Tag Archives: spain

  Your morning cup of wut?

Republicans Are Terrible At The Internet, PolitiFact Kills Irony, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Good morning, sunshines! Want to know what you missed while you were sleeping? Too bad, we’re going to tell you anyway. Republicans are terrible at the internet. TERRIBLE. And now they have a real hip new video game, circa 1981, to really show them Democrats what’s what. And yes, it’s Atari-compatible. We think. Read more on Republicans Are Terrible At The Internet, PolitiFact Kills Irony, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  alert alanis morrissette

Guy Who Co-Wrote ‘How to Survive the Running of the Bulls’ Attacked By Al Gore

There are some moments when you almost feel like a Supreme Being or karma or something like that might be possible, like when you read this lede in the New York Post: An American who co-wrote a book called “How to Survive the Running of the Bulls” was badly gored on Wednesday in the morning bull run at Pamplona’s San Fermin festival. We’ve included an Amazon linky there, though we aren’t sure how reliable that there book is. Read more on Guy Who Co-Wrote ‘How to Survive the Running of the Bulls’ Attacked By Al Gore…
  nom nom nom

Wingnuts Hold Anti-Gay Jeebus Conference In Magical Eastern Mexican Land of ‘Spain’

Have any of our Wonkette readers ever been to a Foreign Country? Haha, oh my heck, no, of course not! All Godjesus-worshipping Americans know that all other countries are full of squalor and general brown-ness and should only be visited for the purposes of converting their heathen denizens to the one true religion of American Christianity, which involves going to the local Chick-Fil-A and stuffing as many chicken nuggets in your gaping maw hole as you can and then diving face first into a tub of soft serve frozen yogurt because God Hates Homos, or something like that, don’t know, haven’t been paying attention in church. It’s the weirdest Eucharist ever. Read more on Wingnuts Hold Anti-Gay Jeebus Conference In Magical Eastern Mexican Land of ‘Spain’…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama Does Topless Magazine Cover For Filthy Europeans

Here is the great news for those of us who have longed for some FLOTUS in our lives these past few days: Michelle Obama is involved in another scandal again, and surprise surprise, it involves Spain and France and being an African and, oh wait, NUDITY. And once our nation’s bucket hat-wearing slobs and zombie white ladies finish fantasizing about what Clint Eastwood would say to them if they were an empty chair (gross!) they will probably get around to being “appalled” that our First Lady is a naked slave on a foreign magazine. Or they will fight for as many copies as they can get their creepy, trembling hands on. Actually, they will probably experience both of these reactions simultaneously. So what now, Ann Romney, homemaker/equestrian? Read more on Michelle Obama Does Topless Magazine Cover For Filthy Europeans…
  the pain in spain

Around The World With Lloyd Dangle: Austerity’s A Bitch And Then You Die

(Pittsburgh) A few days ago I was in Rome, now I’m in Pittsburgh. My serotonin level is in freefall. No, Pittsburgh’s nice, really! The frutti di mare is good here. It’s the jet lag and the hemorrhoidal bonfire in my ass that make me want to die. And my VISA bill. I asked an emaciated 70-year-old Pittsburghian taxi driver, Troy, whether the city was doing okay. He said that the unemployment rate was 7%, a point lower than the US average, that they never had a housing bubble here, and that manufacturing jobs have been gone for so long that nobody even remembers them. Pittsburgh is the Germany of America! Contrast that with Spain where the unemployment rate is 24.6% and the rate for under-25s is––holy-crap––53%. We had a situation like that once. They called it the Great Depression and it left a whole generation of Americans so damaged that they have a nervous breakdown every time they have to leave a tip. Eso es desagradable, Jack! Read more on Around The World With Lloyd Dangle: Austerity’s A Bitch And Then You Die…
  but do the penguins get a toaster?

Why Are These Dastardly Spaniards Turning These Poor Penguins Gay?

Madrid, Spain, is the location for all those disgusting Pedro Almodovar movies about nuns and transvestites and nun-transvestites, and pregnant nuns caring for junkie transvestites. So it it any wonder that in Godless Madrid, zookeepers are turning poor penguins gay? They are even endangering unborn penguins by letting them be hatched and adopted by homosexual* birds! Read more on Why Are These Dastardly Spaniards Turning These Poor Penguins Gay?…
  finally he's good for something

Spain Takes Break From Economic Woes to Laugh at Rick Scott

Perennial top contender for America’s most fervently incompetent governor Rick Scott is working hard for the title even on a trade mission to Spain: He managed to earn immediate ridicule from the country’s 47 million residents within actual seconds of meeting the King of Spain. He’s efficient! King Juan Carlos has lately been in hot water for taking a fancy elephant-murdering trip to Botswana while the country’s economy shrivels under a banking crisis and a 24% unemployment rate, so much so that he issued a first-ever public apology for his actions. This provided a no-fail comedy setup for Florida’s dipstick governor, whose first words upon meeting the king were, “I’ve ridden elephants. I’ve never tried to shoot one.” Don’t stop there, Rick! (He doesn’t.) Read more on Spain Takes Break From Economic Woes to Laugh at Rick Scott…
  occupy 2012

