Tag Archives: social security

  daily joe

Handsome Old Joe Biden Yells at Fellow Olds

Boy, somebody got on Old Handsome Joe’s last nerve! He even says he is “angry,” and then yells a bunch! But what brought on this fit of righteousness from the World’s Sexiest Grampa? Watch Joe Biden testify, after the jump! Read more on Handsome Old Joe Biden Yells at Fellow Olds…
  who knew congress could pass a tax cut?

Congress Extends Payroll Tax Cut! Let’s Ruin The Fun With Grating Cynicism

Both the House and Senate voted to extend the payroll tax cut another 10 months today. Democrats will be screaming from the Kenyan mountaintops about this great legislative victory of theirs, this “game-changer”! So let’s go through what an allegedly important Democratic legislative victory looks like in the year 2012. Read more on Congress Extends Payroll Tax Cut! Let’s Ruin The Fun With Grating Cynicism…
  great legislative debates

GOP Says Real Issue With Gay Marriage Is It Costs Too Much

The Senate Judiciary Committee voted 10-8 today to advance a bill to repeal DOMA over Republican objections. Not just the usual “becuz Jesus no likey teh gheyz” objections, but for a novel new terrible reason: gay marriage will ruin Social Security! “No one has paid into the Social Security system expecting benefits to be paid to same sex partners,” argued crabass old John Cornyn. Logic whiz Patrick Leahy was then forced to step in and remind the Republicans that, uh, gay people are actually still human? And have always been paying into Social Security like everyone else. Read more on GOP Says Real Issue With Gay Marriage Is It Costs Too Much…
  flip-floppers

Weird Letters Show Kochs Briefly Drank Libtard Juice In Seventies

As dim Americans continue to stare blankly through the hazy toxic clouds of cable news teevee noise-static and ask, “hennnrrhhggh why are all the Wall Street protester hippies against capitalism and freedom, hrnngghh,” the intrepid reporter-folks over at The Nation meanwhile managed to uncover a series of letters from the 1970s indicating that America’s most noxious billionaire kleptocrat demon space lizards the Koch Brothers briefly abandoned their scheme to dismantle the social safety net for the half-hour or so it took them to write socialist propaganda pamphlet-screeds trying to convince an ill Austrian economist covered under his country’s universal health care program that he wouldn’t die in the United States if he came to work for them, because he was eligible for Medicare.  Read more on Weird Letters Show Kochs Briefly Drank Libtard Juice In Seventies…
  herman cain's chilean model

Will Herman Cain Propose Chilean-Style Student Riots?

Jabbering nincompoop Herman Cain is the new star of the GOP 2012 Campaign, this week — that’s how much Republicans don’t like their front-runner, Mitt Romney. Herman Cain’s policy positions are as ridiculous as they are insane: Something about the Number Nine, Number Nine, and then something about Obama showing up at GOP debates to ask Herman Cain how to hire minimum-wage pizza delivery people, and then the special privatized Social Security scheme supposedly from Chile. Herman Cain’s platform is like searching Google for the word “the” and picking three random results from the ninth page and then adding “Chilean Model,” for pageviewz. BUT, it seems his favorite country has actually exploded with the most intense riots of the moment. Hot commie gals! Riot dogs! Blood and fire! It’s fantastic. Herman Cain probably wants some Chilean-style General Strike riots to demolish Wall Street and then go after the regional fast-food chains, right? Because Chile is the new example for Republican Politics …. Read more on Will Herman Cain Propose Chilean-Style Student Riots?…
  would you prefer a cliff or an iceberg?

Rick Santorum Proposes Olds Die Off Sooner To Save Social Security

Who is the biggest threat to the Social Security benefits system alive today? Rick Santorum, he knows what’s what, he’ll tell you. He held a policy meeting with his secret “panel of advisers” (the rows of fetus jars stacked in his basement) and he’s got this brain buster to share: “We can’t afford the benefit structure we have because people are living too long.” Yeah, shouldn’t there be some kind of expiration date on those people? Whatever happened to that thing the Amish do, where they send out their old people out on icebergs smeared in seal blood to be shredded by bears? That sounds cost-effective, yeah? Read more on Rick Santorum Proposes Olds Die Off Sooner To Save Social Security…
  god prefers poor people

Rick Perry Decries New Social Security ‘Tax’ That Has Always Existed

We missed the exact point in time when a millionaire Jesus freak presidential candidate could march in front of a crowd of ordinary Iowans and inform them their Social Security checks are slowly murdering everybody in their sleep to a round of applause, but somehow here is Rick Perry telling everyone Social Security is a “monstrous lie” ordained by Satan to keep millions of elderly people from slipping into poverty. Well, hey, that whole “God wants you all to be poor while I get rich” line has been working on millions of devout Christians ever since there was a Pope, so why not for Rick Perry? Read more on Rick Perry Decries New Social Security ‘Tax’ That Has Always Existed…
  our flourishing economy

