Hey, you recognize that old familiar 3/4 profile? That’s right, it’s Kitty Harris, who, thank god, has not yet and hopefully never will actually leave Washington. Or even the Capitol. She attended the State of the Union last night, and Washington Whispers caught her handing out her business cards to anyone she could reach. MORE »

Remember those TV listings they used to have in newspapers? They’ve still got ‘em in Oklahoma, as proven by this hilarious caption on the Bush photo. MORE »

Enjoy it while you can! MORE »

Many people are uncomfortable in front of a camera. It’s made much worse when you have nothing to do, and the camera stays on you for an hour. So we sympathize with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Vice President Dick Cheney (to a degree), who are forced by convention to sit behind the President during the State of the Union address and try not to look bored. They both preformed admirably, if awkwardly.

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Yes, we saw crazy Michele Bachmann sexually assault the President. It was… weird. It made us uncomfortable. Sadly, Minnesota’s KSTP has taken the video down from their website, after their servers were presumably swamped by perverted Drudge readers. We’ll work on getting our own up, but in case you’re wondering what you missed, the crazy Jesus Lady held on to the President’s shoulder with a Holy Ghost-strengthened death grip for what felt like an hour. He signed her an autograph, she still held on. He tried to ditch her and kiss some other congresswoman, and she still held on. In fact, she held on even tighter. MORE »

We turned on the CNN to watch the Democrats shut down Bush the day after his little speech, but it’s Duke Rape Case Day Again — midday anchor dude just said, “story of the day” in a sort of resigned way. MORE »

* About a speech. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]
* About another speech, that talked shit to the first speech. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]
* Democratic Congress to shift immigration policy debate away from walls, tazing, and robo-drones. [WSJ]
* Scooter Libby was just a scapegoat kept tied up in the back of pickup truck and beaten occasionally. [WP, NYT]
* Watergate mastermind dies, world less shady. [WP]
* Political posturing surprisingly less catty than cable news posturing. [NYT]

It’s not all under-skirt-finger-bangs and young adult men living off mommy’s money. Sometimes, Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — also explores the political establishment which employs them.

What do Washington’s best & whitest think about new Virginia Senator Jim Webb? He should go live in Russia, obviously! But a lot of LNSers actually respect Webb. What the hell is going on? Come read the forum goodness, after the jump.

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The best way to figure out if Bush gave a truly great speech about Malaria or whatever is, obviously, to go to the partisan political blogs and get the objective blogosphere truth. Let’s do it! MORE »

10:15 — Well that was awful. Webb could sing “London Bridge” for twenty minutes and it’d be an improvement.
10:16 — URGENT CHEVY UPDATE: THIS IS OUR COUNTRY
10:18 — The 400th anniversary of the settlement of Jamestown. WTF? “We the Democratic party” — he kinda still grits his teeth when he says that.
10:19 — He’s coming to us live from an Inland Empire set.
10:21 — It takes the average worker a year to make as much as Bruce Springsteen makes in a day. Also, this country has a “historic backbone.” Apparently our jobs are disappearing. We fucking wish our job would disappear tonight.
10:22: — “We must recapture that spirit.” We’ll send in the civilian service corps.
10:23 — He’s just showing off his picture albums. We couldn’t see the picture that well, but we think it was Jim Webb’s dad with Reche Caldwell and cryingTonyRomo.jpg.
10:24 — THE CAMERA SHOULD NOT BE THIS CLOSE
10:25 — “We are now as a nation held hostage to the predictable — and predicted — chaos that has followed.” OUR CITIZENS’ PRECIOUS BLOOD IS AT STAKE. PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS BLOOD. ZOMBIE WEBB DEMANDS AN IMMEDIATE END TO THE WAR, HE WILL EAT THOSE TROOPS HIMSELF.
10:26 — Robber barons. Roosevelt. Teddy bears. We think someone bet Webb that he couldn’t namecheck every ex-President during his response. Truman? Is Korea really the best example?
10:28 — There you go. It’s over. Economic populism + war sucks. “Historic backbone” again. Our backbone is historic, our blood is precious. That was actually pretty fucking good. And now NOW CBS IS FUCKING SHILLING FOR THE POLITICO ARGH WE ARE SWITCHING TO NBC IMMEDIATELY.
10:31 — Haha just kidding! We’re turning off the tv and drinking the rest of this bottle. The State of the Union is fucking wasted, bro!

