Tag Archives: south carolina

  Not The 'Service Learning' Classes They were Looking For

Bible College Founder Pleads Guilty To Using Foreign Students As Slave Labor, Even Though Slavery Is In The Bible

Those students should be grateful, really.
Well this is certainly a bummer for the moral education of foreigners who simply wanted to come to the Lord: The founder of a South Carolina Bible college has pleaded guilty in federal court to four felonies and two misdemeanors for his treatment of international students as virtual slaves. Reginald Wayne Miller — whose middle name should have been all the warning anyone needed — was arrested back in March after his innovative work-study practices came to light. Students who came to the Marion, South Carolina, school hoping to seek degrees in theology or ministry instead found themselves learning a lot about how some Americans do fundamentalism: Read more on Bible College Founder Pleads Guilty To Using Foreign Students As Slave Labor, Even Though Slavery Is In The Bible…
  maybe he "fired on fort sumter" if you know what we mean

Lovelorn Hiking Enthusiast Mark Sanford Can’t Believe His Ex-Wife Thinks He’s A Crazy Alcoholic

We don’t believe in an actual hell here at Wonkette, because nothing the Dark Lord Satan, Ruler of the Underworld, could dream up for our eternal torment can top the trauma in our life aboveground when we occasionally fire up the Internet, scan the news, and get cock-slapped in the face with a new story about sad lust goblin Mark Sanford and the ever-ongoing saga of his marital woes. Read more on Lovelorn Hiking Enthusiast Mark Sanford Can’t Believe His Ex-Wife Thinks He’s A Crazy Alcoholic…
  Since When Do Bad Mommies Have Privacy Rights?

Teevee Station Sued Just Because It Was Awful To Mom Whose Daughter Played In Park, How Is That Even Fair

'Off the pigs' is so ambiguous in this context
Just in case you weren’t already kind of disgusted at the treatment of Debra Harrell, the North Augusta, South Carolina, mom who was arrested for negligently letting her daughter play at a playground while she went to work at McDonalds, there’s also this: North Augusta TV station WJBF-TV posted to the interwebs a video of her police interrogation last Monday — including the portion of the interview where she gave police her name, her address, and her Social Security number. Harrell plans to file suit against the station for the privacy violation (the station did remove the video after an hour, reposting it with that portion edited out). Read more on Teevee Station Sued Just Because It Was Awful To Mom Whose Daughter Played In Park, How Is That Even Fair…
  So Long Mom I'm Off To Drop The F-Bomb

Bad Mommy Says Swear In Front Of Her Kids, Gets Arrested In Front Of Her Kids

Next time she'll just say 'Blistering blue barnacles!
A South Carolina mom was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct last Sunday after saying “fuck” — specifically, the adjectival form, “fucking” — in front of her children in a North Augusta grocery store. The woman was overheard destroying her children’s morals by another Kroger’s customer, who was Most Offended and reported the infraction to Officer Travis Smith of the North Augusta Department of Public Safety. This seems pretty reasonable, and honestly since the mother, Danielle Wolf, was white, she didn’t get shot to death, so we don’t see what the big deal is supposed to be. Read more on Bad Mommy Says Swear In Front Of Her Kids, Gets Arrested In Front Of Her Kids…
  derp mcnuggets

McDonalds Fires Mom Who Let Daughter Go To Park By Herself Because Who Wants A Troublemaker?

You want Arbeit Macth Fries with that?
Just because there’s almost no story that couldn’t stand to get a little uglier, McDonalds has gone and fired Debra Harrell, the woman who was arrested last week for letting her 9-year-old daughter go play in a park unattended during Harrell’s shift at McDonalds. (As you recall, a helpful citizen called the police after talking to the girl and finding out she was alone.) The company wouldn’t say why Harrell had been fired, saying that discussing the matter would be “inappropriate.” Why, yes, you may wish to spit McMuffin chunks at your computer monitor now. Read more on McDonalds Fires Mom Who Let Daughter Go To Park By Herself Because Who Wants A Troublemaker?…
  dicks in the news

Todd Kincannon Fights For His Right To Be A Dick Without Little Hindrances Like “Professional Standards Of Conduct”

It has been some time since we checked in on the antics of sexxxy dick pic sexxxter Todd Kincannon, longtime Wonkette favorite for his habit of outrageous attention whoring. Recently Todd went totally silent on the Twitter machine, his preferred method of communication with the outside world despite the fact that even tweeting usually can only be accomplished by a life form with at least slightly higher brain function and opposable thumbs. Did Todd get banned from tweeting (again)? Did he suffer some personal calamity? (We hope not, we’re not ogres.) Did he finally grow up? (Unlikely!) Or did he shut up because he’s being investigated for misconduct by South Carolina legal authorities and perhaps his status with the state bar and his livelihood are at stake? Let’s dickpicsplore! Read more on Todd Kincannon Fights For His Right To Be A Dick Without Little Hindrances Like “Professional Standards Of Conduct”…
  why don't they look?

