WASHINGTON, DC, 09:53 PM, SAT OCTOBER 11 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘statistics’

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

Bring more virgins, for blood and SustenanceJOHN McCAIN ONE-THIRD DEAD ALREADY: “There is a roughly 1 in 3 chance that a 72-year-old man will not reach the age of 80, which is how old McCain would be at the end of a second presidential term. And that doesn’t factor in individual medical history, such as McCain’s battles with potentially lethal skin cancer.” This is why it’s so important to get him elected as quickly as possible, before pieces start falling off. [Politico]


Tracking Poll Reveals John McCain Is President Of Monday

Monday, August 4th, 2008

Wisdom Is Born Of ApplesauceOh hey look it’s another tracking poll! The latest Rasmussen dealy shows that John McCain is tied with Barack Obama at 44%, but if you include “leaners,” the geezer beats the pants off the charismatic upstart with a whopping 47% to Obama’s crappy old 46%. JOHN MCCAIN IS PRESIDENT OF LEANERS! MORE »


Electoral Apocalypse Doomsday Scenario: Obama And McCain Tie, World Explodes, Nancy Pelosi Is President

Thursday, July 17th, 2008

A piece of paper will not save you from the DOOMSDAY APOCALYPSE, little boy.Remember how much fun the primaries were, with the math and numbers and the whole “If Hillary gets enough superdelegates then two plus two will equal five, within the confines of Michigan and Florida before May 31 divided by two”? Dust off your abacus because now your favorite News Analysts will be giving themselves mental hernias as they strain to figure out in which way our electoral college and its nutty rules could again leave infuriated Americans ready to hop on the first spaceship to France. MORE »


Poll Shows Collective ‘Enh’ Among 15% Of Voters

Monday, June 16th, 2008

Survey says: Bring on the juntaHere is a very interesting poll from your Gallup organization, which shows Undecided finally pulling away form Neither/Other in the polls. However, Candidate “Total not Obama or McCain” is beating both their hindquarters — suggesting that Ron Paul really is secretly pulling the levers of Democracy and positioning himself for an eleventh-hour November blowout. [Gallup Daily]


Polls Predict Hillary Clinton Will Kick Your Ass In Ohio

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

Hey lady, you got something on your faceTriumphalist Obamatards, cover your ears: Hillary Clinton is still running for President, and it looks like she’ll win the Ohio primary. A Survey USA poll released today shows Clinton ahead of her opponent Barack Obama by 10 points. And a Rasmussen poll taken over the weekend has Clinton ahead by six. This means her campaign can continue on to Pennsylvania and maybe lose there instead. [WCPO, Rasmussen Reports, Real Clear Politics] MORE »


Florida Governor Victimized By Even More Unsubstantiated Gay Rumors

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

This dude is not into dudes.It is indeed a sad day in America when a “heterosexual” man can’t hang out all the time with his many gay friends at a local gay bar acting “very feminine” without somehow getting accused of gayness. And yet that is precisely the position gay Florida governor Charlie Crist confronts as one of the nation’s most rumor-dogged opponents of gay marriage. The owner of the Green Iguana bar in Tampa now says that back in the early 90s, when Crist had just begun his political career, the future governor frequented this very gay bar and felt right at home. MORE »


Study Shows Texans In League With Satan

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

And thus begat LubbockIt comes as no surprise to the other 49 states in America that Texas is secretly run by the devil–but now there’s definitive proof. A disturbing report from Experian shows that Texans’ average credit score is a frightening 666. MORE »