Tag: social security

Paul Ryan Is A Idiot, But Not Enough To Take Speaker’s Job. Or Is He?

Out of the chaos in Congress, following Kevin McCarthy's decision to not become the most inarticulate speaker of the House ever (because SEX SCANDAL, allegedly), a consensus has strangely arisen as sometimes happens in Washington and the political Talking...

Teabagger Rep. Jason Chaffetz Says Only He Is Sexy Enough To Be Next House Speaker

Ever since House Speaker John Boehner announced his October surprise at the end of September, probably because he was too drunk to read his calendar, Republicans have been whipping out their boomsticks to see whose is big and bad...
He is an actual, biological tortoise. And NRA stooge.

America All Out Of Workers Because Everyone’s Snorting Food Stamps And Social Security

So, Politico has an exciting (like Jeb!! Bush) new interview with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and for the most part it's pretty much what you'd expect: blah blah Barack Obama sucks, Harry Reid sucks, if only we had a...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Why Did Jesus Send Us To Collections, Mommy?

Welcome back, sinners. It's time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin! We would like to take this time to remind our readers that unless you've paid your monthly $7.99 readers' fee, in addition to keeping up on your...
Look, YOU try putting a bumper sticker on a camel...

‘God Hates Retirement’ Is Wingnuts’ Hot New Reason For Killing Social Security

We're pretty sure that two examples makes for a trend (or at least it does at the New York Times), so it's officially time to call this a genuine wingnut epidemic: Citing the Bible as proof that God wants...
Also paid no boat license fee

Very Sane Montana Republican Will Let You Retire At 600, Maybe

In Montanastan, there's this rich techie guy, Greg Gianforte, a Republican who's giving some thought to running for governor in 2016, just like every other successful business guy who's ever thought that running a state is exactly like running...
Mommy is here to teach you about mountains, Bristol.

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes

The Sarah Palin Channel has released three videos in the last week and a half, and none of them is interesting enough to warrant its own blog post. There's one on a Social Security Disability "snafu," one that is...

Bernie Sanders Will Officially Socialize You, America, From The White House

Rejoice, Liberal-Americansians, for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (Socialist and proud of it!) officially declared on Tuesday that he is running to be president of U.S. America. Awwwwww yeah! And lest you think Sanders is just some silly vanity candidate...
Paul Ryan, high as fuck

Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It

Republican Rep. Paul Ryan is the wonky boy genius of the House of Representatives, according to his colleagues and the voice in his head, because he wrote a "budget" one time to privatize Medicare, slash welfare benefits, and tell...
There'd be lots of good jobs for women, too!

Sundays With The Christianists: How Homeschooling Will Re-Christianize America

Remember the anecdote about what Gandhi supposedly said when asked what he thought of Western Civilization? "I think it would be a good idea." Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling advocate Kevin Swanson has a slightly different answer -- he'd...
He's in charge here

New GOP Congress Pretty Sure All You ‘Disabled’ ‘Folks’ Are Fakers Anyway, So Suck It

The new 114th Congress, sworn in just yesterday, included in its rules a measure that appears designed to force an ugly and wholly unnecessary showdown over Social Security in 2016. For the voters have spoken, and they demand more...
If only I could find some loon with a really hopeless, arguably insane claim...

Orly Taitz Pretty Sure George Clooney’s Hot Lawyer Wife Will Finally Prove Obama Isn’t President

Excellent news! Birther Hivemind Queen Mother Orly Taitz got a gift subscription to People Magazine for Christmas! That's the only thing we think could possibly explain this bizarre story from Bradlee Dean's dumb website for dumb people: For some...
Finally they came for the Nazis

House Unanimously Passes Super Controversial Bill Telling Nazis To Suck It

We may be the most polarized America we have ever been, including that time we Civil Warred -- THANKS, OBAMA -- but it's nice to know that we can put aside our partisan bickering for one half of one...
You sad bro?

Nancy Pelosi Wishes John Boehner A Socialist U.S. American Birthday

Weeper of the House John Boehner turns 65 years drunk today, so of course we all want to wish him the most heartfelt and sincere happy birthday, just like the once-and-future Speaker Pelosi did. To honor this momentous occasion,...

Meghan McCain: Get Your Own Damn Rich Family, America

OMG, you guys, we are so psyched that Meghan McCain, the young "writer" with the charm of curdled egg nog who pulled herself up by her own stilettos (and also is the daughter of John McCain, which is totally irrelevant),...

Social Security Administration Just Stealing Tax Refunds at Random, Basically

One time, we woke up and checked our piddling bank account and we were like, “Hmm, extra money, DON’T MIND IF WE DO!” And then our banking overlords quickly got in touch with us and were like, oooooh, sorry...