Tag: somalia

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.

Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For

BREAKING NEWS! Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has basically ruined Louisiana, declared his candidacy for president of US America Wednesday afternoon, far too close to the city of New Orleans for anyone who actually loves that city. He had started off...

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Leave Reality To Other People

Better fire up your modems and log into your AOL account (or Prodigy for you hipsters). Time for another look at the ruinous near-decade of prosperity under Bill Clinton, as refracted through the Truthiness Lens of rightwing Christian textbooks....

LaGuardia ‘A Third World Country’? Say It Ain’t So, Joe Biden!

We give much love to Old Handsome Joe "Now You're Jack Kennedy!" Biden because he is excellent and pretty much the perfect wacky, free-wheeling, avuncular Vice Presidential complement to Barry's somnolent rationality. But we also have integrity, so we...

‘Home Grown’ Jihadis And Invisible Gorillas About Equally Dangerous To U.S. Americans

Blogging is largely a matter of finding the right stuff to write about. For instance, we see that the Washington Post has a new political science blog feature called "The Monkey Cage" -- from the H.L. Mencken quote, "Democracy...

Wingnuts Furious: Nanny Obama Coddles Goatherders With Cots And Lanterns, If You Can Even Believe It

President Barack Obama is a nanny stater who loves nothing more than to Oppress you with his nannying, and Human Events has got the PROOF: there are now regulations that say that if you employ a foreigner to be...

What We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar

We tricked you! The nice Libertarian fellows in the Detroit hotel bar at 1:30 in the morning were not nice at all! They were stupid fucking idiots! But we learned a lot from them anyway, like so: * Al Gore...

Adorable Underdog Somali Militants Offer Two Camels For Info On ‘Lady Of Bill Clinton’

Somalia -- a scrappy, can-do failed state that is the platonic ideal for those who want to shrink government down to the size where they can drown it in the bathtub -- is not taking it lying down that...

Ron Paul: Africa’s Famines Will End When They Quit Being So Socialist

Ron Paul! He knows what's wrong with Africa. All the famines, the people dying over there that you may have heard about in the news lately? It's because Africa is socialist. The whole place! RON PAUL, on Africa: "All I...

Obama Is Actually a Somali Pirate Child

Shocking new photographs from Barack Obama's African Past reveal that he was actually a Somali pirate in Hawaii during his youth, the feared "Child Scallywag of Honolulu." Here, pictured with Liz Phair in the early 1990s, the dread pirate...

Duh: Most People Are Not Really Concerned Enough About Swine Flu To Actually Go Get A Flu Shot

Obama is demanding that the companies that received the most bailout money pay their highest-earning employees 10% of what they normally do. Oh here's something new: everyone is worried about getting sick but is too lazy and/or too terrified...

Democrats Are Deciding Whether Joe Wilson Is A Racist Or Not, Right Now!

Hollywood talkie star Patrick Swayze, who famously had cancer, has died from the aforementioned cancer at the age of 57. "Led by their most senior black lawmakers" (?), Democrats have decided to importantly vote on whether or not to...

Beaches Are Communist; Stay Home This Weekend

The first thing wrong with this video is it shows a mixed-race couple, which must still be illegal somewhere in the "Real America," maybe Alabama or Texas? But the rest teaches our children a valuable lesson about why they...

Obama Officially Best Military Commander Since Eisenhower

Over Easter weekend while the rest of America was busy gaining 10 pounds eating ham and Peeps, President Obama occupied himself authorizing military action that left three Somali pirates dead and one kidnapped American captain alive. This feat of...

Why Hasn’t Obama Solved Piracy?

This American president, he has fleets of destroyers and an army of fearsome AT-AT walkers at his disposal and still he cannot contend with a very organized band of Africans trolling the waters off the Somalian coast. What gives,...

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