Wonkette

It’s Caroline Hergenrother! Do you know Caroline Hergenrother? Caroline Hergenrother! She’s just to the right of the friendly wiener. She’s a Republican state House candidate in Ohio, is Caroline Hergenrother! And this weekend, she was dancing at a bar with someone who wasn’t her husband, so her husband got drunk and started punching everyone in the bar — including Caroline Hergenrother, his wife, accidentally! Caroline Hergenrother, YOU SO CRAZY CAROLINE. Check out her annoying website with the talking hobbit version of herself. [PolitickerOH]

This clip has been causing “a stir” out in California, according to our tipster, which makes sense, because wtf? Here’s this nice black preacher giving an opening statement to a California State Senate committee about how he, like everyone, wants to take measures reducing emissions, but he also doesn’t want those measures to fuck over his poor community. When he politely finishes, Sen. Pat Wiggins (a “Pat” of the lady variety) very crisply curses at him. He stares at her incredulously, because who does that? WHY DOES PAT WIGGINS DO THAT? [YouTube, North Coast Journal]

“JEFFERSON CITY — Missouri state Rep. Scott Muschany, R-Frontenac, was indicted today in connection with a reported sexual assault of a 14-year-old girl on May 17, the day after this year’s Legislative session ended.” What, were all the 14-year-old boys already taken by the other celebrating Republican legislators? MORE »

This is inventive: “An Oregon state senator has been hospitalized with an accidental gunshot wound in the knee. The Medford Mail Tribune reports that Republican Jason Atkinson, 37, was hit while repairing a friend’s bicycle Tuesday. Central Point police say a .38-caliber derringer was in a bag attached to the bike, and it fired when Atkinson dropped the bag … The John McCain campaign named him an honorary chairman for Oregon activities.” Promote this man, Walnuts — he’s more competent than any of your current top advisers. [OregonLive]

Meet Charles “Chuck” Stepanek, 48, a former Republican candidate for Nebraska Legislative District 27, who has pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of marijuana cigarettes. While the dreadful teenage drug did not make “Chuck” sell his children for a sweet, sweet fix, it did cause him to do this: “According to court records, police say Stepanek drove under the influence of marijuana in Lincoln on May 29, 2007. Police said he was seen naked at a convenience store near South 27th Street buying a pop, then later at the Sid Dillon car lot, before getting into his car again and driving it into a light pole.” [Lincoln Journal Star]

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, the Indian street urchin who is also somehow a Mexican Catholic exorcist, is 36-years-old and supposedly “beloved” by his backward state, for being charismatic and Strong. He has been a governor for literally -2 hours. The state has chosen this moment to start hating him, for reneging on a campaign pledge in a comical fashion that marks the birth of a new, iconic American Failure. MORE »

FLORIDA IS FOR COW-SEXING: The Florida state legislature closed its 2008 session last Friday, but was unable to ban either Truck Nutz or, less importantly, bestiality before the closing bells. [Tampa Bay Online]

Minnesota’s legislature thinks it’s the bee’s knees these days because it is the first state legislature to pass what is known as a “Hannah Montana bill” in Insider Parlance. The bill — named after potentially whorish “tween-age pop TV icon” Miley Cyrus’ Disney channel character — bans software that enables “vendors to grab up blocks of tickets before much of the public can” and then sell them back online for hundreds of millions of dollars. Apparently many, many people wanted to see this underage gal lip-sync some songs last year but could not. MORE »

ANGRY FLORIDA HIPPIE LEGISLATORS LOSE INTERNET: From the Miami Herald: “Partisan rancor erupted on the state House floor Friday morning as Democrats and Republicans feuded over procedural moves that led House Speaker Marco Rubio to angrily gavel the chamber quiet, order House guards to shut off Internet access and require members to quietly stay in their seats.” Meanwhile, homosexual state Rep. Bob “Twenty Dollar” Allen gets to check out Internet blowjob porn from his home! Who gets the last laugh now, moralists? [Miami Herald]

An Arizona legislature panel has endorsed a proposal to bar “any teachings considered counter to democracy or Western civilization” from the state’s public schools. “Muslims,” you’re thinking. “They don’t want Muslim teachings.” That would be horrible but at least predictable. But the measure would also “prohibit students of the state’s universities and community colleges from forming groups based in whole or part on the race of their members, such as the Black Business Students Association at Arizona State University or Native Americans United at Northern Arizona University.” What a magnificent piece of legislation from John McCain’s state! MORE »