Here is a White House photo of President Bush meeting with the “Arizona State University Men’s and Women’s Track Team,” who appear to have won a big game or something in their fake little sport. Now: the hand gesture. Many tipsters might call this “The Shocker,” which represents a rather foul fingerbanging maneuver. But Wonkette editor Sara K. Smith claims that the symbol is the “ASU Pitchfork,” since Arizona State’s evil mascot is the Sun Devil. Probably everyone in the room is making the ASU Pitchfork except for George W. Bush, who is intentionally throwing The Shocker. [White House]

Barack Obama is in a pickle! Much like his best friend, Hillary Clinton, Obama has found himself supporting multiple baseball teams that he doesn’t like at all in order to win evil blood money “swing state” votes. He claims he is first a “White Sox” fan, which was clearly a pander to all white people who despise him, and he played it from the bottom of the deck. But after the White Sox were no longer in contention for the Baseball Championship, he told Pennsylvania voters that he wanted the loser Philadelphia Phillies to win everything. And today he muslimly told Florida voters that he wanted the Tampa Bay “Rays” to win everything. This pirouetting, like most bad things in life, can all be blamed on the Boston Red Sox. MORE »

Hey McCain-Palin campaign: not to say “we told you so,” but in fact to say “HA HA TROLLOPS, we told you so,” Sarah Palin was not received well by Philadelphia hockey fans tonight when she dropped the ceremonial first puck at the Flyers’ season opener. Liberal gotcha journal the New York Times describes the chorus of boos as “resounding (almost deafening).” This video is staggering. We’re fairly certain that the arena music is turned up louder in a vain attempt to drown out the SONIC WALL of booing. [YouTube]

One “Washington Insider” and member of a gym that Barack Obama attends in DC told us last night that the candidate is actually kind of a halfhearted “athlete,” and doesn’t even bother running on the treadmill. Instead he walks, like one of the Golden Girls. Anyhow, this morning Barack Obama had another one of his so-called workouts at the Denver Athletic Club, which of course culminated in his sinking multiple three-pointers from Eagleton. [Denver Post]

Does Barack Obama have a “major league sports team owner” problem? It sure looks like it, because he has not raised nearly as much money from this crucial demographic as that other guy, John McCain. McCain has raised more than $3.2 million from major sports team owners and their families, while Barack Obama has raised only $615,000 — despite the fact that Obama is way better at basketball. Too bad Obama is too much of an elitist to relate to simple, working-class multimillionaire sports team owners. [Politico]

We have received another FIRST-HAND REPORT from an attendee of last night’s Congressional Baseball Game during which Congressman Chip Pickering’s metal bat hit some guy in the face and made him bleed everywhere. It is so FIRST-HAND, this report, that the source was the person who actually held a towel to the guy’s mauled head to stop the bleeding! According to this person, Chip Pickering was not trying to hurt this person when he hurt this person. Oh! MORE »

Hey remember this guy? He likes to dance and haul brush, and sometimes he plays basketball with Irish youngsters. We will miss you, President Doofus, and your rad jump shot. [YouTube]

The biggest investigative report during the endless Pennsylvania primary run-up involved Barack Obama bowling with some Bitters and Sen. Bob Casey, where he rolled a pathetic 37. He was so distraught over his big city fairy’s performance that he stopped campaigning altogether and played basketball — at which he excels — instead. But the man has demons, demons that require a focused purging, and that is why he now plans on destroying the White House bowling alley and replacing it with a court for his game, which, again, is basketball. MORE »

John McCain is the graduate of a swank prep school, the scion of America’s most distinguished Naval dynasty, and the husband of a multimillionaire beer heiress. This is why he sells “divot tools” to raise money for his presidential campaign, because only an elitist would even know what a fucking divot tool is. Thanks to Working-Class Wonkette Operative “More Bitterer” for bringing this to our attention. [McCain Store]

Wonkette videographer Liz Glover is rapidly becoming the most famous person in Washington, D.C., and if you need proof, here she is partying with our city’s racist football team, the Redskins. She scored an invite to the 28th birthday party for Santana Moss, a very talented footballer! She meets a number of other All Stars there too — including Moss’ brother, “Sinorice” — and asks them about all the tragic hazing they play on the rookies, many of whom will be scarred permanently and later settle for dead-end jobs as Hill staffers. [Examiner]

How adorable it was to see Barack Obama play basketball with the University of North Carolina men’s basketball team this week. But was it maybe, HMMM, an NCAA violation? MORE »