The RNC resolutions committee has… what is this… gone to the brink of executing some majestically stupid national-embarrassment stunt and PULLED BACK? Why it appears that the liberal rapper, Michael Steele, is ruining everyone’s fun: “Members of the Republican National Committee today have shelved a proposal to name the Democratic Party… the Democrat Socialist Party. In an agreement today, two RNC members who were sponsoring the resolution at a party assembly today said they had agreed to change the resolution’s language to urge Americans to oppose what the GOP is calling the Democrats’ ’socialist’ agenda.” This came after Steele issued a memo opposing the renaming because it would “accomplish little than to give the media and our opponents the opportunity to mischaracterize Republicans.” Hey Michael, SSSSHHHH. Stop spilling secrets! We need the JOKES, baby. [The Swamp]

You know your party has hit new lows of odiousness when even a rat-eyed tax-delinquent creep who makes propaganda videos for Pajamas Media wants nothing to do with you. So congratulations, Republicans, Joe the “Plumber” is dumping your ass. MORE »

It’s been a while since we’ve checked in on the trials of Michael Steele, the African-American who runs the Republican Party with his peculiar blend of comedic verve. They hate him, the other Republicans, because he wants to try new things. (Also because he is an abortionist.) We had thought that maybe he wasn’t in the news so much anymore because he had been secretly fired and exiled back to Prince George’s County, Maryland, while that South Carolina confederate colonel “Kat-On” assumed his rightful throne. But he’s still around and guess what? This: “Republican state party leaders are rebelling against new Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele for failing to dub President Obama and the Democrats as ’socialist.’” Oh my god. MORE »

We all know that an overwhelming majority of Americans now proudly call themselves socialists, so it should come as no surprise that one might find a few of these newly popular socialists in the House of Representatives. According to Representative Spencer Bachus of Alabama, 17 faithful socialists already serve in the House! He didn’t name names, but we can assume one’s rhymes with “Fancy Schmelosi.” [The Birmingham News]

Huzzah, Wonktards! We have won over some significant percentage of our fellow citizens to the side of the hedonist left, where stoners get paid welfare checks to wank it over Thomas Pynchon books all day. A new Rassmussen survey shows that a mere 53 percent of Americans believe capitalism is better than socialism. MORE »

HOT CHIMPS IN SEX-FOR-FOOD SCANDAL: New study proves it! Gentleman chimps who give free meat to their ladyfriends tend to get more sex than those who don’t share. In other words, socialism leads to prostitution. Double win. [BBC News]

Rep. Zach Wamp of Tennessee, home state of America’s most comical people, says funny things for several minutes: “Listen, health care is a privilege… I was just about to finish to say, that for some people it’s a right, but for everyone, frankly, it’s not necessarily a right. Some people choose not to pay… How many illegal immigrants are in this country today, getting our health care? Gobs of ‘em… Socialism… Tax cuts.” [YouTube, Washington Monthly]

• MICHELLE BACHMANN HAS A THEORY! “If you want to look at economic history over the last 100 years. I call it punctuated equilibrium. If you look at FDR, LBJ, and Barack Obama, this is really the final leap to socialism.” HMM QUITE SO. [Think Progress]

• Meet Barry’s new socialist realism fashion patch thing! There’s a branch (symbolizing ACORNS), and stars (for Lenin) and the colors red, white, and blue (for reasons unknown). [Top of the Ticket]
• Most infamous non-wolf Palin nemesis, Kim Elton, a member of Alaska’s House of Lords, has jumped right into Obama’s tank, specifically into the Department of the Interior as the “Director of Alaska Affairs.” [CNN Political Ticker]
• RedState.com has begun stockpiling idiots and probably uranium in a quest to strengthen its virtual army of guerrilla insurgents, who will fight Obama’s stated mission of taking away America’s freedom and distributing it, in rations, to the communist internment kibbutzes on which we will all be forced to live in ~6 months. [RedState]
• Bill Clinton is so happy and relieved now that people are finally paying attention to his paintings, which he has never previously mentioned or displayed. [Daily Intel]
• A DC bus driver attacked McGruff, the animated crime dog whose career was in large part the inspiration for season one of the Wire. The bus driver thought thought McGruff, who was clearly just fighting crime, was trying to be funny. [DCist]

For the past seven million hours, conservative aggregateur Matt Drudge has been blaring the main headline, “OBAMA MOVES TOWARD ‘SWEDISH MODEL’ FOR BANKS,” replete with a sacrilege photo of the profane Swedish flag. The “Swedish Model” is “code” for the evil thing the Swedish government did in the early 1990s after a major real estate and financial bubble: nationalized the biggest insolvent banks, fixed them, and put them back on the market, the end. In other words, it is basically Red Marxism and Islam combined. And now, free-market fappers Lindsey Graham, his “live-in” John McCain, and even Alan Greenspan — who caused the entire crisis, for fun — are voicing their support for Swedish Communist Revolution! MORE »

There is a special place in Hell for hairless rat-eyed creeps who rise to fame as an emblem of all that is mediocre and shameful about our dumb country and who make careers for themselves selling digital TV converters and then start yapping about how they never really supported the people who made them a household name in the first place. We speak, of course, of the odious Joe the Plumber, who will suffer an eternity of torment at the hands of lecherous demons with forked sex organs. MORE »