Tag: state of the union

Trickster Demon Obama Takes Old Fart’s Guns Away, By Not Taking Old Fart’s Guns Away

Will Obama stop at NOTHING to pry every gun out of every cold, clammy, dead head in America?

Let’s Meet Obama’s Sexxxy Silver Fox SCOTUS Nominee, Merrick Garland!

Hooray, the president of America, Barack the Great, has made a nominee to replace Dead Antonin Scalia's rotting flesh 'n' bones on the Supreme Court! Don't you want to know everything about him? No? Well SUCKS TO BE YOU...

Obama Nominates White Dude For Dead Scalia’s Supreme Court Seat, GOP Obviously Appalled

Despite stern warnings from Senate Republicans that so-called "President" Obama better not do anything crazy, like act as if he is the president, the wussy tyrant usurper-in-chief has decided once again to invite them to perform sexual relations on...
Donald Trump with his First Lady AKA his daughter.

BREAKING: Donald Trump Wins Iowa Caucuses!

Guys, hot off the presses and BREAKING! and all of that stuff. The final Iowa caucus results have been released, by Donald Trump's brain, and it turns out Ted Cruz did NOT win. Turns out Trump was the winner...
I'M CRAWLING!

Ted Cruz’s Illegal Poutine Farts And Mike Huckabee’s Duggar Tantrums: Your Weekly Top Ten

Oh hey Wonkers, what's up? Are you having a nice January Saturday morning, lounging in your sex onesies? Good! Are you ready to read your weekend top ten list? Oh good, we are glad for that too! Put on...

Now Cancer Has Killed Alan Rickman. Screw You, Cancer

You know what? Just ... no: Alan Rickman, one of the best-loved and most warmly admired British actors of the past 30 years, has died in London aged 69. His death was confirmed on Thursday by his family who said...

Congressperv Steve King Happy To Shuck His Corncob Over RINO Nikki Haley

Trigger warning for ew gross disgusting nasty stop it, just stop it, too late, here we go, GAHHHHHHHHHH: The Republican representative from the Fried-Ethanol-On-A-Stick State has already pledged his monogamous undying NO HOMO love to Ted Cruz, whose stellar "principled conservative" values...

Breitbart Does Great Job Fact-Checking Obama’s SOTU, Except For All The Facts

Shortly after the president concluded his final State of the Union, Breitbart -- the internet's shrieking, shit-throwing chimpanzee colony -- decided to "fact-check" the speech. It went as badly as you'd expect. Because we really love rubbing salt in the wounds of human beings as...

BREAKING: Kim Davis Did NOT Say President Obama’s SOTU Speech Was ‘Good’

Attention, please! Important journalism update! As we all know, the most important news of the week -- if not the whole year or the whole EVER! -- is that Kim Davis, the gay-hatin' quadruple-married ex-whore-slash-clerk of Rowan County, Kentucky,...

GOP Excited Gov. Nikki Haley Is Such Brown, So Lady

Good news for South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley! On Tuesday, she managed to deliver the most successful Republican response to a State of the Union address in recent memory. She hit all the right notes: Obama sucks; yay America;...

Pity Obama Let Those Sailors Die In Iranian Captivity, Oh They’ve Been Released?

Tyrant Barack Obama committed perhaps the most grievous sin of his evil reign Tuesday night when he danced around and gigglebanged Congress during the State of The Union, telling everybody what a badass president he was, at the very...

President Obama Asks Americans To Stop Being Dicks

Wasn't President Barry H. Oh Yeah In Your Face Bamz's final State of the Union address SO exciting, you guys? Not according to Donald Trump, who deemed it "really boring, slow, lethargic - very hard to watch!" But that's...
Leadership fail

Gov. Nikki Haley Gives GOP ‘Obama Sucks’ SOTU Response, Will Never Win Another Election

Now that President Obama has delivered his final State of the Union address (who could have guessed our union's state is strong?!), it is time for the time-honored tradition of a rising star in the Republican Party to douse her...
You can trust him, he's a doctor

Ben Carson Concerned About President Obama Inviting All These Muslim Terrorists To SOTU

The brilliant Dr. Ben Carson has a terrific new idea that is brilliant -- obviously, because the man's a genius -- and also it's like really articulate and stuff: "Let's go ahead and investigate the thing," he said. "Let's not be giving them...

President Obama ‘Bout To Run Victory Laps On Your Face! Your State Of The Union Preview.

Oh gosh, everyone, get ready to shed a single tear down your face, for tonight (Tuesday), Barack Obama will do the State Of The Kenyan Muslim Gay Usurper Union Address for the very last time! Oh no, we are...

Sarah Palin Can’t Wait To Quit Trump Administration

After years of twat-teasing us about maybe perhaps serving The People in some kind of public office she can then promptly abandon once more, Our Lady Of Quittin' is whipping it out and waving it in our faces again, like she...