Bush Staffers Exit Sadly
Friday, January 16th, 2009
Barack Obama’s transition team has been preparing for months to take over the government, but George Bush’s people aren’t quite ready to let go. They haz a sad, because they worked in this place for this guy for like eight years, and now they have to go back to their regular babysitting gigs or grad school or whatever. Perhaps, like many of us, they’ll just live on unemployment as long as it keeps them in diapers and Cheetos. MORE »











Guess who wants to work for Barack Obama? Everyone! And maybe in a few years, once he has nationalized the couple of industries that haven’t already been nationalized and formed a WPA for singing madrigals and puppeteers, literally every American citizen will be his employee. But for the time being, most of the THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND people who applied for jobs with the Obama administration will probably not get hired.
Barack Obama’s campaign has more employees than a small nation and a larger budget than France. If you took every Obama staffer and laid them end to end, they would wrap around the earth and blot out the sun. The Obama campaign is such a massive operation that it will take seventeen times the GNP simply to keep it afloat, and if any more people start to work for Obama in any particular state, that state will sink into the earth’s crust simply from the accumulated weight of so many workers. This is why Barack Obama has to raise $300 million post haste.
The frustrating 2008 Democratic primary season has been made even more insufferable by the Obama campaign staff’s refusal to talk smack about any of their coworkers. This leaves a bitter press corps with no fun tidbits to write about, which is why it’s still good that Hillary Clinton is in the race. Basically, Barack Obama is like the George Bush of 2000, commanding a team of eerily happy and loyal drones who will all become torture-loving yes-men once they seize the reins of power. The secrets to Barack’s success, after the jump.