Tag Archives: south carolina

  God hates literary experiences

Duke Freshman Snowflake Babies Pretty Sure Mom Said No Reading Books About Lesbians

And this time, they brought Jesus.
And this time, they brought Jesus. Hating on millennial snowflakes and conservative Christian whiners at the same time? SIGN US UP! So here is a story from the 8th-ranked-in-the-nation Duke University, where, IN THEORY, idiots aren’t allowed to study. Every year, Duke picks a book for all the new kiddies to read, as part of the Duke Common Experience Program, which “is designed to give incoming students a shared intellectual experience with other members of their class.” Because “I just finished puberty and I’m really good at beer pong!” is apparently not “intellectual” enough for these snobs, we guess. This year, they chose Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, which Duke describes like so: Read more on Duke Freshman Snowflake Babies Pretty Sure Mom Said No Reading Books About Lesbians…
  This is not goddamned racial transcendence

Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff

nope
Racial transcendence, how does IT work? Republican candidate and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker attempted to explain it while campaigning in Spartanburg, South Carolina, but he is a Republican, so he did a real bad job. You see, according to Walker, we’re never going to have racial unity if we acknowledge that racial discord exists, and also, it would be nice if blacks would just be sweet and nice and forgiving when their folks get murdered, like they did in Charleston. Unlike those mean Ferguson people, who are probably playing the race card and reverse-racisting America right now. Did Walker say those exact words? Oh heavens no, but yr Wonkette is a very good Wingnut-To-English translator. Here is what exactly he said: Read more on Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff…
  All your questions answered

Donald Trump And Nine Other Losers Walk Into A Bar: Your Wonkette Debate Preview!

You know, if you're not doing anything else that night LOL
It’s almost here, everyone, it’s almost here! The moment we have all been waiting for (kind of!) comes Thursday night, when the top ten Republican candidates, as chosen by Fox News Science, will show us their junk on live television! Donald Trump is the frontrunner, because a significant percentage of the Republican base is even dumber than the other percentages of the Republican base, and are impressed by loud men who act like they’re overcompensating for small penises and small minds. They’re like, “Awwww, reminds me of Daddy, PBUH.” Except they probably don’t say “PBUH,” because that’s Muslin. Read more on Donald Trump And Nine Other Losers Walk Into A Bar: Your Wonkette Debate Preview!…
  U go gurl

Donald Trump Would Agree Lindsey Graham Smashing His Phone To Sounds Of Vivaldi Is CLASSY

Macho macho man
Remember yesterday, when Donald Trump decided to do the weirdest campaign speech in the history of weird campaign speeches, by talking about how Lindsey Graham is even stupider than dumb Rick Perry, which is saying a lot, and regaled the crowd with a story about how Graham begged him one time to give him money and say nice things about him on the “Fox & Friends” program? And then he gave out Graham’s cell phone number and told everybody to prank call it? Of course you remember, it was yesterday! Later in the day, Graham tweeted that he was probably going to have to get a new phone and we were like LOL does he not understand how phone numbers work? Read more on Donald Trump Would Agree Lindsey Graham Smashing His Phone To Sounds Of Vivaldi Is CLASSY…
  The kids on Twitter call this "doxxing"

Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall

CALL ME MAYBE
Donald Trump, Wonkette takes it all back. You are the best Republican candidate probably since Abraham Lincoln, who wouldn’t have had to deal with that pesky Civil War if he had just gotten the Messicans to build a YOOOOOOGE wall around the traitor states and posted signs everywhere that said “Camp Moron.” Speaking to voters in Lindsey Graham’s South Carolina, Trump thought it would be a good idea to say all kinds of bad words about Sen. Graham, and then give out his personal cell phone number, in case anybody in the audience was looking for a good sexxxy time with the Senator or something. Trump was mad because Graham called him a “jackass,” which is just mean. Read more on Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall…
  When will the gay terrors cease?

