Tag Archives: south dakota

  You'll have nothing and who cares if you like it?

Fifth Circuit Protects Texas Ladies From ‘Unsafe’ Abortions By Letting Them Have None At All

You didn't want those clinics, did you?
Good thing Texas-Americans of the lady persuasion are accustomed by now to courts opening and closing their abortion clinics, so they won’t be shocked when most of their clinics are shut down again. In the epic, years-long legal battle to decide whether and how and when abortion providers may provide abortions in Texas, a three-judge panel of the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals issued an opinion Tuesday saying, basically, “How about never? Is never good for you? TOO BAD!” Read more on Fifth Circuit Protects Texas Ladies From ‘Unsafe’ Abortions By Letting Them Have None At All…
  Stop ISISing the babbies

S.D. State Rep.: Stop Coming To America And Performing Legal Abortions, ISIS!

Activate super suction!
South Dakota state Rep. Isaac Latterell introduced a bill on Tuesday to make it illegal to behead babies in the course of an abortion, and he did it while comparing those same abortion providers to ISIS because they love beheadings just so much. Buckle in, folks. It doesn’t get any prettier. Read more on S.D. State Rep.: Stop Coming To America And Performing Legal Abortions, ISIS!…
  declare the pennies on your eyes

Don’t Like Getting Boned By State Taxes? Just Be Filthy Rich!

Anti-Fox comments reposted on my Tumbrel account
Here’s something every class warrior on the barricades should know: There isn’t a single state in the entire United States where a poor or middle income person can be assured of paying a lower percent of their income in state and local taxes than a wealthy person. That’s right, comrade! According to a comprehensive study by the Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy, literally every state in the country has a regressive tax system, thanks to heavy reliance on sales and excise taxes and insufficiently progressive income taxes (or in many cases, no income taxes at all): Read more on Don’t Like Getting Boned By State Taxes? Just Be Filthy Rich!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Rick Santorum: I’m Not Crazy, THEY’RE The Crazy Ones

Oh, Rick “Don’t Google Me, seriously, stop it, it’s not funny anymore!” Santorum, how we love thee. Santorum has the unique gift of standing out as one of the craziest Bible-humping crazies in a crowded field of serious contender crazies. Like, no matter how far to the right his fellow conservatives go, he goes even farther than that. He will throw up at the thought of John F. Kennedy. He will make his children hug the dead fetus. He will wish his Jew friends a Happy Jesus Christmas Chanukah for Jesus. He will go there and do that and then some. But, hey, when it comes to the presidential race in 2016, he wants you to know, he’s the serious one, unlike those other nuts. Seriously! Read more on Rick Santorum: I’m Not Crazy, THEY’RE The Crazy Ones…
  your rock and roll fantasy

Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win

She's got all the goodies
We have told you a bunch of made up reasons why every single endangered incumbent Senate Democratic is actually going to win and Nate Silver can go suck a poll of likely voters. Now let’s examine the Dem candidates for open seats and those challenging vulnerable Republican incumbents. Can we use our powers of wishful thinking and nonsense to conjure an alternate reality in which they, too, will all prevail? We can! Read more on Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win…
  the fecal position

Steve ‘Garbage Alley’ Hickey Shares Many Additional Thoughts About Buttsechs

Because we happen to know that there is almost no end to the dumb things a guy like South Dakota state Rep. Steve Hickey can say about buttsechs, the good legislator was invited onto some local webcast thing from the Argus Leader newspaper, which didn’t run his crazy buttsex letter last week, but was willing to host Hickey for a 30-minute chat with managing editor Patrick Lalley, because Pageviews. And so Hickey talked, at length, about the nastiness of people who have the sex in their garbage alleys. No, we will not summarize the whole talk, because we value our cerebral cortex and yours. But we will bring you some very painful highlights! Read more on Steve ‘Garbage Alley’ Hickey Shares Many Additional Thoughts About Buttsechs…
  everybody loves the garbage man

S.D. Representative Does Not Care For You Lesbians Putting Weiners In Your ‘Garbage Alley’

Buttsechs. Some people like to do it in their butts, while other people like to pay their rent owning mommyblogs that for some weird reason unknown to G_d or man (COUGH ANA MARIE COUGH) have become synonymous with anal loving. Still other people like to be elected representatives of the people of South Dakota and post long long SO LONG letters about how butts are “garbage alleys” and lesbians should not have weiners in their butts onto their Faceplace pages when the Argus Leader determines their letters to the editor to be a little much for your morning Grape Nuts. In his masterpiece, “A One Way Alley for the Garbage Truck,” state Rep. Steve Hickey proclaims a great many common-sense things. We shall explore them, together. Read more on S.D. Representative Does Not Care For You Lesbians Putting Weiners In Your ‘Garbage Alley’…
  beer bullets and bereavement

Fancy New South Dakota Bar Would Let You Shoot Both Liquor And Guns

From the ever-growing “What Could Possibly Go Wrong” division of GunAmerica, we have a super-safe idea: why not put a bar and a gun range in the same location? We know, right? Great idea! Why hasn’t anyone ever thought of this before? What could be safer than dragging your weapons to a gun range plopped right smack dab in the middle of a bar? Gun fetishists need a watering hole where they can lay their hats and get their mitts on some weaponry, and since Toby Keith went all pussified and won’t even let a man bring his got-damn weapon into the place, South Dakota is going to step up and show everybody how it is done. Read more on Fancy New South Dakota Bar Would Let You Shoot Both Liquor And Guns…
  ugly vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why You Gotta Be So Mean To Movie That Lovingly Bashes Evil Atheist Schools?

