Tag Archives: somalia

  lol

Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
BREAKING NEWS! Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has basically ruined Louisiana, declared his candidacy for president of US America Wednesday afternoon, far too close to the city of New Orleans for anyone who actually loves that city. He had started off the week getting punched right in his junk by IBM, which had been nice enough to choose Baton Rouge for its new National Service Center. The company’s mood soured when Jindal decided he had to prove he was the gay-hatin’-est homophobe in all the land, by issuing an executive order giving Louisiana business owners the right to discriminate against gay people. That might work on the set of “Duck Dynasty,” but not in the grown-up world of big business. So IBM decided to cancel the big ribbon-cutting photo-op, the one Jindal could have used to show just how GOOD he’s been for Louisiana business. Read more on Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For…
  lies damned lies and a beka book

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Leave Reality To Other People

Better fire up your modems and log into your AOL account (or Prodigy for you hipsters). Time for another look at the ruinous near-decade of prosperity under Bill Clinton, as refracted through the Truthiness Lens of rightwing Christian textbooks. This week, foreign affairs! (And next week, we’ll get to the other kind.) Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Leave Reality To Other People…
  OHJB

LaGuardia ‘A Third World Country’? Say It Ain’t So, Joe Biden!

We give much love to Old Handsome Joe “Now You’re Jack Kennedy!” Biden because he is excellent and pretty much the perfect wacky, free-wheeling, avuncular Vice Presidential complement to Barry’s somnolent rationality. But we also have integrity, so we are gonna call Joe Biden out: New York’s fine LaGuardia airport is not like “a third world country,” as he said during a recent performance of his popular traveling show Infrastructure Revue & Burlesque, of which POLITICO has made this supercut. Uh oh, it’s a #slatepitch! Read more on LaGuardia ‘A Third World Country’? Say It Ain’t So, Joe Biden!…
  guerrillas in our midst

‘Home Grown’ Jihadis And Invisible Gorillas About Equally Dangerous To U.S. Americans

Blogging is largely a matter of finding the right stuff to write about. For instance, we see that the Washington Post has a new political science blog feature called “The Monkey Cage” — from the H.L. Mencken quote, “Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.” And its first post is this really thoughtful, well-informed essay on why, even after the mall attack in Kenya, which may have included some al Shabaab recruits who came from America, we probably don’t need to be excessively freaked out about the threat that foreign-trained jihadis pose to Our Way Of Life. This is some serious, research-based policy analysis by Thomas Hegghammer, a “political scientist and historian at the Norwegian Defence Research Establishment,” and he really seems to know what he’s talking about. On the other hand, we also got a tip on this HuffPo story about a guy in Decatur, Tennessee Alabama,* who shot up his own living room with a shotgun to fend off an attack from imaginary gorillas. You can see how we’d be torn. But then we figured, hey, why not just Thomas Friedman this sucker and write about BOTH? Read more on ‘Home Grown’ Jihadis And Invisible Gorillas About Equally Dangerous To U.S. Americans…
  workers paradise

Wingnuts Furious: Nanny Obama Coddles Goatherders With Cots And Lanterns, If You Can Even Believe It

President Barack Obama is a nanny stater who loves nothing more than to Oppress you with his nannying, and Human Events has got the PROOF: there are now regulations that say that if you employ a foreigner to be a goatherder, you must provide him (OR HER! Just kidding, not her) with a clean, comfortable cot and a lantern, almost as if we are in the USA and not in 14th century Scotland or present-day Moldavia. What fresh hell is this? Read more on Wingnuts Furious: Nanny Obama Coddles Goatherders With Cots And Lanterns, If You Can Even Believe It…
  gangster's paradise

What We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar

We tricked you! The nice Libertarian fellows in the Detroit hotel bar at 1:30 in the morning were not nice at all! They were stupid fucking idiots! But we learned a lot from them anyway, like so: * Al Gore invented the Internet. * Al Gore lied about being the basis for the main character in Love Story. * If someone calls out both of these statements as the complete lies of fucking idiots and explains succintly why, all of a sudden the conversation will mysteriously turn to the size of Al Gore’s house. Also, he flies on planes. * If you own a business, that is the same as running the National Institutes of Health, therefore ergo and QED of course you know what the National Institutes of Health does. Did you not just say you run a business? Read more on What We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar…
  ladies be drone-strikin'

Adorable Underdog Somali Militants Offer Two Camels For Info On ‘Lady Of Bill Clinton’

Somalia — a scrappy, can-do failed state that is the platonic ideal for those who want to shrink government down to the size where they can drown it in the bathtub — is not taking it lying down that the US has offered $7 million for the location of this dude Ahmed Abdi Aw-Mohamed and $5 million for a bunch of other similarly Arab-named folks. Nope, the Somali militants have got a little counter-offer they would like to make, and that is 10 camels in exchange for President Barack Hussein Obama. But that’s not all! Call now, and they will throw in two camels for “the lady of Bill Clinton, the woman named Hillary Clinton,” obviously because they are male chauvinist pigs. Read more on Adorable Underdog Somali Militants Offer Two Camels For Info On ‘Lady Of Bill Clinton’…
  karl marx ruined africa

