Wonkette

This is the kind of double-secret intelligence-gathering covert agent work that separates the Tipsters from the Operatives: Congresswoman Michele Bachmann ISO young, sexy college students to serve as spring interns.

Although she has only served for six or so weeks (so far!), Rep. Bachmann has already distinguished herself by:

a) Sexually assaulting the president on live teevee after the State of the Union speech.
b) Doing right-wing talk-show interviews while naked.
c) Unveiling the secret conspiracy to give Iraq to Van Morrison’s old band (”Them”).
d) Running a Minnesota baby farm.

Don’t you want to work with the Honorable Hotty McCrazyLady? Details after the jump.

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* Please send photos and updates when tens of thousands of earnest yuppies descend on the Mall for Saturday’s Tibetan Danny Glover Freedom Concert. We’ll be at Busch Gardens along with every other journalist in Washington.
* The Politico was fathered this week by the Allbrittons. The media failures are also the proud owners of the $28 million Georgetown crime scene we’ve been investigating. Coincidence?
* BARACK HUSSEIN OSAMA TOSSES BIN LADEN AT AMERICA.
* Hillary Cunton consummated her trail of tears. Soon after, she got busted for paying right-wing blogs not to run her campaign ads.
* “So I say to John Kerry, I love you John Kerry. And I’m so sorry that things didn’t work out for our country, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I will always care about you greatly and remember the times we’ve spent together.”
* In an attempt to tidy up before killing himself, David Bradley makes Andrew Sullivan Senior Editor of The Atlantic: “I’ve spent my adult years believing that life is a sine curve of inevitable highs following inevitable lows. What is new to me, in this second career, is that the highs are much higher in journalism and the lows much lower. I had not understood, before, how wide could be the band of emotions.”
* Michele Bachmann isn’t afraid to lose control, uses farm hands to offer the President a little encouragement. The DumpBachman blog says “Good-bye Katherine Harris, Hello Michelle Bachmann.” But we’ll never turn our backs on Kitty. She removed her invisibility cloak to to hand out business cards to anyone who didn’t wince at her at the SOTU.
* Like Alberto Gonzales, we weren’t allowed to attend the big event. So we liveblogged the shit out of the blabby blab. And the blabby blab blab response. Believe you us, the whole affair was like looking in a drawer full of diamonds and we’re still hungover.

* What’s the answer to the LA Times losing all its readers and relevance? Unionize! [HuffPo]
* Remember the Ohio 2004 vote fraud? People are finally gonna go to jail. [Cannonfire]
* Bush’s SOTU was a bunch of liberal crap. That’s what Tom DeLay wrote on some blog, anyway. [Red State]
* War nuts now reduced to online petitions against Republican senators. [The NRSC Pledge]
* A Dem senator is in trouble for feeling up his teen-aged boy page! Sadly, it’s just a South Dakota state senator. [Rapid City Journal]

The great thing about actually hating all politicians is nobody can figure out if you’re “conservative” or “liberal” or whatever. Witness this bit in the Post:

Not all of the reaction was positive. Conservatives scoffed at Webb’s less-than-animated demeanor. One blog headline commented on Webb’s constant seriousness with the headline: “Dem Response: Countdown to Webb’s Aneurysm.”

Tipster “Rebecca” was so offended that she left an impassioned comment in our defense. But our favorite comment is this one:

“One blog headline commented on Webbs constant seriousness with the headline: Dem Response: Countdown to Webbs Aneurysm.” How typical. Lacking intelligent criticism, conservatives substitute childish ridicule. And this is a pretty damn serious time. Thousands of Americans and tens of thousands of Iraqis have died in this ill-conceived and mismanaged war. That this conservative blogger thinks the time and issues warrant anything but seriousness frightens and disgusts me.

Well said, dummy! MORE »

Fox News’ Your World presented five glorious minutes of Neil Cavuto and a roundtable of Hooters girls yesterday. Cavuto had them on to plug their 2007 calendar, but he took the opportunity to ask them about the more pressing issues facing our country today. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Ranking Republican on the House Transportation Committee throws a tantrum over not getting a good seat at a meeting, makes all the Republicans leave… Rep. Adam Putnam, who is 12 years old, is serving reporters lots of orange juice… House Dems decide to stop calling first-termers “freshmen.” [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: White House Social Secretary Lea Berman is stepping down… What was the deal with the Baby Einstein lady at the SOTU? … Clinton BFF Stephen Spielberg is hosting a fundraiser for Barack Obama. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: No one mentioned that poor Michael J. Fox attended the SOTU… Susan Sarandon in being a big hippie shocker… Jack Abramoff’s restaurant Signatures reopened as D’Acqua on Tuesday. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Don’t ride an elevator with Rep. Joseph Crowley unless you want him to start singing at you. It happened to Jane Harman, it can happen to you too… Lincoln Chaffee found a job! [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Bob Ney’s caricature is still on the wall at The Palm. [Politico]

* The day after sitting through his more boring State of the Union address yet, the Senate punished Bush by approving a nonbinding resolution claiming that the President’s planned troop increase is “against the national interest.” That’ll learn him. [WP]
* California, Florida, Illinois and New Jersey are going to fundamentally change/ruin the way we nominate presidential candidates by moving their primaries up to February ‘08. As usual, it’s worrying for Democracy, Kucinich supporters. [NYT]
* Libby trial: Ex-Associate Deputy Director of the CIA Robert Grenier claimed to have told Scooter Libby all about Joe Wilson and maybe his wife a month before Libby says he learned the wife’s name from Tim Russert. Meanwhile, Libby asserts that he’s a scapegoat, sacrificed by a White House looking to protect Karl Rove. [NYT, WP]
* Everyone in congress is very, very old. [Politico]
* Black democrats love Clinton, Edwards, wary of Barry Hussein Obama. [WP]
* GOOD NEWS DC: As of yesterday, D.C. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton has the right to vote on amendments to bills on the House floor! A huge step forward, even though she already had this right a couple years ago until the Republicans took it away. [WP]
* On CNN’s The Situation Room, Dick Cheney shot rays of pure hatred from his cold, beady eyes. Rays were directed at Wolf Blitzer, Democrats. [WP]

It just gets worse. Maybe this is why Bush is always covered in welts and boils and whatnot — they’re actually hickeys from Michele “Let’s Make Babies, Baby” Bachmann.

Another horrifying shot, after the jump.

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Hey, you recognize that old familiar 3/4 profile? That’s right, it’s Kitty Harris, who, thank god, has not yet and hopefully never will actually leave Washington. Or even the Capitol. She attended the State of the Union last night, and Washington Whispers caught her handing out her business cards to anyone she could reach. MORE »

Remember those TV listings they used to have in newspapers? They’ve still got ‘em in Oklahoma, as proven by this hilarious caption on the Bush photo. MORE »

We don’t remember seeing this last night, which either means it’s fake or we were looking at the computer or refilling our drinks or whatever. Anyway, look at the crazy old man! The only time he’s not a Grave Danger to America is when he nods off. MORE »

Enjoy it while you can! MORE »

Many people are uncomfortable in front of a camera. It’s made much worse when you have nothing to do, and the camera stays on you for an hour. So we sympathize with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Vice President Dick Cheney (to a degree), who are forced by convention to sit behind the President during the State of the Union address and try not to look bored. They both preformed admirably, if awkwardly.

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