Tag Archives: social security

  There Are No Computers In The Bible Either

Very Sane Montana Republican Will Let You Retire At 600, Maybe

Also paid no boat license fee
In Montanastan, there’s this rich techie guy, Greg Gianforte, a Republican who’s giving some thought to running for governor in 2016, just like every other successful business guy who’s ever thought that running a state is exactly like running a tech company. He’s very big on evangelical Christianity, and thinks that people ought to live their faith — like maybe never retiring, because there’s no such thing as retirement in the Bible. Just how literally he wants people to take that is open to question. Read more on Very Sane Montana Republican Will Let You Retire At 600, Maybe…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel has released three videos in the last week and a half, and none of them is interesting enough to warrant its own blog post. There’s one on a Social Security Disability “snafu,” one that is Just Asking Questions about foreign donors to the Clinton Foundation, and one about the Supreme Court throatcramming some California students who couldn’t wear the shirts they wanted in school. It’s a seriously boring week, even by Palin’s standards. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes…
  For an America that doesn't suck

Bernie Sanders Will Officially Socialize You, America, From The White House

Rejoice, Liberal-Americansians, for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (Socialist and proud of it!) officially declared on Tuesday that he is running to be president of U.S. America. Awwwwww yeah! And lest you think Sanders is just some silly vanity candidate — like, for example, every single Republican in the race or pretending to maybe be planning to get into the race to boost ratings or sell books — nope, he is dead serious about this, and he’s already raised millions of dollars since announcing in April that he is seeking the Democratic nomination. Read more on Bernie Sanders Will Officially Socialize You, America, From The White House…
  another reason he'll never be president

Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It

Paul Ryan, high as fuck
Republican Rep. Paul Ryan is the wonky boy genius of the House of Representatives, according to his colleagues and the voice in his head, because he wrote a “budget” one time to privatize Medicare, slash welfare benefits, and tell the poors to feed themselves with their own damned bootstraps, like Jesus said. Read more on Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It…
  Tomorrow Belongs To Him

Sundays With The Christianists: How Homeschooling Will Re-Christianize America

Lots of good jobs for women, too!
Remember the anecdote about what Gandhi supposedly said when asked what he thought of Western Civilization? “I think it would be a good idea.” Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling advocate Kevin Swanson has a slightly different answer — he’d say “I think it’s been corrupted by Satan from the very beginning.” This is why people like the Gandhi quote, even if it’s probably apocryphal. But here we are, finally, at the end of Swanson’s e-tirade, Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, which lays out his case that most of what we think of as Western Culture is in fact a grand plot by the Father of Lies to turn Europe and America away from Biblical truth and clean Christian living. In his final chapter, “Gardens in the Ashes,” Swanson presents his vision for how American Christians can begin to rebuild a truly Christian society after the inevitable collapse of secularism. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Homeschooling Will Re-Christianize America…
  Congressional Calvinball

New GOP Congress Pretty Sure All You ‘Disabled’ ‘Folks’ Are Fakers Anyway, So Suck It

He's in charge here
The new 114th Congress, sworn in just yesterday, included in its rules a measure that appears designed to force an ugly and wholly unnecessary showdown over Social Security in 2016. For the voters have spoken, and they demand more ugly, unnecessary showdowns! Read more on New GOP Congress Pretty Sure All You ‘Disabled’ ‘Folks’ Are Fakers Anyway, So Suck It…
  Taitz Necessarily So

Orly Taitz Pretty Sure George Clooney’s Hot Lawyer Wife Will Finally Prove Obama Isn’t President

If only I could find some loon with a really hopeless, arguably insane claim...
Excellent news! Birther Hivemind Queen Mother Orly Taitz got a gift subscription to People Magazine for Christmas! That’s the only thing we think could possibly explain this bizarre story from Bradlee Dean’s dumb website for dumb people: For some reason, the completely rational and very serious lawyer, dentist, real estate agent, and perennial fringe political candidate has gotten it into her head that she should try to recruit Amal Alamuddin Clooney, the hot human rights lawyer who married actor George Clooney last fall, into her very important campaign to prove that Barack Hussein Obama is a complete fraud with a stolen Social Security number, a fake Selective Service registration, and at least one Yahoo email account registered under the phony identity of “John Boehner’s Left Nut.” Read more on Orly Taitz Pretty Sure George Clooney’s Hot Lawyer Wife Will Finally Prove Obama Isn’t President…
  Here have some news n stuff

House Unanimously Passes Super Controversial Bill Telling Nazis To Suck It

Finally they came for the Nazis
We may be the most polarized America we have ever been, including that time we Civil Warred — THANKS, OBAMA — but it’s nice to know that we can put aside our partisan bickering for one half of one second to come together to screw over some Nazis. Which has not always been the position of our fine United States government, at least when it came to “moderate Nazis,” but hey, we’ve made progress! You may recall the proposed Senate legislation we told you about in October to deny Social Security benefits to accused Nazi war criminals. Somehow, on Tuesday, the House of Representatives found time in its busy schedule of suing the president, whining about the onslaught of immigrants who are already here, and contemplating a shutdown out of spite to vote on its version of the bill: Read more on House Unanimously Passes Super Controversial Bill Telling Nazis To Suck It…
  She Is A Expert

