Tag Archives: space

  rocket man

Astro Nice Time: Kid Gives His Piggy Bank To NASA, Gets Call From Real Space Man For Reals

We always feel a little guilty when we dress up a “not as horrible as it coulda been” story as a Nice Time story, and this has been a week where too many stories needed Remedial Kittens, so it is with some pleasure that we bring you this almost-unblemished story of Pure Nice: Connor Johnson, this niftadorable 6-year-old from Denver, has been nuts about the idea of going to space since he was three — the astronaut jammies, LEGO space shuttles, the usual stuff. SPACE! But then he recently learned that instead of expanding space exploration, the U.S.A. is talking about budget cuts and just not bothering. Connor decided that this state of affairs simply would not do, so he started an online petition to save NASA and sent the beleaguered agency his life’s savings of $10.41. This got Media Attention. And so on Wednesday, Connor Johnson got a phone call from retired astronaut Gene Cernan, the last man to walk on the moon. (Pardon us; there seems to be some lunar dust in our eye here…) But that’s not all: just to add a little booster rocket of “awwwwww,” Cernan called Connor on “the exact day that I stepped on the moon many, many years ago” (that would be 41 years ago). Read more on Astro Nice Time: Kid Gives His Piggy Bank To NASA, Gets Call From Real Space Man For Reals…
  the final derptier

House GOP Will Explain To NASA All About This Space And Science Stuff

Hello, have you met the Republican wingnuts on the House Science Committee? They include: Paul Broun, who has told supporters that evolution and the big bang theory “are lies straight from the pit of hell,”  and Dana Rorhabacher, who once suggested that temperature fluctuations on earth millions of years ago can be traced to dinosaur flatulence. There is also good old Todd Akin, who has stated that “legitimate” rape cannot result in pregnancy because women’s bodies have a way to “shut that whole thing down.” So it is not really a big surprise that these learned men reviewed NASA’s carefully prepared plans, shot them to shit, and gave them new marching orders to complete on a reduced budget: Read more on House GOP Will Explain To NASA All About This Space And Science Stuff…
  to the stars so long as it's cheap

Newt Gingrich Still Angling For Job As Governor of Moon

The 2012 election is the collision of many, many smaller issues: Immigrants, and how they’re destroying everything; the disenfranchisement of Poors, due to laziness; that little issue of health care and who gets to blame whom for $700 billion in Medicare cuts. Plus deficits and tax rates and reproductive rights and Freedom and student loans and Sharia law and Libya and Gitmo and income inequality and gay marriage and how single women are whores, just to name a few. There’s a lot of stuff going on in a lot of places. What should we be focusing on? I know! The moooooooon! If some of you Undecideds were feeling pretty ambivalent about all those issues but are super passionate about space travel, the Romney campaign has prepared a brochure for you — they’ve got a whole space plan! One Republican, however, is displeased with the plan: Captain Newton Tiberius Gingrich, he of the famous primary-season promise of an American moon base. Read more on Newt Gingrich Still Angling For Job As Governor of Moon…
  one very small step for lego man

Canada (Two Teenagers + Lego Man) Takes Over American Space Program

Things have not been going so well for America’s space program. We had a sad when we read about how the Obama Administration basically told Barack he could not have any exciting or inspirational “moon shot” programs, because everything had to go to Wall Street (heh heh). So not only did “moon shot”-style inspirational programs such as the “national smart energy grid” or whatever get killed, but the actual NASA program to send people to the Moon and to Mars got killed. Granted, those programs were giant boondoggles and probably never would’ve sent anyone anywhere, except to federal prison for bribery, but …. And now two Canadian kids have sent a (Lego) man into space, for about $400. Read more on Canada (Two Teenagers + Lego Man) Takes Over American Space Program…
  races that actually matter

Gingrich Declared Geekiest Candidate, Geek Population Promptly Dies Off

Newt “Skywalker” Gingrich has been declared the geekiest candidate of them all in a new six-page “study” conducted by Scientific American. The criteria? Obviously not intelligence, but rather knowing stuff about topics including guns, stars, the Internet and science fiction. SciAm finds that Gingrich vastly outdoes Romney (second place, bafflingly) and Paul (third) in these categories. All three candidates rank high largely because of “ties to Silicon Valley,” e.g. rich people with bold new visions of how to not have to hang out with other humans. Read more on Gingrich Declared Geekiest Candidate, Geek Population Promptly Dies Off…
 

Some Guys: Obama Teleported to Mars With Us

The latest ploy to draw skepticism (or bizarre, unwanted fandom) to our $99 Million Dollar Man, President Obama, is to suggest that he teleported to Mars during a top-secret CIA mission to explore the planet in the 1980s. According to two guys named Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings, Obama, then known as one “Barry Soetoro,” joined them and seven other young Americans, including the current director of DARPA, in a project that involved teleporting to the Red Planet through a so-called “jump room.” The claim is apparently serious enough that the White House has taken the time to deny it ever happened to Wired magazine’s Spencer Ackerman. Read more on Some Guys: Obama Teleported to Mars With Us…
  good news? on this site?