Oh, man, we dun goofed. We have upset a nice Christian lady with our meanspirited mockery of a beautiful Erik Estrada movie, and we should feel bad, says would-be commenter “Nanadeg1″: Why do people have to bash someone who is trying to do something wonderful, bringing the word of Jesus to the younger generation. I am proud to say I will be attending the premier of this movie and have been waiting anxiously for it since they started filming back in July. My niece is the female lead and I am very proud of the young Christian woman she is and that she is part of this wonderful film. God Bless all of you and perhaps you should see the film before you pass judgement on it. We are genuinely glad that you are proud of your niece Nanadeg1! It’s exactly how a good aunt should feel. We’ll have to admit we have some doubts about the wonderfulness of a film that paints public schools and teachers as an oppressive atheist-run machine that is trying to destroy Jesus, and which appears (from the trailer at least) to lie about separation of church and state. But we promise to see it and write a full review when it is released in January. Heaven knows it’s sure to show on multiple screens in Boise. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why You Gotta Be So Mean To Movie That Lovingly Bashes Evil Atheist Schools?…
  trolling through the park one day

States Paying To Re-Open National Parks Wish Feds Would Bring All That Oppressive Money Back

As we mentioned yesterday, the cognitive dissonance around the defunding of government has been pretty strong these last couple of weeks. The fairly basic notion that if you vote to not fund a government service, that service goes away seems to mystify some folks on the right, who have decided that the shutdown of national parks and monuments is really just something that Barack Hussein Obama has ordered out of personal spite, because he is just mean. So now, several states where tourism dollars actually make a big difference to the local economy have decided that they’re willing to pay to re-open the parks. But they’re also really not happy about it. See, the thing about lurving that 10th Amendment so much that you wish the federal government would just go away also means that you can’t have a lot of the nice things that the mean old jackbooted thugs provide, unless you pay for them. And your state may not have the same ability to pay, because tax base — and your state’s own idiotic “job-attracting” tax policies. Yes, we know, socialistic madness. Read more on States Paying To Re-Open National Parks Wish Feds Would Bring All That Oppressive Money Back…
  chickens coming home to roost

Dumb South Dakota Pol Really Sorry He Told Black Reporter To Go Back To Kenya

Rapid City, SD, Councilman Bill Clayton seems like a swell fella! After all, it only took him five months to apologize to a black reporter for telling her she should be deported to Kenya. And anyway, he did not even know she was black, so he is obviously not racist. Here is something weird, though! The Rapid City Journal characterized his comments as “racist.” Like a million times! What kind of libtards are wrecking the media in South Dakota, that they just SAY something is racist even when a city councilman denies it? We think we have found someone else for WND to execute for treason, next time Free Speech Week rolls around! But let us hear more about Clayton’s scarequote “racist” unscarequote comments! And also the time he kind of sort of maybe threatened the life of a fellow councilmember! (Don’t worry, it was probably just surveyor’s marks.) Read more on Dumb South Dakota Pol Really Sorry He Told Black Reporter To Go Back To Kenya…
  scary movies

South Dakota GOP Halloween Tale Of Terror: Dirty Hippie Running For Congress Went To Cambridge, Has Master’s Degree

Who do you want representing you, South Dakota? A disgusting hippie who loves “cap and trade” and taught at the Biosphere and has a master’s degree? Or this nice lady with the awesome hair who was named “young farmer of the year” by the “Waterstown JC” (?) and who didn’t whore herself out to Big Education? We are fairly sure the answer is self-evident! For instance, take a look at the picture above. See all the nice things Kristi Noem was doing in 2001? Awesome. What was her filthy radical opponent doing at the time? GOING TO CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY like a common intellectual. Which leaves unanswered the very important questions: Does Matt Varilek wear glasses, and if so, when will South Dakota gift him with the “re-education” he so obviously needs? Read more on South Dakota GOP Halloween Tale Of Terror: Dirty Hippie Running For Congress Went To Cambridge, Has Master’s Degree…
  heavy duty wanking

Great Questions of Our Times: Should the Bison Be the National Mammal?