Meghan McCain: Get Your Own Damn Rich Family, America

OMG, you guys, we are so psyched that Meghan McCain, the young “writer” with the charm of curdled egg nog who pulled herself up by her own stilettos (and also is the daughter of John McCain, which is totally irrelevant), finally figured out for us what is wrong with America. Guess. Read more on Meghan McCain: Get Your Own Damn Rich Family, America…
  that's some bullshit

Social Security Administration Just Stealing Tax Refunds at Random, Basically

One time, we woke up and checked our piddling bank account and we were like, “Hmm, extra money, DON’T MIND IF WE DO!” And then our banking overlords quickly got in touch with us and were like, oooooh, sorry about that, we made an oopsie and are now taking that money back please. And we’d already bought a Hoverround, and now what are we supposed to do? Well, it seems the big bad fedrul gubmint is now doing the same, only not so much on the “quickly” part. Instead, the government that asks you to keep receipts of all your taxable thingies occasionally doesn’t do such a good job keeping its own paperwork in order. And sometimes it takes them a couple decades to figure that, okay, sorry we’re not perfect, DAD. The Washington Post tells the frankly infuriating story of Mary Grice, who as a wee little lassie got some Social Security survivors benefits, paid to her mother. Or maybe her dad’s first wife, whom she’s never met. But the feds say maybe, they’re not sure how, Mary Grice’s mom, or someone else entirely, might have been overpaid. Thirty-seven years ago. So they’re attaching Mary Grice’s tax refund now. Read more on Social Security Administration Just Stealing Tax Refunds at Random, Basically…
  wonksplainer

Oh Look, Paul Ryan Lied About Something

Are you done yet? Did you read all eight gazillion pages of the Ryan Budget, or did you stop after the first few lines and pleasure yourself thinking about his dreamy biceps? Well, we didn’t read it all either because we were distracted by whiskey. And his biceps. But luckily other people read it and managed to find (SPOILER ALERT) some big ol lies in it, especially as they relate to Social Security and the Olds. Haha, that’s not a spoiler alert — of course there were lies in his budget. Let’s get our wonksplanation on and figure out how Paul Ryan is trying to screw the Olds, and the rest of us.  Read more on Oh Look, Paul Ryan Lied About Something…
  hellfireside chats

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books That Expose FDR’s Socialist Agenda

Last week, we learned that the Great Depression was caused by government regulation of free enterprise, and that while it was a tad uncomfortable for some, there was no need for any government interference in the wonderful job that private charities were doing to help people. Or at least, that’s how the Great Depression unfolds in the pages of our eighth-grade textbook from A Beka, America: Land I Love. This week, we’ll once again make only occasional mention of our other textbook, the 11th/12th-grade United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), because while it’s got a definite conservative slant, it at least resembles reality. Land I Love, on the other hand, stops just short of saying Franklin Roosevelt was a commie, and certainly reminds kids at every turn that the New Deal should be seen as “a big step into socialism” and that FDR’s policies were unnecessary interference in an economy that wasn’t really all that bad anyway. Now that grandparents who lived through the Depression are no longer around to pollute the kids’ awareness with any firsthand accounts, it’s relatively easy to feed them a straight diet of rightwing revisionist bullshit. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books That Expose FDR’s Socialist Agenda…
  take the disability benefits and run

Former New York Cops Charged With So Much 9/11 Disability Fraud

Over 100 former New York City employees, mostly police, have been charged in a huge scheme to collect undeserved disability benefits, many of them claiming they were suffering from psychological effects of the 9/11 attacks. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance Jr. said “The brazenness is shocking.” More than 100 people were arrested, including 72 city police officers, eight firefighters, five correction officers and one Nassau County Police Department officer. Four ringleaders coached the former workers on how to feign depression and other mental health problems that allowed them to get payouts as high as $500,000 over decades, Vance said. The ringleaders made tens of thousands of dollars in secret kickbacks, he said. Isn’t it reassuring to know that no matter how noble an effort to help people might be, there will always be jerkwads who rush in to swipe stuff that should be going to people who really need it? Read more on Former New York Cops Charged With So Much 9/11 Disability Fraud…
  no need for women's bodies to shut this thing down

Government Shutdown Saga, Part Eleventy-Flurve

Whoever said that manufacturing was dead was clearly not in the “Congressional crisis” industry. You may have thought that supply was low, or that demand was waning, but Congress is back yet again to manufacture another crisis and shove it down your throat, whether you want it or not. What are we collectively gagging on this week? Government shutdown! Hoorah! We already told you what was gonna happen if/when the government shuts down, but there are so many fun tidbits that it didn’t all fit in one post. Ready for Round 2?  Read more on Government Shutdown Saga, Part Eleventy-Flurve…
  wonksplainer

Fun & Games, Congress-Style: Government Shutdown Edition

Unless you have spent the last week in a hospital because of overdosing on boner pills, you realize that folks in Congress are working harder than usual to ensure the destruction of the American, and possibly global, economy. Our least-favorite Texi-Canadian ass monkey, Ted Cruz, has been argle-bargling something something Obamacare, filibuster, and shutting down the gubmint, because the GOP is partying like it’s 1995, and all this makes our head hurt and our hand instinctively reach for mommyblogger’s little helper (whiskey). Well, if you are wondering what the hell is going on, have no fear (beyond the fear of imminent economic apocalypse), for we are here to wonksplain all that is going on.  Read more on Fun & Games, Congress-Style: Government Shutdown Edition…
  orange you glad we didn't say boehnaner?