We’re having severe technical problems! Hooray! MORE »

9:07 — So, our beaten nation now overwhelmingly believes we are losing the War On Terror — which is pretty awesome when you think about it, because it means Bush & Cheney have ultimately succeeded in linking 9/11 with Iraq!
9:10 — Oh for fuck’s sake, he gets “wooooooo!”??? Okay, that’s more like it, “Good luck.” Did Michelle Bachmann just laugh in his face like a crazy nut?
9:12 — “Looks like high school kids greeting each other after summer,” says Chris Matthews, who has name-dropped like a bitch for the past hour.
9:12 — Speaking of name dropping, you want to keep up with the comments on this post and the last one.
9:13 — A rare bit of class from Bush’s speechwriters, noting the first “Madame Speaker.” Cheney doesn’t look quite so pleased. Of course, if Tim Johnson doesn’t have a “speedy recovery,” Cheney will be very pleased, indeed.
9:17 — Actually, wages for the vast majority of Americans have been stagnant for the entire six years Bush has been president.
9:18 — Ohhhh, now he wants to balance the budget.
9:18 — “Without raising taxes” … what about the taxes on health care?
9:19 — Well, five years ago we didn’t even have a federal deficit.
9:20 — Time to refill the three glasses on this editor’s desk.
9:21 — WALNUTS just hopped up like the red-faced comb-over psychotic weirdo he is … Ted Kennedy is either suffering a helluva headache or is listening to a really sad Kate Bush song on his iPod.
9:25 — Hey, that’s what Hillary said about health care in 1993!
9:27 — Oh great, now he’s going to screw up states’ attempts to provide health care for the poor. Sorry, California and Massachusetts.
9:28 — Again with the private accounts.
9:29 — Oh man, the Republicans are going to KILL Bush over this guest worker thing. Luckily, he has Count Chertoff and the armies of vampires for protection.
9:31 — Lou Dobbs is actually going to murder Bush with his own orange-haired hands.
9:32 — Guess who else plans for the USA to use 20% less oil in 10 years? China and India!
9:33 — 2017 is going to be the most awesome year EVER.
9:34 — Nice yawn, big gal in the purple dress!
9:33 — Everybody take a shot of vodka with Cheney and Bush!
9:35 — Uhm, dude, I don’t think that “take the fight to the enemy” has been “settled” in any way, shape or form.
9:36 — If the days of refuge and comfort and communication have ended for the terrorists, what exactly is going on with Bin Laden, Mullah Omar and the rest of them housed and protected by our alleged goddamned ally, Pakistan?
9:38 — Again with the utterly made-up bullshit about the “plot to fly an airplane into the tallest building” in Los Angeles. That was made up. Stop telling stories.
9:39 — Well, we did make The Terrahists a nice little place called Iraq.
9:39 — Here comes the Iran crap.
9:40 — He’s gonna bomb Iran.
9:40 — If Pelosi’s got a shiv, America may be spared the nuclear holocaust.
9:42 — Seriously, where is this enemy? Who are they? They’ve got a helluva agent, don’t they?
9:44 — Nothing like a retard clumsily reading a really poorly written summary of neocon world news.
9:45 — Or, we could find our resolve and impeach your ass.
9:46 — Long, long, long and boring. Say the state of our thing is awesome and wrap it up, bro.
9:47 — Okay, now he’s just reading the Surge Speech again. What, did they print the new one on the back of the old one?
9:48 — Weird how Bush & Cheney did exactly what this so-called enemy wanted so bad. So if Pelosi just put on a burqa and posted something on MySpace, would Bush do exactly what she wants?
9:51 — Jesus, 230+ comments on this post. We advise you read those and ignore the rest of the speech, because now he’s just saying stuff not even he believes would ever be approved.
9:52 — Oh great, because the military reserve is really holding out great under the Endless War Plan.
9:55 — AIDS is bad! (Applause.)
9:56 — Malaria is bad! (Applause.)
9:56 — Oh man, he’s on the Borgen Project, isn’t he? (Applause.)