Perhaps there are similarities between Capitol Hill and a plantation. But it’s not the members who are engaged in involuntary labor — it’s their staffs! MORE »

A lump forms in my throat and tears appear in my eyes at the slightest mention of Capitol Hill staffers. They are the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed idealists who bring the energy and hope to our democracy each morning. I believe the children are our future and all that.

Or not. From Roll Call:

Lobbyists, headhunters and Capitol Hill aides speculate that a mini-exodus of staffers from both sides of the aisle may be coming as a result [of a doubling of the one-year lobbying ban for former staffers]. The lobby ban may not be the only potential reform drawing staffers downtown, either. Congressional aides and lobbyists say that the ongoing discussion of other bans, or tougher restrictions, on free travel and entertainment will make working on Capitol Hill less appealing.

So, there you go. Rather than Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln, today’s staffers more likely look up to Abramoff, DeLay, and Ney.

Although I must admit, I’ve also been hearing about them not letting staffers eat and telling them to work in the dark. That does seem a bit extreme. (E-mail below the jump.)

— Chris Geidner

Reform Talk May Spur Hill Exodus [Roll Call]

MORE »

Remember that spate of horny Hill staffer ads that polluted Craiglist last month? They seemed suspicious at the time. You know what they say: One horny Hill staffer ad is funny, two horny Hill staffer ads are a coincidence, three are a joke. (Four horny Hill staffer ads are sign that Kennedy is hiring.) And what do you know, a reader has fessed up to convoluting the November entreaties to “spank me with your legal pads because I’ve been sooooooo bad at answering constituent mail lately.” (She says she was bored. We said December is the new August!) Of course, anything that wonkily perverse will get people’s members paying attention, and the reader has sent along one of the more lusty inquiries. Now, remember: The only thing more sketchy than the ads posted on Craigslist are the responses to them. That said, let’s hear it for the “power mad lawyer” who put his longings so poetically:

I’ll take you to my law firm and fuck you on the conference table in view of not just the White House (we’re right across the the street), but also the Washington Memorial. And I’ll have my own white obelisk ready for you, baby. And at the risk of getting totally corny with the analogies, my white obelisk is ready for a plunge into your Tidal Basin as I look into the Reflecting Pool of your eyes.

Excuse us while we expurge a Beltway of vomit.

Full letter after the jump.

EARLIER: While Their Members Are Away the Staff Will Play [Wonkette]

MORE »

It’s recess time, and Craigslist has seen a significant uptick in staffer-seeking-staffer (and their staffs) ads. They range from the curious: “Looking for an IM chat buddy that maybe could blossom into a real life friendship. We could share our fantasies, share racy adventures we’ve had. In general, be each others sexual confidant.” To the lustily specific: “I don’t care if you are a democrat or republican. Just be a good pussy licker, have a picture, and YOU MUST WORK ON THE HILL AS A STAFFER, NO EXCEPTIONS.” MORE »

Senate staffer Amanda Schweitzer, 25, of Winter Park, Fla., was arrested last week for “refusing to leave [Shea Field]” after a college football game, yelling at the police and “pushing an officer away belligerently.” Heady stuff (though around here we just call that Friday night). Schweitzer told police that “Her boss, Sen. Bill Nelson, would take care of the cops and that they couldn’t do anything to her.” It’s a gross misuse of authority — literally: Schweitzer worked — she resigned yesterday — for Florida’s other, Republican, senator, Mel Martinez. MORE »

What can we say? We started drinking early yesterday. MORE »

The “50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill” of 2005 is finally out and we’re not sure where to begin. We do notice that none of last year’s most beautiful made it to this year’s list. It’s a tough town, one year you’re young and gorgeous, the next you’re. . Denny Hastert. And yet the names are still completely made-up: “Eric Van Schyndle”? “Cory Crowley”? “Bradford Swann”? “Keegan Drake”? These aren’t names, these are the pseudonyms from a particularly wonky version of Penthouse Forum. (”Keegan handed her the mark-up; Bradford thumbed gently through the membership directory….”) MORE »