What’s that old saying about the guys who hate the gays so much? Something like “the intensity of your closet homosexuality equals the intensity of your homophobia.” MORE »

Quite possibly the only job worse than mopping the floors in a rendering plant is working in constituent services. So many gross citizens calling angrily all the time, and writing dumb emails, demanding this thing or that thing and generally wasting the time of staffers who could actually be doing something productive if they didn’t have to keep answering the phone and nodding thoughtfully. Naturally, tolerating citizen complaints can eventually send you over the edge into MADNESS, as evidenced by the complete and total breakdown of a legislative aide in St. Paul. MORE »

During the weird hurricane prayer service/unveiling of Sarah Palin trade show in St. Paul a few weeks back — which feels like exactly One Thousand Years ago — there were also some street protests. And the “Minnesota Nice” armored clone-army SWAT monster cops arrested some 800 ne’er-do-wells and guttersnipes for marching around and, in one kind of pathetic incident, throwing some Clorox on the slacks of an elderly delegate. Anyway, there were some News Reporters (liberals) out there just cold reportin’ on the action, and the mean cops arrested a bunch of them! MORE »

Check out this dude! He went to the Republican convention in St. Paul, as a delegate from Colorado! He is a 29-year-old attorney. He was real proud of himself, talking to the AP and giving this repulsive little interview to LinkTV. Ha ha ha ha ha, what happened to him is fantastic. It’s better than the infamous urban legend about the guy in the Batman suit raping some drunken loser at Mardi Gras — because this tale is true. MORE »

Your editor’s sort-of relative teaches at Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood! We knew she taught in the Valley but did not know where, exactly — and she is right there, at the heart of the failure of the John McCain Campaign and its weird attempt to put some kind of picture related to Walter Reed Army Hospital behind McCain’s head during his big acceptance speech about his plane crash 40 years ago, even if all most of you saw, on the teevee, was yet another dumb “green screen” behind his bald skull, just waiting for web geeks to fill that vapid void with dancing hobbits, furry porn or Abu Ghraib photographs. Anyway …. MORE »

So after our little tour of the Republican Death Slave Equipment we went next door to The Liffey, the bar of choice for lazy journalists who want to get as many beers into their bodies as quickly as possible following four hours of hillbilly baying for Elitist Media blood. We sat down with a couple of the Reason kids, and this nice young lady came up and said, “So what did you think of the speech?” MORE »

MSNBC set up their “studio” in a dirty park full of dead grass and trash, just north of the Xcel sports arena. There are bums sitting around, and dogs exposing their penises while supporting John McCain, and it’s hot and humid like it is outside, here, and the 9/11 truthers scream at him during broadcasts, and it just sucks. So Olbermann refused to come to St. Paul at all. He’s sitting in New York or New Jersey or wherever, with green-screen video of some St. Paul street scene. [Gawker]

Oh we hate you. We hate you. You are a stinking whining sanctimonious sack of death tampons and pus. You, Joe Lieberman, insult the dignity of roaches. You are a diarrhea diaper. Let’s liveblog your pathetic bullshit. MORE »

Old Dipshit Magee is gonna plain tell folks how’s good ol’ folks goin’ figger times ’bout proper we types need set up Mr. & Missus McPalin needin’ not have a colored for preznit. Let’s liveblog this fucking Gucci-clad Washington lobbyist millionaire fraud Hollywood suit. MORE »

We ran into YOUR president, George W. Bush, on the streets of St. Paul. He’s been arrested oh no! This is why he can’t appear in person to deliver his address — he’ll be getting bondage-whipped by this pink sexbot cop on the shores of the Mississippi river for the rest of his term. Also, we’ve gone through the official schedule of the night’s events and, shortly after 9:00 ET, there will be a video tribute to George “H.” W. Bush, the Yankee plutocrat everyone pretends to like these days. This comes right after the video tribute to Abraham Lincoln, whose presidency failed due to his lack of previous experience. *Just saying.* Also MICHELE BACHMANN is speaking within the hour. Tee hee!

Besides her sudden disappearance from tonight’s RNC lineup, there are many other signs that Sarah Palin will be the first major-party veep nominee to drop off the ticket since George McGovern dumped Thomas Eagleton for being crazy, way back in 1972. What are the other chilling new signs of Snowbilly Loserdom? MORE »