Tag: social security

Badass Nancy Pelosi Officially Re-Elected Boss Of You

The votes are tallied, and Leader Pelosi will continue to lead House Democrats forever and ever!
Very concerned. And not a little constipated.

Mike Pence Pretty Mad At Hillary Clinton For Only Having 1/26th Trump’s Proposed National Debt

Would you believe supposed deficit hawk Mike Pence is lying about how Hillary Clinton's economic plan would affect deficits and debt? Of course you would!
Which of these men would YOU rather hug?

Your Senate Sunday: Anybody But Oklahoma Sen. James Lankford (R – The Worst)

How do you solve a problem like Jim Lankford?

Nancy Pelosi Just Cold Trollin’ Paul Ryan Now, And Also She Hatin’

Pelosi can't stop chuckle-snorting about what a weenus Paul Ryan is, and it's GREAT.

Wonkette Nominates Sarah Palin To Be Donald Trump’s Drunk-Ass Speechwriter

Breaking news, and by "breaking" we mean our hearts are BROKEN, because Donald Trump has announced that he's going to try campaigning like a grown-up, instead of like a genocidal megalomaniacal narcissist who's worried his dinky-winky penis stump doesn't...

BERNIE AND HILLARY AGREE LOUDLY AT EACH OTHER FOR TWO SHOUTY HOURS!

Oh goodness and BREAKING NEWS and whoop-de-doo, there was another Democratic debate Thursday night. It was riveting. (LIES!) No for real it was great. (YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME.) Well they yelled at each other a lot, at least! Here...
Gesturing like a rockstar

Bernie Sanders And Spike Lee Want To Do The Right Thing. (GET IT?)

With the New York primaries coming up in two weeks, noted political analysis journal The Hollywood Reporter brings us this sit-down with two favorite sons of Brooklyn, Spike Lee and Bernie Sanders, both of whom can be summed up...
We hear some Republicans are running, too

Maryland Has Two Awesome Democrats Running For Senate. Can We Have Both?

This week, our Senate preview will be a little different from the usual format: We're off to Maryland, where the two parties' candidates haven't yet been chosen. Barbara Mikulski, who served in the Senate for five terms, announced last...

New Hampshire Paper Regrets Endorsing Chris Christie, Must Have Been Drunk

Sometimes you do really stupid stuff that seemed like a great idea at the time, but you come to regret: falling in love with a psycho who never returns your black T-shirt, getting a tattoo under your navel that...
People with disabilities should just knock it off and stop faking

Sen. Tom Cotton Knows ‘Disabled’ Fakers Spending Your Tax Moneys On Drugs

Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton returned to one of the Great Republican Myths the other day, suggesting the Social Security Disability program is not merely full of fakes and cheaters, but might actually cause economic decline and drug abuse. In...
RNC Chair Reince Priebus

Dear RNC: Stop Bitching About Last Night’s Debate Questions. You Sound Like A Idiot.

Wednesday night's (very dumb) CNBC Republican debate had barely ended before the RNC and individual campaigns were whining and kvetching -- to reporters, their moms, to Pinterest, and everywhere else -- that the questions were SO MUCH UNFAIRNESS to the brilliant...

Paul Ryan Is A Idiot, But Not Enough To Take Speaker’s Job. Or Is He?

Out of the chaos in Congress, following Kevin McCarthy's decision to not become the most inarticulate speaker of the House ever (because SEX SCANDAL, allegedly), a consensus has strangely arisen as sometimes happens in Washington and the political Talking...

Teabagger Rep. Jason Chaffetz Says Only He Is Sexy Enough To Be Next House Speaker

Ever since House Speaker John Boehner announced his October surprise at the end of September, probably because he was too drunk to read his calendar, Republicans have been whipping out their boomsticks to see whose is big and bad...
He is an actual, biological tortoise. And NRA stooge.

America All Out Of Workers Because Everyone’s Snorting Food Stamps And Social Security

So, Politico has an exciting (like Jeb!! Bush) new interview with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and for the most part it's pretty much what you'd expect: blah blah Barack Obama sucks, Harry Reid sucks, if only we had a...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Why Did Jesus Send Us To Collections, Mommy?

Welcome back, sinners. It's time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin! We would like to take this time to remind our readers that unless you've paid your monthly $7.99 readers' fee, in addition to keeping up on your...
Look, YOU try putting a bumper sticker on a camel...

‘God Hates Retirement’ Is Wingnuts’ Hot New Reason For Killing Social Security

We're pretty sure that two examples makes for a trend (or at least it does at the New York Times), so it's officially time to call this a genuine wingnut epidemic: Citing the Bible as proof that God wants...