WASHINGTON, DC, 07:05 AM, SUN OCTOBER 12 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘speeches’

More Speeches You Don’t Care About, Before You See Them On TeeVee

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

WALNUTS!Welcome to the last night of this horrid week, which started with a hurricane and ends with an old man struggling to read a teleprompter — an American Journey, really. Anyway, your entire Wonkette Team is here, at the Xcel Center, just plain eatin’ sandwiches and typing, from tables on the Club Level (?), and we will liveblog things such as John McCain’s speech, or maybe we’ll just burst out of here with the usual disgust in about an hour, and blog from Liffey’s Pub, again & forever. Let’s glance over the Lindsey Graham and Tom Ridge speeches that are embargoed, okay? MORE »


Joe Biden Reacts To Palin’s ‘Amazing’ Speech

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

The Democratic vice presidential candidate has nothing but wonderful praise for Sarah Palin and how fantastic her speech was last night. He doesn’t know how he could possibly win a debate with her, because she will be such a master debater! And John Roberts is all, “You’re raising expectations!!” because duh. [CNN]


Read All The Boring, Predictable Speeches, Right Now, If You Want

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

Vermin.Do you love to know what the politicians will say about an hour before they say it? Then you’ll love reading tonight’s speeches by nasty sex ferret Rudy Giuliani, Mormon charmer Mitt Romney, and “You Might Be A Redneck” star Mike Huckabee. Go ahead, read them or whatever. MORE »


President Bush Will Be Beamed In From Outer Space For RNC Address

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008

Greetings, earthlings! Heh heh heh.When this whole hurricane thing happened, millions of Republicans breathed a sigh of relief: this “tragic” weather event gave such national embarrassments as our president and vice president a natural reason for skipping the party convention, out of respect for the people several thousand miles to the south who did not drown this time. But even though President Bush will not be at the Republican National Convention in body, he will be there in mind, through the magic of space robots! MORE »


Escape From Mile High Stadium

Friday, August 29th, 2008

Greetings patriotsSo after the four hours of sunstroke and no wireless and some enthusiastic dog-whistler deafening everyone in a 30-foot perimeter of his terrifying noises, we emerged from Invesco Field and began the four hundred-mile journey on foot through Mordor. This was seriously the most complicated, arduous exit from a public venue since a half-million people stampeded out of Wolf Blitzer’s live sex show at the Republican National Convention in 1996. Follow us on a perilous journey past Jersey barriers, under abandoned bridges, through hobo encampments, and into the darkest reaches of the American id. MORE »


Fire Codes Disrespect The Wishes Of Clinton Supporters

Wednesday, August 27th, 2008

What is the saddest thing? Getting all the way to the convention floor and being turned away by some 18-year-old goober who tells you very apologetically that sorry, the fire marshall says nobody else can go in, and so you have to listen to Hillary Clinton’s speech in the hallway with all the other losers. [Denver Post]


Still Liveblogging Hillary Clinton’s ‘Unity’ Speech, At The Convention

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

Hillary Clinton is the most orange woman alive tonight. “Orange” is the color of Unity, and Barack Obama. Are the PUMAs buying it? No, because they’re sociopaths. But maybe enough people are. It’s all about getting your 51%, and Hillary could offer like 2%, right now! 3%! MORE »


Still Liveblogging ‘Toothy’ Warner’s Slave State Key Talky Deal

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

Mark Warner is a stud, especially from the Upper Deck of a Denver arena! What was he talking about, Change We Need? Changing energy? Saving the middle class? No: Changing the middle class. Yes We Can show those toothless gypsy whiners how to make a goddamn dollar every once in a while. MORE »


Michelle Speech Makes Florida Man Go Insane

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

“The man stood outside his RV, yelling and shooting a gun into the air. When Pasco sheriff’s deputies confronted him, he ran inside and wouldn’t come out … Finally, about 5 a.m., he exited his RV and was taken into custody. The cause of his displeasure, according to Doll, was Michelle Obama’s speech last night at the Democratic National Convention.” Displeasure? Maybe pleasure. We will never know. Well, we will know. For now what we know is that a man in Florida watched Michelle Obama speak at the Democratic National Convention then left his trailer, screaming like a banshee, shooting at the sky. [TampaBay.com]


Rudy Giuliani Says Funny Things On Conference Call

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

As you know, the worst mayor ever of anything, Rudy Giuliani, will deliver the keynote address at his party’s convention. Rudy Giuliani is a fucking stupid rat-demon whose pathetic 5th place campaign couldn’t even make it past January after 12 months of exploiting, for political purposes, the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians whose safety he, as mayor of the attacked city, was supposed to protect. He really is the most appropriate symbol for the Republican convention that follows eight years of George W. Bush, although probably not for the same reasons that the speaker selection committee chose him. Anyway he had a conference call today and just completely bombed on it, because he’s fucking stupid. MORE »


Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

LOLLLLLLZZZZZ: “WASHINGTON (AP) - Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani will give the keynote address at the Republican National Convention next month.” COMEDY. GOLD. [AP]


Tuesday, August 19th, 2008

Get ready for the encoreWE JUST ASSUMED HE WAS DEAD: “Former Vice President Al Gore has accepted a speaking role on the final night of the Democratic convention, appearing on the same stage that Barack Obama will officially receive the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination.” Presumptuous. Would it be so wrong to pray for rain? [CNN]


John McCain Plagiarizes Common Proper Nouns, Prepositions, And Historical Dates!

Monday, August 11th, 2008

Liberals are very upset with John McCain, again, because it appears he has PLAGIARIZED the famous website Wikipedia in his speech about Georgia and Russia. John McCain is using Wikipedia! That’s all we care about and are very happy to learn that he’s discovered this completely awesome and accurate website. But as some of those rascally bloggers have discovered, McCain used such words and dates as “in,” “of,” “economic,” and “1922″ in much the same sequence that Wikipedia used them in a historical laundry list of facts! It’s like he’s writing a college history paper’s “background” section in the post-2005 era — by copy-pasting it from any damn website, because who cares. MORE »


A Children’s Treasury Of Weird Commentary On Obama’s Speech From The National Review’s Blog

Thursday, July 24th, 2008

It’s not just John McCain, but all of “these people,” who can think of no better way to spend their time than by making petty one-liners about Barack Obama giving a speech to a large number of human beings somewhere. Famous conservative bastion The Corner — the National Review’s chit-chatty blog — is having a field day even by its high standards. After the jump, some of the notable moments from this online club of semi-literate divorcees forever bitching about their exes. MORE »