Dead Breitbart Real Upset How Gay Rainbow Flag Murdered Those Marines In Chattanooga

The threat is real.
Ever since June 26, the day which will live in infamy, when the Supreme Court gave America the right gay throatcramming she deserved, wingnuts have been observed in various states of utter, pants-shitting meltdown. And much of it, against the backdrop of the death of the Confederate flag, has centered on the gay rainbow, and how it is lynching the good American Christians, and how the White House did a 9/11 to the world when it was lit up in rainbow colors. Truly we are living in tragic days. Read more on Dead Breitbart Real Upset How Gay Rainbow Flag Murdered Those Marines In Chattanooga…
  This Was A Real Nice Klanbake

KKK And Black People Celebrate Post-Racial Harmony, With Their Fists

Ghostbusters? Now there's some heritage we can respect
As promised, on Saturday, the Loyal White Knights Who Say “Ni” of the Ku Klux Klan traveled from North Carolina to Columbia, South Carolina, to hold their Great Big Sadfest over the removal of the Confederate flag from the Statehouse grounds. As it happened — one of those little coinicidences, we guess — the 50 or so Klansmen, who showed up without their robes were at the Capitol near the end of a nearby “Countering the Attack on Black Unity Rally” that had started before the Klan’s little hatefest. The Black Unity rally was organized by “Black Lawyers for Justice and Black Educators for Justice, a Florida organization with links to the New Black Panther Party,” according to MSNBC, and while the two groups were separated by barriers, they were still within megaphone distance of each other. Some of the counter-protesters managed to grab a Klansman’s precious Confederate flag and rip it to pieces, and although at least one fistfight broke out, there were no serious injuries. Read more on KKK And Black People Celebrate Post-Racial Harmony, With Their Fists…
  Here have some news n stuff

All Of U.S. America Was A Total Sh*t Show, How Was Your Weekend?

Oh sorry, it's not
So. It is work o’clock, Monday morning, and you’re eco-commuting to your job and sipping your vegan free trade zen tea, made with real zen, and scrolling through your iDevice to find out hmm, did anything of import happen this weekend? Because maybe you were not on the interwebs; instead, you were taking the kids to soccer practice, or perhaps drinking alone with your cat, or downing some hair of the dog with your sunglasses on — inside. Not that we’re judging. Read more on All Of U.S. America Was A Total Sh*t Show, How Was Your Weekend?…
  Those Who Forget History Are Doomed To Live In The South

Butthurt Crackers Butthurt Over Slavery Monument Since They Can’t Have Treason Flag

No problem, man, we got too many dang ol' illegals here already, man.
Taking the concept of false equivalence to its illogical conclusion, some morons have started a petition to remove the African-American Monument from the South Carolina statehouse grounds, because it’s offensive to white people. As Great Statesman Lindsey Graham observed, the African-American history memorial was built as a face-saving part of the 2000 compromise to move the Confederate flag from the statehouse dome, so now that the flag has been removed from the Confederate war memorial, some butthurt Lost Causers say it’s obviously time to get rid of the other part of that deal. Read more on Butthurt Crackers Butthurt Over Slavery Monument Since They Can’t Have Treason Flag…
  dispatches from the wasteland

Lady Beaters, Fetus Shooters And Bar Fights: Your Florida Roundup (Is Extra Violent This Week)

Good morning/afternoon/whenever the Wonkette overlords click PUBLISH! This week’s Roundup is brought to you from our couch, because it is way too fuckin’ hot to go outside. (Bring on the Little Ice Age already.) Read more on Lady Beaters, Fetus Shooters And Bar Fights: Your Florida Roundup (Is Extra Violent This Week)…
  good riddance

Here Goes South Carolina’s Treason Flag. Bye-Bye Treason Flag! Byeeeee!

