You are not likely to see this in the state-controlled media, but the Spanish prime minister’s family is actually a coven of Witches, like from Hogwarts. What spells did they put on Obama with their Witch Craft? [Gawker/State Dept. Flickr]

The Blackwater news was, what, two years ago now, and we’re still inexplicably allowing these creepy private security companies to not only take the helm “guarding” major war zones, but to do so without *any* military supervision or need to adhere to basic laws or standards of conduct? Well THANK GOD this is the case, because the private sector works better, always, everywhere, and creates incentives for profit-minded companies to compete in the booming “who can act most retardedly and embarrassingly and illegally in a war zone” market. At the end of the day, it’s savings for the American consumer! No — scratch that: At the end of the day, it’s naked, fat contractor slobs, supposedly protecting the U.S. Embassy in Kabul, but really just drinking poop-filtered cheap vodka and chips with dip, the dip being poop, from each other’s unwiped assholes. MORE »

Because the Obama Administration hates Iran’s freedoms so much, it has rescinded permission for U.S. embassies to invite Iranian diplomats to their Fourth of July parties. Come on, parents, don’t take it out on the kids! Robert Gibbs said the change in policy came about “given the events of the past many days,” referring to Mark Sanford’s cumming. State Department spokesperson Ian Kelly, however, “said no Iranians have accepted” the invitations anyway and “indicated that the U.S. saw little reason for them to, given the political crisis over their disputed presidential election.” Again: maybe they would have accepted if you had promised a Super Soaker war. They’re just like water cannons! [AP]

New Republic editor-in-chief Marty Peretz, known for his colorful view (complete hatred) of Arabs, read in an Israeli newspaper that Dennis Ross was being replaced as “Iran Czar” or whatever. Granted the State Department has denied this news report, and Dennis Ross never even held the position Peretz claims he did, but still, did Barack Obama do this because he’s an anti-Semite or a pussy or both? MORE »

They let Bono in the New York Times and Bob Dylan in the Pope’s castle and Beyonce in the President’s castle and Elton John into what’s her name’s funeral, so why not let Australian gloom singer Nick Cave into Hillary Clinton’s secret State Department lair? Oh wait, it’s the Libyan national security adviser? Sure, fine. Oh hey and his last name is Qadhafi … what are the chances?! [US State Dept. via Jeffrey Goldberg]

Nobody really knows what Hillary Clinton has been up to, work-wise, since she started her Secretary of State-ing a couple months ago. She went to China or somesuch, yes? And went on a bunch of international teevee programs and suffered through important geopolitical inquiries such as when she fell in love with her husband? Well, 7 in 10 of us approve of the performance of America’s top diplomat, so hooray, she will not be boiled in a cauldron of hot oil next week as previously scheduled. [CNN]

All this talk about the economy! Eh, Who cares, it’s finished, so how’s Hillary Clinton’s Dipolomatic Corps doing? She’s in Asia, you know! And oh, what a swell time she’s having, drinking tea with the Japanese royals, taking in Eastern culture, and most importantly, getting the hell out of Washington D.C. Best job in the world, and all she has to do is tell North Korea not to nuke anybody every few days. Here’s a clip from the Indonesian show Dahsyat, which is Indonesia’s version of TRL. Pick a random part of the video and watch for 30 seconds. The “Fun Part” comes at 4:30. [Daily Intel]

Barack Obama was so happy when the news about his passport breach came out yesterday — that was worth at least 10 Unfair Victim Points for him, about 30 shy of the amount he needs to bury this Jeremiah Wright hoopla. Now, however, it appears that passport breaches are not unique to him, but yet another aspect of the Old Politics: Hillary Clinton and John McCain’s passport files have also been breached! The State Department is racist, sexist and ageist. And racism and sexism are bad! MORE »

Two contract employees at the State Department accessed Barack Obama’s passport files on three separate occasions this year, and have now been fired for their “imprudent curiosity.” They accessed his file! On three separate occasions! It is a horrible breach of some sort! Wonkette demands a full independent investigation, led by Ken Starr. [AP]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Condi was back in Foggy Bottom 24/7 last week, and you know what that means: photo-ops, photo-ops, photo-ops! Indeed, the State Department’s reception room was a revolving door to all kinds of diplobots from strategically unchallenging countries. And somebody had the nerve to call Our Heroine incompetent. Why do they keep doing that? So mean! Join me after the jump for a Condiological safari through the last seven days…

MORE »

• Hillary’s numbers are dropping the closer voting gets. That obviously means she’s doomed. [Wizbang Politics]

• Don’t like your new adopted child? Send it back! [Michelle Malkin]
• Iowa likes underdogs, because, you know, who the fuck wants to live in Iowa. [Political Wire]
• Kansas AG aborted his way right out of a job. [WorldNet Daily]
• Fred Thompson either has highly postmodern feminist views or, you know, just appreciates a hot piece of ass. [Election Central]
• Everybody’s jumping on the Hey-We-Can-Let-One-Silly-Rape-Slide bandwagon. [Blotter]
• Hey Congress, remember that time you just went ahead and confirmed Bush’s AG pick all willy-nilly even though you could have easily demanded someone else? Nicely done. [Raw Story]