Tag Archives: special elections

  hanging around nothing to do but frown

Roland Burris Wants To Run For Re-Election, But Only To Finish Glorious Term

Earlier this year, a court ruled that Roland Burris could not run in a special election to finish out the final weeks of his term, from the November election until the new Congress meets. The court said that was only for candidates who were also running in the election for a full term in Burris’ seat, which is on the same ballot as the special election. But because Roland Burris is insane, he is fighting like hell, appealing to the Supreme Court, to get into this special election to hold onto his seat for a few weeks in which Congress does nothing. Never mind that voters would never actually elect Roland Burris in this contest. Read more on Roland Burris Wants To Run For Re-Election, But Only To Finish Glorious Term…
  this guy will be fun

Remembering This Historic Night, When The Naked Man Tried To Sell His Daughters

We assume that guest editor Josh Fruhlinger knew all along, ever since he wrote this post about some mean and very very naked state senator three years ago, that this same asshole would sooner or later win Ted Kennedy’s (and John F. Kennedy’s before him) Massachusetts Senate seat after the legend’s death, severely endangering the passage of the popular first black President’s signature, year-in-the-making comprehensive health care reform bill — the elusive holy grail of Ted Kennedy and the Democrats’ legislative agenda for the past half-century — and that on his election night he would literally try to auction off his daughters to a foaming mob of drunk Teabaggers. Well, maybe he never foresaw the whole Teabagger thing, but otherwise, yeah. [YouTube] Read more on Remembering This Historic Night, When The Naked Man Tried To Sell His Daughters…
  if you live in massachusetts go vote right now duh

Hey Here’s A Bunch Of Links About Massachusetts!

Aww, Michael Steele and his minions weren’t allowed to do stuff in Massachusetts. So Michael Steele is just pretending that he is a secret agent pulling the strings behind closed doors. This should keep him distracted for another few hours. [Politico] Read more on Hey Here’s A Bunch Of Links About Massachusetts!…
  polling pixxx

SEND SEXY ELECTION DAY PICS TO YOUR WONKETTE, YOU “MASSHOLES”: Considering how gay and Maoist you people are, a sizable chunk of you probably live in Massachusetts, the site of today’s exciting political election between a poorly programmed Democratic robot and the naked person. What a great opportunity to help your Wonkette! If you are rich and own a camera, please take some photos of whatever stupid things you you might see today at rallies, polling stations, liquor stores, etc. and send to tips@wonkette.com. Or just send text reports for the few literate readers. Don’t worry if you think your material is weak! As we like to say at Wonkette, “It doesn’t have to be good.” Read more on …
  if john kerry can't fix it...

John Kerry Could Verily Be Brought To Fisticuffs

John Kerry, who polls suggest is one of only a handful of Democrats remaining in Massachusetts, is furious over the Naked Republican’s insurgent campaign, calling his supporters “tea baggers” and all. He’s already rolled up one sleeve, don’t make him roll up the second! Because then… well then he might have to write a principled letter to the Washington Post — FOR PUBLICATION. Boom. [Boston Globe] Read more on John Kerry Could Verily Be Brought To Fisticuffs…
  uhh ...

The Best Phone Survey In Massachusetts Right Now

Where do the Teabaggers in Texas who are phone-banking Massachusetts households come up with this shit? “I just got a polling call about Martha Coakley. I also had to answer questions about gay marriage, Israel, and malaria, including this one: ‘In World War II, 6 million Jews were killed by the Nazis. Now 6 million Israelis live under constant threat of attack from Islamic extremists. Meanwhile, 1 million women and children in sub-Saharan Africa die each year from malaria. The United Nations could use its billions of dollars to protect the people of Israel or to prevent the spread of malaria. In your opinion, is the threat to security in Israel a more pressing concern that should immediately be addressed by the United Nations than the epidemic of malaria in Africa?'” Umm… green balloons? [Balloon Juice] Read more on The Best Phone Survey In Massachusetts Right Now…
  omg so much political capital on the line!

OBAMA TO CAMPAIGN FOR MISS ROBOT THIS WEEKEND: Hooray! Barack Obama has listened exclusively to Wonkette’s advice and will campaign for Martha Coakley & Thugs in Massachusetts this Sunday. Marc Ambinder has listed 10,000 specific political expert reasons for him to do this. SHORT VERSION: because c’mon, gotta win it, right? [Marc Ambinder] Read more on …
  great naked politicians of our time

Scott Brown Has Never Heard Of Teabaggers, Ergo Is Liberal

Naked Massachusetts person Scott Brown is flyin’ high, and is almost certain to defeat Martha Coakley in the state’s special Senate election next Tuesday, since he is only losing by five or eight percentage points. Were he to pull off a victory, he would almost certainly switch to the Democratic party within seventeen seconds, because he would be a REPUBLICAN FROM MASSACHUSETTS — that most untenable of positions, what with Republicans demanding 100% racism and homophobia and violence around the clock. Well, maybe not, but at least he’s aware enough of his anachronistic political status to claim no knowledge of this hilarious “Tea Party Movement” that might be his only basis for existence right now. Read more on Scott Brown Has Never Heard Of Teabaggers, Ergo Is Liberal…
  let's call this 'campaigning for her'

