May 18, 2013
st. patrick’s day
Barack O’Bama snuck out of the White House to visit an “undisclosed location” today, the official presidential St. Patrick’s Day euphemism for making a liquid lunch stop at an Irish bar. Here he is boozing it up with a very thrilled mob at The Dubliner during the nation’s annual summit on whether it is spelled [...]
It has been nearly a week now, and the crisis in Japan only seems to be getting more terrible, so it’s time for the world’s religious people to start finding a deity to blame for the devastation in Japan! We long ago figured it was the Irish god, Saint Patrick, because it’s his “Holy Week” [...]
On this day when all Americans have “a case of the Blarney,” it is important to remember that the actual Irish were literally the Mexicans of their day, when they came to America. Why? Nobody remembers now, but apparently the Irish took all the shit jobs the white people didn’t want, and because of this [...]
America’s celebration of the Irish traditions of wearing green and pinching and binge drinking and lots of green vomit is almost here! Hooray! St. Patrick was a man who wanted everyone to become Christian (no, he was not the patron saint of kegs and eggs), and you can honor his successful proselyting efforts on this [...]
If you are currently sloppy drunk from kegs and eggs and planning on driving over to America’s Puke Fountain for Wonkette’s photo contest, here’s a tip: don’t. Embittered police, who don’t “have a problem with people celebrating their Irish heritage,” are really proving it by setting up drunk driving checkpoints all over creation. But don’t [...]
OMG prisoners from Gitmo have flown up from Cuba — just for the afternoon, gotta work tomorrow morning — to fête Barack Obama and his barely visible green fountain! These guys will just do wonders for the town of Leavenworth, Kansas. What a completely insane picture from Wonkette ultra-abortionist operative “Jeffrey.”
Huzzah, it’s our very first entrant in the “show us a picture of Michelle Obama poisoning the White House fountain with Irish puke” contest! While this is not technically “taking a comical picture,” as Ken requested, we will accept it. Thank you to faithful commenter NoWireHangers for this horror show.
America’s longwinded celebration of St. Patrick’s Day is really almost over. And here are your last opportunities to guzzle discounted chocolate stouts and see actual live elephants walk through town, for Ireland.
The DC police are putting together a book with the 60 most notorious youth offenders so that people in-the-know will be kept abreast of these kids in the rosy-fingered dawn of their careers or something. It too has tenuous privacy implications, just like actual Facebook. [Washington Post]
Wednesday, March 11: In honor of the upcoming National Cherry Blossom festival, Washington Life magazine is throwing the annual Pink Tie Cocktail Party, which means not only will you be emasculated for wearing a pink tie, you will feel personally humiliated at your own Poorness when you find out that the tickets are $150. But! [...]
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