Wonkette

Hey kids, the State Department has just learned of the hot new trend from 2001, “the blog.” And like everything else in Condi Rice’s best-ever Department of State, this blog is an almost comical failure. Start with the name: DIPNOTE. As proven by the approximately 200 e-mails we just received about this thing, the immediate reaction to that ridiculous name is “More like dipshit.” MORE »

Recently it was revealed that Condoleezza Rice, GQ’s “MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN DC,” can’t actually get the New York Times to return her phone calls or print her lame op-eds. According to the BBC, they’re not the only ones to snub her — the Pope refused to meet with Condi last month. The Pope! The guy just met with those stupid British parents who killed their little girl at the Tapas bar or whatever, and he won’t meet with Condi? MORE »

In this six-minute, State Department-provided clip, Karen Hughes (Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy) and Condoleezza Rice, GQ’s MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN WASHINGTON, DC, sit on a couch and chat with Cal Ripken, Jr., the famous baseball player. He apparently works for State now? As… Ambassador of Baseball? MORE »

Not only are bridges across the nation crumbling, but now our government buildings are collapsing in the middle of the day. The courtyard of Columbia Plaza leads to the State Department’s SA-1 building, and yesterday afternoon its outdoor ceiling collapsed onto panicked drivers below. No one was hurt, but several cars were damaged and the ground floor entrance will be closed for the remainder of the week. First Lady Laura Bush immediately showed up on the scene to calm the victims and join the survivors in a moment of silent prayer for the lost cars. President Bush is expected to tour the site this weekend, and in a press conference today he express deep concern about the tragedy, immediately attacked congressional Democrats for not providing enough plaza ceiling oversight, and then announced his intention to veto any parking garage roof tax increases. Full State Dept. notification after the jump!

MORE »

Condi Rice is still the Secretary of State [can an intern confirm this?], but no one likes her or cares what she has to say. According to former New York Times foreign reporter Joel Brinkley, Rice’s influence worldwide has steadily fallen since she took over for the also-unloved Colin Powell 2 1/2 years ago, because Iraq is a mess and Bush is a lunatic and she is Bush’s bestest girl ever. MORE »

Is it possible that Joe Biden isn’t really expecting to be the Democrat nominee for president? Based on the number of official announcements of his candidacy (17), we can’t imagine he wasn’t being sincere when he said, at announcement #12, that he was “in it and in it to win,” which later proved to be plagiarized from Hillary Clinton’s announcement. MORE »

* Alberto Gonzales is still speaking at the Press Club next month, it’s just the attorney general who’s not. [Hotline on Call]
* Nancy Pelosi goes all the way to Syria for secret ingredient in the Al-Assad family hummus recipe. [Think Progress]
* It’s a pretty lonely planet at the State Department. [Outside the Beltway]
* TIME magazine not too interested in covering what’s going on this time. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* More battleships in the Persian Gulf are just what the doctor ordered. [The Left Coaster]
* How to find out who else is growing weed in your neighborhood. [Hit & Run]
* If you grow it, they will drive. [Just a Bump in the Beltway]
* “An extremely drunk ballerina elephant in tutus who has just lurched into the shop.” [1115]

After six years of kissing the ass of Kazakhstan’s autocrat president, the Bush Administration has finally decided to notice the dreadful lack of human rights in the “former” Soviet Central Asian country that just happens to sit atop some of the biggest oil and gas reserves in the world … and right between Russia and China. According to a new report from Condi’s State Department, the mean old guys in Kazakhstan took Borat’s website away! Total lack of precious freedoms! MORE »

* Cat fight causes John Edwards to fire his campaign bloggers. Malkin is front and center, obv. [Salon]
* List of administration’s “Top 25 criminals and scoundrels” is missing some obvious ones, gets points for trying. [CREW]
* Presidential approval rating graphs tell 10,000 words. [Political Arithmetik]
* Chris Matthews can’t control his potty mouth when it comes to phony farmers like George Bush, and, uh, Don Imus. [C&L]
* State Department employees find selves too good for Iraq. [TPM Muckraker]
* The No. 1 Google search result for “space diapers.” [Greinke.com]
* President’s budget will rip out Mr. Snuffleupagus’ still-beating heart and show it to him before canceling his show. [Think Progress]

The State Department is touchier than a lesbian these days, as proven by the official U.S. government response to Wonkette for posting a stupid letter from an advice column simply because it was signed “Karen Hughes.”

Now the thin-skinned crazies have published an official denial to everybody’s favorite wacky-yet-true story of 2006: that the Bush Family would soon flee the United States for a massive military base and ranch in Paraguay, just as the surviving Nazi elite sought refuge in Argentina after losing World War II.

Because a sane administration may one day take control of this country before it gets nuked and then delete all this weird crap on the State Department web servers, we will share the whole official denial with you, after the jump.

MORE »

In a mildly funny open mic gaffe today, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice admitted to having a crush on Brit Hume and kindly old Mr. Smith down at the corner five-and-dime. MORE »

John Negroponte, having successfully reformed and overhauled the NSA, CIA, and FBI, is now leaving his position as Director of National Intelligence to be Condoleezza Rice’s assistant. Why? Because no one else wanted the job. MORE »

• What does Harold Ford do at Playboy mansion parties? “What happens in the grotto, stays in the grotto.” [Hot Air]

• George Allen writes (!) a post to make sure the blogosphere, “a powerful new branch of the media,” knows that he cosponsored the “Porkbusters” bill — along with 48 other Senators. [Redstate]
• Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama: the immovable object meets the unstoppable force. [The Gaggle]
• Rick Santorum is back on the “Democrats are Nazi appeasers” hobby horse, displays Winston Churchill book with pages stuck together. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Sapped of his Joementum, Lieberman now ripping off Richard Nixon’s old Vietnam talking points. [YouTube]
• Blogger makes love to Excel, assigns arithmetical values to each member of Congress. [The Right Place]
• State Department makes sure soldiers in Baghdad can vote to keep Foley’s seat Republican. [Think Progress]

“Government official caught breaking law” is not the rarest of headlines, but today’s taxpayer-funded crook should at least get a few points for ostentatious style. The AP reports:

WASHINGTON - A State Department official accepted free flights to Las Vegas with exotic dancers, expensive meals, hotel rooms in New York and other bribes to speed up the visa process for a jewelry company, federal prosecutors said Friday.

But the best part is that Michael John O’Keefe was flown to Vegas with “two exotic dancers,” federal prosecutors said. MORE »