Man, the Cold War, those were the days, right? Spy satellites, moon walking, cosmonauts — and all this, minus the constant lingering threat of nuclear annihilation, can be yours at the Out of This World Party on Saturday in the Warehouse Theater. This celebration of Soviet Yuri Gagarin, the winner of the “first human in space” race, is a victorious trifecta of space rock, burlesque entertainment and science experiments. In other words, NASA sucks. MORE »

So those awful explosions that you all witnessed the other night were not angels lighting their farts on fire, or meteor showers, or anything else Celestial. Apparently a fearsome Russian Rocket vomited its “space junk” all over the Eastern seaboard. Why don’t Russians care about the environment? MORE »

Now that Obama has closed down the evil Gitmo prison camp, he’s left with 250 detainees that need to either be released or criminally prosecuted – of course, there’s that tiny little problem of Where, How and Why. MORE »

Today was supposed to be an exciting day for science as NASA planned to launch its “Orbiting Carbon Observatory,” a fancy new Space Machine that would study carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere and calculate the exact moment when Earth will die, from heat. The $273.4 million, 972-pound monster “carried a single three-channel spectrometer to make its detailed measurements and was slated to launch into a near-polar, sun-synchronous orbit that would fly about 438 miles (705 kilometers) above Earth.” Well, it blew up right after launch, so global warming still does not exist. MORE »

SPACE DISASTER SOMEHOW DIDN’T INVOLVE NASA: Some old broken-ass Russian military satellite smashed into an Iridium satellite and now they are both tiny bits of space debris that will eventually cause the Apocalypse — the Russian satellite had a nuclear reactor. [Wall Street Journal]

While George W. Bush begged us to go along with Henry Paulson’s plan to print $700 billion worth of Treasury bills to sell to the Chinese in a tragic attempt to somewhat delay our Greatest Depression and final decline as a nation, China itself has been, you know, doing stuff. MORE »

“The RPSSG has determined to form on the RonPaulForums.com as a method of designing and building a space vehicle capable of carrying a satelite into space. This satelite, called the Ron Paul Satelite, will be a solar powered transmitter, capable of broadcasting Ron Paul Revolution: A Manefesto, in audio format, to the entire Universe! We realise this may take several billion light-years for the signal to reach the end of the Universe, but we are prepared to continue our peaceful revolution, as long as it takes.” MORE »

RON PAUL MUST HELP BLACK VAMPIRE TAX HERO! The Feds threw the book at American cinema/tax hero Wesley Snipes! Three Years for just evading income taxes and escaping to Africa. FREE WESLEY SNIPES! [New York Times]

Movie hero Wesley Snipes is beloved by Americans for killing vampires and helping Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis colonize space planets for the American Dream, but now the Evil American Government is trying to destroy him for protecting your tax rights! The celebrity star is in Florida today so a federal court can sentence him for tax evasion. The feds want to put him in jail for three years! But Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson have arrived in Florida and they are going to bust him out of the joint, hooray! UPDATE: Nooooooo! Three Years! [CNN/Ocala.com]

As usual with these terrible betrayals of the public trust, it’s not the crime — it’s the coverup. If First Lady Cindy McCain had “talked straight” with the American people years ago and said, Yes, I get all my recipes from the Blue Cross drug formulary, we could have moved on. But instead she engages in this dangerous dance of deceit, leaving a trail of broken dreams and cribbed recipes behind her. One intrepid sleuth just uncovered what may be the first documented incident from Mrs. McCain’s life of shadowy food-crime — an error that may end up costing John McCain precious votes with a once reliable constituency… MORE »

Apparently, Joe Scarborough has been nice to Hillary Clinton recently. Did you hear about this? No? Must’ve started during that Wright scandal, you know, when the Main Stream Media realized Barry was a freakish, church-going Muslim. In any event, here is Hillary in her Outer Space costume flirting with the host of MSNBC’s Morning Joe, for the first minute or so. Then it’s just policy-talk or some such. [MSNBC]