Tag Archives: south america

  it's morning in america

Presidential Commission Exonerates BP, Tony Hayward’s Yacht

The National Commission on the BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill and Offshore Drilling — better known as the NCBDHOSOD? — has published a very official report which proves BP never made a “conscious decision to favor dollars over safety.” We already knew this, though, because BP thoroughly investigated itself and came to the same exact conclusion! But if you don’t believe the NCBDHOSOD or BP, just look at these third-quarter profits: a measly $1.79 billion. That’s British oil baron pocket change! Seriously, does $1.79 billion really say to stockholders “we favor dollars over safety”? No, it does not. It says “we favor dollars over safety, and next quarter we’ll make $5 billion.” But also it says “Tony Hayward wants his life back.” Read more on Presidential Commission Exonerates BP, Tony Hayward’s Yacht… Read more on Presidential Commission Exonerates BP, Tony Hayward’s Yacht…
  kill chavez and take his oil

Election Observers Will Observe Hugo Chavez’s Earthquake Machine

“Election observers” (CIA people) are in Venezuela, probably trying for another coup d’etat? Let’s hope so! As international delegates begin trickling into Venezuela to oversee Sunday’s National Parliamentary election, some in this nation of 27 million say there are too few coming too late to watch the hotly contested vote. Read more on Election Observers Will Observe Hugo Chavez’s Earthquake Machine…
  besides catholic jesus

MARK SANFORD IS MOST FAMOUS PERSON IN SOUTH AMERICA: Here’s a fun story about how embarrassing South Carolina is, on a global scale: “He was in Peru, on a train from Cusco to Machu Picchu, when he and his wife began chatting with another couple. Where, Harpootlian asked, are you from? Rio, came the response, and you? South Carolina, Harpootlian replied. Mark Sanford! the couple exclaimed. Argentina!” [LA Times] Read more on …
  just go already

McCain Demands Obama Visit Every Place On Earth

John McCain and pals had a lot of fun criticizing Obama for never visiting Iraq. But then Obama announced he would be visiting Iraq after all, in another one of his terrible flip-flops. Well Walnuts, where should inexperienced adult-child Barack Obama go after that? Plane tickets are more expensive by the day, you know: “McCain, who has criticized Obama for not having been to Iraq since 2006, said it was now time for Obama to also go to South America.” After Obama capitulates and makes this trip too, we look forward to the inevitable McCain “wisecrack” that Barack Obama next should “go back to Africa.” [AP] Read more on McCain Demands Obama Visit Every Place On Earth…
 

Brazilian Protest Gal’s Incredible True Story!

Remember this anti-Bush protester? Well, she has a story to tell! First of all, don’t call her “Naked Brazilian Protest Gal.” Let’s treat her with dignity and respect. She is a 25-year-old model named Janaína Bueno, which means “Hot gal named something like Jana.” But what about her message? Read more on Brazilian Protest Gal’s Incredible True Story!…
 

A Treasury of Brazilian Anti-Bush Protest Pix

While our very hungry president is supposedly back from his Latin American “please let me move down here” trip, the photographs remain. We just found a huge collection of pix from the Brazil jaunt, including favorites like the one above and some very spooky close-ups of the security details and presidential limos and all that. Details and a few samples, after the jump. Read more on A Treasury of Brazilian Anti-Bush Protest Pix…
 

Happy South American Wedding Engagement, Jenna!

Guess who’s maybe getting engaged to Karl Rove’s former intern? The great Holocaust author Jenna Bush, that’s who! The former teen drunk is all grown up now. She runs secret diplomatic missions for her wrecked dad, got herself a $300,000 publishing contract despite having never written anything bigger than a bar tab, and now she’s supposedly planning a wedding with long-suffering boyfriend Henry Hager. Read more on Happy South American Wedding Engagement, Jenna!…
 

South Americans Welcome George W. Bush … With Style!

