You are not likely to see this in the state-controlled media, but the Spanish prime minister’s family is actually a coven of Witches, like from Hogwarts. What spells did they put on Obama with their Witch Craft? [Gawker/State Dept. Flickr]

Aside from just being a loony dingbat distraction during today’s hot-ticket Finance Committee markup, what other fucking insane things has Chuck Grassley been up to? “Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) is blocking the all-important nomination of Alan Solomont, the president’s nominee for ambassador to Spain.” He is literally standing in the doorway, blocking all traffic, crowing. [Wash. Independent]

So you hate America? Then you must love soccer! Soccer, or “foot-ball” in Latin, is a game Americans force their children to play (badly) for a few years before they graduate to “real sports,” such as driving to Checkers in Ford F-350s while drinking a Big Gulp of chocolate sauce. Still, not that many people noticed the other day when the “meh” United States men’s soccer team defeated #1-in-the-world, 35-games-unbeaten Spain, 2-0, in a fake tournament in South Africa, where every attendee in every stadium blows annoying as hell Tribal Horns for every second of every game, THEY REALLY NEED TO STOP THAT, anyway: Gary Schmitt, a conservative hero at the American Enterprise Institute, wrote a reaction to the upset and ended with his explanation for why Americans don’t get into soccer like the rest of the world does: because the rest of the word hates fairness and freedom and Justice, which play no role in this evil, fraudulent sport. MORE »

Here is your daily dose of International Politics: one of those gals from one of those shows that all your kids watch on the cable TV, doing the world’s tamest lap dance for a fake Obama in Spain. Remember when Marilyn Monroe sang “Happy Birthday” to the president and the whole world got an erection? This is sort of the opposite. [The Frisky]

It’s a very exciting day for Pensacola! While Barack Obama is distracted by irredentists in the Canadian provinces, King Juan Carlos I (Carl’s Jr.) and Queen Sofia, Los Reyes Católicos, traveled by aeroplane to Florida, which they first discovered in the year 1559. The Reconquista has begun! MORE »

We have listened to this recording of John McCain’s interview with Radio Caracol Miami where he appears not to know who the prime minister of Spain is, or whether or not he’d be willing to meet with him. It is just … weird. MORE »

Did you know that Americans aren’t the only ones to have elections? That’s right, the Foreigns do as well! Also, did you know that while American elections drag on for months and years like some grisly cavalcade of damned souls, many Foreign election campaigns are literally required by law to last only a couple of months? I know, it makes those crazy foreign lands sound like a wonderful paradise, if you can get past the cholera and the hairy armpits on the ladies! This week, take a look at some upcoming elections that will be long forgotten while our ass clowns are still jabbering away on the TV. MORE »

What has Condoleezza Rice accomplished in the past week? The answer is always the same: nothing! What has she been doing, where has she been going? Well, that’s a more complicated question. Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! This past week, Dr. Secretary sat around and offended her underlings, said goodbye to an old friend, got sharp objects thrown at her by Turkish children, and then received a subpoena from mean people who just won’t leave her alone!

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In the weeks before the Iraq war, Bush’s public face was impatient, eager to begin the invasion, and unwilling to acknowledge the validity of opposing viewpoints. In private, his attitude, as the transcript of a conversation between him and Spanish Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar released by El Pais today reveals… was, uh, exactly the same. Pretty much. MORE »