Another Day, Another Loaded Gun Left In A Public Toilet Stall, At Walmart This Time

We may be getting a little jaded. We’re starting to wonder if this sort of thing is even news anymore: Some Responsible Gun Owner left his personal Second Amendment Solution behind on top of a toilet-paper dispenser in a Walmart men’s room in York, South Carolina, where it was found by another shopper on Sunday. The customer got a manager, who called police, and they found that the .38 caliber revolver was loaded, of course. Read more on Another Day, Another Loaded Gun Left In A Public Toilet Stall, At Walmart This Time…
  hey kid i'm in jail

A Nice Jailing Should Teach This Terrible Mom To Let Her Nine-Year-Old Daughter Go To Park By Herself

Here is a feel-good summertime story from our occasionally sane pals at Reason: a woman — she’s no “lady”! — is in jail and her nine-year-old daughter is in The System, because the woman let her go by herself to the park, several days in a row. Did we mention this 9-year-old girl was BY HERSELF? We will wait while you wail and gnash your teeth and punch yourself in the face about these terrible so-called “parents” who endanger and abandon their children by letting them go to the park in the daytime in the summer where at least 40 other kids are playing at the same time. We just thank our lord and savior Jesus Christ that other parents were there to call the police on the “mom,” who was “working” at McDonalds at the time, for abandoning and endangering her nine-year-old, by letting her go to the park. Read more on A Nice Jailing Should Teach This Terrible Mom To Let Her Nine-Year-Old Daughter Go To Park By Herself…
  you can't fuck in hobby lobby either

Target Hates Freedom, Bans Gun Fondling In Stores

Yet another private business has decided it hates the 2nd Amendment and wants to be boycotted, just because some nervous-Nellie “moms” pressured the company to no longer allow open carry of firearms in their stores. Target Stores interim CEO John Mulligan announced today that while it will continue to comply with local laws, “starting today we will also respectfully request that guests not bring firearms to Target — even in communities where it is permitted by law.” Read more on Target Hates Freedom, Bans Gun Fondling In Stores…
  new south is best south

Nice Time Update: SC Town Reinstates Lesbian Police Chief Fired By Jerkwad Mayor

We sure do like the occasional story where people Do the Right Thing and there’s actually a win for the little guy. And here’s one right now: You might remember our April story about Crystal Moore, the former police chief of the town of Latta, South Carolina. She was fired by the town’s doodyhead mayor, Earl Bullard, as part of a good-old-boy vendetta because — he said — she went beyond her authority in questioning the appropriateness of Bullard’s decision to hire a Parks and Rec director whose qualifications were iffy. Not because she’s openly gay, no, not at all. And never mind the recording of Bullard saying he’d rather have a dead drunk watch his children than a gay person (the police chief job, incidentally, does not include providing babysitting services). As often happens with small-town politics, things got nasty, fast, and Moore was quickly fired, without following normal procedures. And now we get to the nice-time part. After a special election to change the city’s form of government from a “weak council” to a “strong council,” the town council, which can now overrule the mayor, is planning to hire Chief Moore back. The moral arc of the universe is long, and points away from power-mad jerk babies. Read more on Nice Time Update: SC Town Reinstates Lesbian Police Chief Fired By Jerkwad Mayor…
  we left out utah and no one will notice

Get Your Hot Fresh Electoral Primary Derp!

Thanks to Snipy staying up late so we could post the results of the one election yesterday that everyone was following (Mississippi: the Old Guy won, the other asshole lost), we are left with tidying up the electoral crumbs from around our great nation. Of course, Chris McDaniel is still making grumpy whining noises about recounts and “the integrity of the vote” and such, so he hasn’t exactly conceded to the critter-fiddler. Or to reality. Now, on to the other primaries of note! Read more on Get Your Hot Fresh Electoral Primary Derp!…
  let he who hasn't shoved a special needs kid cast the first stone