This isn’t the usual Yanquee Go Home stuff — they really hate the guy’s guts. Why the rude welcome? For six years, the administration has ignored Latin America except for “punishing in some way those who disagreed with Washington, and decreasing funding for developmental assistance, child survival and health programs.” Starting wars everywhere, launching a failed coup against Hugo Chavez, congratulating the White House choice in a Mexican presidential election that was still in dispute, putting right-wing zealots in charge of U.S.-Latin American affairs … not since the Reagan-Contra days has Latin America had so many reasons to hate Washington. The 45-year-long U.S. embargo against Cuba doesn’t help, either. But enough about these people and their problems. Are Brazilian protesters hot? Find out, after the jump. Read more on South Americans Welcome George W. Bush … With Style!…
 

Jenna Bush To Solve AIDS & Poverty & Holocaust

As the Bush Dynasty prepares for exile in South America, first twin Jenna Bush claims all her Latin American secret diplomatic missions were really just research trips for her bitchin’ new book about a poor gal in Panama who has both a baby and the AIDS. Read more on Jenna Bush To Solve AIDS & Poverty & Holocaust…
 

Daily Briefing: No Leg To Stand On

* Bi-partisan “Walter Reed Study Group” soon to be as ignored as the limbless soldiers themselves. [WP, NYT, WSJ, LAT] * “One conservative lawmaker, who spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of angering Democratic leaders, dismissed Murtha’s approach as ‘too cute by half.'” [WP] * President Bush heads to South America to bring a message that “We care,” as well as, “I ain’t fucking ending up like Slobodan.” [WP, NYT] * Hillary Clinton: “the cliché of contemporary politics .” [NYT] * Dick Cheney is handing out lollipops and venous thrombosis, and he’s all out of lollipops. [NYT] * Will Heather Wilson try to get people fired from the House Ethics Committee for failing to investigate her? [WP] * Air travel to get even more depressing without a lithium laptop battery to lick. [USAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: No Leg To Stand On…
 

Bushes Escaping To South America Next Month

The preparations are finished, the massive land holdings have been purchased, the huge military base is in hand and Jenna has made her rounds of high-level diplomatic negotiations. Finally, the Bushes can escape to South America before they’re convicted of War Crimes and executed on YouTube. Read the dirty details, after the jump. Read more on Bushes Escaping To South America Next Month…
 

BREAKING … JENNA HOOKS UP WITH UNEMPLOYED ARGENTINE GUY

Guess what Jenna Bush is getting for Christmas? The love and awe of some Buenos Aires guy in a trucker cap who maybe makes $400 a month. Hooray for romance! It knows no boundaries! Wonkette operative “Bill” has mysterious business ties with Argentina, which is why he keeps up with whatever the Bush Twins are doing down there. He translated a chunk of this article that reveals way too much about Ramiro González Palazzo and how impressed he is that a woman is allowed to have a credit card. You know you want it, and it’s after the jump. Read more on BREAKING … JENNA HOOKS UP WITH UNEMPLOYED ARGENTINE GUY…
 

Daily Briefing: The Cloud Over Karl

• Karl Rove is under pressure in the White House to, “at a minimum,” issue an apology; Patrick Fitzgerald may still charge him with making false statements. Strategist: “Karl does not have any real enemies in the White House, but there are a lot of people in the White House wondering how they can put this behind them if the cloud remains over Karl.” [WP] • Democrats are trying to frame ’06 to their advantage; slogan “Together, American Can Do Better” is displayed at events and national platform will be unveiled. [NYT, LAT, LAT, WT, USAT] • Congressional Democrats join John McCain in calling for better treatment of detainees. [WP] • Scott McClellan‘s “credibility is already on trial,” his “reputation has been left dangling in the glare of the television lights.” [NYT] • Tuesday’s gubernatorial elections in Virginia and New Jersey will be an “early measure” of ’06. [WSJ] • Bush will be met with widespread anti-Americanism on his upcoming trip to South America. [WP, WSJ] • Administration’s flu plan criticized on Capitol Hill. [NYT] • House Republicans are willing to cut food stamp program for 300,000 legal immigrants in effort to shave down the budget. [WP] • Lawmakers turn out in force for funeral of Rosa Parks. [WP, NYT] • Harry Reid‘s idea for a closed-session originated from Tom Daschle. Charles Schumer: “My phones have been ringing off the hook… It has played far better than we had thought.” [WP] • Former Deputy Interior Secretary said Jack Abramoff offered him a job while he was at the department. [NYT] • Michael Chertoff unveils border security plan. [USAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: The Cloud Over Karl…