speeches
Political World Somehow Shocked To Hear Rick Santorum Rant About Satan
Did you know that Rick Santorum is a very Christian person? He’d always come across to us like a publicly secular, church on Easter and Christmas only kinda guy who doesn’t really “buy into all that stuff.” But nope, he’s Christian as the dickens, and he sees everything as a struggle between God and Satan. [...]
Santorum Totally Reached Across the Aisle to Hitler-Like Democrats
Resurrecting the speeches of fiendish politicians is the best thing about the Internet, and today we have a new floating spirit in the form of a speech Rick Santorum gave on the Senate floor in 2005 during the Democrats’ attempt to filibuster President Bush’s judicial appointments. The surly fellow compared his friends across the aisle [...]
BIN LADEN DEAD: American Victory Over That Guy Liveblog Part II
The wat is over. This is reality: Osama bin Laden, killer of people in office buildings, is dead. President Barack Hussein Obama overcame his devotion to Allah and the cause of the terrorists to do what the white idiot who preceeded him could not: our armed forces cornered the bastard in a SUBURBAN MANSION and [...]
Donald Trump Shouts ‘F Word’ Multiple Times In Las Vegas Speech
“Curse-bombs,” the AP calls them. Yep, that is a way to get attention. We have a feeling Donald Trump is going to really focus on winning Nevada, as he can pretty much just hang around Las Vegas for months and do ridiculous things. “This white tiger and I go way back. Come over here, white [...]
Last Speech of Dick Cheney’s Life Greeted By Paultard Boos
Oh, other people shouted stuff at Dick Cheney yesterday at CPAC. Don’t think you’re safe from a little underground bunker torture, Paultards. He’s still alive, you know.
A Live List of Insane Things Michele Bachmann Has Said At CPAC
We just started watching. Keep refreshing this! “If the president wanted to be like Ronald Reagan, he would sign a balanced budget amendment!” “We are the Saudi Arabia of energy!” “A three-legged stool… won’t fall over easily.” (Conservatives are a three-legged stool.) “I believe in this three-legged stool.” “We need to win the Triple Crown [...]
Incredible Michele Bachmann Speech Gets Every Historical Fact Wrong
Why does Michele Bachmann like the history of the founding fathers so much? Because, apparently, you can just make it up as you go along! Listen ye children as we do a “close read” of this speech and discover the many amazing improvised historical facts Michele Bachmann made up for us.
Basically, Richard Cohen Wants You To Know He Goes To Insidery Funerals
Like many professionals of a certain age, Richard Cohen goes to a lot of funerals. Very, very, very soon, he will attend his own, and everyone will be able to laugh in his face about how stupid he was. But for now, he must write Washington Post op-eds letting us know that he goes to, [...]
Arlen Specter Manages To Complete Final Senate Speech Without Switching Parties
Arlen Specter, still talking, but for one last time: “The spectacular re-election of Senator Lisa Murkowski on a write-in vote in the Alaskan general election and the defeat of other Tea Party candidates in 2010 in general elections may show the way to counter right-wing extremists,” he said. “By bouncing back and winning, Senator Murkowski [...]
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