Tag Archives: south carolina

  Poll Axed

South Carolina Exit Poll Seeks Accurate Measurement Of Black Uppitiness

Everybody has a logo
In today’s “You’re sure this isn’t from National Report?” news — because it sounds like bullshit, but isn’t witty enough to be from The Onion — we have this story out of South Carolina, where voters in several cities were asked some perfectly reasonable questions as part of an exit poll Tuesday. Four of the questions touched on race and slavery; respondents were asked to “agree” or “disagree” with these statements: Read more on South Carolina Exit Poll Seeks Accurate Measurement Of Black Uppitiness…
  #ReadyForGraham

Lindsey Graham Turns Other Cheek, Will Not Seek Bloody, Stabby, Murdery ‘Revenge’

Aw, he's so nice
We have been so sexcited ever since South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham teased that he just might have to run for president in 2016 so all the rich white men who belong to men-only clubs will finally have their own president for the first time ever. And since Graham won re-election on Tuesday night — narrowly beating “Petitioning candidate” Thomas Ravenel, Libertarian Victor Kocher, and the Democratic sacrificial lamb Brad Hutto with a mere 54.58 percent of the vote — not to mention his universal popularity throughout the country, his road to the White House is all but assured. Plus, he is just so darned gracious in victory: Read more on Lindsey Graham Turns Other Cheek, Will Not Seek Bloody, Stabby, Murdery ‘Revenge’…
  This will definitely work

President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men

Here's one idea that will never work
Lindsey Graham, the senator from South Carolina, has always seemed content to be the third wheel, the sidekick, the woman behind behind the man. He was the weakest, most soft-spoken link in the ménage à trois that was John McCain and Joe Lieberman, until Joe was chased from office because even his own party of one, Connecticut for Lieberman, did not like him anymore. Lindsey got himself a slight promotion when newbie Sen. Kelly Ayotte was added to the team, but still, Lindsey’s usually been content to co-sign whatever John McCain says, to nod agreeably in the background, and only very rarely drag his southern charmed self onto the Sunday shows when John’s busy snarling at the kids to get off of one of his seven or eight or however many he has lawns. Read more on President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men…
  Here have some news n stuff

One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now

Thanks Obama
That screaming hysteria you hear is the sound of everyone in New York being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! or at least making jokes about being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! because Ebola is real now. (You know the rule: It’s real when it happens in New York. The rest is prologue.) Read more on One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now…
  South Carolina’s a hell of a drug

Gov. Nikki Haley Wants To Arm All The Lady-Beaters, For The Constitution

That's just how freedom works, too bad
Gov. Nikki Haley of South Carolina runs a hell of a state. It’s the kind of state where Stand Your Ground laws don’t apply to victims of domestic violence — because that would be ridiculous! — and it’s still A-OK to let your Confederate freak flag fly because the out-of-state CEOs Haley talks to don’t have a problem with it. Also, she ended racism by getting elected, YOU’RE WELCOME. Read more on Gov. Nikki Haley Wants To Arm All The Lady-Beaters, For The Constitution…
  Republican won't let gays get wet

Don’t Feed The Gays After Midnight

No self-respecting gay person would be caught dead driving one of these
Anthony Culler, the Republican running against James Clyburn for South Carolina’s 6th Congressional District, has a few problems as a candidate, according to The Hill. Culler “is not well-liked by the GOP establishment in South Carolina, and has no chance of defeating Clyburn this fall.” So Culler thought it was a pretty darn good idea to post a long dumb rant on Facebook explaining why the Gays and their fake “marriages” will be the ruination of us all, and almost offhandedly mentioning that The Gays are exactly like the critters from Joe Dante’s 1984 movie Gremlins: Read more on Don’t Feed The Gays After Midnight…
  confederate flag? hey look over there!

If The Confederate Flag Is OK With Yankee Businessmen, It’s OK With Nikki Haley

What if we put Kermit on the flag? Everyone loves Kermit.
Sweet Siddhartha of Myrtle Beach, did someone crack open the skull of Gov. Nikki Haley (R-Of Course) of South Carolina, scoop out her brain, and replace it with a lump of guacamole? Sure, she governs a state populated by rancid goobers who have an unholy attachment to the Confederate flag, and she wants to keep them happy without reminding them they are celebrating a long-dead nation that got stomped like an anthill in the path of a marauding band of five-year-old Ritalin junkies. Still, if the question is “Should the state of South Carolina continue flying this flag on the lawn of its statehouse?” surely Gov. Haley can come up with a better answer than “Eh, CEOs of out-of-state businesses don’t seem to mind it.” Read more on If The Confederate Flag Is OK With Yankee Businessmen, It’s OK With Nikki Haley…
  nope no war on women here

South Carolina: Sorry Your Partner Beats You, Too Bad You Can’t Stand Your Ground

Put down that knife, little lady.
Hey there, South Carolina! How are you making life in your state feel like a Beckett play today? South Carolina is one of more than 20 states that has passed an expansive Stand Your Ground law authorizing individuals to use deadly force in self-defense […] Read more on South Carolina: Sorry Your Partner Beats You, Too Bad You Can’t Stand Your Ground…
  What do you think this is -- America?