2012: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy As the Human World Breaks Apart

The modern idea that human civilization would collapse in 2012 supposedly goes back to another overextended American empire on its last legs, that of the Maya. But like so much wrong thinking now popular in today’s United States, this concept made its first impression on the nation’s nervous consciousness through the teevee screen. In Search Of, the syndicated paranormal program hosted by Leonard Nimoy, claimed that the Mesoamerican long count calendar came to an end on December 24, 2011. (That date has moved a year forward in today’s paranoid circles.) You are probably waiting for the “Ron Paul connection,” at this point, and it is this: According to Leonard Nimoy reading a script for a pseudoscience documentary series in 1977, the end of the Mayan calendar would bring a cataclysmic earthquake, the collapse of the dominant civilization, and the creation of an internationalist New World Order. Actual scholars of the ancient Mayan culture, however, believe the end of the calendar would bring not disaster, but a wonderful celebration. Who’s right? WHO WILL WIN? Read more on 2012: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy As the Human World Breaks Apart…
  war on christmas

Foreigners Delight In Sarah Palin Pooping On Nativity Set

Outside of America, the world is apparently filled with various foreigners. What do they do, and why? These answers mostly elude us, but occasionally we can get a glimpse of the mysterious ways of the foreigns, especially if there’s an “American politics angle.” For example, in parts of Spain there is an ancient tradition of placing a whimsical figurine called a caganer within the region’s elaborate nativity displays. Caganer means “little pooper” — because that’s what it is, and that’s what it does. The caganer is a mischievous figure always found within the Christmas displays of Catalonia and Valencia, as well as in parts of Italy, France and Portugal. It is always seen crouched with its pants around its ankles, with a pile of poop behind it. And finally, in the charming Catholic-Catalan culture, a purpose has been found for the figure of Sarah Palin. Read more on Foreigners Delight In Sarah Palin Pooping On Nativity Set…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama’s Desire To Go Outside Hurts America’s Feelings

As America heads swiftly toward its impending rapture date, Michelle Obama fans are wondering why our FLOTUS has not taken advantage of the opportunity to publish a “How to Make the Most of Your Ramadan Fast” diet book or, alternatively, eat some more hamburgers while no one is paying attention. Perhaps it is because our FLOTUS is too busy going on vacation, every single day of the year. Some people are upset about this apparent revelation, because shouldn’t the First Lady spend more time in the confines of her residence, having luncheons and knitting? Instead, as a direct insult to the American people, First Lady Magellan Obama thinks she needs to “see the world” and “do things.” Read more on Michelle Obama’s Desire To Go Outside Hurts America’s Feelings…
  finally!

Spanish Dads Get Breastfeeding Vacation

Spain is one of those socialist countries somewhere in Europe. As such, people who live in Spain don’t have to work all 666 days of the year. And now, just to add to the socialism, Spanish fathers get to take time off from work, to breastfeed their children: Read more on Spanish Dads Get Breastfeeding Vacation…
  the flotus files

The Mosque is Michelle Obama’s Fault, Because of Spain

Have you had enough 9/11 lately? If you are a True Patriot, the answer is, of course, “Never!” So you must be excited for the FLOTUS reunion between current, sexy FLOTUS Michelle Obama and previous, less exciting FLOTUS Laura Bush at the future site of the Flight 93 National Memorial, coming soon to a teevee screen near you. This is a beautiful example of bipartisanship during this whole Ground Zero Mosk debacle. But wait, should Michelle Obama really be honoring victims of America’s Darkest Day when she is secretly a Muslim? Read more on The Mosque is Michelle Obama’s Fault, Because of Spain…
  it's morning in america

Even Communist Europeans Making More Money Than Us

“The business of America is business” said Calvin Coolidge, America’s greatest president; the obvious implication is that the business of America’s enemies, the Foreigns, is using their eight weeks of vacation to sit around in romantic cafes, smoking and discussing their latest extramarital affairs with rueful detachment. That’s why it’s particularly disheartening to learn that America remains a nation of unemployed slobs while European countries like Germany, Spain, and even (shudder) France are doing better. That’s just pathetic, America. Pathetic. Read more on Even Communist Europeans Making More Money Than Us… Read more on Even Communist Europeans Making More Money Than Us…
  reblogging maureen

Maureen Dowd Is the Obamas’ New Marriage Counselor

Maureen Dowd is an expert on marriage in the same way that Charles Barkley is an expert on winning NBA championship rings. In this week’s edition of Hot Jamz with MoDo, Our Lady of the Pop Culture References peers into her scrying pool and divines the meaning of notorious Basque separatist Michelle Obama’s need to sometimes go on vacations with persons who are not her husband. In a column that actually has something to sort of do with politics, Maureen’s’s back to telling the Obama White House what they should do. But this time the bizarre thesis of her argument isn’t “Black it up!” It’s “Michelle Obama is too good at being a fun mom.” Read more on Maureen Dowd Is the Obamas’ New Marriage Counselor…
  flotus files

