state of the union
Herman Cain had the honor of delivering the Tea Party’s official rebuttal to Obama’s State of the Union address, and praise Jesus, the thing is only 13 minutes long. Oddly, it does not mention 9-9-9. It also was only streamed on the Tea Party Express website, owing to the fact that part of the Tea [...]
Yo yo yo! We are not hosting a children’s Game of Thrones-themed birthday party with Obama as the entertainment/clown, as this picture might indicate. But we ARE conveying to you the state of the State of the Union of 2012! Which — here that thing is. The boring old Oval Office has already LEAKED INFORMATIONS [...]
The dull evidence of a typical hack political campaign is the “embargoed” speech or statement sent out many hours before the event it is supposed to address. And now we’ve got this email from a big P.R. firm claiming that the Occupy Wall Street response to Obama’s State of the Union speech is contained within [...]
The rather thorough thumping Mitt Romney got in the South Carolina primary Saturday finally convinced our ever petulant office seeker to release his latest tax returns for the consumption of a barbarous public. After getting his spot blown up by Newt Gingrich, of all insufferable monsters, Mitt appears to have realized that stammering with indignation [...]
Here is an “inspirational story” to make everybody happier about homelessness, etc.: A 17-year-old girl has been saved from homelessness, and a celebrity has given her poor family a home, all because the 17-year-old girl is an immensely gifted science prodigy. After becoming a semifinalist in a prestigious national science competition, a homeless Long Island [...]
The president recited some old Reagan speech for the State of the Union. It was very well received, especially by the salmon-American population. Blind prophet Michele Bachmann spoke in tongues for six-and-a-half whole minutes following Obama’s Reagan speech, gazing into the very essence of the iChat. An errant olive-pit awakened Dennis Kucinich’s litigious tendencies. Unemployed [...]
You know, like every night you drink a vat of communion wine alone on your couch. But there’s a speech happening. [Twitter]
“In case you were wondering, this is what Michele Bachmann looked like during the State of the Union address.” We were! And look: It’s that same vacant, devil-tranced stare she exhibited in her speech last night. We’ve figured it out. Not only is this person blind to history and other facts, she is also literally [...]
Thankfully, Uncle Joe was sitting too far back to grab hold of the microphone and take the opportunity to tell us how beautiful the country looked last night. [thanks to Wonkette operative "Matt N."]
Last night, do-gooding public broadcaster NPR asked the American people to describe last night’s State of the Union Address in a few words. America’s overwhelming response: “Salmon.”