Gabrielle Giffords Still Improving

BREAKING: GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN IN THE WORLD FROM TIME TO TIME “I’m told there is nothing that equals the rumble of the earth when this giant manmade force lifts off,” said C. J. Karamargin, the congresswoman’s spokesman, who will also be at the launching. “For the congresswoman to attend is another milestone in her recovery.” Read more on Gabrielle Giffords Still Improving…
  it's morning in america

Libyan Protesters Call For ‘Day of Rage’

Salaam, and a very merry DAY OF RAGE to you! Did you forget to buy your girlfriend something nice for this Day of Rage? (Of course not, because who has a girlfriend?) That’s okay, just burn down a police station, in honor of how much you dislike Libya’s weirdo sorta-king thingy, Muammar Gaddafi. Yes! Libyan security forces killed two demonstrators yesterday, which is probably why much larger, angrier protests have erupted in four different cities across Libya today. And now Libyans are just cold torchin’ police stations and generally not taking shit from anybody. [Al Jazeera] Read more on Libyan Protesters Call For ‘Day of Rage’… Read more on Libyan Protesters Call For ‘Day of Rage’…
  about time space did something useful

U.S., China Now In a Super-Cool SPACE Cold War

So, in 2007, China shot one of its satellites with a missile. Then: In February 2008, America launched its own “test” strike to destroy a malfunctioning American satellite, which demonstrated to the Chinese it also had the capability to strike in space. Read more on U.S., China Now In a Super-Cool SPACE Cold War…
  wonkette's weekly review of the week that was

Remembering Our Fallen Week: The Worst Hanukkah Ever

We learned that compromise in the Senate means giving into every Republican demand, ever, and that disagreeing just makes you a partisan hack. Just to prove the president’s point, several of those partisan hacks in the lesser legislature had a big old tantrum to oppose the president and his billion-dollar Hanukkah gift to Joe Lieberman. Read more on Remembering Our Fallen Week: The Worst Hanukkah Ever…
  my name is laika

Obama Wants To Send Stray Dogs Into Space, To Die

About two-hundred years ago, our enemies The Rooskies put an alive dog in a space capsule and shot it into orbit, for laughs. Russians have a very dark sense of humor. But Americans — especially the kind of Americans who run things, in Washington — do not have any sense of humor at all. Instead of coming up with something even more ridiculous, like putting a cat in a submarine or setting Elvis Presley on fire, the Americans freaked out and said “Good Gravy we have got to also send some unwanted little creatures into space,” so they captured John Glenn and next thing you know Tom Wolfe was selling the movie rights to The Right Stuff and half a century later it’s almost impossible to remember that by the 21st Century we would most definitely have human space colonies all over the Solar System and mod orbital sex resorts. Anyway, Obama says today is our “Sputnik Moment,” even though that was pretty clearly 53 years ago. It’s like Obama doesn’t even know how to use Wikipedia, probably because he’s afraid it will leak all over the place. Read more on Obama Wants To Send Stray Dogs Into Space, To Die…
  cary grant was right

Invisible Space Monsters Made of Arsenic Will Kill Us, NASA Announces

NASA finally made their big announcement about alien life this afternoon: They were looking around some mud somewhere and found a microorganism that is made of arsenic instead of the usual stuff of which every other living thing on Earth is made. This means life can perhaps exist in many other ways we can’t conceive, so there are probably a bunch of invisible arsenic dinosaur-like things walking on the Moon, and we didn’t even know it. It may turn out there are intelligent beings with structures of PURE GOLD on other planets, when we were stupidly looking for worthless carbon-based humanoids all along. THERE IS A NEW FRONTIER: WE MUST VENTURE OUT AND KILL AND MAKE NECKLACES OUT OF THESE KIND GOLD-BEINGS. Read more on Invisible Space Monsters Made of Arsenic Will Kill Us, NASA Announces…
  martian chronicles

Who Wants To Retire On Mars?

There’s some very interesting stuff going around this week, all about establishing permanent colonies on Mars — and to infinity, and beyond! — using the novel method of “one way missions.” The technology exists today, and the smart people behind companies such as Google are starting to say, “Okay, how much?” Read more on Who Wants To Retire On Mars?…
  putting things in perspective

While We Sit Around Yelling About Mosques, Our Moon Is SHRINKING

The Moon: it’s America’s moon! We put our flag there, and thus according to the international legal principles of “firsties” and “fuck off, we’re using it,” it is OURS. But according to NASA, the Moon is shrinking. SHUT UP, NASA. Our moon is fine. Every country we’ve ever shown it to says so. You know, some aliens even prefer a smaller moon, so there. Yes, our government has seen those late-night commercials with Jimmy Johnson and ordered those moon pills, but it’s to make our moon PERFORM better, okay? Any added size is just a bonus and is totally not why we bought them. Read more on While We Sit Around Yelling About Mosques, Our Moon Is SHRINKING…