Barack Obama Dares Shoot Internet Video Supporting Martha Coakley

Barack Obama needs your help, sheeple! The broad up there in Massachusetts, Martha Coakley, just has zero fucking clue what she’s doing or what’s going on at all, so maybe volunteer and pass some leaflets around for a few days, jesus… [The Plum Line] Read more on Barack Obama Dares Shoot Internet Video Supporting Martha Coakley…
  gods of politics

Michael Steele Will Claim Victory If ‘Conservative Party’ Candidate Wins NY-23

Oh man, this would piss the wingnuts off so much, and we wouldn’t blame them. Michael Steele, the animated .gif in charge of the Republican party, sees that his moderate conservative (communist) Republican candidate in the NY-23 special election, Scuzzlebutt, is losing by billions of percentage points to both the Democratic candidate and the “Conservative Party” dude to whom all the big-name wingnuts have been defecting. Time to call the POLITICO and hedge! “Steele argued during an interview with POLITICO that the GOP doesn’t need to worry about Scozzafava’s lagging ratings because Hoffman is essentially a Republican.” S’all good, baby. And yet, poor Scuzzlebutt! [Good Politico] Read more on Michael Steele Will Claim Victory If ‘Conservative Party’ Candidate Wins NY-23…
  good for him

Fred Thompson Also Likes That Wingnut In NY-23

Have we even posted about the comical NY-23 special congressional election yet? Don’t think so! Fortunately lazy Hollywood dandy Fred “Dipshit McGoo” Thompson, who pretended to run for president once, for about two months, before losing miserably everywhere, has provided us with the perfect on-ramp here. Read more on Fred Thompson Also Likes That Wingnut In NY-23…
  meet your candidates

Boring Lady Person Officially Trying To Steal Ted Kennedy’s Memorial Senate Seat

It has only been a week — one week — since Ted Kennedy died, and already some gal has exploited this by declaring her candidacy for the special election happening like 2 minutes from now. Her name is Martha Coakley and she has been the state’s Attorney General since 2006. We checked out her Wikipedia and there is absolutely nothing interesting or controversial on it. (There is for some weird thing about “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” and how she released a couple of completely uninteresting and uncontroversial statements about its posters several years ago, as part of her job.) What else? She is experienced and stuff, with jobs. The ladies of M.A.D.D. think very highly of her, though, meaning she must not enjoy having awesome fun times and will probably pass annoying legislation about whatever. So just be extra careful, if she wins, to chew your two sticks of mint gum before turning the car on. [NYT/The Caucus] Read more on Boring Lady Person Officially Trying To Steal Ted Kennedy’s Memorial Senate Seat…
  boston politics

Mass. Lawmakers Now Rethinking Whole ‘Leave Kennedy’s Seat Vacant For Five Months’ Thing

Now that the question of what to do about Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat is no longer an academic one, folks in Boston seem to be giving the issue a little re-think. Remember Kennedy wrote to the governor recently asking him if he couldn’t perhaps do something about that terrible law Democrats passed in 2004, the one that called for a special election in the event of a Senate vacancy FIVE MONTHS after the seat first opened? That got everybody so steamed … Read more on Mass. Lawmakers Now Rethinking Whole ‘Leave Kennedy’s Seat Vacant For Five Months’ Thing…
  the new hip-hop GOP

TEDISCO CONCEDES, MURPHY WINS: Late-night 9/11 masturbatrix Jim Tedisco has officially conceded the NY-20 Congressional race to PUMA leader Murphy. Congratulations, Murphy! [Capital News 9]
  today in chicago area politics

Exciting Congressional Election Determines Next Rahm Emanuel

Several months ago Rahm Emanuel left his post in the House of Representatives and temporarily abandoned his ambitions to become the first nine-and-a-half-fingered Speaker of the House in order to crack skulls for Barack Obama. Today, the specialest of all special elections determines who will “fill his seat.” Read more on Exciting Congressional Election Determines Next Rahm Emanuel…
  rural upstate new york election fever

Most Exciting Election In The History Of Ever Is Today!

Today we celebrate a BELLWETHER ELECTION up in New York’s 20th Congressional District. Once a harmless gun nut named Kirsten Gillibrand held that seat, but then she became the poor man’s Hillary Clinton, so the voters in her district must now decide whether they will be led by a human named “Murphy” or a human named “Tedisco,” allegedly. Read more on Most Exciting Election In The History Of Ever Is Today!…
 

Childers Wins, And Childers Said Nothing

The AP has just called the special election in Mississippi Congressional District 1 for Democrat Travis Childers, who said… oh Hell, he said plenty. Folks, that is Northern Missisippi, an intensely conservative district, just as Louisiana’s 6th was. Don’t get too worried about John McCain just yet, or ever. [AP/Clarion-Ledger] Read more on Childers Wins, And Childers Said Nothing…
 

Travis Childers Said Something!

Screw HITLERY ROD-SHAM CLINTON and B’IRAQ HUSSEIN OSAMA, the biggest election tonight is in Mississippi Congressional District Numero Uno, between Republican Greg Davis and Democrat Travis Childers, who said nothing. Wait, what’s that? Travis Childers stopped being a mute, finally? Yes He Did, with this mailer he’s been sending out attacking Davis. Davis, you see, wanted to honor the founder of the KKK with a big old racist statue, and the black gal pictured here wasn’t so thrilled about that. Congrats, Childers, and good luck! [TPM Election Central] Read more on Travis Childers Said Something!…