social security
Rick Perry Decries New Social Security ‘Tax’ That Has Always Existed
We missed the exact point in time when a millionaire Jesus freak presidential candidate could march in front of a crowd of ordinary Iowans and inform them their Social Security checks are slowly murdering everybody in their sleep to a round of applause, but somehow here is Rick Perry telling everyone Social Security is a [...]
Millions of Jobless Americans Filing For Disability To Get Food, Medicine
by Ken Layne
Social Security is in “trouble” because wealthy people aren’t required by the government to actually pay their share into the national program, and also because Congress has been “borrowing” billions of dollars that working people have paid into the program so that they might not have to starve or die of common illnesses once they’re [...]
Rick Perry Oddly Finds Social Security Less Unconstitutional Than Last Week
Rick Perry’s Texas conservative Jeebus freak routine includes some anti-establishment trailer park teabagger romance novel he released last year called “Fed Up!” One of the book’s themes is a general contempt for Social Security and social safety net programs for the elderly — typical polite parlor chat in rich white Southern homes, but not a [...]
Joe Lieberman Worried Social Security Hurting His Terrorist Murder Budget
America’s ugliest angel of war Joe Lieberman hobbled onto the Senate floor during the debt ceiling debate today to complain about how budget reductions will affect his favorite taxpayer-funded school for disadvantaged children, the Pentagon. Lieberman frames the debate over spending cuts by explaining that we should all begin viewing Social Security and national security [...]
Here’s How the Koch Bros. Put ‘Raise the Retirement Age’ On TV
by Wonkette Jr.
Why, exactly, should we raise the retirement age? Who benefits from that? Certainly not people, now being told that they’ll have to toil until death after all, just like the slaves and serfs of the cruel past. And why should the elderly now have to work to the grave? Because the Koch Brothers were born [...]
Fictional ‘Tim Pawlenty’ Candidate Vows To End Medicare, Social Security
by Wonkette Jr.
How might make-believe GOP candidate Tim Pawlenty distinguish himself with the elderly Tea Party voters? By taking away their Medicare and Social Security, so they will die! This is a very tricky strategy that only a fictional Minnesota superhero could invent. What else could he do to make sure he never wins a primary? How [...]
Thanks, Paul Ryan, For Reminding Voters GOP Wants To Kill Medicare & Social Security!
by Ken Layne
We’ve been too busy celebrating Pagan Earth Day with a bunch of wiccans and gay wizards, at Hogwarts, to notice the new consensus about nervous GOP weirdo Paul Ryan: He apparently finished off the entire “tea party movement” the Koch Brothers created by simply admitting what the Corporate Far-Right has been trying to do for [...]
‘Maverick’ Gary Johnson Running In 2012, Will Kill Social Security & Medicare
by Ken Layne
Sexy Republican rebel and multi-millionaire Gary Johnson used to be governor of New Mexico and love marijuana and climbed past all those frozen dead bodies to reach Mt. Everest like many rich thrill-seekers have paid to do, and that’s why he’s running for president with a very maverick-y platform of raising the retirement age for [...]
Do Republicans Know About These Socialist Security ‘Star Trek’ PSAs?
by Ken Layne
Hey look, it’s Star Trek actor George Takei and, uh, non-Star Trek actress Patty Duke, doing a fun Star Trek thing for the oldz, who cannot figure out how to get their Social Security retirement payments. But it’s so easy, even William Shatner could figure out how to do it! (This is the actual joke [...]
Social Security Ad Was Actually Too Terrible For Sharron Angle To Air
by Jack Stuef
Remember early on in Sharron Angle’s campaign when her staff was only composed of people who had no idea how to run a campaign? This is an ad they made with some elderly volunteers in the desert. Unfortunately, this ad didn’t air, because even Sharron Angle could see how bad and unprofessional (Did or did [...]
In a rare public appearance, former President George W. Bush reflected on his presidency and his life out of the spotlight, poked fun at himself, and plugged his upcoming book while speaking at a conference for a finance trade association in Chicago on Thursday. [...] The former president said his greatest failure in office was [...]
Alan Simpson Said the Bad Word For Boobies!
A Republican former senator from Wyoming totally said “tits” to a lady, in an email! Specifically, Alan “Bartholomew J.” Simpson, who is now the co-chair of the White House’s Commission on Fiscal Reform, called Social Security a “cow with 310 million tits.” HAHAHAHAHH. And now some uptight lame-os want him to resign. But should he?
Gallup Comes Up With Solution To Social Security Insolvency
by Jack Stuef
There has long been a lot of pessimism over Social Security. Those good-for-nothing Baby Boomers are going to bankrupt the system, just like they did to Lehman Brothers and Groovy Acid-Tripping, Inc. back in the day. But something came out today: Gallup took a poll and quantified that pessimism. It turns out 6 out of [...]
Sharron Angle Does Not Want To Murder Harry Reid With Guns
Ha ha, remember when Sharron Angle was some nobody teabagger that people voted for because, well, she’s nuts and all, but at least she doesn’t believe that people should pay for health care with live poultry? Back then she could just spout off with all sorts of crazy stuff, like, say, “People are really looking [...]
WaPo Reports On Some “Neat Ideas” Republicans Have
Trust us, Washington Post, we know all too well the horror of sitting in front of your computer and realizing that you have infinite Internet space to fill and nothing to fill it with. In our case, it’s because yet another morning is wearing on and the entire Republican leadership refuses to be caught blowing [...]
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