Wonkette

We do not wish to make jokes about Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones’ death and resurrection. But we do want John Kerry to learn his lesson. It’s kind of WEIRD when you first hear about someone’s death in one of John Kerry’s 977 daily e-mails. For Christ’s sake, let the body settle! Because she was not dead after all, and now you are creepy.

IT’S A MIRACLE: Ohio Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones is alive again, after having an aneurysm and then being pronounced dead by John Kerry. She is a superdelegate, for Hillary, and superdelegates live forever. UPDATE: She died at 6:04 p.m. in Cleveland, according to a family statement. [CNN]

• REP. TUBBS JONES IN BAD SHAPE DEAD STILL IN BAD SHAPE HAS DIED: “Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones, D-Ohio, is reported to have suffered an aneurysm and is not expected to recover, according to CBS affiliate WOIO in Cleveland. WOIO also reported that the congresswoman is on life support at this time.” UPDATE: John Kerry has already sent out his statement, so she is deceased. UPDATE: No wait she is alive again. LAST UPDATE: Stephanie Tubbs Jones died this evening, the family and hospital have confirmed. [CBS News]

Your Wonkette’s Liz Glover and I are here at the University of Pennsylvania’s basketball gymnasium, in Philadelphia, at a rally for Hillary Clinton. We both want to vomit everywhere until dead several times over. Liz may have vomited already, but who knows, because she is mostly likely still getting sniffed by Secret Service bomb/drug dogs. Sucker! The treats inside include a never-ending a cappella performance (I totally know the singer!) as well as Ohio Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones SHOUTIN BOUT HILRY REAL LOUD.

The political journalist next to me says that his friend in the traveling Clinton press corps was at least an hour to an hour-and-a-half late for this deal. Here’s the traveling press corps reserved space, which they will not let me or any other “writer” into. Liz Glover, however, is somehow in the traveling press corps space right now.

OH AND IT STEPH TUBBS:

* Heard on the Hill: Oregon Rep. Peter DeFazio (D) said “fuck” on the radio last month… Stephanie Tubbs Jones held a “manicures and muffins” party for donors. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: A retired White House pastry chef wrote a memoir! Did you know: the Secret Service used to delease hundreds of trout into the river at Camp David just to keep Jimmy Carter from killing himself. Nancy Reagan was an incredible bitch. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Justin Timberlake: too boring to party in DC… Politicians be throwing football parties. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: Colbert guests get better schwag than O’Reilley guests… Scooter Libby’s and Karl Rove’s publicists just merged to form a one-stop PR house for incompetent criminals… Hillary Clinton is funny. [USN&WR]
* Shenanigans: Michael Steele drives around in a Lexus with a “Steele for Senate” sticker. [Politico]

* Reliable Source: Marion Barry plays an angel, sings “Stormy Weather” in musical at Lincoln Theatre… Laura Bush’s cancer was “no big deal” … K-Fed was here for some wrestling thing. Also, we’re not supposed to call him “K-Fed.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: “Draft Obama” group buys some tv ads in DC… Fatcat cigar smokers will find their way around the smoking ban. You’re shit outta luck… Danny Bonaduce does not believe in 9/11 conspiracies… New Ethics Committee chair Stephanie Tubbs Jones “has taken the third most privately paid trips of any member of Congress since 2000.” [Examiner]
* Page Six: “Lisa Belzberg doesn’t like being called the “girlfriend” of Harold Ford Jr.” [NYP]
* Rush & Mollor: Sean Penn “shocked” people by calling for the impeachment of Bush and Cheney in filthy language while accepting a free speech award. [NYDN]