Lawsuit Alleges Sally Atwater Takes Candy From Special Needs Kids

This isn’t nice at all: Sally Atwater, the not especially articulate candidate for South Carolina schools superintendent, isn’t just unclear on what her positions are; turns out that the widow of the great Republican communications master Lee Atwater is also facing a lawsuit alleging that she verbally abused her special education students and shoved a special needs child in one of her classes. This being South Carolina, it’s anyone’s guess whether the lawsuit will hurt her chances for election — maybe they want a schools chief who’ll git tough on those little troublemaking special needs kids, who may just be faking anyway. Read more on Lawsuit Alleges Sally Atwater Takes Candy From Special Needs Kids…
  the facepalmetto state

Let’s Meet Lee Atwater’s Widow, Sally, Who Is Running For Something Somewhere, Badly

Sally Atwater, widow of the late Master of Electoral RatLovemaking Lee Atwater, is heading into a runoff primary for the Republican nomination for South Carolina’s State Superintendent of Education. Last week, she called in to this radio show hosted by Russ Cassell, who asked her some questions about teaching sex ed and creationism. While he’s a badgering dopey rightwing doofus, she actually manages to seem even worse, simply not answering fairly straightforward questions about whether and how sex ed should be taught, and punting altogether on evolution as well, neither saying she’s for it or agin’ it. It’s really a fairly impressive of volunteering nothing, which is remarkable in that she called the program to share her views. Which she apparently doesn’t have any of. But she did manage something pretty amazing — she made us share in a rightwing radio host’s annoyance at her non-answers, and we can pretty much agree with Cassell’s conclusion that Atwater is “an example of a person running for public office on name recognition only who is clueless.” Read more on Let’s Meet Lee Atwater’s Widow, Sally, Who Is Running For Something Somewhere, Badly…
  good guy with a gun etc. etc.

Darwin Award Winner Asks Friend To Shoot Bulletproof Vest He’s Wearing. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next!

We are fond of quoting the judge in the novel and film Nobody’s Fool, who said of a case in which an overeager cop fired his gun, “You know my feelings about arming morons. You arm one, you’ve got to arm them all, otherwise it wouldn’t be good sport.” For some reason we seem to have lots of occasions to think of this quote. Like today, when we read this story. A South Carolina man who donned a bulletproof vest and asked a friend to shoot him was lethally wounded when his friend followed through on the request, authorities said. Responsible gun ownership strikes again! Read more on Darwin Award Winner Asks Friend To Shoot Bulletproof Vest He’s Wearing. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next!…
  mammoth cave

Science Nice Time! S.C. Drops Creationist Nonsense From Awesome Girl’s Fossil Bill

Hurrah and high-fives all around for 8-year-old science fan Olivia McConnell, the nifty South Carolina kid who wrote to her state legislators to propose that they name the Columbian Wooly Mammoth as the state fossil. Her state senator and representative thought it was a good idea, too, so they introduced a bill, and everyone felt good about helping South Carolina children to learn how a bill becomes a law. Except that after the bill passed the state House, it got hung up in the Senate because a couple of creationist morons wanted to insert language explaining how God made mammoths on the sixth day, about 6000 years ago (on a Saturday), and then we all felt terrible because Olivia was learning entirely too much about how government actually works. But now, here is the update we genuinely didn’t expect would come anywhere near this soon: Rachel Maddow reported Tuesday night that the Senate has agreed to remove the creationist language from the bill and let a clean version go forward. Yay, science, and yay, Olivia! Read more on Science Nice Time! S.C. Drops Creationist Nonsense From Awesome Girl’s Fossil Bill…
  another peculiar institution

In South Carolina, This One Weird Law Lets Anyone Command The National Guard

Across our great nation, there are a whole lot of funny dumb laws. For example, the internet will tell you that in Boise, Idaho, it’s illegal to fish from the back of a giraffe — although in reality, this turns out to be a myth — despite its inclusion in many lists of dumb laws, no such prohibition exists. So mount up and bring bait. On the other hand, in South Carolina, thanks to a quirk of Post-Reconstruction law, the people of the state really do elect their National Guard commander, or “Adjutant General.” It’s the only state to do this, and it apparently has something to do with what they like to call “Southern Charm”: The reason behind South Carolina’s odd military election is a very old one, says Winthrop University political science professor Scott Huffmon. South Carolina’s constitution dates from 1895, when the white establishment reclaimed power after Reconstruction and set up a weak-governor system, with nine of the state’s top officials each elected separately, he said. “That ensured that even if a black were able to become governor, no one person would control the state government and its top offices,” Huffmon said. Hahaha, isn’t that “quaint”? We hear it’s also illegal to lynch anyone from the back of a giraffe. Read more on In South Carolina, This One Weird Law Lets Anyone Command The National Guard…
  sweet carolina