Oh Great, Now Everyone In America Wants To Get Gay-Married

Have fun biting your nails
This is exactly what the protectors of traditional American marriage warned us about. (Not traditional Biblical marriage, where old-timey dads in olden times sold their daughters to their rapists, because come on, that’s ridiculous.) You let one lady have some “rights” just because the Constitution says she should have them, and before you know it, all these other Americans start demanding rights too, and the Supreme Court is all, “Sure, why not, leave us alone,” and then all of a sudden, EVERYBODY wants the same rights: Read more on Oh Great, Now Everyone In America Wants To Get Gay-Married…
  The Thin Blue Twitching Emotionally Unbalanced Line

Police Departments Trying To Kill And Beat People A Little Less, Maybe

Help! Police!
Now that Ferguson Police Chief Thomas Jackson has apologized for being worthless (but not for actively making matters worse), what are other law enforcement agencies doing to get back in the public’s good graces? Let’s start with a story we already touched on in the morning links, the top-notch police work of South Carolina Highway Patrol officer Sean Groubert, who earlier this month shot a guy several times because the guy was reaching for his wallet while black. You may have seen the video, but just because it’s complete madness, we feel compelled to embed it, because of its remarkably high WTF value: Read more on Police Departments Trying To Kill And Beat People A Little Less, Maybe…
  Here have some news n stuff

Ladies Flying Planes And Other Tales Of Terror

The Wonkette Overnight Desk has been hard at work aggregating content for your pleasure.
Yesterday on Fox’s The Five, Kimberly Guilfoyle gave a shout-out to Major Mariam Al Mansouri, the first female fighter pilot in the United Arab Emirates. Mansouri led her country’s contingent of military pilots that participated in bombing ISIS in Syria earlier this week. Yr Wonkette is not going to cheer on anyone for dropping yet more bombs on more brown people, even if they are fanatical nutbars. Still, we suppose in the context of Middle Eastern countries, where women are sometimes not allowed to so much as drive or even leave the house unless accompanied by a male, this represents a twisted step in the direction of equality. So sure, Kimberly Guilfoyle, go ahead and girl-power away, and let’s hope that none of your troglodytic male co-hosts step on the moment by saying something sexist. Read more on Ladies Flying Planes And Other Tales Of Terror…
  Cry for me Argentina ... and everyone else

Mark Sanford So Sorry To Have Created All This Drama All By Himself

thinking ... thinking ... thinking ...
In case you missed it, which is impossible because no one missed it, Rep. Mark Sanford (R-Tragicville) felt compelled on Friday to share all of his personal turmoil on his Facebook page. All 2000-plus words of it, which we conveniently summarized for you, you’re welcome. Read more on Mark Sanford So Sorry To Have Created All This Drama All By Himself…
  the plane! the plane!

Dead Children And A Deadbeat Dad: Mark Sanford’s Sad, Sleazy Divorce Hearing Transcript (EXCLUSIVE, FOR REAL)

Nice
For real Wonkette exclusive must credit Wonket: In a post-divorce family court hearing transcript obtained by Wonkette, we learn even more sordid details about South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford and his divorce from ex-wife Jenny, including: Read more on Dead Children And A Deadbeat Dad: Mark Sanford’s Sad, Sleazy Divorce Hearing Transcript (EXCLUSIVE, FOR REAL)…
  Not The 'Service Learning' Classes They were Looking For

Bible College Founder Pleads Guilty To Using Foreign Students As Slave Labor, Even Though Slavery Is In The Bible

Those students should be grateful, really.
Well this is certainly a bummer for the moral education of foreigners who simply wanted to come to the Lord: The founder of a South Carolina Bible college has pleaded guilty in federal court to four felonies and two misdemeanors for his treatment of international students as virtual slaves. Reginald Wayne Miller — whose middle name should have been all the warning anyone needed — was arrested back in March after his innovative work-study practices came to light. Students who came to the Marion, South Carolina, school hoping to seek degrees in theology or ministry instead found themselves learning a lot about how some Americans do fundamentalism: Read more on Bible College Founder Pleads Guilty To Using Foreign Students As Slave Labor, Even Though Slavery Is In The Bible…
  maybe he "fired on fort sumter" if you know what we mean

Lovelorn Hiking Enthusiast Mark Sanford Can’t Believe His Ex-Wife Thinks He’s A Crazy Alcoholic

We don’t believe in an actual hell here at Wonkette, because nothing the Dark Lord Satan, Ruler of the Underworld, could dream up for our eternal torment can top the trauma in our life aboveground when we occasionally fire up the Internet, scan the news, and get cock-slapped in the face with a new story about sad lust goblin Mark Sanford and the ever-ongoing saga of his marital woes. Read more on Lovelorn Hiking Enthusiast Mark Sanford Can’t Believe His Ex-Wife Thinks He’s A Crazy Alcoholic…
  Since When Do Bad Mommies Have Privacy Rights?