John Boehner Really Seriously Considered Obama Budget For Whole Minutes Before Saying The Hell With It

Now, here’s an unexpected development! Creamsicle-tinted bus-stop ashtray John Boehner has rejected President Obama’s super-kind offer to please take old people’s lunch money and not beat them up any more, please, because it is not enough money from old people and too much money from bejillionaires. Damn you and your divisiveness, Barack Obama! “Despite talk about so-called balance, the president’s last offer was significantly skewed in favor of higher taxes and included only modest entitlement savings. He said he could go no further toward the middle, and that’s why his last offer was rejected,” Boehner said in a statement. Read more on John Boehner Really Seriously Considered Obama Budget For Whole Minutes Before Saying The Hell With It…
  anger management

Let’s All Have A Heart Attack Along With Bill O’Reilly

You probably don’t want to watch this video, above, of Bill O’Reilly LOSING HIS FUCKING SHIT all over Alan Colmes. Your beautiful mind, and etc. But if for some reason you feel your blood pressure is dangerously low, or you want to see what it looks like when a man is confronted with his own epistemic closure, by all means click the clicky. Read more on Let’s All Have A Heart Attack Along With Bill O’Reilly…
  get medieval on their ass

What Can We Learn From This Horrible Story About Mentally Disabled People In Dungeons?

Gawker brings us the second-most horrifying story of the morning — the other one is also from Gawker, about “Cannibal Cop,” so yeah — about mentally disabled people, with average mental ages of 10, being kept in a Philadelphia dungeon so a cabal of really fine people could steal their disability checks and also make them be prostitution whores. Alleged ringleader Linda Weston [who was joined in the scheme by her daughter, among others] found the victims in different ways; one was her niece and another was taken from a street corner near a mental health facility. All of the victims were malnourished and some had been trapped in the basement for as long as 11 years; the two deaths were the result of starvation and bacterial meningitis. Several of the victims, who Memeger said had the mental capacity of an average 10-year-old child, were also forced into prostitution. All told, the scam netted the alleged abductors $212,000 over ten years. How is it that the easiest way to make an illegitimate 20 grand a year is to IMPRISON PEOPLE IN BASEMENTS? Like, have they ever even seen “Breaking Bad”? Maybe they just enjoyed imprisoning people, and the SSI was just icing on the very sick cake? Maybe most of their real income came from selling “Bless This Torture Den” needlepoint on Etsy? Read more on What Can We Learn From This Horrible Story About Mentally Disabled People In Dungeons?…
  very serious people

Washington Post: Work Till You Are Dead Or Iran Will Kill You Anyway

Listen you guys. We know that you were looking forward to retiring at 67, but we just can’t have that because if we do, Iran will get a nuclear weapon and blow us up. This is the ACTUAL ARGUMENT that “Security Analyst” Robert Kagan is making in the Washington Post, so do not laugh (yet) because this is apparently not meant to be funny. It is meant to be a Serious plea for us stupid liberals to be reasonable and compromise with John Boehner in the upcoming “fiscal cliff” negotiations, because if we don’t, Iranians will come kill us and it will be ALL OUR FAULT for refusing to eat cat food and to continue working till we are dead. Read more on Washington Post: Work Till You Are Dead Or Iran Will Kill You Anyway…
  and they will know us by the trail of votes

Texas Declares Living Voters Dead; Will Maybe Not Declare Them Zombies And Shoot Them

Perhaps the single greatest threat to the sanctity of the vote is dead people voting.  We say “perhaps,” because there is an even greater threat: the dead coming back to life and showing up at the polls just because they never actually died to begin with. Thankfully, Texas is on the case! Like all states, Texas regularly purges its rolls of voters who’ve died. Normally, this is a low-key process where the state passes along to the counties a small list of dead voters as they become available. But this massive mailing two months before the election is new. Rich Parsons, a spokesman for the Texas secretary of state, says the state is not targeting anyone but dead voters. […] Parsons says none of this is a problem; voters who’ve been wrongly purged from the rolls can simply show up and vote anyway. Totally fine, right? And what happens to the diligent allegedly living who try to contact the state of Texas to say, “Oh, hey, my heart has not stopped beating yet except for that one time I did a MASSIVE eightball, but that was only for a few seconds and I mainly just lost the ability to do higher-level math”? Read more on Texas Declares Living Voters Dead; Will Maybe Not Declare Them Zombies And Shoot Them…