Wonkette

Check out that ACORN squirrel illegally registering black Richard Simmons to vote in the swing state of New York. These liberal tracheotomy squirrels, can you even believe them. They should all be thrown in a bathtub of battery acid and Truck Nutz. Such things will be topics at this evening’s debate. Let’s see what the lamers on CNN are saying before the debate. BRING YR PANTS. MORE »

GAHHHHH what the hell, why is this furry with a massive throat cancer oxygen hole thing in its neck allowed to prey on innocent New York CBS anchor Harry Smith? Because it’s a Republican furry, of course! Remember in 2004 how all lobotomized college/young Republicans would walk around like fucktards in FLIP FLOP COSTUMES because of, what, something about that fag peace-slut John Kerry from France? Well this is the 2008 version and yes, be scared, because these furry squirrels are protesting ACORN. GAME OVER n00bama go back to INDOCHINA with your FAKE DAD from OUTER MUSLIM SPACE. The furries have a blog called [Acorns Don't Fall Far From The Tree]

So, while candidates in other countries risk life and limb for politics, our candidates risk only their own pride and our derision to win the right to continue campaigning for another 10 months or so. And so it was that yesterday Mike Huckabee decided to let his redneck flag fly by announcing that he doesn’t only kill small animals for fun all the time unlike that poseur Romney, he eats them, too. Yes, in order to pander to the varmint-eaters vote, Huckabee bragged “I figured out you could put grease in a popcorn popper and heat that thing up, and you could cook anything,. So we fried squirrel.” OMG, people, is this what we’re coming to? Who is the biggest redneck Macgyver? And with 10 more months to go? I’m cracking the booze now. Book me at room at Promises for November 5th, please. [LA Times]

In Santa Monica’s Palisades Park, armed rangers are holding down little ladies and forcing anti-fertility shots on the youngsters. This is basically what the rest of the country can expect now that California communist Nancy Pelosi is two Afghan bombs away from the presidency. MORE »

Do you have some Happy Democrats or Sad Republicans on your War On Xmas list? Here’s the perfect gift to bum out the former and enrage the latter: Why Mommy Is A Democrat, the timeless story of an alien-squirrel hybrid and its awful nut-sucking spawn. They’re Democrats! MORE »

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