Tag Archives: socialism

  Ohio Republicans Mad About A Thing

Tyrant Obama Stealing America’s Mountains Now, Giving Them Yucky Foreign Names

Surprised he didn't rename it Hope The Terrorists Win Mountain.
Surprised he didn’t rename it Hope The Terrorists Win Mountain. Emperor Obama has issued another fatwa, and this time it is about how it’s no longer okay for North America’s highest peak, which is located right in the middle of Ohio in Alaska, to be named after President William McKinley, but rather, it should be given a funny foreign Alaskan name, “Denali.” This is obvious government overreach, as all mountains got their names directly from Jesus, when they were formed, and He wanted this one to be named after a U.S. president. You have questions, we have answers. Read more on Tyrant Obama Stealing America’s Mountains Now, Giving Them Yucky Foreign Names…
  2060 Protest Sign: Keep Government Out Of My Obamacare!

Medicare Turns 50, F*ck You Zombie Reagan

Today’s a special birthday! Fifty years ago today, Medicare and Medicaid were signed into law by that notorious communist, Lyndon Johnson. As a special treat, here’s Ronald Reagan telling us in 1961 that Medicare would inevitably lead to a socialist takeover of America, and by golly, he was right! Here we are, 50 years later, living under the thumb of a communist dictatorship, as oppressed Americans demand the government keep its filthy hands off their Medicare. Have any of you Olds taken the time to tell your children about how nice America was in 1965, when men were still free? Read more on Medicare Turns 50, F*ck You Zombie Reagan…
  Highly Illogical

Ted Cruz Gets Republican Jizz All Over Your Beloved Star Trek

This revisionism will not stand, man
Ted Cruz is trying to ruin your beloved childhood memories again. First, he fucked up The Simpsons, and now he’s coming after Star Trek, Gene Roddenberry’s Kennedy Administration in Space fantasia. In Cruz’s mental version of the show, Captain James T. Kirk is a Republican (or will be, in a few centuries), and Jean-Luc Picard, that tea-drinking squish, is a Democrat. This only stands to reason: Cruz has also decided that, were he alive today, JFK himself would be a Republican, too. Because, you know, tax cuts. Read more on Ted Cruz Gets Republican Jizz All Over Your Beloved Star Trek…
  TAKE THAT HITLER-Y

Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips

Bernie's on yr tits, winning all yr elections.
Is Bernie Sanders going to take away Hillary Clinton’s tiara and crown himself King of America, with votes? MAYBE! It turns out that, unlike the 19 Republicans running (one per Duggar child, as the Bible instructs), Sanders is real serious about his candidacy, and people are really liking what he has to say. Some of his events have even been standing-room only! Read more on Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips…
  Socialism Nice Time

President Bernie Sanders Will Force Your Kids To Have Free College

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Just when we thought we had reached the zenith of our love for Vermont’s proudly socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders, and dead serious Democratic presidential candidate, he comes along and proposes legislation to provide free tuition at public colleges and universities. Just like in civilized countries! The proposal goes well beyond President Obama’s proposal for universal community college tuition, and would revolutionize higher education. Yr Wonkette enthusiastically supports the idea, even if it requires everyone to drive a Volvo. Read more on President Bernie Sanders Will Force Your Kids To Have Free College…
  sure why not

Bernie Sanders Will Be President Of Forcing Hillary To Act Like An Actual Liberal

Listen up, MORANS!
Bernie Sanders, independent Soviet Socialist senator from Vermont, who has been Elizabeth Warren-ing since the actual Elizabeth Warren was lecturing Wall Street bankers IN HER DIAPERS, will announce his candidacy for the presidency, as a Democrat, on Thursday. Sanders appears to be running on a platform of “seriously, okay, Hillary, you’re going to be president and that’s fine, but could we possibly turn this god-dang ship to the left?” And that is a good thing! Read more on Bernie Sanders Will Be President Of Forcing Hillary To Act Like An Actual Liberal…
  Let's Go Kill Some Scientists

Wingnut Columnist: Neil DeGrasse Tyson Is A Bad Scientist, Could Someone Please Kill Him?

Works for media literacy too.
WordNetDaily columnist Erik “The Other Rush” Rush — he really calls himself that — would like to share with you some Thoughts About Science, which mostly boil down to: science is nice when it gives us flatscreen TVs and atomic bombs, but we’d better not trust the “scientific community” because it’s full of atheists and socialists who are trying to set themselves up as some kinds of authorities on stuff that they have no business talking about, like the age of the Earth, how life came to be on Earth and whether it’s getting hotter, none of which they really know a damn thing about. And by the end of his meditations on science, he actually appears to say it would be OK to kill a few scientists, if that’s what’s necessary to preserve Liberty. Read more on Wingnut Columnist: Neil DeGrasse Tyson Is A Bad Scientist, Could Someone Please Kill Him?…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!