Joe Biden Melts Hearts And Panties In South Carolina

Is our favorite vice president of all time, Old Handsome Joe Biden, guzzling some of those five-hour energy drinks we see advertised everywhere? Because word is he went to a Democratic Party fundraiser in South Carolina on Friday night and tore shit up, son. Probably going to be a mini-Democratic baby boom down in that area in about nine months. Not that OHJB has eyes for anyone except Dr. Jill. It’s just that his raw animal magnetism is such that he can make a lady pregnant with his eyes. He’s that awesome. OHJB was actually in Columbia to deliver the commencement speech at the University of South Carolina but took the time to head to the fundraiser and rally the troops. While there, he gave a speech that attendees described to CNN as “populist” and “Elizabeth Warren-like,” hitting on themes of how the middle class is still struggling economically while corporations are more beholden to their stockholders than their employees. OHJB channeling Liz Warren? Are your panties a total loss yet? Read more on Joe Biden Melts Hearts And Panties In South Carolina…
  mike fair is most foul

State Sen. Mike Fair, Leading Sh**muffin Candidate, Has More Fun Creationist Plans For SC Schools

Exciting news in the 2014 race for Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year! An anti-evolution set of science education standards sponsored by one of our leading candidates, South Carolina state Sen. Mike Fair, has passed in committee, and will now go to the state Board of Education for consideration. The standards would require science teachers in the state to “teach the controversy” about the theory of evolution through natural selection. And while the best answer would simply be to say “among scientists, there is no controversy about the reality of evolution,” the bill would actually require inclusion of non-science in science classes, for the sake of providing equal time for myth and religion. You know, for the sake of the kids. Read more on State Sen. Mike Fair, Leading Sh**muffin Candidate, Has More Fun Creationist Plans For SC Schools…
  america: it was a good run while it lasted

Hero SC Lt. Gov. Candidate Will Close All The Public Schools Cause They Ain’t In The Bible

Just in case you were worried that South Carolina might start making a little more sense now that it’s been spared from thermonuclear destruction, here is a story about the latest innovation to issue forth from the Palmetto State: Retired Army chaplain Ray Moore, a candidate for Lt. Governor, has pledged that he will work to end public education in the state, because for most of early America’s existence, we didn’t have public schools, and now that we do have them, they’re on a mission to destroy Christianity. Plus, there’s nothing about state-run education in the Bible, so who needs it? We suppose we could point out that there’s nothing about Constitutions, republics (no, we aren’t going to say that dirty word “democracy”), or voting in the Bible, either, but that seems a bit gratuitous, doesn’t it? Read more on Hero SC Lt. Gov. Candidate Will Close All The Public Schools Cause They Ain’t In The Bible…
  reverse cowgirl for jesus

Pastor Challenging Lindsey Graham Is A Dumb Piece Of Crap And Here’s Why

Ladies, it’s all your fault. Hopefully you realize this by now, because all the evidence is clear, and there is literally nothing that cannot be blamed on you. Like how you will divorce your husband just because he is having penile-vaginal relations with another woman, when it’s obviously your fault he was cheating in the first place! Det Bowers, a pastor challenging Lindsey Graham in the South Carolina GOP Senate primary, once blamed women for causing most divorces — even when husbands are unfaithful to their wives. You’ll never guess the reason. (Hint: It is blatant woman-hating sexism shrouded in a thin veneer of self-righteous religious bullshit.) Read more on Pastor Challenging Lindsey Graham Is A Dumb Piece Of Crap And Here’s Why…
  eye of the beholder

S.C. Gov. Candidate Loves Punching Women In The Face, Or Was A Defense Attorney (Same Thing)

A new ad implies that South Carolina’s Democratic candidate for governor, Vincent Sheheen, advocates punching your girlfriend in the face. Allegedly, Sheheen is not just soft on crime, he actually sides with criminals, supporting your right to rape and pillage. It must be true: the Republican Governors Association told us so. Rachel Maddow, and everyone else in the world with any sense, politely disagrees, because it’s possible that the RGA has forgotten how the U.S. legal system works. It turns out, the claims in the attack ad stem from the work that Sheheen did as a defense attorney. And everyone knows that defending a person’s rights as specified in the 6th Amendment to the Constitution is tantamount to condoning their behavior. Just ask President John Adams, best known for condoning the Boston Massacre. Wait, that’s not what President Adams is best known for? Read more on S.C. Gov. Candidate Loves Punching Women In The Face, Or Was A Defense Attorney (Same Thing)…