No. No. No. Stop it. No. None of that. Stop. The CIA should not use the occasion of a “Twitter Revolution” to secretly attempt regime change in Iran. That’s just nuts. No. Please just stop this. C’mon. The rest of the article explains how this would be an idiotic and terrible idea, so why even? Stop. No CIA. No CIA meddling. No. Stop. Stop it. [CQ/Spy Talk]

Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell, a known weasel who bravely condoned (and lied about) whatever torture the Bush Administration wanted, has abruptly quit and is reportedly trying to make an international flight out of Dulles before too many passengers at the gate notice the sweaty twerp with the duffelbag full of loose bills looks just like that douche Wolf Blitzer is talking about on all the teevees everywhere! MORE »

While America spent the day either dancing on Hillary Clinton’s grave or trying to jump into it, a very important event transpired in nation of Russia: as expected, Vladimir Putin departed his post as president. But now he will be the prime minister, and some stooge whose name Hillary mangled in a debate will be the “president” instead. This will allow Putin to continue to walk around topless and cavort with flexy gymnasts half his age while Dmitry Medvedev attends to important affairs such as poisoning spies. Exciting photos of President Medvedev’s swearing-in ceremony after the jump! MORE »

Hot, bald and stumpy Navy Rear Admiral Robert Harward is pulling a coup, thanks to our brave tribal leader George W. Bush. At the President’s recommendation, he’s jumping from one star to three-star vice admiral, a rare double promotion. How much enduring of freedom has Harward done to get such love from our beloved President? Why Harward, and not other SEALs such as crazed wrestler-governor Jesse Ventura or Vietnam killer of children and current New School president Bob Kerrey? MORE »

The Department of Justice announced today that it is charging evil Chinese spies — one of whom is American, like Jesus — with giving secrets to the evil Red China mainland. Being a Bush administration Department, however, they manage to find the silver lining in this press conference: it’s because our economy is so Free! See, the liberals would red-tape the secret-swapping market to death, and that’s why you should vote for Alan Keyes. [AP/Google]

Not just anyone gets to lobby the CIA, but you might be surprised to hear that one of them is eBay! “A spokesman for CIA did not respond to a request for comment.” LOL! I hate it when people don’t leave feedback! [Washington Post]

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William Hamilton Martin and Bernon Mitchell worked for the NSA back in the late 1950s, when the NSA was still wiretapping on coconut radios and pterodactyl phonographs. In 1960, they flew to Mexico, then to Cuba, and took a freighter to the Soviet Union, where they were immediately granted citizenship and gave a press conference where they announced that they’d fit in much better in the USSR because the USSR wasn’t full of squares and phonies (it was 1960, remember). Back home, everyone decided that these two had defected because they were totally gay for each other.

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* New JFK assassination film released only 45 years after the Powers That Be killed him. It’s great how the “amateur photographer” got establishing shots of the Texas School Book Depository and the sixth-floor windows before the murder. [Raw Story]
* The teevee causes “cancer, autism, dementia” and other problems, no matter what you watch. PBS probably causes AIDS. [Scotsman]
* Seriously, watching the teevee will kill you, and then your corpse will sit there for a year or so. [IHT]
* Texas congressman Sam Johnson (R-Schizophrenic) was all for withholding U.S. military funding in Bosnia because “the president has tied our hands, gone against the wishes of the American people, and this is the last best way I know how to show my respect for our American servicemen and women.” Obviously, he loves the Iraq Surge today. [Reason Hit & Run]
* U.S. spies reading, laughing at your e-mail. [Cryptogon]
* This little fascist Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Cunt) wants all your Internet traffic and searches and IMs and emails recorded forever and provided to the government, even though Google already does that. {Security Focus]
* WALNUTS! McCain kicks Rummy when he’s down. [CNN]

* Republican resolutions opposing troop escalation are accumulating on the Senate floor, according to Arlen “Snowflake” Specter. [WP, NYT]
* Obama-plan-o-rama calls for all troops to be home from Iraq by Spring ‘08. [WP]
* Judith Miller was “nervous, confused, and agitated” on the witness stand. Turns out it was just pride, fucking with her. [WP, NYT, WSJ]
* Democrats pass spending bill under pressure from DC baseball fans. [WP, NYT]
* German and Italian governments issue indictments for the Jason Bournes in their countries. [LAT]
* Clinton buddy thinks its high time that high-guys got good life insurance. [WP]

The Defense Department finally admitted that its claims of “Canadian spy coins” found tracking U.S. defense contractors is just some crazy made-up bullshit that ended up in an official DoD espionage report last week. MORE »