Ron Paul: Africa’s Famines Will End When They Quit Being So Socialist

Ron Paul! He knows what’s wrong with Africa. All the famines, the people dying over there that you may have heard about in the news lately? It’s because Africa is socialist. The whole place! RON PAUL, on Africa: “All I know is if you look at history and if you compare good medical care and you compare famine, the countries that are more socialistic have more famines. If you look at Africa, they don’t have any free market systems and property rights and they have famines and no medical care.” Elect Ron Paul President of Africa! Read more on Ron Paul: Africa’s Famines Will End When They Quit Being So Socialist…
  arghh matey

Obama Is Actually a Somali Pirate Child

Shocking new photographs from Barack Obama’s African Past reveal that he was actually a Somali pirate in Hawaii during his youth, the feared “Child Scallywag of Honolulu.” Here, pictured with Liz Phair in the early 1990s, the dread pirate O’bamar prepares to raid a British crown colony of landlubbers and then head off to the Indonesian pirate lair of “Singapore” to live under the Socialist doctrine of rum, sodomy and the lash. And even now that he’s “all growed up,” Barack Obama continues to welcome the various Pirate Kings to his mansion in Washington, where the terrible skull ‘n crossbones continues to fly beneath the disguise of “Old Glory.” Read more on Obama Is Actually a Somali Pirate Child…
  daily briefing

Duh: Most People Are Not Really Concerned Enough About Swine Flu To Actually Go Get A Flu Shot

Obama is demanding that the companies that received the most bailout money pay their highest-earning employees 10% of what they normally do. [New York Times] Oh here’s something new: everyone is worried about getting sick but is too lazy and/or too terrified to actually get a flu shot. [Washington Post] Read more on Duh: Most People Are Not Really Concerned Enough About Swine Flu To Actually Go Get A Flu Shot…
  daily briefing

Democrats Are Deciding Whether Joe Wilson Is A Racist Or Not, Right Now!

Hollywood talkie star Patrick Swayze, who famously had cancer, has died from the aforementioned cancer at the age of 57. [New York Times] “Led by their most senior black lawmakers” (?), Democrats have decided to importantly vote on whether or not to sanction Joe Wilson and whether or not to make this an issue about race. [Washington Post] Read more on Democrats Are Deciding Whether Joe Wilson Is A Racist Or Not, Right Now!…
  holidays are communist!

Beaches Are Communist; Stay Home This Weekend

The first thing wrong with this video is it shows a mixed-race couple, which must still be illegal somewhere in the “Real America,” maybe Alabama or Texas? But the rest teaches our children a valuable lesson about why they can’t have nice things: Because that’s socialist! So if you want to go to the beach, try the “American way” and earn millions of dollars, and buy some beachfront property, and shoot any mixed-race couples you catch trying to use your beach, the end. [YouTube via Wonkette tipster Curt] Read more on Beaches Are Communist; Stay Home This Weekend…
  victory at sea

Obama Officially Best Military Commander Since Eisenhower

Over Easter weekend while the rest of America was busy gaining 10 pounds eating ham and Peeps, President Obama occupied himself authorizing military action that left three Somali pirates dead and one kidnapped American captain alive. This feat of daring means that nobody can call Obama a pussy anymore. Read more on Obama Officially Best Military Commander Since Eisenhower…
  he is no lord nelson i will tell you that

Why Hasn’t Obama Solved Piracy?

This American president, he has fleets of destroyers and an army of fearsome AT-AT walkers at his disposal and still he cannot contend with a very organized band of Africans trolling the waters off the Somalian coast. What gives, Obama? Why do you love pirates so much? Read more on Why Hasn’t Obama Solved Piracy?…
 

The Foreigns Present: Your Guide To The Hellholes

Those crazy Kosovars! Their little declaration of independence has caused quite the shitstorm — not just among the great powers who are wrangling over whether to recognize them or not, but among the world’s other pissant quasi-countries, who are mad that they didn’t get to do it first. Palestinian presidential aide Yasser Abed Rabbo whinily declared that “Kosovo is not better than us. We deserve independence even before Kosovo!” — and it’s probably more true for his blighted semi-occupied wasteland than most. This week, The Foreigns will take you on a tour of the world’s saddest unrecognized not-countries. Read more on The Foreigns Present: Your Guide To The Hellholes…
 

Insecurity Estimate

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! Last week was totally topsy-turvy in Condiland, but not really in a fun way. There was that NIE thingy which made a lot of people uptight, an absolutely awful trip to Africa, which experts tell us is the land of her ancestors, and then on to Brussels, where half the people wouldn’t shut up about Iran, and the other half nagged her about the possibly fictional land of Kosovo. But first! Gay rumors! Relive the memories of photo-ops past after the jump! Read more on Insecurity Estimate…