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Posts Tagged ‘south’

WONKETTE JUNKETTE

Another Post About ‘Arlen Specter’s State,’ Virginia

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

Congratulations to Arlen Specter for joining the Dixiecrat Party of America’s “Mid-Atlantic!” Here in America’s slave city, Richmond — a “blue city” now — we located the “X” marking on the ground where the Enola Gay will finally destroy the South with her payload of Pig Nukes from space — as soon as Arlen Specter gives the word! See? He doesn’t even have to “primary” here. MORE »


REGIONAL BIAS

Barack Obama Hates Every Southerner Except Robert Gibbs

Friday, March 13th, 2009

'Nuke Alabama.'Our new president might say he likes diversity and things, but then why does he not fiscally stimulate the ailing South by hiring some southerners to work for him, HMMM? He has precisely one (1) staffer who hails from below the Mason-Dixon line, one “Robert Gibbs,” who does not count because he has zero neck tattoos and does not listen to Skynyrd. MORE »


DIVERSITY TRAINING

Southerners Are Latest Ethnic Group To Be Outraged By Barack Obama’s Cabinet Appointments

Monday, December 15th, 2008

Oh moon of Alabama it's time to say goodbyeJeez, who’s running this government anyhow? Given his latest string of appointments, it appears Barack Obama favors Indonesian Socialist pansexual witch-doctors such as Tom Daschle and Tim Geithner. This leaves little room for Obama to install in key positions such competent Southerners as … well shit, are there even any Southern Democrats alive anymore? Or are they like the ivory-billed woodpecker, another mythical Southern rarity? MORE »


CIVIL WAR

Slaves Vote Heavily In Obama’s Favor

Monday, November 17th, 2008

Whoa, it’s the electoral map with… with freakin’ dots all over the damn place, just cold clusterin’ and aggregatin’ over the blue areas. It is this: “Strange Maps overlays cotton production in 1860 with the 2008 presidential results.” Awkward! And as you can see, we’ve “overlaid” — with a retarded X — the approximate location of John McCain’s Mississippi plantation, which he refuses to visit for sexy parties every single year. [Strange Maps via Andrew Sullivan]


BARACK OBAMA

Former White Southern Senators Endorse Hopey

Friday, April 18th, 2008

Two conservative, Southern ex-Democratic senators have endorsed Barack Obama for president, even though their region of the country still makes its dollar via chattel slavery. Hooray for free blacks from the North running for president! Neither of the two senators, however, was Zell Miller, who has endorsed Gen. “Stonewall” Jackson. MORE »


CHRIS MATTHEWS

Chris Matthews Asks Tim Kaine To “Speak Southern” For Him

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008

Oh Tweety. He gets a southern governor on his teevees, like Virginia’s Tim Kaine, and he asks him to “speak Southern.” When Tim Kaine says “I’m a Kansan by birth,” all Matthews can do is laugh. He is a monster.


DEMOCRATS

Sit Down, We’re Tired: Liveblogging SC’s Dem Debate, Part III

Monday, January 21st, 2008

Uh, that was the break? Was that even two minutes? What about the old people who need a little time to use the facilities? What about your editor who can see the liquor store from his window? Anyway, here we are, solving America’s problems, around the old mill table. MORE »


DEMOCRATS

South Carolina BBQ: Democrat Debate Deathmatch

Monday, January 21st, 2008

After more than a year of this endless 2008 campaign, we’ve finally got a debate with the claws out. This South Carolina audience is getting a first-hand up-close answer to the question, “Can Hillary kill people with her words?” See here for Part One, and let’s get dirty with Part Two. MORE »


DEMOCRATS

Palmetto Shuffle II: Liveblogging the Democrat Debate

Monday, January 21st, 2008

Wow, are we back in South Carolina again? And we’re going to be talking about race and the racial issues, is that right? Of course, that was the supposed subject of the last Dem debate, too. But that was in Nevada, and everybody knows teevee signals can’t reach from Nevada to South Carolina. So let’s do it again! MORE »


SENATE

Chris Matthews Worships Trent Lott

Thursday, January 17th, 2008


Clues for Discovering Closet Fascists: Do they complain that the Senate is bad without Trent Lott and John Breaux? Do they say “it must be no fun with you guys gone”? Do they say “I would like to be a Senator if I could hang out with you guys”? Do they call Trent Lott and John Breaux “great veteran political heroes and legends of the Senate”?? Maybe if Trent had never resigned, Chris Matthews wouldn’t have had all these problems.


BILL CLINTON

Wednesday, December 26th, 2007

edwardsenquirer.jpgDuring a tour of New Hampshire today, John Edwards unleashed his latest superficial reason to vote for him: He talks like people who have been president before! You know, with one of those “Southern accent” doohickeys that certain Americans have! Specifically, he noted in a put-on twangy hick voice that “the last two Democratic presidents, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter, both talk like me.” Indeed, and that’s why most Democrats are voting for the former’s wife. [Raw Story]