Tag Archives: south carolina

  counting down the weekly top stories

And Then Suddenly All Eyes Were On Charleston. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Beautiful souls, each and every one.
Well, Wonkers, it was a sad week, as we, and the nation, became transfixed on the gruesome murders that took the lives of 9 people attending a Bible study at a historic black church in Charleston, South Carolina. And wouldn’t you know it, even amidst such rage and sadness, wingnuts still managed to fuck it up more, by saying some of the grossest things imaginable. And surprise, some of those posts made this week’s top ten! Read more on And Then Suddenly All Eyes Were On Charleston. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Enraged about all of these things

Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M

What's left to say?
Dylann Storm Roof killed black people because he wanted to kill black people. Roof admitted this! But maybe it’s not about race. Let’s take another trip down Wingnut River to see why Roof’s nine victims — Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Tywanza Sanders, Susie Jackson, Cynthia Hurd, Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Ethel Lee Lance, Myra Thompson, and Rev. Daniel Lee Simmons, Sr. REALLY died. Read more on Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M…
  Maybe your heritage is bad and you should feel bad

Lindsey Graham Says Being Confederate Loser Racists Is Just Part Of Who We Are, Y’all

First they came for the biathletes and I said nothing...
Southern gentleman Lindsey Graham would like all y’all to kindly leave his state of South Carolina and its proud heritage alone. Sure, some people think it’s despicable that the Confederate freak flag still flies over the state capitol — because the South shall rise again, or at least spend more than a century being real damn bitter about that time it got its ass kicked by the United States and couldn’t have slaves anymore, BOO HOO, and then it was forced to integrate its pools and schools, so unfair. Read more on Lindsey Graham Says Being Confederate Loser Racists Is Just Part Of Who We Are, Y’all…
  You And Your Racist Friend

Charleston Killer’s Pals: You Wanna Kill Black People, That’s Your Bidness

Figured you didn't need to see that Roof guy's face anymore
Among other things we’re learning about confessed Charleston massacre perpetrator Dylann Roof is that not only was he motivated by hatred of black people, but his friends knew about it and were entirely too nonjudgmental about his plans for starting him a little race war. Kids, we’re in favor of tolerance, but “It’s All Good” really is not a useful moral stance. Read more on Charleston Killer’s Pals: You Wanna Kill Black People, That’s Your Bidness…
  fuck this guy

Jeb Bush Doesn’t Wanna Believe Racist Murderer Is Racist, And You Can’t Make Him

Jeb! doesn't like questions
It really is OK to say that the massacre of nine African Americans in their church was a racially motivated hate crime. How do we know? Because Dylann Roof, the confessed murderer, said so. There’s no need to speculate about what, besides race, might have motivated him to join a Bible study group for an hour, at the historical Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina, on Wednesday night, and then shoot almost everyone dead, gladly leaving a survivor to tell the world what he’d done and why. Race is the answer, according to the guy who did it. Asked and answered, the end. Read more on Jeb Bush Doesn’t Wanna Believe Racist Murderer Is Racist, And You Can’t Make Him…
  Lost Cause Loses Again

Supreme Court: Texas Doesn’t Have To Put Your Loser Confederate Flag On License Plates

Stupid goddamn stupid fuckers (alt-txt is better with beer)
The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that the state of Texas doesn’t have to make “Sons of Confederate Veterans” license plates available if it don’t wanna. The state didn’t wanna, the Sons Of Treason thought that was violating their free speech, and the Supremes said, no, dear, a license plate is the government’s speech, not yours, and the state has discretion over which groups may receive special tags. We at Wonkette would just like to thank the U.S. Supreme Court for this one, seeing as how the government of Texas really does need positive reinforcement on those rare occasions when it does something right. Perhaps we could give the state a tasty treat to further encourage the desired behavior. Read more on Supreme Court: Texas Doesn’t Have To Put Your Loser Confederate Flag On License Plates…
  Maybe it's a post-racial hate crime

Dylann Roof Confesses To Murdering 9 To Start Race War, Real Motive Still Unknown

Confederate flag plates just a coincidence
Perhaps now we can stop looking for some way to explain how a young white man murdering nine people in a black church — after telling his victims he was there to kill black people and “you have to go” — was not really about race: Read more on Dylann Roof Confesses To Murdering 9 To Start Race War, Real Motive Still Unknown…
  Gays Not Yet Blamed But It's Still Early

Dr. King’s Most Embarrassing Niece Knows Charleston Shooting Happened Because Abortion

White dude walks into a black church, shoots and kills nine congregants, the Department of Justice calls it a hate crime — but you know what’s really behind this tragedy? Let’s check in with “pro-life” conservative activist and Fox News contributor Alveda King, niece of Martin Luther King — yes, the Dr. King. She’s also a star on the wingnut circuit because she’ll happily tell those wingnuts exactly what they want to hear about how racism is dead and Obama is evil, and her uncle would tell you that if he were here today, yes he would. Read more on Dr. King’s Most Embarrassing Niece Knows Charleston Shooting Happened Because Abortion…
  A Shot In the Derp

