Just another narcissist video-blogging from his home office, blah blah, job creation, energies, 3 million jobs, financial disaster. Only kidding, Barack! Don’t have us disappeared! If half of this stuff makes it to the Economic Heroics Legislation, which Obama says will be LAW within a month, this is going to be nuts. Let’s watch some video previews of what America can expect …. MORE »

Like grimy Chicago leeches, the Obama “transition team” (AS IF) has sent review panels to every federal agency to decide which budget items need to be cut, forever, to finance the next $100 billion wave of AIG bailouts. Agencies like FEMA probably abandoned their entire offices before their transition team appointments, just to avoid the embarrassment, whereas places like NASA — which holds valuable information about quasars, space monsters, and the planets Mars and Neptune — are simply telling the transition team “YOU WOULDN’T GET IT YOU STUPIDS — PHYSICS.” Space nerds. MORE »

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Something sort of familiar about scary old McCain and shrill Mrs. President Palin? Yes, they are the space monsters from teevee’s Battlestar Galactica — the doomed leaders of a spaceship filled with frantic losers running for their lives from the PLANET THEY DESTROYED … we think. We have not actually watched this show, but we vaguely recall the terrible original version from 1942. You people, in the comments, will very quickly display an encyclopedic knowledge of the show, and how it proves McCain-Palin will destroy our planet, too. [Tigh-Roslin 2008 via Cryptogon]

Here is a video from the future. 2022, we estimate. A colony of highly advanced space monsters have posted it to YouTube. We learn that after Barack Obama finishes his presidency, he becomes John McCain’s maid in a shanty town. It also looks like John McCain becomes a black person at some point, except for his head, which will always be white as snow. Never forget. [YouTube]

Oh hell, the New York Times op-ed page is now warning of UFOs. Tuesday’s paper had an op-ed by this Nick Pope guy, who was actually the British Government’s factotum who had to take down the Anomalous Aerial Phenomena reports from the English and Scottish people, after they staggered home from the pub. MORE »

Air Force logs and government radar reports released under the Freedom of Information Act reveal that a massive, terrible mystery aircraft barreled through the skies of Central Texas on January 8 — and it was headed for George W. Bush’s Crawford ranch at 2,100 miles per hour! MORE »

Wonkette omen operative “Jacklyn” sends us this photo and writes, “Does anyone know what these paintings are or why they are there? They are painted on streets all around the Mall… 3rd, 4th, and 7th, Streets NW at least.” We have no clue but are willing to conjecture: In ten days, a race of oversized, porous ribbed condoms from Outer Space will destroy this city and rebuild it as five-star day spa. Any other theories?

John McCain’s web site features a challenging video game called “Pork Invaders,” which is designed to illustrate how he will balance the $900 trillion budget deficit by cutting hundreds of millions of dollars in earmarks and “waste.” And because he is John McCain, he will use War to veto these earmarks. See for yourself in the game — you, President McCain, “fire a veto” with the spacebar at little piggie space monsters to prevent them from shitting firecrackers on your subprime mud huts. [John McCain]

John McCain spoke to his Confederate friends at the N.R.A. convention last week, shortly after Mike Huckabee made a joke about killing Barry Obama. McCain uttered such horrible sentences as this: “Someone should tell Senator Obama that ducks are usually hunted with shotguns.” Ha ha, what was he even talking about? DUCKS? MORE »

Our last, best hope for Washington — that it would be destroyed by the horrible emergence of subterranean monstrosities — came tantalizingly close to reality on Tuesday, when a magnitude 2.0 earthquake shook the D.C. area. What was it, and why is the government claiming and then denying responsibility for the loud booms from Beneath the Earth? MORE »