Tag: space monsters

Palin Cult Followers Wander Iowa Awaiting Signs From Mama Grizzly

In the absence of Sarah Palin saying anything about whether she will run for president, her followers are walking around the Iowa cornfields as un-anointed apostles canvasing for their mysteriously quiet snowbilly messiah and waiting for her sign. What...

Obama Wants To Send Stray Dogs Into Space, To Die

About two-hundred years ago, our enemies The Rooskies put an alive dog in a space capsule and shot it into orbit, for laughs. Russians have a very dark sense of humor. But Americans -- especially the kind of Americans...

NASA Press Release About Space Monsters Led Reckless Bloggers To Mention Space Monsters

Thank the Neutered Dwarf-Gods of Journalism for the Columbia Journalism Review, which has bravely come to the defense of "responsible science reporters," who have all become scientifically butthurt because NASA put out another bullshit press release promising "an astrobiology...

U.S. Government Will Announce Space Monster Invasion Tomorrow

What did NASA send your Wonkette for some reason? Secret plans for the new Chevrolet space shuttle? A wacky "mash up" video of NASA accidents? No! It's even better/worse than all that: "NASA will hold a news conference at...

Mysterious (Lizard People) Missile Nearly Blows Up Los Angeles

What was this missile that lit up the sky over Los Angeles last night? Obviously, most smart people immediately thought this was the work of either the Pleiadians or the Reptilians, as Colleen Thomas warned us about yesterday. Yet,...

Area 51 ‘Mosque’ Design Is Frank Gehry By Way of Ayatollah & Superman

If you are anything like most of the world's Muslims, you spend your days leafing through Dwell and Architectural Digest, wondering just how you will achieve the correct interplay of light and shadow in your third second home in...

UN Appoints Minor Bureaucrat To Deal With Space Alien Invasion

Have you heard about the impending invasion of the Space Devils? Whether it's another discovery of a new "earthlike" planet filled with thousand-foot-tall rape monsters or the latest MSNBC documentary about the night demons who arrive all the time...

The Devil Is In the Cartoon Details

By the Comics CurmudgeonYour cartoon correspondent has been looking at cartoons for Wonkette since roughly the Revolutionary War, during which time political cartoons haven't changed much. You'd think that a man would burn out seeing endless weeping Statues...

Did the Media Fail Helen Thomas By Letting Her Be In the Media?

Legendary White House Crone Helen Thomas got herself pushed into retirement finally, at age 89, over a bizarre outburst into a rabbi's video camera about how the Israeli Jews need to go "back Poland, Germany," etc. Was it...

Mysterious Bilderberg Group Meets In Spain, Sells Humanity To Space Monsters

Here is a fun thing about old-school Conspiracy Theories: They were often true. The Bilderberg Group was, until just a couple of years ago, dismissed by the Lame Stream Media as some kind of crazy fiction -- but the...

NASA Voyager Space Probe Captured By Aliens?

Just as Stephen Hawking's dire warning about the Space Aliens made the news three weeks ago, engineers at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory discovered a puzzling development in the datastream sent by Voyager 2, the space probe launched in 1977...

Hillary Clinton Is President of Outer Space

Did you hear old what's-his-name, "Current Bogeyman," just rappin' about Chomsky at the United Nations today? He must've run really fast from that Pathfinder he left in Times Square, AMIRITE?? Anyway, then Hillary took her Diplomatic Shuttle down from the...

Oh Look, the White House Got a YouTube Channel

Just another narcissist video-blogging from his home office, blah blah, job creation, energies, 3 million jobs, financial disaster. Only kidding, Barack! Don't have us disappeared! If half of this stuff makes it to the Economic Heroics Legislation, which Obama...

NASA Head Trying To Keep Outer Space Secrets From Obama Transition Team

Like grimy Chicago leeches, the Obama "transition team" (AS IF) has sent review panels to every federal agency to decide which budget items need to be cut, forever, to finance the next $100 billion wave of AIG bailouts. Agencies...

McCain-Palin Actually Robot-Hating Space Monsters?

Something sort of familiar about scary old McCain and shrill Mrs. President Palin? Yes, they are the space monsters from teevee's Battlestar Galactica -- the doomed leaders of a spaceship filled with frantic losers running for their lives from...