A few weeks ago, Sen. Tim Johnson of South Dakota introduced the National Fluff My Constituents Act, a.k.a. the National Bison Legacy Act, to name the bison the National Mammal of the United States. That’s about as clear a way as possible to say you hate humans, Tim Johnson. Why isn’t the Overtaxed Small Business Owner the national mammal, or the fertilized egg? The Senate fucks up everything it tries. But at least it’s tackling this big question. Let’s hear the fors and againsts and try to reach a verdict, because if the Senate gets this question wrong, or right, American unemployment will remain at historically high levels. Read more on Great Questions of Our Times: Should the Bison Be the National Mammal?…
  your new mike gravel

Adorable South Dakota Democrat Would Like To Tell You His Entire Life Story Please

He learned chess in Iceland; he lived in Lesotho, and South Africa during Apartheid. The Cuban Missile Crisis? He remembers that! The “I Have a Dream” speech? He remembers that too! He holds newspapers, and then throws them in the trash! He raised daughters, they have straight teeth! Would you like to learn Jeff Barth’s entire life history, set to awesome red-blooded Merkan fiddle music, while he walks through a forest in four minutes and change? Of course you would! Read more on Adorable South Dakota Democrat Would Like To Tell You His Entire Life Story Please…
  we need a law and order: south dakota

South Dakota Legalizing Abortion(-Doctor Murder)

While those useless fat cats in D.C. twiddle their thumbs and let our country sink perilously into debt and endless unemployment, the hardworking legislators of America’s heartland and working together to get things done for their citizens. Yeah, we’re talking about legalizing murder, a common-sense solution to pretty much every problem. South Dakota is considering a bill that would change the state’s definition of homicide so it’s legal to kill a doctor who tries to give a woman an abortion, as long as that woman is your daughter, mother, or wife. Anyway, everyone is rather closely related in South Dakota, right? So basically any South Dakotan can just go around shooting doctors “on demand,” according to this state Rep. Phil Jensen’s bill. Man, all the other South Dakota legislators have to be kicking themselves that they didn’t think of this brilliant “pro-life” strategy first. Read more on South Dakota Legalizing Abortion(-Doctor Murder)…
  personnel department

TOM DASCHLE TO BE OBAMA’S EMPEROR OF MEDICAL THINGS: Fancy Washington Insiders (e.g. CNN) say that Tom Daschle, the former Senate Majority Leader and Obama campaign co-chair who recently made headlines with his sexy Sally Jesse Raphael glasses, will be Barack Obama’s Secretary of Health and Human Services. Free enemas for all! [CNN] Read more on …
  voting is for old people

Last Day To Register In California, Washington, Utah, South Dakota, Kansas

Hey, you bunch of socialist acorns, did you know you have to register to vote, in many states, before you can show up and vote on November 4, for the terrorists? This is what Barack Obama just told your editor and everybody else who signed up for that Veep Announcement text alert nine years ago. In California and Washington (state) and Utah and various other states including Kansas and South Dakota, today’s your last day to register, hippie! Read more on Last Day To Register In California, Washington, Utah, South Dakota, Kansas…
  political dynasties

Democrat Congresswoman Impregnated With Human Child

South Dakota Representative Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, née “Stephanie Herseth,” is married to former Representative Max Sandlin. The happy couple just announced they will be having a baby sometime in late December, and the child will be elected to the House of Representatives no later than early March. [Argus Leader] Read more on Democrat Congresswoman Impregnated With Human Child…
  slaves

The Hilarious, Racist South Dakota Ad Of Legend

Here’s an independent ad that was running in South Dakota before its June 3 primary from some Christian group, against Barack Obama. The Obama team complained about it shortly after its debut, and Obama has been referencing it recently as a typical attack ad he’ll see more of this fall. But he doesn’t mention how funny it is! The basic idea here: Obama is like a slave in the Underground Railroad, and when he escapes to the North, he and his crazy black church preacher institute a Muslim theocracy. Well *sorry*, Mr. Sensitive Luo Tribesman, we thought the people of South Dakota would’ve wanted to know this information before voting. STOLEN ELECTION. [YouTube] Read more on The Hilarious, Racist South Dakota Ad Of Legend…
 

Liveblogging Obama’s Big Night, Even Though Hillary Refuses To Let Him Enjoy It

It is finished. There are no more primaries, no more whining about Michigan and Florida. Even though she may not ever concede, Barack Obama says: “Tonight I can stand here and say, that I will be the Democratic nominee, for the United States of America.” That should be worth some interesting discussion and freakouts, no? Read more on Liveblogging Obama’s Big Night, Even Though Hillary Refuses To Let Him Enjoy It…
 

Liveblogging Hillary’s Big City Speech, Where She Will Not Quit

Well first and foremost a big fist-bump to old Hillary Clinton, who has won the great state of South Dakota, her 50th state victory of the season, and now she leads Obama by 20 million popular votes and infinity delegates. Why are the media and its blacks trying to push her out of the race, knowing this? Let’s see what Hillary has to say about her Pyrrhic Victory, and beyond. Read more on Liveblogging Hillary’s Big City Speech, Where She Will Not Quit…
 

Barack Obama Is President Of … AMERICA

BREAKING NEWS LITTLE SIREN GIF: Barack has got the Power, and the Delegates …. Well, what have we learned, tonight, other than that your editor has a “drinking problem” due to having some drillings/fillings done on his own teeth an hour ago? We’ve learned that Maverick RINO McCain wants to hate fuck the war until it finally loves him, and he went to a New Orleans suburb to explain why it’s good when there’s no “big government” to help you with change you can believe in. Anyway, let’s liveblog the nonsense as we get some results from South Dakota, the “Bukkake State.” Read more on Barack Obama Is President Of … AMERICA…