Wonkette

Here is a weird video from your Bloc Party. Is it about Barack Obama, a hairy crab-bull hybrid created from spare parts by evil ape scientists who make him into a Wii-powered Manchurian candidate so that they can take over the White House and bomb South America for its bananas? All signs point to yes. We would not have pegged the Bloc Party kids for Hilltards. Thanks to “Alex” for making us sit through four minutes of this insanity. [YouTube]

Senator Orrin Hatch is an old conservative Republican from Utah, the most conservative Republican state in the country: so it’s no surprise that in a moment of weakness the balladeer of the Senate would pen a sweet, romantic ode to one of his male colleagues. Apparently he is great pals with Ted Kennedy, whose battle with brain cancer compelled Hatch to write a ballad called “Headed Home.” But it is not about heads. MORE »

Here is a sad tune by D.C. resident Rachel Keller called “I Got Dumped For Obama,” and it’s steaming up the YouTubes at this very minute. She tells Politico’s Anne Schroeder Mullins that it is based on real life: she was dating A Boy who spent all of his time volunteering for the Obama campaign, when she just wanted to kiss and watch movies and so forth. You know, “dates.” So they broke up and now he just jerks off to his neo-commie “Change” paintings all day, the end. [Shenanigans]

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You know what has three syllables? “Matt Damon.” Also “Ben Affleck.” Now, scientific research proves that “Obama” also has three syllables, and thus is eligible for the Sarah Silverman formulation of “I’m fucking [three-syllable word]” for instant comedy gold. MORE »

Apparently this is a Chilean performer whose other dancing-in-wigs videos have already made the rounds. Don’t be thrown off by the uncanny likeness to the senator from New York — this little impostor’s got much better legs than the actual Hillary. [YouTube via BoingBoing]

There’s a “happy ending” to this story after all! Ashley Alexandra Dupre has the No. 1 song on Amie Street, which is the digital-download thing where she posts her songs, for sale. And today, Ashley/Kristen has the No. 1 and No. 7 top songs on the weekly chart. Help Ashely/Kristen make more money than she could ever make with that creep Spitzer! The music is pretty horrific, but who knows, maybe it’s the kind of thing you like, if you’re 12. Plus, it’s for kind of a good cause. And maybe it will teach the kids about politics! [Portfolio/Amie Street]

WHOREMONGER BLUES: Take a musical journey through Eliot Spitzer’s life-ruining hooker lovin,’ with this hand-picked playlist of hits. [Brightest Young Things]

For all you libtards with “Bush Derangement Syndrome” out there who always call our president “Hitler,” we ask you this: Did Hitler dance and sing for the people? No, he was always yelly-yelly at everyone. George W. Bush just wants to sing a gay song with his male-stripper vocalists and dance for the press, and he will not let you haters try to bring him down, you negative nabobs of negativity. He’s got a song in his heart! [YouTube]