Millions of Jobless Americans Filing For Disability To Get Food, Medicine

Social Security is in “trouble” because wealthy people aren’t required by the government to actually pay their share into the national program, and also because Congress has been “borrowing” billions of dollars that working people have paid into the program so that they might not have to starve or die of common illnesses once they’re chewed up and spit out by the capitalist system. But there’s another part of Social Security that’s running out of money even faster than the old age pensions, because a record number of discarded workers are now claiming disability payments and Supplemental Security Income — 3.3 million unwanted laborers will file for the last-ditch payments this year alone, and nearly 14 million currently receive the monthly stipends and early Medicare coverage. The money isn’t much, and is based on either your actual paycheck contributions or limited to an average $500 a month for SSI, but it’s “better” than the American alternative, which is pretending to rob a bank so you can get food and medical care in prison. Read more on Millions of Jobless Americans Filing For Disability To Get Food, Medicine…
  political novels

Rick Perry Oddly Finds Social Security Less Unconstitutional Than Last Week

Rick Perry’s Texas conservative Jeebus freak routine includes some anti-establishment trailer park teabagger romance novel he released last year called “Fed Up!” One of the book’s themes is a general contempt for Social Security and social safety net programs for the elderly — typical polite parlor chat in rich white Southern homes, but not a concept suitable for a nation of older voters who have seen their pension funds and 401ks fed cyanide margaritas throughout the recession. What should Rick Perry tell those people? Easy! Just lie: “Rick Perry never said any of that, Social Security is cool, Rick Perry loves people who love Social Security just as much as he loves a photograph of a tiny baby wombat. Have you ever seen one of those? They’re so cute. Who doesn’t love cute? Rick Perry loves cute. CUTE.” Fine, we are paraphrasing, but only by a little. Rick Perry’s spokesman has never actually heard of “wombats.” How to spin this?   Read more on Rick Perry Oddly Finds Social Security Less Unconstitutional Than Last Week…
  the forever war

Joe Lieberman Worried Social Security Hurting His Terrorist Murder Budget

America’s ugliest angel of war Joe Lieberman hobbled onto the Senate floor during the debt ceiling debate today to complain about how budget reductions will affect his favorite taxpayer-funded school for disadvantaged children, the Pentagon. Lieberman frames the debate over spending cuts by explaining that we should all begin viewing Social Security and national security as two zero-sum opponents pitting all of the country’s old people against all of its bombs and its torture dungeons. Which of these two things would America rather keep? “Kill Grandma or kill bin Laden’s corpse over and over again,” is Joe Lieberman’s Final Offer to everyone. VIDEO after the jump: Read more on Joe Lieberman Worried Social Security Hurting His Terrorist Murder Budget…
  psa re: kochsuckers

Here’s How the Koch Bros. Put ‘Raise the Retirement Age’ On TV

Why, exactly, should we raise the retirement age? Who benefits from that? Certainly not people, now being told that they’ll have to toil until death after all, just like the slaves and serfs of the cruel past. And why should the elderly now have to work to the grave? Because the Koch Brothers were born into $300 million fortunes and they’ve exploited hundreds of thousands of laborers and the natural resources of America to make that $300 million into billions, and they don’t want to pay any taxes on that, because they are evil. Here’s a quick video that’s not too lulzy but might be just what your brainwashed grandparents need to receive in their AOL mail. Read more on Here’s How the Koch Bros. Put ‘Raise the Retirement Age’ On TV…
  the invisible man

Fictional ‘Tim Pawlenty’ Candidate Vows To End Medicare, Social Security

How might make-believe GOP candidate Tim Pawlenty distinguish himself with the elderly Tea Party voters? By taking away their Medicare and Social Security, so they will die! This is a very tricky strategy that only a fictional Minnesota superhero could invent. What else could he do to make sure he never wins a primary? How about going to Iowa and telling the welfare-farmer ethanol growers that he will take their money away? The man from the ethanol industry in Iowa responded with this, “Iowans look forward to Governor Pawlenty further detailing his plans to phase out petroleum subsidies, perhaps in a speech in Houston, Texas.” Is that really all the Iowans look forward to? What about Memorial Day Weekend, wouldn’t they traditionally look forward to that? Read more on Fictional ‘Tim Pawlenty’ Candidate Vows To End Medicare, Social Security…
  paul ryan's ghoulish gaze

Thanks, Paul Ryan, For Reminding Voters GOP Wants To Kill Medicare & Social Security!

We’ve been too busy celebrating Pagan Earth Day with a bunch of wiccans and gay wizards, at Hogwarts, to notice the new consensus about nervous GOP weirdo Paul Ryan: He apparently finished off the entire “tea party movement” the Koch Brothers created by simply admitting what the Corporate Far-Right has been trying to do for half a century: Destroy Medicare, destroy Social Security, and leave 80% of the country (including the deluded working-class “GOP base”) to fuck off and die in old age, as soon as they’re no longer able to stand up at the Wal-Mart cash register. Congratulations, Paul Ryan! Also, congratulations to Stephen Goldstein at the Sun Sentinel for writing perhaps the most vicious description of GOP heartthrob Paul Ryan we’ve ever seen. Read more on Thanks, Paul Ryan, For Reminding Voters GOP Wants To Kill Medicare & Social Security!…
  more mavericks!

