Wonkette

While George W. Bush begged us to go along with Henry Paulson’s plan to print $700 billion worth of Treasury bills to sell to the Chinese in a tragic attempt to somewhat delay our Greatest Depression and final decline as a nation, China itself has been, you know, doing stuff. MORE »

“The RPSSG has determined to form on the RonPaulForums.com as a method of designing and building a space vehicle capable of carrying a satelite into space. This satelite, called the Ron Paul Satelite, will be a solar powered transmitter, capable of broadcasting Ron Paul Revolution: A Manefesto, in audio format, to the entire Universe! We realise this may take several billion light-years for the signal to reach the end of the Universe, but we are prepared to continue our peaceful revolution, as long as it takes.” MORE »

RON PAUL MUST HELP BLACK VAMPIRE TAX HERO! The Feds threw the book at American cinema/tax hero Wesley Snipes! Three Years for just evading income taxes and escaping to Africa. FREE WESLEY SNIPES! [New York Times]

Movie hero Wesley Snipes is beloved by Americans for killing vampires and helping Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis colonize space planets for the American Dream, but now the Evil American Government is trying to destroy him for protecting your tax rights! The celebrity star is in Florida today so a federal court can sentence him for tax evasion. The feds want to put him in jail for three years! But Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson have arrived in Florida and they are going to bust him out of the joint, hooray! UPDATE: Nooooooo! Three Years! [CNN/Ocala.com]

As usual with these terrible betrayals of the public trust, it’s not the crime — it’s the coverup. If First Lady Cindy McCain had “talked straight” with the American people years ago and said, Yes, I get all my recipes from the Blue Cross drug formulary, we could have moved on. But instead she engages in this dangerous dance of deceit, leaving a trail of broken dreams and cribbed recipes behind her. One intrepid sleuth just uncovered what may be the first documented incident from Mrs. McCain’s life of shadowy food-crime — an error that may end up costing John McCain precious votes with a once reliable constituency… MORE »

Apparently, Joe Scarborough has been nice to Hillary Clinton recently. Did you hear about this? No? Must’ve started during that Wright scandal, you know, when the Main Stream Media realized Barry was a freakish, church-going Muslim. In any event, here is Hillary in her Outer Space costume flirting with the host of MSNBC’s Morning Joe, for the first minute or so. Then it’s just policy-talk or some such. [MSNBC]

The Pentagon vowed Friday to pay for any damages incurred when it shoots down that broken satellite of love. Just like it vowed to rebuild Iraq! At least there’s a blueprint this time. [Reuters]

In one of the better recent threads at Ron Paul Forums yesterday, someone floated the idea of courting Neil Armstrong’s support based on a blurb from the famous astronaut’s Wikipedia page: “The first man to walk on the Moon was also approached by political parties from both ends of the spectrum. Unlike former astronauts and United States Senators John Glenn and Harrison Schmitt, Armstrong has turned down all offers.” Later in the thread however, Armstrong’s ties with the CORPORATES are revealed — he’s a Freemason and a Skull & Bonesman, it seems, and therefore made up the moon landing! MORE »

America has finally learned the steep price it must pay for handing over so much control to the Robots. In the pre-dawn hours of Sunday, hundreds of millions of electronic clocks, cell phones, parking meters, microwaves, video games, air conditioner thermostats, digital cameras, remote-controlled vibrators and nuclear devices automatically switched to “Daylight Savings Time,” even though Congress wantonly switched the “fall back” date to next Sunday in some otherwise unrelated pile of legislation passed in 2005 — and no-one alive today will ever forget the tragic consequences. MORE »

The space agency best known for crazy diaper-wearing vengeance-killing astronauts, crazy drunken astronauts and a fleet of crippled old space vehicles likely to explode upon takeoff or landing has beaten the odds today and actually brought a broken space shuttle home without being destroyed in the process. MORE »

Is NASA trying to cause as many terrible space disasters as they can? First, we learned NASA is letting all the astronauts drunk-drive whenever they feel like it. An independent panel found at least two occasions on which space adventurers were allowed to fly despite being totally wasted. The panel was convened after crazy astronaut Lisa Nowak drove to Orlando in space-diapers to kill her astronaut boyfriend’s girlfriend. Which is crazier, yes, but somehow it makes a little more sense than letting space jockeys throw back a few space-cocktails before getting behind the throttle of their Space Shuttles. Now comes this confusing outrage. MORE »

Diaper-clad nutbucket Lisa Nowak isn’t just proof that even America’s astronauts are deranged creeps — she’s also a shining tribute to being born and raised in the DC metropolitan area! MORE »

Lisa Nowak has cemented her status as the only astronaut we’ll remember besides Buzz Aldrin and Laika. All Nowak had to do? Fall in love with another astronaut, then drive 900 miles to confront/kidnap her love’s girlfriend. Wearing diapers. MORE »

Remember Patrick Rhode? He was the former TV reporter who leveraged a job as deputy advance guy for Bush in 2000 (deputy to the guy who makes sure there’s bottled water behind the podium!) into a gig as deputy director of FEMA. Then New Orleans drowned, and Rhode called FEMA’s response “probably one of the most efficient and effective responses in the country’s history.” MORE »