Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
JOHN McCAIN ONE-THIRD DEAD ALREADY: “There is a roughly 1 in 3 chance that a 72-year-old man will not reach the age of 80, which is how old McCain would be at the end of a second presidential term. And that doesn’t factor in individual medical history, such as McCain’s battles with potentially lethal skin cancer.” This is why it’s so important to get him elected as quickly as possible, before pieces start falling off. [Politico]
JOHN McCAIN ONE-THIRD DEAD ALREADY: “There is a roughly 1 in 3 chance that a 72-year-old man will not reach the age of 80, which is how old McCain would be at the end of a second presidential term. And that doesn’t factor in individual medical history, such as McCain’s battles with potentially lethal skin cancer.” This is why it’s so important to get him elected as quickly as possible, before pieces start falling off. [Politico]
Oh hey look it’s another tracking poll! The latest Rasmussen dealy shows that John McCain is tied with Barack Obama at 44%, but if you include “leaners,” the geezer beats the pants off the charismatic upstart with a whopping 47% to Obama’s crappy old 46%. JOHN MCCAIN IS PRESIDENT OF LEANERS! 
Remember how much fun the primaries were, with the math and numbers and the whole “If Hillary gets enough superdelegates then two plus two will equal five, within the confines of Michigan and Florida before May 31 divided by two”? Dust off your abacus because now your favorite News Analysts will be giving themselves mental hernias as they strain to figure out in which way our electoral college and its nutty rules could again leave infuriated Americans ready to hop on the first spaceship to France. 
Here is a very interesting poll from your Gallup organization, which shows Undecided finally pulling away form Neither/Other in the polls. However, Candidate “Total not Obama or McCain” is beating both their hindquarters — suggesting that Ron Paul really is secretly pulling the levers of Democracy and positioning himself for an eleventh-hour November blowout. [
Triumphalist Obamatards, cover your ears: Hillary Clinton is still running for President, and it looks like she’ll win the Ohio primary. A 
It is indeed a sad day in America when a “heterosexual” man can’t hang out all the time with his many gay friends at a local gay bar acting “very feminine” without somehow getting accused of gayness. And yet that is precisely the position 
It comes as no surprise to the other 49 states in America that Texas is secretly run by the devil–but now there’s definitive proof. A disturbing report from Experian shows that Texans’ average credit score is a frightening 666. 