‘Maverick’ Gary Johnson Running In 2012, Will Kill Social Security & Medicare

Sexy Republican rebel and multi-millionaire Gary Johnson used to be governor of New Mexico and love marijuana and climbed past all those frozen dead bodies to reach Mt. Everest like many rich thrill-seekers have paid to do, and that’s why he’s running for president with a very maverick-y platform of raising the retirement age for working people so that they work until death, which many have to do anyway, so who cares, right? Also, assuming he wins the presidency, which is what we’re assuming here, he will destroy Medicare and Medicaid and veto everything except for all Republican legislation about the uterus and what government authority is in charge of the national collective uterus. Read more on ‘Maverick’ Gary Johnson Running In 2012, Will Kill Social Security & Medicare…
  star trek: the greatest generation

Do Republicans Know About These Socialist Security ‘Star Trek’ PSAs?

Hey look, it’s Star Trek actor George Takei and, uh, non-Star Trek actress Patty Duke, doing a fun Star Trek thing for the oldz, who cannot figure out how to get their Social Security retirement payments. But it’s so easy, even William Shatner could figure out how to do it! (This is the actual joke of the next PSA.) Read more on Do Republicans Know About These Socialist Security ‘Star Trek’ PSAs?…
  clio bait

Social Security Ad Was Actually Too Terrible For Sharron Angle To Air

Remember early on in Sharron Angle’s campaign when her staff was only composed of people who had no idea how to run a campaign? This is an ad they made with some elderly volunteers in the desert. Unfortunately, this ad didn’t air, because even Sharron Angle could see how bad and unprofessional (Did or did not Harry Reid vote against declaring English our national lap?) it was. Read more on Social Security Ad Was Actually Too Terrible For Sharron Angle To Air…
  baby steps

George W. Bush Admits Failing In Office!

In a rare public appearance, former President George W. Bush reflected on his presidency and his life out of the spotlight, poked fun at himself, and plugged his upcoming book while speaking at a conference for a finance trade association in Chicago on Thursday. […] Read more on George W. Bush Admits Failing In Office!…
  it's how they spell 'teats' in wyoming!

Alan Simpson Said the Bad Word For Boobies!

A Republican former senator from Wyoming totally said “tits” to a lady, in an email! Specifically, Alan “Bartholomew J.” Simpson, who is now the co-chair of the White House’s Commission on Fiscal Reform, called Social Security a “cow with 310 million tits.” HAHAHAHAHH. And now some uptight lame-os want him to resign. But should he? Read more on Alan Simpson Said the Bad Word For Boobies!…
  si se puede

Gallup Comes Up With Solution To Social Security Insolvency

There has long been a lot of pessimism over Social Security. Those good-for-nothing Baby Boomers are going to bankrupt the system, just like they did to Lehman Brothers and Groovy Acid-Tripping, Inc. back in the day. But something came out today: Gallup took a poll and quantified that pessimism. It turns out 6 out of 10 workers do not believe Social Security will be able to pay them a benefit when they retire. That quantification may seem like a simple statement of fact, but really it’s a SOLUTION. Read more on Gallup Comes Up With Solution To Social Security Insolvency…
  but god does want you raped though

Sharron Angle Does Not Want To Murder Harry Reid With Guns

Ha ha, remember when Sharron Angle was some nobody teabagger that people voted for because, well, she’s nuts and all, but at least she doesn’t believe that people should pay for health care with live poultry? Back then she could just spout off with all sorts of crazy stuff, like, say, “People are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying my goodness what can we do to turn this country around? I’ll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out.” But now she’s an actual candidate and grown-up Republicans are helping raise money for her and so she had to go on a Nevada TV news show and admit that she has no immediate plans to kill Harry Reid, per se. Read more on Sharron Angle Does Not Want To Murder Harry Reid With Guns…
  they are innovative says so right in the headline

WaPo Reports On Some “Neat Ideas” Republicans Have

Trust us, Washington Post, we know all too well the horror of sitting in front of your computer and realizing that you have infinite Internet space to fill and nothing to fill it with. In our case, it’s because yet another morning is wearing on and the entire Republican leadership refuses to be caught blowing prostitutes in the men’s room at Union Station. For the Post, though, it’s probably because the people formerly paid to provide “content,” by reporting and/or writing, have been fired or tasked to write test prep questions for Kaplan instead. So, why not just call up some conservative intellectuals who have no ties to actual elected officials, plus some Congressman, and ask them what the Republicans should do once they seize power, in their fantasy world? Sure, sounds great! Let’s find out what’s in store for us under President Romney, shall we? Read more on WaPo Reports On Some “Neat Ideas” Republicans Have…
  old people gettin' busy

Marco Rubio Throws Florida’s Old People Under the Bus

Wingnut child Marco Rubio wants to be Florida’s next U.S. senator, but does he hate Florida’s main population group (old people) too much? The maverick teabagger youth went on the teevee this weekend to debate charming orange heterosexual married man Charlie Crist, just to tell the Alligator State’s millions of Olds that he would soon take away their Social Security and probably even their condos and bingo clubs. Why does Marco Rubio despise America’s Future, the senior citizens? Read more on Marco Rubio Throws Florida’s Old People Under the Bus…