Michelle Will Never Eat Beet-Flavored Cake

Just a few weeks ago, the FLOTUS community was forced to defend its heroine against fashion expert Glenn Beck after he compared our First Lady to famous cake-eating French Lady Marie Antoinette. Now, Michelle Obama is under attack once again, this time because she decided to go on vacation in Spain instead of at the Mall of America or Cheese Whiz Factory, and that was so unpatriotic of her, because of the recession. But thankfully none of that matters now because Michelle is on the cover of the September issue of Ladies’ Home Journal and has given an interview in which she tells us everything from the meaning of the “beet gene” to why Malia won’t be getting gastric bypass surgery for her Super Sweet 16. Read more on Michelle Will Never Eat Beet-Flavored Cake…
  sean connery would do the same thing

World Ending, Michelle Obama Rocks the Costa del Sol

What the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks is going on? Your editor just returned from a frantic/miserable week of “summer vacation,” with nothing but occasional glances at the USA Today to remind him of this American Politics/Collapse thing — did you know America Loves Cake, and everyone is still unemployed, and the nation is melting? Read more on World Ending, Michelle Obama Rocks the Costa del Sol…
  marilyn monroe turned into this shit

Everybody Mess With Obama! It’s His Birfday

Oh, America, your president turned 49 today! Birthdays are the most important part of our culture, and nothing is going on right now in politics, so of course Obama’s “big day” (ugh) is a big deal. CNN decided to mark the occasion by commissioning a cute poll that asked Americans how certain they are that Obama was born in the United States. Only 11% said he DEFINITELY wasn’t. Organizing for America has organized for America “parties,” which are basically just phone-banking events. But that pissed off some guy at Politico, because ONLY AUTHORITARIAN REGIMES CELEBRATE THEIR LEADER’S BIRTHDAYS. And also the RNC made up some “humorous” online birthday cards. Read more on Everybody Mess With Obama! It’s His Birfday…
  rumors on the internets

Spain Adopts Cuban Exiles, Sinks ‘The Maine’ All Over Again

Diaper Pants David Vitter joked he would never let Rachel Maddow put diapers on him, because that would be gross: Rachel Maddow has man-features! And then David Vitter apologized to Rachel Maddow and his entire family, as is his wont. [Washington Post] Read more on Spain Adopts Cuban Exiles, Sinks ‘The Maine’ All Over Again…
  wonkette foreign desk

Obama Offended Europeans Of All People, By Refusing To Go To Their Stupid Europe

Barack Obama is snubbing the European continent of Europe by declining to attend a US-EU summit in Europe’s Madrid. The Spanish Prime Minister spent all last night telling Obama how much he hated him, likely in Spanish: “The Spanish prime minister, José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero […] was described as angry and embarrassed, and European officials said there was a set of high-level diplomatic exchanges overnight.” Obama did not respond to any of Zapatero’s probable upside-down exclamation mark-laden text messages, because he’s like, I never said I was doing a semester abroad. Drama! Read more on Obama Offended Europeans Of All People, By Refusing To Go To Their Stupid Europe…
  funny pictures

Spanish Witches Attack Poor Barry Obama

You are not likely to see this in the state-controlled media, but the Spanish prime minister’s family is actually a coven of Witches, like from Hogwarts. What spells did they put on Obama with their Witch Craft? [Gawker/State Dept. Flickr] Read more on Spanish Witches Attack Poor Barry Obama…
  as long as it takes

How Long Can America Function Without An Ambassador To Spain?

Aside from just being a loony dingbat distraction during today’s hot-ticket Finance Committee markup, what other fucking insane things has Chuck Grassley been up to? “Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) is blocking the all-important nomination of Alan Solomont, the president’s nominee for ambassador to Spain.” He is literally standing in the doorway, blocking all traffic, crowing. [Wash. Independent] Read more on How Long Can America Function Without An Ambassador To Spain?…
  for your records

The Official Neocon Stance On ‘Soccer,’ The Children’s Game

So you hate America? Then you must love soccer! Soccer, or “foot-ball” in Latin, is a game Americans force their children to play (badly) for a few years before they graduate to “real sports,” such as driving to Checkers in Ford F-350s while drinking a Big Gulp of chocolate sauce. Still, not that many people noticed the other day when the “meh” United States men’s soccer team defeated #1-in-the-world, 35-games-unbeaten Spain, 2-0, in a fake tournament in South Africa, where every attendee in every stadium blows annoying as hell Tribal Horns for every second of every game, THEY REALLY NEED TO STOP THAT, anyway: Gary Schmitt, a conservative hero at the American Enterprise Institute, wrote a reaction to the upset and ended with his explanation for why Americans don’t get into soccer like the rest of the world does: because the rest of the word hates fairness and freedom and Justice, which play no role in this evil, fraudulent sport. Read more on The Official Neocon Stance On ‘Soccer,’ The Children’s Game…