Haha, 'COORS'
Since Disqus has brought us a bunch of new commenters (Hi! Welcome To The Monkeyhouse! Play nice!), we’d just like to ‘splain why we moderate comments in the first place, instead of allowing unfettered Free Speach: It’s because we are big believers in the First Amendment, which gives us the right to run our little mommyblog/recipe hub/Pony appreciation society however the hell we want to. It’s our parlor, and if we choose not to invite someone in because they’re intent on muddying up the carpet and shitting on the credenza, or even if we don’t like their Gadsden Flag t-shirt, that’s our business. Don’t like it? Do some Free Enterprise and offer the Editrix an obscene amount of money to buy the site so you can change how things work. (We hear she’ll only sell if the staff get some pretty impressive golden parachutes.) Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!…
  Reading And Writing Shouldn't Be About Anything

Texas Mom Drops Challenge To Super Sexy ‘Marxist’ Book About Poors

See what happens when you read about poor people?
Remember how some parents in one of Texas’s richest school districts were complaining that a book about poor people was being taught in an advanced placement English class? The parents were upset because David K. Shipler’s The Working Poor: Invisible in America was too “sexually explicit” for 11th graders, plus it was about poor people, and also since it wasn’t “literary,” it didn’t even belong in an English class. Read more on Texas Mom Drops Challenge To Super Sexy ‘Marxist’ Book About Poors…
  Smells Like Liz Warren

Feisty Liberal Obama Plans To Tax The Hell Out Of Rich People, For America

Still the worst
Now that Obama is a good president again because gas prices are low, he appears to be feeling his oats. And when Obama feels his oats, you know what happens: COMMON-SENSE PROPOSALS! For tax reforms that strengthen the middle class and ask wealthy Americans to pay their fair share! HOT DAMN AND DIGGIDY! Read more on Feisty Liberal Obama Plans To Tax The Hell Out Of Rich People, For America…
  Infrastructure Is Sexy

Gas May Be Cheaper, But Congressional Jerk Babies Refuse To Pay For Roads

Hey, House Science and Technology Committee, we found you a new logo!
So now that President Michele Bachmann has fulfilled her campaign promise to bring gas prices down to $2 a gallon, this would be an excellent time to tack a few pennies onto the gas tax to help fix up our crumbling freeways and collapsing bridges, right? Hahaha, what are you, a communist? There is never a good time to actually pay for stuff! There is no way that the Republican majority in Congress would ever dream of paying for stuff we need, because 1) we don’t really need it, 2) taxes are communistical, public roads doubly so, and 3) someday there will be an election where someone will say you voted to raise taxes. Read more on Gas May Be Cheaper, But Congressional Jerk Babies Refuse To Pay For Roads…
  Bernie Sanders For Everything

Bernie Sanders Has 12-Point Plan To Save America By Eating The Rich

Bernie Sanders, our favorite socialist senator and only socialist senator but still our favorite anyway, has a terrific new economic plan to save America, and it’s so crazy it just might work! Except, of course, that it will never work, because sadly, our Senate is filled with a whole bunch of senators who are not Bernie Sanders, and do not ask the kinds of questions he asks, such as, for example: Read more on Bernie Sanders Has 12-Point Plan To Save America By Eating The Rich…
  All Praise Carbon Dioxide!

Wingnuts Peeing Themselves In Hilarity Over Climate Change March, ‘Science’

That game kind of got into my head a few years back
New York City hosted a big Climate Change protest on Sunday, and that’s cool and all, because raising awareness and solidarity and all that. There were hippies and signs and moms with kids in strollers and probably big protest puppets, we bet, because we’re pretty sure those are required by Saul Alinsky. The march was held to draw attention to the United Nations Climate Summit beginning tomorrow, and in terms of concrete change, sure, it didn’t make the problem go away, and wingnuts all had a fine time calling the participants terrible hypocrites if they got to New York by any means other than a bicycle — and if they rode bicycles, then wingnuts mocked them for those silly spandex pants. Read more on Wingnuts Peeing Themselves In Hilarity Over Climate Change March, ‘Science’…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Bernie Sanders Says Shut Up, Pat Robertson Calls For Revolution (Again), And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Sorry, Virginia
We have good news and bad news. The good news is that it’s almost Friday. The bad news is that it’s not Friday yet. Here, have some news to make you laugh, cry, or just go back to bed. Read more on Bernie Sanders Says Shut Up, Pat Robertson Calls For Revolution (Again), And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  six of one half dozen of a mother

Rick Santorum Wants To Socialize Your Slut Pills

We hope you’re sitting down, because we are about to agree with Rick Santorum. But only partly. (You may resume breathing now.) Santorum came up with his brilliant idea during a Q & A session while he was flogging his frothy new book, and here is that thing that he came up with: instead of mandating that contraception be covered by private health insurance, how about we just have the government pay for contraception for everyone? We could actually get behind that, especially if to sweeten the pot, we could take it a bit farther and add a single-payer health insurance system as well (it was worth a try). Read more on Rick Santorum Wants To Socialize Your Slut Pills…
  How To Pope

Excellent Socialist Pope Is Excellent, Socialist And Also Too Maybe Marxist

In the strictest search result for “socialism” sense of the word, Pope Francis is not a socialist because he has not (to our knowledge) ever argued for “[a] society in which major industries are owned and controlled by the government”. But the definition of “socialism” is changing. Socialism is now understood by a lot of people to mean “the government helping people, and sometimes taxes,” because that is how literally every conservative politician and commentator uses the word. So by that definition, Pope Francis’s message to a UN meeting in Rome was so, so socialist: “In the case of global political and economic organization, much more needs to be achieved, since an important part of humanity does not share in the benefits of progress and is in fact relegated to the status of second-class citizens,” Francis said. Read more on Excellent Socialist Pope Is Excellent, Socialist And Also Too Maybe Marxist…