Tag: socialism

Be Right Back, Have To Murder This Bernie-Or-Buster

Perhaps you already took our advice not to go on Facebook today and pick fights with every single lefty friend who is currently blaming the Democrats for not ignoring the will of primary voters and nominating Hillary Clinton instead...
The REAL numbers are far worse, like when you include retired people and children!

Trump Delegates Can’t Believe How Terrible The Economy Is For Everyone But Them

Republican convention delegates are really disappointed the economy is in such terrible shape, except where they're from, where things are great in spite of Barack Obama, not because of anything he did.
OMG the socialists are coming! Need Moar GOLD!

Rich People Can Be Dumb Mouth-Breathing Fox News Morans, Too

Being worth millions of dollars doesn't immunize you from having political views straight from your crazy uncle's paranoid email.
Needs more glowing blue eyes and speaking in ALL CAPS

Christian ‘Insurance’ Helps Members Love On Others, Avoid Demonic Obamacare

Christians who can't stand Barack Obama's socialist government takeover of healthcare have been rushing to buy into "health care sharing ministries," which give them an affordable alternative to actually having insurance, as long as they don't mind not having...

Oregon Militia Twit Sues America For Being Literally Satan

Haha those Bundy Oregon militia snotweasel dicknose brats finally have something in common with REAL terrorists. Whereas Osama bin Laden's al Qaeda organization liked to think of America as "the Great Satan," militia supporter and "sovereign citizen" Shawna Cox,...
Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...

Deleted Comments: Teen Savant Tells Insane Libtarted Communists, ‘YOUR SICKOS!’

Our Deleted Comments cup fairly runneth over with Derp this week, largely thanks to the efforts of one particularly verbose moron who figured out that once his account was banhammered, he could create a new one. SO CLEVER. All...
And that's how America was made!

Ted Cruz’s Fundie Dad Thinks God Did Bang-Up Job Writing U.S. Constitution

As we all know, Ted Cruz is running to be America's Top Preacherman, explaining how he'll save American Christians from being sent to jail for saying Jesus's name, and he'll also protect all the Jewish churches from homosexuals, too....

Mike Huckabee Dreams Of Sugarplums, Hillary’s Vagina, For Christmas

Turns out the reason for the season is Hillary Clinton's vagina. Who knew? But all the Republican fellers can't stop yapping about Hillary's heyyy gurl -- which is very unfair to Jeb, somehow -- and Mike Huckabee wants to get in...

Republicans Agree Big Banks Are Growned Up Enough To Take Care Of Themselves

Here is a fun thing we learned at Tuesday's Republican debate! Do you know how all the too-big-to-fail banks got so big they damn near killed the entire global economy? The real reason will amaze you! Turns out the real reason is because Big...
Tough questions

Fox News Teaches Dumbass Viewers How To Use New ‘Facebook’ Thing Real Good

BREAKING "FOX & FRIENDS" UPDATE, EVERYONE! Have you heard about the new thing making waves during this election season? It is called "Internets" and it just came out today! And included free of charge on Internets is a new...
RNC Chair Reince Priebus

Dear RNC: Stop Bitching About Last Night’s Debate Questions. You Sound Like A Idiot.

Wednesday night's (very dumb) CNBC Republican debate had barely ended before the RNC and individual campaigns were whining and kvetching -- to reporters, their moms, to Pinterest, and everywhere else -- that the questions were SO MUCH UNFAIRNESS to the brilliant...
HAPPY BERNIE!

Here’s Bernie Sanders On The Ellen Show, Talkin’ About Handcuffs And Tight Panties

Oh look, Bernie Sanders has a softer side! He's not all GRRRRR! free college and AAAAAARGH! murder Wall Street all the time. Sen. Sanders stopped by the Ellen show, probably because he was still in the neighborhood after Tuesday's...
Wuss Mountain, more like.

Tyrant Obama Stealing America’s Mountains Now, Giving Them Yucky Foreign Names

Emperor Obama has issued another fatwa, and this time it is about how it's no longer okay for North America's highest peak, which is located right in the middle of Ohio in Alaska, to be named after President William McKinley,...

Medicare Turns 50, F*ck You Zombie Reagan

Today's a special birthday! Fifty years ago today, Medicare and Medicaid were signed into law by that notorious communist, Lyndon Johnson. As a special treat, here's Ronald Reagan telling us in 1961 that Medicare would inevitably lead to a socialist...
This revisionism will not stand, man

Ted Cruz Gets Republican Jizz All Over Your Beloved Star Trek

Ted Cruz is trying to ruin your beloved childhood memories again. First, he fucked up The Simpsons, and now he's coming after Star Trek, Gene Roddenberry's Kennedy Administration in Space fantasia. In Cruz's mental version of the show, Captain...
Bernie's on yr tits, winning all yr elections.

Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips

Is Bernie Sanders going to take away Hillary Clinton's tiara and crown himself King of America, with votes? MAYBE! It turns out that, unlike the 19 Republicans running (one per Duggar child, as the Bible instructs), Sanders is real...