Wonkette

Some time ago, we posted the email above. We solicited your advice on how to find Tim, then promptly forgot about it and went on vacation. Now, the time has come to re-open the mailbag and post our favorite responses. MORE »

• Ever wonder what passive-aggressive uptight agriculture administrators do when they boil over? Now you know.

• Katherine Harris’s senate campaign reminds us of a kitchy 60’s feminist empowerment fantasy but we’re not sure which one. Oh well, there’s not many better ways to spend a weekend then smoking a joint and watching them all.
• When times are desperate, and you just have to meet Tim Russert, you might want to try showing up on Nebraska Ave. Sunday morning - you know what time - with a nice floral arrangement and a card addressed to, “the most interesting and important man on television.” We’re not sayin’, we’re just sayin’.
• As the Vanity Fair cover fades from memory, Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame decide it’s time to get theirs, hold press conference to let us know. Dick Cheney is shaking in his Allen Edmonds.
• Thanks to Arlen Specter using his “serious face” in negotiations with the White House, a secret court is now allowed to put it’s quarter in the slot and get a 30 second peek at the steamy domestic spying program.
• Is this heaven Osama? No. It’s Indiana, the place where terrorists’ dreams come true.
• We love going Bananas for the semi-monthly “Castro’s dead” rumors.
• The National Press Club makes an honest reporter out of the new and improved Jeff Gannon.
• Wonk’d, Washington’s celebrity sighting column of record, is entered as “Exhibit-W” in the trial for infamous Duke “laxer” Collin Finnerty.

If you corner a wild Russert, he may attack unless placated with a headshot and sharpie. (Photo by Liz Gorman) MORE »

Oh ye of little faith! A number of you doubted the authenticity of the close encounter with Dustee Tucker that we passed along on Monday, from a tipster who claimed to have met her at Starbucks.

Truth be told, we did too. But we now have reason to believe that it was quite authentic, based on what appears to be email correspondence between Dustee and our source.

We now must ask: Is Dustee Tucker a real person? She seems superhumanly nice. She charms an entire Hawaiian resort. She’s besties with the baristas at Starbucks. And she engages in pleasant email correspondence with a man who hit on her in a Starbucks — instead of calling the police and/or seeking a temporary restraining order, which is what most women would do in her shoes.

After the jump, the correspondence — which must be read to be believed…

MORE »

Your Dustee Tucker-related submissions only grow more brilliant by the day. We have no way of independently verifying them, so we offer them with the caveat that perhaps they’re completely fabricated.

But this latest one has the ring of frightening truth to it. After the jump, a Dustee-obsessed reader’s encounter with the object of his desire, at a local area Starbucks.

Caveat lector. But even if it’s made up, we have to give our correspondent credit — it’s highly entertaining!

MORE »

What hath we wrought? From Craigslist: MORE »

Jared Paul Stern, formerly of Payola Six, famously quipped: “We know how to destroy people. It’s what we do.”

Here at shiny happy Wonkette, our motto is a little different: “We know how to create celebrities. It’s what we do.”

Jessica Cutler? Check. Butterstick? Check. Stormie Janzen? Check. And, of course, our most recent creation: HUD spokeshottie Dustee Tucker (at left).

Dustee may not yet be a household name. But she’s certainly “famous-for-D.C.,” or fast on her way there. First, she’s already getting noticed by the Posties (who refer to her as “Wonkette’s new favorite”).

Second, she’s getting spotted around town:

Is it possible to type breathlessly? Because I am, sugar.

I saw Dustee Tucker today. The Dustee Tucker.

There I am, at the Austin Grill on E Street, shoveling handful after handful of chips and salsa into my mouth with a steady and practiced hand, when I looked up to see Dustee Tucker walking toward me. Dustee Tucker. Toward me.

After the jump, check out the rest of this hilariously brilliant — but yes, vaguely creepy — email.

MORE »

And sometimes they engage in stupid, even criminal, conduct: MORE »

An Anna-Maniac reader asked us if we knew where Mrs. Smith might be staying tonight. We pointed out the Reliable Source item noting that Anna Nicole Smith checked into a Georgetown hotel with her manager yesterday — and speculated that it might be the Four Seasons, since only that would do for a star of Smith’s proportions (newly downsized thanks to TrimSpa, of course). MORE »