Teevee Station Sued Just Because It Was Awful To Mom Whose Daughter Played In Park, How Is That Even Fair

'Off the pigs' is so ambiguous in this context
Just in case you weren’t already kind of disgusted at the treatment of Debra Harrell, the North Augusta, South Carolina, mom who was arrested for negligently letting her daughter play at a playground while she went to work at McDonalds, there’s also this: North Augusta TV station WJBF-TV posted to the interwebs a video of her police interrogation last Monday — including the portion of the interview where she gave police her name, her address, and her Social Security number. Harrell plans to file suit against the station for the privacy violation (the station did remove the video after an hour, reposting it with that portion edited out). Read more on Teevee Station Sued Just Because It Was Awful To Mom Whose Daughter Played In Park, How Is That Even Fair…
  So Long Mom I'm Off To Drop The F-Bomb

Bad Mommy Says Swear In Front Of Her Kids, Gets Arrested In Front Of Her Kids

Next time she'll just say 'Blistering blue barnacles!
A South Carolina mom was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct last Sunday after saying “fuck” — specifically, the adjectival form, “fucking” — in front of her children in a North Augusta grocery store. The woman was overheard destroying her children’s morals by another Kroger’s customer, who was Most Offended and reported the infraction to Officer Travis Smith of the North Augusta Department of Public Safety. This seems pretty reasonable, and honestly since the mother, Danielle Wolf, was white, she didn’t get shot to death, so we don’t see what the big deal is supposed to be. Read more on Bad Mommy Says Swear In Front Of Her Kids, Gets Arrested In Front Of Her Kids…
  derp mcnuggets

McDonalds Fires Mom Who Let Daughter Go To Park By Herself Because Who Wants A Troublemaker?

You want Arbeit Macth Fries with that?
Just because there’s almost no story that couldn’t stand to get a little uglier, McDonalds has gone and fired Debra Harrell, the woman who was arrested last week for letting her 9-year-old daughter go play in a park unattended during Harrell’s shift at McDonalds. (As you recall, a helpful citizen called the police after talking to the girl and finding out she was alone.) The company wouldn’t say why Harrell had been fired, saying that discussing the matter would be “inappropriate.” Why, yes, you may wish to spit McMuffin chunks at your computer monitor now. Read more on McDonalds Fires Mom Who Let Daughter Go To Park By Herself Because Who Wants A Troublemaker?…
  dicks in the news

Todd Kincannon Fights For His Right To Be A Dick Without Little Hindrances Like “Professional Standards Of Conduct”

It has been some time since we checked in on the antics of sexxxy dick pic sexxxter Todd Kincannon, longtime Wonkette favorite for his habit of outrageous attention whoring. Recently Todd went totally silent on the Twitter machine, his preferred method of communication with the outside world despite the fact that even tweeting usually can only be accomplished by a life form with at least slightly higher brain function and opposable thumbs. Did Todd get banned from tweeting (again)? Did he suffer some personal calamity? (We hope not, we’re not ogres.) Did he finally grow up? (Unlikely!) Or did he shut up because he’s being investigated for misconduct by South Carolina legal authorities and perhaps his status with the state bar and his livelihood are at stake? Let’s dickpicsplore! Read more on Todd Kincannon Fights For His Right To Be A Dick Without Little Hindrances Like “Professional Standards Of Conduct”…
  why don't they look?

Another Day, Another Loaded Gun Left In A Public Toilet Stall, At Walmart This Time

We may be getting a little jaded. We’re starting to wonder if this sort of thing is even news anymore: Some Responsible Gun Owner left his personal Second Amendment Solution behind on top of a toilet-paper dispenser in a Walmart men’s room in York, South Carolina, where it was found by another shopper on Sunday. The customer got a manager, who called police, and they found that the .38 caliber revolver was loaded, of course. Read more on Another Day, Another Loaded Gun Left In A Public Toilet Stall, At Walmart This Time…
  hey kid i'm in jail

A Nice Jailing Should Teach This Terrible Mom To Let Her Nine-Year-Old Daughter Go To Park By Herself

Here is a feel-good summertime story from our occasionally sane pals at Reason: a woman — she’s no “lady”! — is in jail and her nine-year-old daughter is in The System, because the woman let her go by herself to the park, several days in a row. Did we mention this 9-year-old girl was BY HERSELF? We will wait while you wail and gnash your teeth and punch yourself in the face about these terrible so-called “parents” who endanger and abandon their children by letting them go to the park in the daytime in the summer where at least 40 other kids are playing at the same time. We just thank our lord and savior Jesus Christ that other parents were there to call the police on the “mom,” who was “working” at McDonalds at the time, for abandoning and endangering her nine-year-old, by letting her go to the park. Read more on A Nice Jailing Should Teach This Terrible Mom To Let Her Nine-Year-Old Daughter Go To Park By Herself…