New Study: No, Dear, The Answer Isn’t More Guns

Not much of a deterrent to crime, but kawaii as anything
Writing for a politics blog is weird. Yr Dok Zoom had just finished saving an earlier version of this piece Wednesday night when he opened a beer and decided to look at Twitter before heading to bed. That wasn’t such a great idea, in terms of sleeping well. And so we shall reframe what had just been an interesting bit of research into a direct reply to the geniuses who know, deep in their hearts, that when two or more are gathered in God’s name, at least one must be carrying a gun, and then mass shootings would be even rarer than they actually are. Read more on New Study: No, Dear, The Answer Isn’t More Guns…
  fuck off

Rick Santorum Worried Gays Won’t Let America Pray For Charleston Shooting Victims

Probably should pull the cone outta his mouth to make room for his foot.
Rick Santorum joined the chorus of wingnuts commenting Thursday on the senseless murders in Charleston, on the Joe Piscopo radio show, which is apparently a thing. Being Rick Santorum, he started out OK, but then suddenly stepped in a puddle of wingnut shit. Let’s words our way through his comments, to see how it all went so terribly wrong. Read more on Rick Santorum Worried Gays Won’t Let America Pray For Charleston Shooting Victims…
  Why does he always have to politicize everything?

President Obama Divides Nation, Says Charleston Shooting Involved Gun

President Obama spoke briefly about the church shooting in Charleston that left nine dead, in what the Department of Justice and other authorities are investigating as a hate crime. There’s no official word from the feds on what kind of hate crime, so per Fox News and other rightwing “news” outlets, it’s likely the alleged shooter spewed racist epithets and wanted to take his country back from the black congregation because he was primarily motivated by his hatred of Christians, of all races. Read more on President Obama Divides Nation, Says Charleston Shooting Involved Gun…
  just kidding they're all racist assholes

Wingnuts React To Charleston Church Shooting With Thoughtful Gravitas We’ve Come To Expect

Unlike wingnuts, that ugly dog is actually lovable.
Our headline is a flat-out lie. Wednesday night in Charleston, a white gunman identified as Dylann Storm Roof allegedly sat and prayed with black churchgoers at a bible study for an hour, and then opened fire, killing nine people, including the pastor, Clementa Pinckney, who was also a South Carolina state senator. As he continued to shoot, a survivor reports that Roof said, “I have to do it. You rape our women and you’re taking over our country. And you have to go.” Unless this particular church has a reputation for raping our women and taking over our country, that sure sounds like a hate crime, and we don’t mean against Christians. Read more on Wingnuts React To Charleston Church Shooting With Thoughtful Gravitas We’ve Come To Expect…
  You were expecting something else?

Fox News Condemns Vicious Hate Crime In Charleston — Against Christians

And now this shit
This is something you don’t see every day. Or ever. But the dimwits at “Fox & Friends” are quite upset about an alleged hate crime committed by a white man that left nine people dead in Charleston, South Carolina. (We’d call it terrorism if the suspect were dark-skinned and Muslim, but he’s not, and we all know white men don’t do terrorism.) Read more on Fox News Condemns Vicious Hate Crime In Charleston — Against Christians…
  'No More Hurting People. Peace'

Gunman Kills 9 At Black Church In Charleston, Clearly An Isolated Incident

A white gunman sat and prayed for an hour with members of Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina, on Wednesday night, then started shooting. Nine people are dead, including the church’s pastor, Rev. Clementa Pinckney, who also served in the state senate. There were only three survivors. State and federal law enforcement are investigating the shooting as a hate crime. And Jesus Christ, what is wrong with America? Read more on Gunman Kills 9 At Black Church In Charleston, Clearly An Isolated Incident…
  This won't work unless it does then HURRAY!

Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real

Whatever, he should just move to Hawaii
If you are an 86-year-old wingnut, next time you switch back to the Weather Channel from “Wheel Of Fortune,” you might be in for a surprise. There might be a terrible and bad Smartie Pants person talking at you about how “climate change is real” and “no seriously, it is real, you moron.” Even worse, it might be a Republican. Why is the Weather Channel doing tyranny and betrayal to you, when you’re just trying to find out the current forecast for as many cities as you possibly can before you fall asleep in your chair? Read more on Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real…
  He'll have to hope for a pro-cop jury

White Cop Who Shot Unarmed Black Man Dead Not Getting Away With Murder Just Yet

Here's a scene that will be in all the year in review montages
This is something you don’t see every day. Or hardly ever. But on Monday, a grand jury indicted former North Charleston police officer Michael Slager, who shot an unarmed black man dead because “oops, I thought I was shooting my Taser instead,” for murder. Read more on White Cop Who Shot Unarmed Black Man Dead Not Getting Away With Murder Just Yet…
  But who would ever be that dumb?

