Tag: speaker of the house

Hannity Denies Denies Denies Denies. Wonkagenda For Tues., April 17, 2018

Hannity tries to splain his bromance with Michael Cohen, Trump strangles his Russian sanctions in their crib, and Ryan Zinke is a commander of geology! Your morning news brief.

Happy 78th Birthday, Nancy Pelosi! Your Present Won’t Be Here Until November But It Is This Gavel

Let's end our day by recognizing Nancy Pelosi as the badass she is.

Paul Ryan Loves Devin Nunes And Scratches His Belly And Helps Him Cover Up Trump-Russia

Guess who's got Devin Nunes's back in the witch hunt to destroy FBI/DOJ in order to cover up Trump's crimes? That's right, IT'S PAUL RYAN!

Hello Paul Ryan, You Will Impeach Trump After The Tax Cuts, Yes?

Hope this proves persuasive.

Trump Loves Paul Ryan! Loves Him Under This Bus! Wonkagenda For Mon., March 27, 2017

Washington is throwing around blame, Jared is getting another hat and a Senate hearing, and teevee people go crazy! Your morning news brief!

Paul Ryan Campaigning With Donald Trump, But SHHHHHHHH, It’s Too Embarrassing!

They are going to the county fall fest in Wisconsin! They will eat cotton candy and get stuck on top of the ferris wheel together maybe!
And then he'll grow his beard back

Paul Ryan Doesn’t Need To Be Republican Convention Chair. Doesn’t Need Anything But This Lamp

Paul Ryan just needs this ashtray. And this paddle game. This ashtray and this paddle game.
I *AM SO* PRESIDENTIAL!

Donald Trump Might Have To Shoot Paul Ryan In The Middle Of 5th Avenue

Donald Trump warned on TV Sunday that he hasn't ruled out replacing Paul Ryan as chairman of this summer's Republican National Convention. Now that Trump has ascended to the GOP nomination, he can do what he damned well pleases,...
Sick fuck if true

Denny Hastert Going To Actual-Factual Prison For Covering Up How He Molested All The Boys

Denny Hastert, former speaker of the House and a serial child molester who for eight years was second in line to the presidency after Dick Cheney (who was already president anyway), has been sentenced to 15 months in actual...
Your modern 'ethical standards' frighten and confuse me

Why Might Former Speaker Denny Hastert Have Rubbed Those Five Boys’ Groins? Hmmmm

In a novel strategy, the attorneys for former House Speaker Dennis Hastert attempted to downplay Hastert's alleged sexual abuse of a minor when he was a high school wrestling coach by arguing that maybe there was nothing particularly sexual...
Shed a tear for Denny

Former House Speaker Denny Hastert ‘Sorry’ For Being Sick Bastard, Please Don’t Send Him To Jail

<a href="http://wonkette.com/586945/yep-ex-speaker-denny-hastert-paid-hush-money-to-cover-up-kid-diddling-allegedly"></a>Time for an update on one of the Ew Gross stories that happened in the Year Of Our Lord 2015. Quick recap: Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert was indicted when it was revealed that he had ALLEGEDLY done financial misconduct...
He's thinking of ideas right now.

Here Are Some Awful Presidents Paul Ryan Thinks Were WAY Better Than Obama

Speaker Paul Ryan was recently asked who his least favorite president was, and you'll never guess who he said! (Yes, you will.) It couldn't be Obama, could it? (Of course it could.) Well, boy howdy! Given that Ryan thinks Obama is...
He's thinking of ideas right now.

New House Speaker Paul Ryan Has Some Ideas, You Guys!

Fresh-faced dumb baby House Speaker Paul Ryan woked up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning! He did his P90X, said his affirmations into the mirror, and then tweeted out an idea he had been having, about how it would be...
Just imagine it's a pith helmet or whatever

Ben Carson Was Going To Be Chief Neurosurgeon Of Congress One Time Too

Another exciting installment in the Choose Your Own Adventure series that is Ben Carson's fascinating whoa-if-true (but probably not true) life story! According to reliable source Ben Carson, in 2014 -- long before Republicans forced Speaker John Boehner to quit his job, leaving...
Oh look, they are kissing. Bet they're about to do some "mission work" to each other's bathing suit areas.

Dumb Duggar Kids Admit Mission Trip Is Basically Sexxxy Beach Vacation For Jesus

YR WONKET CALLED IT, MUST CREDIT WONKET! You people out there in internet-ville think oh, Wonkette is such a gas, the way they make up silly stories about how Jill Duggar and her long lanky sex penis "Derick Dillard"...

Jeb Bush Hiring Big Brother’s Best Friends To Fix It For Him

Oh, is it mock Jeb o'clock already? Yup, sure is. On Monday, we laughed so hard we cried tears, of pity, at Jeb's new and improved plan to surge in the polls -- that is, after "a few weeks" of...