TOM DASCHLE TO BE OBAMA’S EMPEROR OF MEDICAL THINGS: Fancy Washington Insiders (e.g. CNN) say that Tom Daschle, the former Senate Majority Leader and Obama campaign co-chair who recently made headlines with his sexy Sally Jesse Raphael glasses, will be Barack Obama’s Secretary of Health and Human Services. Free enemas for all! [CNN]

Hey, you bunch of socialist acorns, did you know you have to register to vote, in many states, before you can show up and vote on November 4, for the terrorists? This is what Barack Obama just told your editor and everybody else who signed up for that Veep Announcement text alert nine years ago. In California and Washington (state) and Utah and various other states including Kansas and South Dakota, today’s your last day to register, hippie! MORE »

South Dakota Representative Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, née “Stephanie Herseth,” is married to former Representative Max Sandlin. The happy couple just announced they will be having a baby sometime in late December, and the child will be elected to the House of Representatives no later than early March. [Argus Leader]

Here’s an independent ad that was running in South Dakota before its June 3 primary from some Christian group, against Barack Obama. The Obama team complained about it shortly after its debut, and Obama has been referencing it recently as a typical attack ad he’ll see more of this fall. But he doesn’t mention how funny it is! The basic idea here: Obama is like a slave in the Underground Railroad, and when he escapes to the North, he and his crazy black church preacher institute a Muslim theocracy. Well *sorry*, Mr. Sensitive Luo Tribesman, we thought the people of South Dakota would’ve wanted to know this information before voting. STOLEN ELECTION. [YouTube]

It is finished. There are no more primaries, no more whining about Michigan and Florida. Even though she may not ever concede, Barack Obama says: “Tonight I can stand here and say, that I will be the Democratic nominee, for the United States of America.” That should be worth some interesting discussion and freakouts, no? MORE »

Well first and foremost a big fist-bump to old Hillary Clinton, who has won the great state of South Dakota, her 50th state victory of the season, and now she leads Obama by 20 million popular votes and infinity delegates. Why are the media and its blacks trying to push her out of the race, knowing this? Let’s see what Hillary has to say about her Pyrrhic Victory, and beyond. MORE »

BREAKING NEWS LITTLE SIREN GIF: Barack has got the Power, and the Delegates …. Well, what have we learned, tonight, other than that your editor has a “drinking problem” due to having some drillings/fillings done on his own teeth an hour ago? We’ve learned that Maverick RINO McCain wants to hate fuck the war until it finally loves him, and he went to a New Orleans suburb to explain why it’s good when there’s no “big government” to help you with change you can believe in. Anyway, let’s liveblog the nonsense as we get some results from South Dakota, the “Bukkake State.” MORE »

Attention whore John McCain didn’t want Democrats to have all the fun tonight, and we needed to start up another comment thread for you lunatics, so join us as we watch John McCain saying mean things about Barack Obama. MSNBC has stationed Howard Fineman on some sort of “Listening Post,” which maybe means he has tapped people’s phones or something? Anyway we can “listen” to Howard Fineman for a little while before John McCain’s angry senile rant, hooray! MORE »

We will be back tonight to provide more blog laffs as we cover the Montana and South Dakota primaries, the final two in this Historic Election between an Historic Black Person and an Historic Woman. Until then, check out the latest gossip and “news” surrounding this End of this Historic Primary Election in History, after the Historic Jump. MORE »

Tonight, beloved Wonkette readers, we shall gather for one last (?) primary contest before Cheney attacks Iran and ends this campaign for good. Join us for the liveblogging, beginning at about 8:30 p.m. Eastern, which is 7:30 p.m. Central (for most of South Dakota) and 6:30 p.m. Mountain Time (for “Western South Dakota”) and also 6:30 p.m. Montana Time (Montana=Mountain) and, who knows, probably 5:15 p.m. Pacific Time. As always, makes sure to stop at the liquor/gun store on the way home for some bitter booze & ammo. Please leave predictions — and graphical-theme ideas for tonight — in the comments.

And South Dakota Clinton supporter Cheryl Chamberlain takes the lead in the “Small Town Voters Who Shouldn’t Ever Talk To The Media” contest: “I won’t vote for Obama… You go on the Internet and see him associated with that church, with the Koran. He won’t wear a flag pin. … After 9/11, there is absolutely no way I’d support someone who is associated with the Koran. I won’t support terrorism.” In case you don’t get it, that mental leap chain is: Obama –> Internet –> Church –> Koran –> No Flag Pin –> 9/11 –> Koran –> Terrorist. [LA Times]