Wednesday, January 27: The State of Union is on tonight, hooray! What a great excuse to drink, drink, drink as Obama promises tax cuts for everyone and health care for no one! Ventnor Sports Cafe is hosting a drinking game watch party tonight. The bar opens at 5:30PM. [Ventnor Sports Cafe] MORE »

Ha ha, do you have the pig AIDS, because just about everyone in DC has it! Have you sneezed or coughed at all in the last decade? Then it’s definitely the pig AIDS, and you shouldn’t touch anyone, especially small children or old dying people, because you could kill them. There’s no Tamiflu left, oh well, but there are plenty of places in the District where you can get comfort foods that should help make your impending death by swine a bit more bearable. MORE »

ECONOMY ES SAVED?: “(Bloomberg) — Campbell Soup Co., the world’s largest soupmaker, said second-quarter profit fell 15 percent as retailers cut back inventories.” So is the economy saved and people are buying “real American” food (whole pigs) again? Or has Campbell’s just lost market share to Hobo Beans Inc.? The point is, buy carrot seeds, soon. [Bloomberg]