Mexican drug lords say a little prayer every night for Barack Obama, without whom none of their meth profits would be possible. [Hit & Run]
* Walnuts kept from going nuts in Vietnamese prisons by rubbing one out to Nancy Ronald Reagan every night. [YouTube]
* Giuliani’s running not because of maniacal power lust, but because he thinks people want him to. [Freakonomics]
* Guy who calls Dick Cheney “Dad” also makes the call on what “sex for visa” and “air marshal drug smuggling” gets swept under the rug at DHS. [Think Progress]
* “Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris has won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.” [World Net Daily]
* Mike Huckabee already plans to give up campaign, book sales doing fine. [Political Wire]
* Wanted: one military operation name thinker-upper, knowledge of history or familiarity with comic books a plus. [Rising Hegemon]
* Red, white and blue “Stephen Colberry” ice cream coming soon to better supermarkets everywhere. [Salon]

In another desperate effort to become the awful thing they cover, White House Correspondents Association officials are now just lying for the hell of it. WHCA president Steve Scully now claims he didn’t tell 1970s sensation Rich Little to take it easy on Bush. But then Scully says he did, but only in a coded way that was still just as clear. In other words, the WHCA will not repeat the mistakes of last year! The dinner will return to its stated mission: a reacharound bullshit festival where everyone at the White House and in the Washington press corps can spend a pleasant evening without pretending they’re “adversaries.” MORE »

After a White House Correspondents Dinner marred by a speech that was actually, tragically funny, the WHCA has taken steps to ensure that never again will the C-SPAN-watching public accidentally crack a smile. This year’s dinner guest of honor: Rich Little.

Yeah, the impressionist known for his humorous takes on Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, Johnny Carson, and hopefully some people who aren’t dead.

C-SPAN’s Steve Scully, president of the White House Correspondents’ Association, said that this year, he wanted to pick someone who hadn’t previously headlined the event. The possibility of selecting Little dawned on him in November when watching Little do impersonations on “The Late Show with David Letterman.”

We’ve embedded that Letterman appearance after the jump, so you can skip the dinner. If you remember the ’70s, you can skip this post.

Little to Head WHCA Big Night [Examiner]

MORE »

* James Carville says of Howard Dean: “I would describe his leadership as Rumsfeldian in its competence.” [Window on Washington]
* Jack Abramoff loved Byron Dorgan and Byron Dorgan loved Jack Abramoff. [Say Anything]
* Fred Thompson should replace John Bolton at the UN. His experience in international diplomacy acquired during The Hunt for Red October and the daring Aces: Iron Eagle III missions will serve him well. [World Wide Standard]
* It happened again: actual White House makes error Bartlet White House made in 2004. [Think Progress]
* Tucker Carlson accuses President Bush of being a lightweight partier, says he can only handle, “like three beers or something.” [Media Matters]
* Somebody paid $2 million to Palestinian militants for the release of kidnapped Fox News reporters. Bill O’Reilly thinks it’s a bargain, as it cost him more than that, “to get that bitch to shut up about the falafel.” [World Net Daily]

• Heard on the Hill: Sen.-elect Bob Casey flew into DC first class… Most of the challengers who appeared on Stephen Colbert’s show lost. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Marie Claire photoshopped the picture of Elizabeth Vargas breast-feeding at her anchor’s desk… A couple days before the election, Terry McAuliffe walked into a Syracuse bar, ordered a round of drinks for the house, told everyone to vote “early and often.” He neglected to say who for, and the Democrat lost the district. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: More Shelley Sekula-Gibbs: Nick Lampson won’t be getting her office… Lady journos find Maryland Governor-elect Martin O’Malley hot hot hot! [Examiner]

• Heard on the Hill: GOP Reps. Clay Shaw (Fla.), Chris Chocola (Ind.), Jim Ryun (Kan.) and Nancy Johnson (Conn.) all live on the same block, along with Mark Foley. All of them lost their bids for reelection… Democrats “hijacked” Charlie Palmer’s steakhouse on election night… Loser Mike Bouchard never conceded to Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: You questions about the Britney Spears divorce answered. Even if you didn’t know you had any… Every congressman interviewed by Stephen Colbert won reelection. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Election Night viewing party scorecard… Cindy Sheehan was protesting outside the White House when Rumsfeld resigned. She declared victory and went home. [Examiner]
• Under the Dome: It was hard to find a bar that didn’t lean Democrat on election night. UtD apparently didn’t stop by Smith Point. [The Hill]