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Posts Tagged ‘space monsters’

Does John McCain Have A Special Rosh Hashanah Stunt Up His Sleeve?

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

McCain-Palin Actually Robot-Hating Space Monsters?

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

Vote 4 Space Monsters!Something sort of familiar about scary old McCain and shrill Mrs. President Palin? Yes, they are the space monsters from teevee’s Battlestar Galactica — the doomed leaders of a spaceship filled with frantic losers running for their lives from the PLANET THEY DESTROYED … we think. We have not actually watched this show, but we vaguely recall the terrible original version from 1942. You people, in the comments, will very quickly display an encyclopedic knowledge of the show, and how it proves McCain-Palin will destroy our planet, too. [Tigh-Roslin 2008 via Cryptogon]


John & Barry Will Become Best Friends, But Not Now

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008

Here is a video from the future. 2022, we estimate. A colony of highly advanced space monsters have posted it to YouTube. We learn that after Barack Obama finishes his presidency, he becomes John McCain’s maid in a shanty town. It also looks like John McCain becomes a black person at some point, except for his head, which will always be white as snow. Never forget. [YouTube]


NYT Fears UFOs

Wednesday, July 30th, 2008

What's your question for the New Pope?Oh hell, the New York Times op-ed page is now warning of UFOs. Tuesday’s paper had an op-ed by this Nick Pope guy, who was actually the British Government’s factotum who had to take down the Anomalous Aerial Phenomena reports from the English and Scottish people, after they staggered home from the pub. MORE »


Giant UFO Attacks George W. Bush’s Texas Ranch

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

He is an Alien Muppet Demon.Air Force logs and government radar reports released under the Freedom of Information Act reveal that a massive, terrible mystery aircraft barreled through the skies of Central Texas on January 8 — and it was headed for George W. Bush’s Crawford ranch at 2,100 miles per hour! MORE »


John McCain’s ‘Pork Invaders’ Video Game Looks Older Than John McCain

Monday, June 23rd, 2008

John McCain’s web site features a challenging video game called “Pork Invaders,” which is designed to illustrate how he will balance the $900 trillion budget deficit by cutting hundreds of millions of dollars in earmarks and “waste.” And because he is John McCain, he will use War to veto these earmarks. See for yourself in the game — you, President McCain, “fire a veto” with the spacebar at little piggie space monsters to prevent them from shitting firecrackers on your subprime mud huts. [John McCain]


John McCain Likes To Fish On His Fake Lake

Monday, May 19th, 2008

John McCain spoke to his Confederate friends at the N.R.A. convention last week, shortly after Mike Huckabee made a joke about killing Barry Obama. McCain uttered such horrible sentences as this: “Someone should tell Senator Obama that ducks are usually hunted with shotguns.” Ha ha, what was he even talking about? DUCKS? MORE »


Mysterious Earthquake Fails To Destroy D.C.

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

Vote for Change.Our last, best hope for Washington — that it would be destroyed by the horrible emergence of subterranean monstrosities — came tantalizingly close to reality on Tuesday, when a magnitude 2.0 earthquake shook the D.C. area. What was it, and why is the government claiming and then denying responsibility for the loud booms from Beneath the Earth? MORE »


Monday, April 28th, 2008

WHICH RICH ELITIST WILL BEST FIGHT THE UFOS? The space monsters will kill us all, but which candidate will make us feel better about it? [Political Machine]


Thursday, March 27th, 2008

cthulhu.jpgSPACE DEMONS WILL KILL US ALL: The GAO issues a “scathing report” about the lack of a plan to fight the Moon Monsters. “DOD and the intelligence community have not developed, agreed upon, or issued a National Security Space Strategy.” [Network World]


Time-Traveling Alien Lady Tries To Laser-Gun Our Barack!

Thursday, March 6th, 2008

Be Careful, Barry!
Many readers have sent in this very disturbing New York Times photograph of Our Barack Obama surrounded by reporters, plus a creepy lady over there on the right with a bunch of suspicious TV remotes or whatever in her hands. One website suggested she was holding a half-dozen of those little digital voice recorders that the media reporters use these days because they don’t know how to take notes. But that seems a little absurd, don’t you think? She is clearly a time-traveling space alien lady in “human” disguise about to blast our new president with Rays of Anti-Hope! MORE »


U.S. Military Escorting Alien UFOs Over Texas

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008

You gonna get raped ... in space!Every 10 years or so, there’s a “UFO flap” — special nerd code for “people everywhere think they’re seeing Alien Spaceships.” And guess what? We’re having one right now! From San Diego to, uh, some little town in Texas somewhere, Americans can hardly look up in the sky without seeing monstrous craft from beyond our world. But it’s not a real UFO Scare until the U.S. Federal Government Military cranks out an impossibly lame excuse for a mass sighting, two weeks later. MORE »


Murdoch-WSJ Hit Piece Destroys Kucinich Presidency

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008

Dennis Kucinich was this close to winning both the nomination and the presidency when Rupert Murdoch’s evil new Wall Street Journal brazenly brought up that whole UFO incident, which everybody had completely forgotten because it was only a widely reported and heavily mocked part of a nationally televised Democrat debate a few months ago. MORE »