150 years late, but adequate
Crowds chanted “USA! USA! USA!” and sang “Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey-Hey, Goodbye” as South Carolina Highway Patrol officers removed the Confederate flag from the Statehouse for the last time Friday morning. We suppose we could nitpick and wish that maybe the crowd had spontaneously broken into “We Shall Overcome,” but those other ones certainly do the job, too. Read more on Here Goes South Carolina’s Treason Flag. Bye-Bye Treason Flag! Byeeeee!…
  Scar Strangled Banner

South Carolina Removes Confederate Treason Flag That U.S. House Republicans Can’t Quit

Time to put that sucker out
It took 13 hours of debate and disposing of a boatload of dumb amendments designed to slow down the process, but the South Carolina House of Representatives finally voted — at 1 AM Eastern Thursday — to remove the Confederate flag from the statehouse grounds. And for all the angry talk about slaps in the face of the honored Confederate dead, the vote wasn’t even close: 94-20, well more than the 2/3 majority necessary under the state’s stupid flag law. The bill is headed to Gov. Nikki Haley, who has said she would sign it, and the flag should be removed by the weekend, even despite the very real risk that the Devil will take over our great land because of gay marriage. Read more on South Carolina Removes Confederate Treason Flag That U.S. House Republicans Can’t Quit…
  oh come on even south carolina figured this out

Dumb Florida Rednecks Don’t Give A Sh*t, Gonna Hoist Them Stars And Bars

Save yo Confederate money, boys, the South gon’ rise ’gain.
Perhaps you remember that unfortunate incident in South Carolina last month — you know, when that racist, Confederate-flag-waving shit-for-brains kid shot up a black church for being so very black and stealing the women he couldn’t get and whatever — and the world was like, hey, maybe having a century-old symbol of sedition and treason and slavery flying proudly above our state capitol maybe sends the wrong message? Sure you do. Even South Carolina, which, along with Alabama and Mississippi and, shit, the rest of the Deep South, rivals Florida for stupidity (rivals, not beats out), has figured this out. Read more on Dumb Florida Rednecks Don’t Give A Sh*t, Gonna Hoist Them Stars And Bars…
  All the tears

South Carolina Senator Cries Hilarious Man-Sobs For Confederate Flag Bested By Gayness

It was thiiiiis big!
The South Carolina Senate voted Tuesday to remove the Confederate Flag from the state Capitol grounds, sending the bill to the state House, and hopefully, eventually, to Gov. Nikki Haley’s desk. This is very bothersome for state Sen. Lee Bright (R-No Shit), who just doesn’t see why we’re spending all this time talking about the Confederate Flag, not when the FLAG OF GAY HOMOSEXUAL ABOMINATION is currently flying over the ENTIRETY OF AMERICA. Bright, who is Ted Cruz’s campaign co-chair for South Carolina (obviously), melted all the way down into a pile of shouty Southern fire and brimstone wingnut tears as he explained on the state Senate floor just how much God hates America now: Read more on South Carolina Senator Cries Hilarious Man-Sobs For Confederate Flag Bested By Gayness…
  Shithead Agonistes

Chuck C. Johnson Has Thoughts On The Charleston Shootings. They Are Strange And Racist Thoughts.

An homage to B. Kliban's
Since Award-Winning Journalist Chuck C. Johnson got bounced off Twitter a while back, seemingly for good, the man seems to be completely losing it. This of course raises the perfectly reasonable question, “How could you tell?” As Exhibit A, let us present his 4000-plus word rant about the Charleston shootings and why Dylann Roof really shot nine black people dead. Even for Chuck C. Johnson, the new Stupidest Man on the Internet, it’s a specimen of breathtaking stupidity (and also racism). Read more on Chuck C. Johnson Has Thoughts On The Charleston Shootings. They Are Strange And Racist Thoughts….
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Was It Over When The Jews Bombed Pearl Harbor?

Hey, Kids, hope you enjoyed both your Fourth of July and your Independence Day, seeing as how this was one of those years where they fall on the same day. Yr Wonkette had a nice day off and hardly blowed up anything at all that didn’t need ‘splodin’. And speaking of “highly Flammable,” we have for you a fine collection of deleted dumbth, starting with some thoughts from a “Dr. Lopez,” who we regret did not specify what his doctorate was in. Dr Lopez was not especially pleased with our piece on the Texas attorney general who issued an amazing public meltdown in the form of a press release following the Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling. And Dr. Lopez had some thoughts about just what a Big Dummy our Evan Hurst must be — don’t be fooled by his flattery at the beginning! As always, punctuation and spelling are verbatim from original. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Was It Over When The Jews Bombed Pearl Harbor?…