Look, It’s Another Republican Calling Bullsh*t On Dumb Obamacare Lawsuit

Yes America is that dumb
No one could have imagined that any state would be stupid enough or evil enough — or both! — to turn down free money to subsidize healthcare for people who need it. Literally, no one. Not even congressional Republicans who worked on the Affordable Care Act, while kicking and screaming the whole time about how it was going to murder all our freedoms and jobs and blah blah blah, whatever, turns out they were all WRONG. Because who would say, “No, I don’t want your icky free federal dollars so the people of my state won’t die”? And yet, here we are, on the verge of a decision by the Supreme Court about whether the law, which includes the words “established by the state,” allows tax subsidies for states that refuse to establish healthcare exchanges, or whether everyone in U.S. America should be able to get healthcare somehow, even if Congress was all clumsy and stupid and sucks at writing laws with words in them. Read more on Look, It’s Another Republican Calling Bullsh*t On Dumb Obamacare Lawsuit…
  Oh NOW he gets it

Obamacare-Hating Republican Hates Republicans Now, Loves Obamacare

Not how it works after all
Remember how we told you all about Luis Lang, that idiot in South Carolina, who loves freedom even more than he hates his diabetes, so he did not purchase health insurance, take THAT, Obama? And now he needs surgery, and he can’t afford it, and Obamacare enrollment is closed, and his Republican-controlled state refused to take Obamacare dollars to expand Medicaid for people JUST LIKE HIM, and it’s all Obama’s fault? Of course you do, you liberal do-goody bleeding hearts, because you went and gave him all your money on his GoFundMe page, like a bunch of liberal do-goody bleeding hearts. Even though he had always been SO PROUD of paying his medical expenses all on his own, and his awful terrible rotten wife, Mary, whined that her husband should skip to the front of the free money line, now that he needs it, and really, the two of them should fuck ALL the way off, forever, because going broke and dying is the Republican healthcare plan, which is what they chose, for freedom. But no, you people went and gave him your money anyway. Read more on Obamacare-Hating Republican Hates Republicans Now, Loves Obamacare…
  Vote Graham or he'll drone this dog

Lindsey Graham Running For President, Will Kill You For Your Thoughts If Elected

Dream on
Sen. Lindsey Graham, the southern gentleman from South Carolina, has been threatening for months to run for president, promising to be an excellent president for rich white men everywhere and to “literally use the military” to force Congress to do his bidding. Why does he think he can win? Who exactly does he think will vote for him? No idea, but we laughingly welcome him to the race, as he announced on Monday his intention to announce his intention to run for president, which is how presidential campaigns work nowadays. And he’s got a real optimistic Reaganesque morning in America pitch to voters: Read more on Lindsey Graham Running For President, Will Kill You For Your Thoughts If Elected…
  Fuck these guys

Obamacare-Hating Idiot Super-Pissed Obama Won’t Pay His Doctor Bills Now That He Needs It

Waaaaaah
Most Americans, even the dumb ones, even the Republican ones, were pretty stoked when they finally had the opportunity, for the first time in their lives, to afford health care insurance, thanks to Obamacare. Like this proud Reagan-lovin’ tea party member who’s probably voting for Hillary Clinton in 2016 because he really likes his Obamacare and doesn’t want Republicans to take it away from him. Read more on Obamacare-Hating Idiot Super-Pissed Obama Won’t Pay His Doctor Bills Now That He Needs It…
  nice time!

Nice Time: Stephen Colbert Saves South Carolina Schools From Jerks Who Run South Carolina

Thumbs up for education!
Is our South Carolina children learning? Stephen Colbert, South Carolina native, decided to do his part to make sure that “YES THEY IS,” by announcing that he, along with some of his buddy-pals from this big money foundation, would be chipping in $800,000 in order to fund every single grant requested by South Carolina teachers on the DonorsChoose.org website, which acts as a sort of Kickstarter for teachers all over the country, so that they can afford to give their kids the best book learnin’ they know how: Read more on Nice Time: Stephen Colbert Saves South Carolina Schools From Jerks Who Run South Carolina…
  too bad there are no other guns in the Middle East :(

Ben Carson: The Only Way To Stop A Bad ISIS With A Gun Is A Good ISIS With A Gun

It's very hard to memorize all the NRA's talking points.
Ben Carson is revealing some of his secret campaign platform magic early, hurray! We thought we would have to wait until Monday, May 4, when Carson officially announces his failed presidential run, to learn how Carson would handle pressing things like ISIS, but the wait is over! Just give everybody guns, because there sure aren’t enough guns over in those Middle East parts! Read more on Ben Carson: The Only Way To Stop A Bad ISIS With A Gun Is A Good ISIS With A Gun…