Some Pennsylvania state Senate staffer for a very conservative Republican Lawmaker (making this “political news”) was arrested last Friday for trying to have panda furry sex with a young teenage boy. Now monstrous child-raping is not funny, but hey, they never *did* anything, so let us feel free to laugh at the hilarious details, as published in a newspaper. MORE »

• MEANWHILE IN STATE LEGISLATIVE NEWS: “MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) — A resolution has been introduced in the Alabama House that praises Miss USA contestant [Miss California] Carrie Prejean for speaking out against gay marriage during Sunday night’s televised pageant.” Man, it’s been an uphill climb for Alabama ever since slavery ended, huh? [WHNT]

EWWWWWWWWWW Oregon state legislators are filthy! All they talk about is blood and poop and semen. They wrote a bill about this stuff because they are gross. (Also, to protect Women.) Basically it says that before you give the nice lady a Cleveland Steamer, make sure she consents. MORE »

You know what’s a major government health care program? Medicaid. Everyone knows that! It’s super cheap government health insurance for poor people, of course! One of those liberal “safety nets” for losers, like Medicare is for the Olds. But one state legislator in Texas — he even serves on the health panel — isn’t really sure about this damn thing and wants to know what the hell is even going on. MORE »

Let us consider the latest squirming from South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, an ass. Like Texas’ Rick Perry, Sanford has gone out of his way to criticize the stimulus package as actual legislative trash that should be shat on by hobos and blown up and shot. And yet, he has still been considering accepting his state’s stimulus funds — or at least the parts over which he has control — because he is a dick. He wrote a letter yesterday to state legislators briefing them on his latest plan: he wants to use the chunk of the STIMULUS MONEY over which he has discretion — you know, because governors should be able to choose some of the BUSINESS INVESTMENTS and JOB-CREATING PROJECTS in their states that will receive ECONOMIC STIMULUS money, a GIFT from OBAMA — to pay down the state debt, and he will write a strongly worded letter to this socialist president demanding permission. MORE »

• THAT UTAH IDIOT LOSES ALL POWER: Christ, you have to be a pretty avant-garde wingnut to say something so terrible about the gays that the Utah Republican party delivers a punishment! Earlier this week, notable mouth-breathing Utah state Senator Chris Buttars said that The Gays, “mean little buggers” if ever there were, are the same thing as the Muslim Terrorists. After a closed-door hearing, the GOP moved to strip him of his TWO chairmanships, one of which was the Judiciary Committee. We’re just about sick of this Utah GOP and its politically correct nanny state welfare crap. [Salt Lake Tribune]

• CALIFORNIA SURVIVES, FOR NOW! The Calfornia state Senate has ended a 45.5-hour gridlocked session by finally passing a budget! This required convincing a THIRD Republican senator that a couple of modest, temporary tax increases was better for the state than the immediate loss of 90,000 jobs, debt default, and revolution. “The taxpayers of California are going to view this as a loss,” the Republican minority leader said after a deal was reached. [Sacramento Bee]

Utah state Senator Chris Buttars discusses THE GAYS: “They’re mean. They want to talk about being nice. They’re the meanest buggers I have ever seen… It’s just like the Muslims.” And the Muslims, they’re just like the mick papists, and everyone is black. Huh? MORE »

The chair of the House Republican Caucus in the world’s stupidest imaginable governing body — the Tennessee state legislature — is this guy named Glen Casada. Even though “Casada” lacks the proper vowel-to-consonant ratio required to be a “Real American,” this guy, along with some other Knox County legislators, will be listed in a new lawsuit challenging Barack Obama’s citizenship in the United States, which he runs. Have we written about this yet? Who knows anymore. MORE »

It seems that racists still haven’t gotten over Barack Obama’s election victory, alas. For example: Arkansas. The Arkansas House Committee on State Agencies and Governmental Affairs rejected a standard symbolic resolution congratulating Barack Obama on his historic victory this morning, 11-6, after a couple of Republicans took issue with language describing “the United States as a nation founded by slaveowners.” Oh my god. MORE »

Attorney Edward Genson has abruptly quit his role leading the Gov. Blago defense team two days before the idiot’s impeachment trial begins in the Illinois Senate. Instead of listing the standard “personal reasons” or a professional conflict of interest, Genson cites that JESUS CHRIST HOW DO YOU WORK WITH THIS IDIOT: “I never require a client to do what I say, but I do require them to at least listen.” MORE »