Wonkette

So it’s sort of over, right? Will Steny ever take the clock off his website? Will they just start up the 100 Hours at some point in the future, once they come up with a new agenda? And who knew Steny Hoyer was also deeply paranoid?

“We have passed an agenda that we promised the American people we would pass in the first 100 hours. And no matter how much fun they make, and no matter how many different ways they want to count it, we made it to the end of our 100 hours.”

Hoyer Lauds Completion of 100 Hours Agenda [Majority Leader]

Steny Hoyer has released the voting schedule for the 300-hour-long “first 100 hours” of the new Congressional regime. It somehow manages to look even more ridiculous than the half-made up one we posted earlier. Especially their prediction that Republicans will literally run away after two weeks of Democratic rule. MORE »

No half-assed Christmas puns today, just straight Wonk’d, with Steny Hoyer showing off his pimping skills, Ed Rendell proving he’s a sports fan, Fred Barnes shopping like he could afford not to, and Robert Duvall, who you see here as the same tragic hero you remember. All this, plus the most metrosexual Redskins player, on a team full of them.

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An anonymous Wonkette Operative (Covert Free Booze Division) attended one of the ten zillion holiday parties going on this week, and was kind enough to send us this report.

Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher and the New Democratic Coalition held their Holiday Party last night at Ellen’s swanky pad (which I’m assuming was paid for with her Wall Street bucks and not her Congressional salary). In an unsurprising development, the place was packed with corporate lobbyists and their hired guns there to pay homage to some of the Democrats who might listen (and to the ones that taken their money).

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* Steny Hoyer elected House Majority Leader after a divisive inter-party campaign. Democrats now need to move on and show unity. Nancy Pelosi says, “Let the healing begin.” [WP, NYT, LAT]
* Steny Hoyer’s not a man, he’s a Congressman. [WP, NYT]
* Bush administration’s pick to head family-planning programs at the Department of Health and Human Services is a strong opponent of the sexing. [WP]
* “It was a preliminary inquiry before, but we found the basis to open up a criminal investigation,” report Florida authorities investigating Mark Foley. [WP]
* Latest war funding request by Bush administration would make Iraq the most expensive conflict since WWII. [USAT]
* John McCain files paperwork to open his presidential exploratory committee, blathers on about Iraq. [WP]
* Beloved Nobel Prize winning economist Milton Friedman has gone to that big free market in the sky. [WP, NYT, WSJ]

Arianna Huffington was really pushing Murtha this week — not just as House leader, but as “Person of the Year.” MORE »

Nancy Pelosi was unanimously voted Speaker of the House (congrats, crazy hippie!), and Steny “Slightly Less Corrupt” Hoyer was elected Majority Leader, beating out John “Bribe Me Later” Murtha. The vote in the Majority Leader race: 149-86. The crazy race which made Trent Lott the House Whipper of Minorities was a helluva lot closer, but expect to see “Dems Divided: Speaker Pelosi’s Leadership Ability Questioned” pieces in your major papers by sundown. MORE »

* Campaigning for House majority leader as fierce as it is because Nancy Pelosi has hated that rat bastard Steny Hoyer since 1960 and she’s not stopping now. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* A thin layer of Iraq hearing was placed on top of a hearty serving of 2008 posturing in the Senate yesterday. [NYT]
* Mitch McConnell and Trent Lott elected as Senate Minority Leader and Whip respectively. After which Lott gets verklempt, cries, and makes the Capitol press corps visibly uncomfortable. [WP, WP]
* In Georgia, two more House races have been called for Democrats, seven still counting. [NYT, WP]
* Government diction experts assert that 35 million Americans are not going hungry, they just have “very low food security.” [WP]
* A record five House committees could be chaired by African-Americans. [WP]

* Heard on the Hill The true story of how S.R. “Macaca” Sidarth ended up with the Webb campaign… Steny Hoyer is a great-grandfather. Jeez… Ken Mehlman jokingly threatened to ritually mutilate George Allen’s genitals in a bizarre religious ceremony. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Which election winners will be good for gossip, which losers we’ll be sad to see leave, plus gratuitous mention of our stepmom. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Nancy Pelosi pretends to care about the House Dem’s “30-Something Working Group,” which is allowed to talk on the House floor only at night when all the grownups have gone home… Wm & Mary college Repubs list ways to get over election results. Number one: cry softly… After conceding the election, George Allen went on the radio to predict a victory for a Washington football club that was killed 27-3 by the Eagles… Only one of Y&N’s “hottest” candidates won. [Examiner]
* Rush and Molloy: Bush jokes play great in Qatar. [NYDN]

• Heard on the Hill: Let’s start with the best gossip first: “81-year-old father of Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minn.) was cited for lewd and disorderly conduct after police arrested him allegedly having sex with a 38-year-old woman in a car outside a pizza joint.” [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Giants slugger Barry Bonds was at Kelly’s Cajun Grill at the Pentagon City food court Tuesday, American Idol is coming to Capitol Hill in September for some kind of something involving America’s favorite couple, Mary Bono and Steny Hoyer. [WP]
• Fox 411: George Clooney breaks up with Steven Soderbergh to start a new production company with Good Night, and Good Luck co-creator Grant Heslov. [FOXNews]
• Page Six: Lindsay Lohan falls down again. [NYP]

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• Heard on the Hill: Steny Hoyer is unhappy about a Senate candidate’s website, which features of a photo of Hoyer making friendly with the Republican… John Kerry sent out an email blast full of effusive praise for potential ‘08 opponent Al Gore. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Morou Ouattara, former chef at Jack Abramoff’s restaurant “Signatures,” will appear on Iron Chef tonight. He’s also opening his own restaurant… The judge in Steinbuch v. Cutler is considering Jessica Cutler’s motion to dismiss the case. [WP]
• Page Six: A private equity firm established by Bono is investing in a video game dramatizing the assassination of Hugo Chavez. [NYP]

Hey everyone, breaking! Breaking! NEWS ON A FRIDAY! MORE »

No, that’s not Wonkette standing behind Joe Pantoliano. [WP/Lucian Perkins]

Truth be told, our night wasn’t that wild — more like reading Emily Dickinson than hanging out with Paris Hilton. But at least we got out of the apartment!

Last night, Wonkette (or one-half of Wonkette — the half of us with a tux) attended the Congressional Correspondents dinner, sponsored by the Washington Press Foundation. The swanky, black-tie event, held at the Ritz-Carlton on M Street, was attended by numerous “famous-for-D.C.” types, and even a few “famous-for-famous” folks — like Fran Drescher!

Slate described the event as “a B-list affair compared with the Gridiron and White House Correspondents Association dinners”; but we still had ourselves a jolly good time. Although Marcia Davis of the Post urged them not to give up their day jobs, the dinner speakers — Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Penn.) and House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) — were actually pretty funny. But our assessment may have been colored by the “soft bigotry of low expectations” — as well as too much red wine…

Of course, copious consumption of booze helped us through the evening. And did we mention that The Nanny was in the house?

Our detailed coverage appears after the jump.

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