Tag: speeches

You’ve Never Had A Day As Good As Hillary Clinton’s Friday

If you were too busy losing your entire mind over "grab them by the pussy" yesterday, you might have missed that Wikileaks published what they allege to be partial transcripts of Hillary's paid speeches to Goldman Sachs and other Wall Street firms. I'll...

Here Is Your Latest Obama Speech, For You To Fap To

After the week we've had, go ahead and treat yourself. Stripping starts at about 4:30. Then it gets even better. Tell us again, Barack, about the great things in the Affordable Care Act. Again. Again!

Political World Somehow Shocked To Hear Rick Santorum Rant About Satan

Did you know that Rick Santorum is a very Christian person? He'd always come across to us like a publicly secular, church on Easter and Christmas only kinda guy who doesn't really "buy into all that stuff." But nope,...

States and Unions: Why Have Either? Liveblogging the SOTU, Part Deux

Oh hi, how is the State of the Union? Sounds pretty gassy so far, what with the drilling for natural gas in every national park, and the drilling for more Blackwater spills on every U.S. coast, and shale oil...

Santorum Totally Reached Across the Aisle to Hitler-Like Democrats

Resurrecting the speeches of fiendish politicians is the best thing about the Internet, and today we have a new floating spirit in the form of a speech Rick Santorum gave on the Senate floor in 2005 during the Democrats'...

Liveblogging (?) Obama’s Latest Afghanistan Plan Speech Thing

Remember when Barack Obama was all, "And I will stop having all these wars everywhere"? No? Lately, people have been telling us that he never said anything of the sort, which is kind of funny, haha, because we all...

BIN LADEN DEAD: American Victory Over That Guy Liveblog Part II

The wat is over. This is reality: Osama bin Laden, killer of people in office buildings, is dead. President Barack Hussein Obama overcame his devotion to Allah and the cause of the terrorists to do what the white idiot...

Donald Trump Shouts ‘F Word’ Multiple Times In Las Vegas Speech

"Curse-bombs," the AP calls them. Yep, that is a way to get attention. We have a feeling Donald Trump is going to really focus on winning Nevada, as he can pretty much just hang around Las Vegas for months...

Last Speech of Dick Cheney’s Life Greeted By Paultard Boos

Oh, other people shouted stuff at Dick Cheney yesterday at CPAC. Don't think you're safe from a little underground bunker torture, Paultards. He's still alive, you know. Rumsfeld is being given CPAC's "Defender Of The Constitution" award, a concept...

A Live List of Insane Things Michele Bachmann Has Said At CPAC

We just started watching. Keep refreshing this! "If the president wanted to be like Ronald Reagan, he would sign a balanced budget amendment!" "We are the Saudi Arabia of energy!" "A three-legged stool... won't fall over easily." (Conservatives are a three-legged stool.) "I...

Mubarak To Retire, Spend More Time Being Dictator To Family

Egypt President Hosni Mubarak has finally given into protests somewhat, saying he will not "run" (as if he ever has) in the fall for a new term in office. Woah! It's as if public sentiment could stop him from...

President Obama’s State of the Salmon Address

We thought it was odd the American public described Obama's speech on Tuesday as "salmon." But you know what? We looked back at the video, and it's true. That whole thing was about salmon. It's an open question whether...

Smaller Budgets! Bigger Lapel Ribbons!: SOTU Liveblog Part II

His fellow Americans, there is an economy, and we should have more of it. Because if we don't have more economy, some other country will (Russia, because the economy is actual a spaceship). Yes, the president of the United...

Incredible Michele Bachmann Speech Gets Every Historical Fact Wrong

Why does Michele Bachmann like the history of the founding fathers so much? Because, apparently, you can just make it up as you go along! Listen ye children as we do a "close read" of this speech and discover...

Basically, Richard Cohen Wants You To Know He Goes To Insidery Funerals

Like many professionals of a certain age, Richard Cohen goes to a lot of funerals. Very, very, very soon, he will attend his own, and everyone will be able to laugh in his face about how stupid he was....

Arlen Specter Manages To Complete Final Senate Speech Without Switching Parties

Arlen Specter, still talking, but for one last time: “The spectacular re-election of Senator Lisa Murkowski on a write-in vote in the Alaskan general election and the defeat of other Tea Party candidates in 2010 in general elections may show...